Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous Thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome?pg=1

Thank you for setting up a new thread @AMS19. Sorry you've had a rough few days recently - How are you feeling today? I had general anxiety a few years ago which was stress and work induced but I definitely can feel it creeping back in now.

@kiwi17 I'm feeling better thank you! It's the prospect of trying again that's pushed me over the edge I think. I found myself spending hours and hours googling stuff and it wasn't helpful at all! So just took myself away from it all for a bit. How are you? Xx

Thanks for the new thread @AMS19. Sorry you've been feeling anxious. My OH has anxiety and CBT techniques really help him, don't know if you've tried that? Sorry if that's a useless comment. I've essentially stopped googling, stopped social media and am just trying to give myself head space, I think it's working to help me cope. Glad to hear you're feeling better ❤️

Thanks @AlbiMix no it's a super healthy comment and something I've been thinking about looking into. I am tempted to download a good post miscarriage audio book to listen to on my walks to help too. I've tried yoga/meditation but I find it's even more time for my mind to wonder! I have more acupuncture booked for Sunday and am seeing my mum for mother's day which will be nice. Mother's day is going to be SO bloody hard, it was when I was going to announce my pregnancy...xx

@AMS19 thanks for setting up the new thread lovely. Quite the chatty bunch!! I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling so anxious, getting back into the mindset of TTC after a miscarriage is a real headf**k. We’re all here for you 🤗
To all the other ladies who have joined, welcome! It’s pretty gutting that we are all part of a gang we never wanted to be part of but the support and understanding of everyone in the same boat has helped me so much over the past weeks. Xx

@ams19 sorry to hear you have been having anxiety increasing.
I am finding counselling is making a big difference and sleep is improving I know it's not for everyone but it might help.

Try and take the pressure off yourself (I know easier said than done!)
I must admit I have never gone down the route of tracking and temping as I knew it would become all encompassing for me. I know rough dates and if we fancy sex we have it. With my son it took 4 months to conceive him and my DH was disappointed it didn't take longer 😂

Have you tried yoga nidra? It's the only one which stops my mind wondering as I'm concentrating on thinking about my little finger..... 😂Makes sense if you've tried it!

AMS19 thanks for the new thread. I am sorry you are finding your anxiety increasing. You are almost certainly right to take a break from reading about things and give yourself some mental space.

Scottishskifun do you follow yoga Nigra videos online? I did some random yoga at the beginning of lockdown and have been thinking about trying again, but need to summon the motivation to get off the sofa .

@AMS19 I can imagine - I'm only 5 days into bleeding and I'm already struggling with the ttc stuff it's such a combination of wanting to crack on with it immediately and a sense of why bother if this is going to happen again? Physically I'm doing ok, keeping thinking it's starting to ease and then get clots again but I guess things are working as they should and I just need to be patient. Hope you manage to find some strategies that help you - I did some CBT a while back and it did help me!

Slightly practical question for everyone- are you still taking preg vitamins? I read you're supposed to keep taking folic acid during a mc but have no idea why..

Thankyou @AMS19, sending you a big hug, sorry your anxiety is bad xxxxx I've found that sometimes a podcast can really help me, especially at nighttime, anything by someone with a nice voice that's borderline boring. I think Claire balding has done a series where she chats about parts of the UK. I find it stops my thoughts from running away with me.

OH and I have had a huge falling out today. I have a lot of hate in me at the moment and it's being directed at him. It's our anniversary as well and I've well and truly spoilt it. I just feel so abandoned by him emotionally, he's got a lot on with work and it coincided with a really rough day yesterday where I had a lot of bleeding and pain and I just feel that he's totally incapable of separating our home life and his work life. I've told him I would rather have none of him than half of him right now. Anyone else find their relationship is straining?

Hope everyone's ok xxxx

Hello all
Just back from hospital confirmed what my private scam found, measured 9 weeks with no HB (I was 9 weeks yesterday) so only happened. I was given all three options but was also told that if i picked medical management that would keep me in for the day at least. Anyway I've decided to go for surgical after considering everything, I'm booked in for Monday afternoon. Thanks for all your support everyones advise of what to expect was spot on and helped with my expectations x

@Miscarriage39 I either ask the Alexa to play it or just use some online. Yoga nedra is basically lying still and then concentrating on various parts of your body whilst breathing. When I first did it I thought god this is very hippy but the level of relaxation and calming it created as I was concentrating on not moving etc was really high. Its not for everyone but helps me and helps me sleep as it stops my mind racing.

SamBass I’m not entirely sure what to say, apart from that I am so sorry. I am glad you don’t have to wait too long for surgery. Be kind to yourself this weekend, and do whatever you need do to look after yourself.

Scottishskifun thanks for sharing that. I am glad you are finding it useful. I might try to rope DH in and have a go over the weekend. I’m the word’s worst person at actually relaxing, but feel I need to try something right now.

@AMS19 anxiety off the scale again here too. I second @Scottishskifun suggestion of podcast. Help me zone out and generally just forget about things.

I’m back at work on my phased return. It’s been emotional, exhausting but I’m glad to be back

Also keep looking at my work diary for the rest of the year and thinking oh I would have been going on Mat leave then🥴

@HotCupOfNo definitely strained- we are both struggling and he is back at work but I'm not and I get into the mindset of 'I'm the one going through the physical side of it so it's worse for me' but actually I need to remind myself that oh is struggling emotionally as well but feels he doesn't deserve to take time off work etc so that's hard for him too. I think it's probably normal for couples to struggle at this point it's a massive trauma to lose a child at any stage of its life. How are you feeling now, have you managed to work it out? Happy anniversary:)

Thanks @Miscarriage39 much appreciated. Going to try keep busy over the week and hopefully it will be here before i know it

Thankyou @kiwi17, he had to take a week off at the end of January as we all had covid, so I know that this is on his mind as well, and he's got so much going on work wise. I think what makes it especially hard is that he works from home now so there's no separation. If I ask him to come in and help he'll come in and start stressing and talking to me about how crap his day is going and I'm just lying here with my hot water bottle whilst trying to look after DD2 and my 9 year step son who lives with us thinking actually I just wish you weren't here. I think my hormones are also all over the place and I'm just so angry at the world at the moment. Also my diet has been utterly shit, which can't be helping my mood, I don't think I've eaten a vegetable in a week and I'm struggling to shower and do anything like that x

@SamBass how are you feeling about it being Monday? If I were in your position I would have chosen exactly the same thing 100%

@kiwi17 I stopped taking my vitamins for a couple of weeks because my mind went straight to what's the point and they were just a reminder that hurt too much at the time. I've put away the pregnacare and just started taking basic folic acid and vit d again in the last few days.

@SamBass I'm sorry you had to join us. Just wanted to say I had surgery and it was about as okay as this experience could possibly be. I hope its the same for you.

@HotCupOfNo erm I'm feeling okay I think the staff at my EPU were fantastic and took me through everything and tbh I didn't expect it to be so soon. Im kind of glad though as im hoping i can start dealing with it all properly then as at the minute I kind of feel stuck...if that makes sense.

@TheDaydreamBelievers thank you its good to hear yours went well, hopefully ill be the same just anxious about being alone.

@SamBass well done for getting through the appointments and good luck for Monday. I also think if I hadn't MCd naturally I would have gone for the surgery if possible.

@kiwi17 I'm still taking folic acid and vitamin D as I have been the past few months, I never took pregnacare.

@HotCupOfNo so sorry to hear this, I think it's normal to be having difficulties with your partner right now. Personally I also just ate crap after the MC if I wanted it, I felt I deserved to let myself have comfort food for a bit. If not at a miscarriage, when?!

@Ralala @Scottishskifun @AMS19 speaking of books/podcasts, I've read somewhere (maybe even on this thread) about a miscarriage book which people said really helped, but I can't remember what it's called or who by (super helpful I know). I think it was written by a female doctor and it was kind of sciency, people were saying it helped them better understand the MC. Does anyone know what I'm on about? Have tried to Google but can't find it...

Thanks ladies! I am feeling a bit more positive than I was. It was confirmed ovulation which sent me off! .

@SamBass I'm so sorry. Surgery has worked so well for all the ladies here so hopefully the right choice

@albimix the only book I've spoken about is It Starts With The Egg but that isn't a miscarriage book it's a TTC book

@Madeoftea thank you- that's exactly how I felt I stopped but then I only have the asda pregnancy vitamins so have started taking them again. I felt like that though like what's the point?! But I suppose if we want to ttc once bleeding stops etc it's worth me continuing for now. I wanted basic folic acid but there was none in asda or Tesco?! Like is there a world shortage of folic acid atm??

@HotCupOfNo that sounds so tricky :( I know what you mean though I feel really angry too it's what gets me the most it just feels so unfair. It sounds like you're really struggling - is there anyone who can have the kids for a bit to give you a break? I know emergency childcare bubbles are allowed for circumstances like this.. my diet has been shocking recently but I figure that once I've stopped bleeding etc I will get myself back on track with the healthy eating! It is hard though.

HotCupOfNo, as Kiwi17 has so accurately said, major trauma does put a lot of strain on relationships, and it’s only natural that you are angry right now. Remember, we tend to direct negative emotions towards those we love and safest with, so try not to beat yourself up about feeling angry towards him. My DH is also working from home, and I can empathise with the struggle that brings in terms of separating aspects of life, and maintaining boundaries during this time. Could your DH take the kids for a good walk or something over the weekend so that you can get a bit of space?

Also just roll with how you are feeing at the moment. If there is ever a time to not eat healthily and not shower, this is it. Years ago, I experienced very severe depression and I was advised that whenever you hit rock bottom, build up slowly. At the moment, my only daily goals are to shower, eat three times a days and read the kids a bedtime story. Anything else is a bonus, but by setting the goals low I don’t feel so bad about it. Be kind to yourself.

Ralala are you off for the weekend now? If so, I hope you have an opportunity for some down time.

Kiwi17 I was advised that if we were going to TTC to take the pre-conceive alongside the iron I was prescribed. That’s what I am trying to do, but it’s a bit hit and miss at the moment.