Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!

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Previous Thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome?pg=1

Hi @PennySas - so sorry you've had to join this group. I've just had my second miscarriage in a row and have a an appointment scheduled with the GP tomorrow to discuss options.

I had an EPU appointment today. Scan confirmed most of the products have passed but a small amount is retained. They said it would likely pass on its own and they could re-scan and check in a week or so, but as lovely as they are at the EPU, I'd love to never see the place again, and I hate being in limbo, so they've agreed to do a D&C on Wednesday under a GA to get out the bit of tissue.

Thank you lovely @AlbiMix ❤️ yes you're right. Also, I may have indulged in a few drinks last night so think the hangover is probably contributing to my anxieties. Not the best day to do too much deep thinking. How are you doing?

@HotCupOfNo there aren't many positives to a MC but at least we can allow ourselves a much needed glass of wine 🍷maybe you just aren't ready for trying again yet. I remember immediately after the MC I was just like how could I ever do this again...

I'm ok thanks, happy that my period is here but a little anxious about trying again when it's over, because of the covid vaccine and just general fears that I'll have another MC. I just can't shake that feeling

Hi all, please can I jump on. I've been on the previous one with a different Username.

I'm still struggling 3 months on, was 9 weeks. Still on reduced hours at work. Today is really really bad and I am just crying so much.

Can I ask - I was told to get in touch with pathology department to get the results as to if there was any reason for my MC. It was my first. I just tried calling them and the woman on the phone was so horrible. I called my GP but they didn't really know either.

Is this something anyone else has been able to do? Or are you just left to never know until you've had 3??

Hey ladies . How are we all? I’m 9 weeks post miscarriage this week. It’s a strange milestone to be honest as I miscarried at 8 weeks. So now I have lost the baby longer than I was pregnant. Does that make sense? Xxx

HotCupOfNo Great news in the negative test, but sorry you are still feeling down. I suspect a range of emotions and feeing towards TTC are quite natural after what we’ve been through. Remember, there is no pressure until you are ready.

AlbiMix thanks for the reassurance. I am sorry you had such mixed messages when you initially went for yours. I have now discussed it at length with DH, we have both double checked our reading and both feel it was the best thing to do.

DappledOliveGroves I am sorry things hadn’t completely passed by themselves. I totally understand you wanting it over, and am really glad they agreed to do the D&C. I found it really helped to know the physical side was over. If it helps at all, my experience of the D&C was really positive, and apart from being a bit sleepy in the evening, I didn’t really know I’d had it.

PapaSierra I am really sorry to hear you are having a bad day. Do you have lots of support? I am afraid I don’t know about getting results. I had tissue and the fetid sent to the lab, but was told I would only hear if it was a molar pregnancy. Different areas probably have different processes though. Could you try contacting the EPU and asking whether they know what results you can expect and how to get them?

Ralala, that makes perfect sense. I’m only very early on, but already thinking of little milestones, that in some ways seem crazy, but equally really matter in my mind. I hope you aren’t too upset by this one.

This afternoon was the first time I had done the school run, and a couple of mums commented on not having seen me last week. I just said I’d been unwell, but felt a bit uncomfortable. My son’s friend’s mum has just had twins, and everyone was paying them lots of attention. I felt a bit mean for not congratulating the mum, but just couldn’t bare to. I think I’ll just make sure I join the queue away from her for now, just until I can cope a bit better.

Hi @Ralala

It makes total sense to me. I had a similar thought on Sunday as it was 5 weeks since we had the scan which showed the heartbeat had stopped. I thought we had known we were pregnant for 4 weeks and now known about the miscarriage for five.

I don’t know why our brains take us down that route, maybe it’s all part of the processing and the grief. I don’t remember feeling like that with the previous losses but this time I am determined to let myself drive properly.

@PapaSierra

I’m sorry for you loss and that you’re struggling. Have you thought about having some counselling? I know it’s helped others. To be honest other than coming on here I’ve found the whole experience a lonely place.

I was told they would do cytogenetic testing for chromosomal abnormalities and yesterday when I called the EPU they told me the history tests showed that the pregnancy wasn’t a molar pregnancy. She said these were routine tests.

I don’t think there’s criteria for cytogenetic testing but that may vary by trust. I would call the EPU as it should be on your notes. I was told it could take up to 3 months to come back.

@Badlydrawngirly thank you so much. I did have counselling through work but that came to an end a few weeks back.

I'll call the EPU tomorrow. Thank you again.

Hello ladies! So the first day back at work was ok, had a wobbly moment on the drive there but once I got there I was ok. Only a few people know and I told them not to be nice to me as that would set me off! But apart from the general chaos of trying to take my first home covid test whilst teaching my form and the fact that everyone had last week to ease back into school it went ok. It was actually nice to take my mind off it and despite the mask headache I feel ok - had a small amount of bleeding but I'm surprised there wasn't more as I thought all the moving around may set it off again so I'm pleased about that. Welcome to the new posters- sorry you have had to join us :( @Miscarriage39 it's hard to know what to say to people that you don't know very well isn't it? And what a rubbish situation- I would have probably been the same and avoided that mum too!

@HotCupOfNo thank you, I'm still in hospital now but hopefully going home soon.

SamBass I hope everything went o plan and you get home very soon. Remember to take it easy.

Kiwi17, good to hear that being back at work went okay. I guess teaching really takes all your focus!

Hi @PapaSierra sorry to hear you're still struggling. I don't have advice re: your question but sounds like you're in good hands with @Badlydrawngirly.

@Ralala I get you, the whole pregnancy journey focuses on milestones so it seems natural you'd still be in that mindframe after an MC.

@kiwi17 huge congrats on going back to work today, going back to school as a teacher soon after a miscarriage in the middle of a pandemic and having an decent first day is a massive accomplishment if you ask me 💪 so happy for you that it went well!

Sending good thoughts to everyone. I'm celebrating my own little milestone of getting my period, and it is slowly turning into The Beast...

Thanks @Albimix and @Miscarriage39 :) I do feel tired now though! @Albimix uhoh.. I hope the beast isn't too painful for you 🤞

🎉 to getting your period AlbiMix.

Sorry @Albimix read that wrong! Yay for af! 😁

Thanks guys 🤣

Yay for period @AlbiMix but boo for the beast. I absolutely recommend a 'body bottle', it's like a long hot water bottle that you can wrap around - OH got me one for Christmas and it is unreal. I think Argos do them.

@Ralala I do similar, my miscarriage took longer to complete than we knew we were pregnant for. It feels strange.

@SamBass hope you weren't in hospital for too long and you are being well looked after by your other half today

@kiwi17 so glad to hear going back to work went ok and was a nice distraction.

Ladies, when you stopped bleeding did you find yourself still feeling very hormonal? My boobs still hurt a tiny bit so there must still be something going on. I feel emotionally like I'm on a knife edge, very anxious and weird, went to bed without dinner last night, questioning my relationship, feeling particularly insecure. I took a lot of codeine last week on the very bad days and I'm wondering if my body is readjusting to not taking it anymore as well. I just feel really unlike myself and I'm thinking about self referring for some counselling today. We have alot going on in our lives aside from the miscarriage so perhaps everything's been magnified.

Hope everyone's ok today

My first AF has turned into a bit of a beast too. I’m in bed with codeine and a hot water bottle!

@HotCupOfNo I still felt very hormonal. I swear pregnancy symptoms such as sore boobs and funny taste went away and came back so I’m guessing everything was adjusting. I also had really sore boobs before this first AF.

Hi all
I'm back off work today, three months after my MC. Feel like a bit of a failure and I'm letting my team down.

@PapaSierra you are not a failure or letting your team down. It's so important to get in a better place long term for you. If it was a member of your team I'm sure you wouldn't say they are failing.

Is your GP helping you? I am finding counselling is helping can you afford to set up some private ones after your work ones finished?
Other things which have helped me is doing yoga nidra (you can ask an Alexa just to play it) it's very hippy but brilliant relaxation once you get used to it I lie on my be to do it.
Keep talking use this as a safe space we understand the experiences and the feelings.

For me it's been very slow recovery as well it will be 3 months in a few weeks but my counsellor pointed out to me (on more than one occasion) that I went through a traumatic experience and ontop am grieving. That takes time to heal from, you can't rush the process that you need to go through and putting pressure on yourself to be "back to normal" doesn't help. When the reality is this experience has changed me however its possible to move forward and processing it is the best way to do that burying it doesn't help.

Big hugs xxx

@Scottishskifun thank you so much. Your post has really helped. Good point how I would feel if it was a member of the team.
I will stick that on alexa tonight, thank you so much.

I guess it's just hard because I feel like everyone has pretty much moved on and I'm stuck here, does that make sense?

Sorry forgot to say I had some counselling through work which really helped but that ended a few weeks ago, think I'll look into private.

PapaSierra you are not failing your team at all. You are suffering, and as Scottishskifun pointed out, it can take a long time to recover from traumas like this. Try to be kind to yourself and let go of the guilt (easier said than done, I know). Have you spoken to your GO about how you are feeling? I know in some areas you may eligible for a fast-track referral to talking therapies (but it does vary).

I hope all these ‘beast periods’ are a good sign of recovering bodies.

Can I ask if anyone found their initial bleeding sort of stopped and stared after a while? I have had nothing more than a tiny about of spotting for the past couple of days, but today, there is a bit more, and on wiping, there is some ‘streaky’ red blood (sorry if TMI). I was just hoping I was getting past this, so feeling a bit disappointed.

@HotCupOfNo the body bottle sounds like heaven, I adore my HWB so I think I need that asap! Weirdly my period is quite a beast in terms of bleeding but isn't very painful at all. I wonder if others have had lots of bleeding but not necessarily pain in the first AF?

After the MC I didn't feel emotionally very up and down for a few days but as I hardly had pregnancy symptoms before I didn't notice much in that sense.

@Badlydrawngirly I'm happy to have a period twin :)

@PapaSierra I couldn't give advice as good as @Scottishskifun but just want to agree with others that you should not feel like it's not ok to still be grieving and finding it hard to move on. If you think about how many women have suffered miscarriages, it's likely people in your work environment understand what you're going through (either through personal experience or through a partner/relative). As with any health issue it's important in the long run to recover fully, even if it takes longer. Thinking of you!