Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 4. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Previous Thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome?pg=1

@TheDaydreamBelievers thank you, hopefully I will get it soon. Yeah I’ve been testing every week haha.. keep hoping one will be positive. I rang the maternity unit last week and they said to call back in a couple of weeks if I hadn’t got it..

@Equimum I have an appointment booked with Rosie Letts, a nutritionist near me, who seems to have a good reputation when it comes to things to do with fertility. Her website has a number of recipes here: www.rosielettsnutrition.com/recipes/

So far I can vouch that the granola is good!

Also just trying to meal plan with a lot of low GI recipes and try and have more protein, fewer carbs and less sugar.

If I feel like I can at least try and do something proactive to try and take control then that's a help.

Whoops, that was me posting yesterday with a fail on the name change! Thanks
DappledOliveGroves. I really hope that input from a nutritionalist helps you.

DH and I were chatting last night, and came to the conclusion that we need to think about being being a bit more active and a bit more conscious with our food in general. We used to be quite good, but all the lockdowns and things have led to worsening habits.

HotCupOfNo good to hear that you had some quality family time and managed to laugh yesterday, even if it didn’t resolve everything. I hope today is equally full of positive moments.

justwant2beamum I am sorry your DH isn’t being more supportive. If you can’t face today, you need to put your own needs first. It’s still very early days and you need to do what you need to do. I have no idea if your MIL knows about your miscarriage, but I am sure she will understand.
On the work front, I am sorry you’ve had a bad experience of lack of understanding so far, but you should be fully protected under pregnancy employment legislation (slightly ironic, I know) for being behind due to sickness etc. I hope your employers are a little more sympathetic going forward.

@justwant2beamum so sorry to hear you're having these problems with your DH. I don't really know what to say other than to agree with what others have said and reiterate that you absolutely should be putting yourself first and doing what you need to do to heal. It's such a recent experience and even if it had been longer, everyone has different grieving periods. Thinking of you. Also regarding your job, when I had a toxic work environment and a bit of a breakdown, my GP signed me off for two weeks and recommended I use the time to find another job and that's what I did, I interviewed during the stress leave lol. I know it's hard atm to find work but sounds like you need to get out of that awful place.

@DappledOliveGroves @Equimum thanks for your thoughts on the vaccine. I tried to ask the GP about bringing it forward but she didn't know if that was an option and it's frustrating there isn't really a helpline or way that you can ask about this. I'm leaning towards just trying again in the next cycle and delaying the second dose if I do manage to get pregnant before, just because the MC has made me realise how long it can take to get to a successful pregnancy and I don't want to delay...but I'm still unsure. Hopefully the first dose is protective enough for now...

Also for those talking about losing weight and being more active (I think @Miscarriage39 you also mentioned this) I just wanted to say that on the exercise front I asked for a Ringfit Adventure for my birthday and I love it, I hate exercise but it makes it fun and you don't even have to leave the house, I really recommend it. Having said that it is pretty expensive if you don't already have a Nintendo Switch, it's like £200+, but is worth it for us as OH and I both use it. Just thought I'd share in case anyone wants to research it.

Happy mother's day to the mums among us, and let's hope the rest of us will join that club in future

AlbiMix I would so buy a Nintendo Switch, as I think it would be so much fun, but unfortunately my son really struggles with coming off screens, so we have a no console rule here at the moment. DH bought a light weight bike on the bike to work scheme recently, so we’re planning to try to get out a few lunch times each week while he is WFH (with me in the new bike and him on his old one that I can barely pedal!).

I hope the mums here have had the best day they can at the moment, and I really do hope that those who do not yet have children will have children in their arms for a Mother’s Day in the near future.

So I thought this posted already but then it looked like I was logged out so.... weird?! Anyway I hope everyone had a passable day - I know I am so lucky to have my little girl but have still felt glum today given the events of this week. I hope that next year we all have our rainbow babies here or on the way... I am feeling anxious about going back to work tomorrow, haven't taught face to face since December and not sure how I will react to people asking how I am but I need to at least try and see how I get on. Small positive today was apart from a clot and cramps in the night I've been pretty much clear of bleeding today so feel a bit more hopeful. How has everyone been today? ❤

My day was going brilliantly until 3 of my husbands friends decided to use mothers day to do bloody pregnancy announcements for the same time I would be due and it just felt like a kick in the stomach!
I know I'm lucky to already have my son but honestly if there is one thing I wish people would have some more sensitivity about its posting sodding scan pictures!

Oh no @Scottishskifun 😣 that's so upsetting. I was saying to my husband I am dreading the next week as I would be having my 12 week scan on Thursday so if anyone else we know is due around the same time I would have been they will announce this week too. I know what you mean though - it's like a punch to the heart :( hope you manage to find something to distract yourself this evening

Oh no @Scottishskifun that’s so insensitive.

I really struggled today as we would have been telling some close friends and family as I would have been just over 13 weeks and we would have had the harmony test results by now. I need to stop thinking what could have been I know.

I was pleasantly surprised to see a few people posting messages about how hard Mother’s Day can be for those who have lost mums or babies or long to be a mum etc.

I must admit I went back to bed and hid for a bit today as it hit me even harder than I expected it to.

I managed to get out for a walk which lifted my spirits a bit but then I had awful pains again. The EPU have booked me in for Tuesday but hoping my swan tests might be back tomorrow and that my consultant will have a plan for me.

Then I spotted for a bit and thought it may be AF showing up which was actually a relief but that’s stopped now so I’m totally confused and back on codeine! I don’t think I’m going to be able to work tomorrow if I still feel like this. This is never ending!

@Miscarriage39 lunchtime cycling sounds fun and is probably healthier than staying indoors anyway! I just get really lazy about exercise and find it helps to just be able to get it over with in the house.

@kiwi17 best of luck tomorrow! Just take each hour at a time and let us know how it goes :)

@Scottishskifun that sounds absolutely shit, I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I have zero time for the big public announcements at the best of times, but now that I've had a MC I have a new understanding of how painful these things can be for people who've suffered a difficult related experience. I so agree with you that people should be more thoughtful. Did you get the messages direct or through social media? I've said this before but I've steered clear of social media since my MC as I knew I couldn't handle announcements and people's pregnancy/baby content and it's done me the world of good. Sending hugs your way

Sorry to hear this @Badlydrawngirly sounds very confusing. Is Tuesday a scan at the EPU?

@AlbiMix it was a mix 1 on Facebook the other 2 were in friends WhatsApp groups where there is nowhere to hide. I was doing OK with pregnancy announcements til today but today was an extra kick.

We had a bottle of wine and a film to help and I'm trying not to focus on it but it's hard especially today.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

Oh @Scottishskifun I know exactly how you feel. I've had 4 pregnancy announcements in the last two weeks since my miscarriage, some of them close friends. One was today also and it really was a kick in the teeth. My 12 week scan should have been at the beginning of the week and we were always planning on telling our families for mothers day (privately, I'm not one for social media!).

One day at a time and before we know it it will be our turn ♥️

@Badlydrawngirly I hope you get some answers soon.

Now does anyone have any tips on how to stop comfort eating whilst furloughed and miserable in lockdown? I am struggling! I feel a bit numb and have no motivation for anything other than eating snacks and tasty food.

Thanks @AlbiMix and @Madeoftea.

They said they’ll do a scan and more swabs on Tuesday but if I can get the test results from the swabs they took at the private appointment (that was meant to be to talk about next steps but ended up being more about the infection!) then that will help.

I’ve got a tiny amount of bleeding/spotting but lots of pain. Had anyone had this with a first AF?

Not sure how much pain is from the infection!

Kiwi17 good luck today. Let us know how you get on.

Scottishskifun & Madeoftea I am sorry you have both had to face all those announcements. It must be really painful. I know a little, as a friend of our was due exactly the same week. She told us very early on but was planning to terminate. They have now changed their mind, and there is a tiny bit of me that feel very bitter that they will be having a baby they didn’t particularly want (although I have no doubt will be very much lived), just as the one we really wanted but couldn’t have, should have arrived. They also did the SM announcement this weekend, although it wasn’t so much of a blow for me as I did already know, and they do know what I’m going thorough (and have actually been lovely, which makes me feel bad for being bitter).

Badlydrawngirly I hope you get some answers from the EPU. I am so sorry you going through this additional hell.

@Badlydrawngirly how long has it been since your MC ended? Would it make sense to be a period already? It seems people on here have had AF as early as two weeks. I've definitely seen people say they have had only some spotting in their first AF post MC. I think I'm now having my period (yay!), It started as spotting for a few days and yesterday began as proper bleeding so really hoping this is it so I'm in a new cycle. Bleeding is so far moderately heavy but pain is similar/a little less than normal so at this stage it's not the "beast period" so many have described on here.
I hope your scan/swabs will shed some light.

@Scottishskifun WhatsApp announcements are so hard, as it's normally people you know well enough that it looks rude if you ignore it, lol. My new plan is: if I know the person well, l say congrats but tell them about my MC so they know to be sensitive. If I don't know them well, ignore until I feel ready.

@Madeoftea do you cook or bake? If so you could try cooking some healthy dishes/snacks that are similar to comfort food, e.g. "healthy" muffins, and eat that when you're craving junk food? The other upside is cooking is a good non-screen distraction during lockdown, it has kept me sane!

@AMS19 just a quick heads-up about the book I recommended. I downloaded it on Kindle and noticed there is a much more recent edition than the one I linked you to (which explains the price of that one!), 2001 Vs 2018. The book explains all the advances that have been made in recent years so I don't think it's worth buying the early edition (sorry if you have!). I'm enjoying the book so far, it's cheaper on Kindle: www.amazon.co.uk/Miscarriage-What-every-Woman-needs/dp/1409175685?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Hello. Hope it's ok to join and sorry for all of your losses. I am currently going through my third, recurrent miscarriage and second of 2021 so far. All miscarriages have been at between 6 - 7 weeks and no children yet.
Heavier bleeding started yesterday, and at the moment I am not experiencing much pain but quite worried about the amount of blood I am losing. Every time I go to the loo, a lot of blood gushes out and there is loads of blood in the bowl. Is this normal as I have not had this much blood in previous miscarriages.
Also, I wondered if anyone in this group has had NHS investigations into recurrent miscarriages?

Hi @PennySas

I’m so sorry that you’ve had to join us. It’s a great group with lots of knowledge and support.

I’ve had nhs tests for recurrent miscarriages so can answer any questions you have. Are you under your local EPU? I think in my case they referred me to the clinic and I’ve been under them since 2017.

They’ll ask your medical and pregnancy history and do some tests on you and your partner and devise a treatment plan from there.

I’m also about to have some private tests on NK cells as for me I think that may be the key to my early losses.

I can’t really comment on the blood loss as other than very early miscarriages I’ve had surgery because they were missed miscarriages.

I think the EPU guidance is to call if you’re soaking through more than one pad an hour.

Take good care of yourself and come on here for support whenever you need to.

PennySas I am sorry you find yourself here. I didn’t have a spontaneous miscarriage, so I’m not entirely sure what would be considered an okay amount of blood to be loosing, but I was told after leaving hospital that if I soaked more than one pad an hour I should call the hospital. I guess it’s difficult to know if it’s a gush when you go to the loo, but if you are not sure, do please call your GP or EPU. It’s better to be in the safe side and they will be better able to advise. Please don’t leave it if you are concerned - I bled a lot during my medical management 11 days ago and am still feeling unwell from the effects.

I’m afraid I haven’t any tests for recurrent miscarriage, so cannot help in that, but there are lots of women posting on here with a variety of experiences, so I am sure someone will be able to answer your questions.

Thanks @Miscarriage39 it does indeed feel like hell. Just found out my swabs came back negative and now I’m in loads of pain and bleeding more. I’m relieved AF has started but this also feels like it’s never ending!

@Madeoftea I feel exactly the same with the comfort eating. Just asked DH to go and get me an Easter egg to help with the pain. He said he’s pretty sure that’s not what the pharmacy would suggest.

I just can’t help myself, I want all the and stuff and then I look at myself in the mirror and want to cry!

I now have an appointment booked at the EPU tomorrow for more bloods and swabs which I think will also come back negative and a private appointment with my gynae on Wednesday evening.

I think I’ll cancel the EPU as I don’t think there’s much more they can do for me. My gynae runs the EPU but isn’t there on Tuesday unfortunately.

I’ve had a lot of codeine but my brain can’t cope. I’m still not back at work and not sure when their patience is going to run out.

Badlydrawngirly that sounds quite sensible to just keep the private appointment with the gynae who already know you. I hope they can give you some answers. Try not to worry too much about work. You need to be mentally and physically well enough first, and that can take time.

I went for my COVID jab and they asked if I was going to be trying to conceive in the next few months. When I said that I possibly would, the nurse said it was probably best that I didn’t my have it, but that I should speak to the doctor. He then said that there are no known risks, and that getting COVID during latter pregnancy could be more dangerous, so if I was comfortable it was fine to go ahead. So I agreed to that, and as soon as he had left the room, the nurse asked if I was sure I wanted to go ahead. I did, but I am now really anxious and worried that I have doomed any future pregnancy, even though there is no evidence that that is this case!

@Miscarriage39 thank you, I know you’re right and there’s no way I could do a good job feeling like this! I’m just frustrating it’s going on so long.

I can see why what she said would make you feel nervous. I think it’s the lack of data that’s means they can’t say definitely it’s safe but it sounds like the Dr was pretty sure you were ok to have it.

I know it’s easier said than done but try not to worry.

Welcome @PennySas, so sorry to hear what you have been through in such W short space of time.

Thinking of you today @SamBass.

I have had a negative pregnancy test and my bleeding and pain has stopped. My test wasn't fmu but I don't know if I can be organised enough for that! They asked me last week to go back in for a blood test tomorrow, I don't think I'm going to though as it feels unnecessary now.

I am so relieved, but the downs really are very down at the moment. I've just ordered some ovulation sticks so I can track my cycle and feel a bit more in control of my body. It's so weird though, a few days ago I was desperate to start trying again and be pregnant again but all of a sudden now I've got my body back I can't think of much worse. I'm just so scared of going through this again I guess.

Hope everyone's doing ok today.

@Miscarriage39 I think there's a real communications problem surrounding the vaccine and pregnancy/conception. I was called for mine when 6 weeks pregnant and my GP said I should have it and sent me the guidance from RCOG saying it was advised in clinically vulnerable pregnant women. When I turned up to the appointment a different doctor refused to give it to me because I was pregnant. I ended up having it a few weeks later as I had miscarried.

It's really frustrating to be told different things by different health professionals, especially at the actual appointment as you were. Personally I would have made the same decision as you - I had thought long and hard about it already but it annoys me that the personal uncertainty of each health worker affects our decision making process.

@HotCupOfNo sorry you're feeling down but congrats on the negative test, I see that as a step forward. I had sort of reverse feelings to you, when I was still in pain/bleeding I couldn't imagine ever trying again but when it stopped I felt better and now I've got my period I'm happy to be able to try again soon. Maybe you'll feel better when you get AF back too, it feels hopeful to me. Sending hugs

Welcome @PennySas but sorry you've had to join us :(