Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@thehotelcalifornia I think your post is brilliant and shows with kindness and care how something very tough can be dealt with.

Thanks ladies I feel a bit relieved hoping the extra week will help me with it all

My work is brilliant as a whole but my manager is a micromanager so although she tells me to take all the time off that I need she then requests stuff, asks me to update on workload etc all of which is quite draining to log on to sort out when we have a central admin team who could tell her if she just goes to them. It's just the way she is which I know.

My mum has to leave tomorrow so hoping that I can continue on the right track and not put too much pressure on my DH. He's an absolutely fantastic dad and has been doing way more than 50% parenting the last few months (I was very ill with pregnancy for a few weeks) but a toddler is knackering on your own! My son has picked up that I haven't been well keeps saying mummy have calpol, calpol make mummy better which breaks my heart that he's so aware given he's so little. So going to try my best to recover for him as well.

@Scottishskifun I think you're doing absolutely incredible and should be extremely proud of yourself!!

@TheHotelCalifornia this is such a helpful post. I really like the bit where you describe what the doctor said about it being this miracle thing that egg and sperm meet and that it's such a complex process that things will go a bit awry sometimes. I had anti- D too but didn't find it that painful, it's the cannula I can't stand!

@Scottishskifun totally feeling what you say about the exhaustion of a toddler alone all day while trying to recover. My DH had been the same doing so much when he's not at work. I've been having to really make myself be present for DD and I'm conscious of making the most of her too rather than obsessing about ttc.

Having said that I'm still getting faint positives on pregnancy tests. I'm too impatient- it's only been a week.

I filled out a really interesting survey about PTSD following miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy this evening. It was in response to this study and I thought the statistics really interesting and just shows what a huge thing we have all been through and how hard it is. Makes me feel better about still not being back at work.

www.smartsurvey.co.uk/s/U44GA6/

Not sure if this will work but if it does here's the link to the survey if people are interested xx

@mia2201 @SuzieDeLaTour thank you. ❤️

@AMS19 ah yes that's right! Honestly I find it despicable that even though they weren't familiar with doing MVAs, they still should have anticipated pain?! It's not like your cervix is a fan of having things shoved in?! Apparently that kind of disturbance with the cervix can also lead to your heart stopping if you're not fully prepared!! It was so dangerous of them to do that - I honestly am not surprised you're feeling traumatised from it!

@TheHotelCalifornia haha glad I could make you laugh! Thank you for typing out your story so fully too! I'm sorry for your experience but I'm glad that you too are on the other side of it now.

Update on symptoms post MVA - painful contractions have eased into less painful cramps. More constant pain but less intense! And my main issue has been from the bum antibiotics?! SO totally TMI but they didn't prep me for this at all - they started leaking out?! 😱😱😱 And have burnt the skin where they've touched it. It's SO sore! Now have diarrhea and no fart is safe 😂 not sure if this is a normal reaction or if my body's just being an idiot but hey ho! Got stuff leaking out of everywhere now, why not?!

@TheHotelCalifornia thank you for writing that, it’s such a helpful and honest post and I think there will be many ladies who read it and find some comfort in knowing they’re not alone ❤️
@Scottishskifun your manager sounds a bit of a nightmare! I had a boss like that who used to drive me mad! But I’m glad that they’re being supportive overall, that’s how it should be. I hope tomorrow goes ok for you when your mum leaves - just hold your little boy extra tight.
@glowingtwig thanks for the survey! Unfortunately DH disconnected the WiFi by accident just as I was taking a look (helpful!) but will have a nose tomorrow 😊 night night ladies xx

@LauraT94 oh just saw your post. As hideous as your bum ordeal must be (and it sounds grim) I have to say it’s made me cackle!! 🤣🤣 honestly, there is just no dignity in any of this! I was given antibiotics while under with my last miscarriage so I can’t offer any advice on that front I’m afraid but maybe some of the other ladies can help!? Good luck with the pain, bleeding and errrm other leakage!! X

@LauraT94 the antibiotics up the bum definitely seems extreme!! I had to just take 4 antibiotics orally after my op...but we will know my MVA wasn't text book so I'm sure someone should have been fishing up the bum at some point 🙄🙋‍♀️ I was still getting over the nurses putting the pessaries inside me - it had been a long time since I had had a finger up me give me fear of sex since my bfp 😂😂😂

@SuzieDeLaTour @Sleeeeeepy how's the bleeding ladies? Thinking of you both!! Every day that goes past is another day you are through this ordeal!

Happy Friday ladies. Another work week done. We've so got this!!! Xx

@AMS19 bleeding is getting heavier - I just hope I make it through to tomorrow! And my Covid results come back in time today arrrghhh. I feel frightened about the op because it’s so final and when I wake up I’ll no longer be pregnant but at the same time I can’t wait to get it done as this period of limbo isn’t good physically or emotionally 😢 was it strange going through your procedure alone? It will be the first time going under a GA with no one with me at the hospital, feels a bit awful! Xx

@SuzieDeLaTour oooh so close!! Are you sure they are sending your covid results to you? Mine never sent me mine and the ward had them within 24 hours so you might find they already have them 😊 to be honest I am so glad I was alone. My procedure was awful and would have hated my husband to have been there to see me so unwell. You will probably meet other ladies having the same procedure (I met another having same as me and one who had an eptopic). Youve got all us virtually with you too. And it will be nice saying bye to your husband knowing when you next see him it will be over. The finality of it all is hard to accept but honestly I felt such relief after it was over and I could move on with my life. I think you'll feel the same too xx

@SuzieDeLaTour haha thank you, glad I made you laugh! I made it through the night so I must be fine! Hope your bleeding stays manageable before your op. I totally get the fear of the op because you won't be pregnant any more but honestly? I just felt such relief after my procedure yesterday... As awful as that sounds. I'd been bleeding nearly 4 weeks by that point and I'd known something was wrong for 3 weeks, so I was just ready to get it over with and get some closure! I understand not everyone might feel like that though.

@AMS19 yes I also had the 4 orally! Definitely sounds like you should have had the bum ones up too just for extra protection but as you say yours seems far from standard anyway! How are you getting on? X

Oh also just to add @SuzieDeLaTour r.e. doing it alone - although I was terrified to start with and wished OH was there to hold my hand, in hindsight i totally agree with @AMS19 and I'm so grateful he wasn't there to see me in that pain! He would have been scarred by it for sure as there was nothing you could do to stop it, it just has to be done! X

@AMS19 the bleeding has almost stopped, now just like a very light period. I feel sad but very relieved that it all seems to have worked as it was meant to. I don't really feel pregnant any more so will be restarting on the coffee today! Thanks for checking in lovely x

@AMS19 no I don’t think they send the results to me but because the procedure is being done in a different hospital (my hospital has no spare beds!) I need to chase it myself and make sure that the other hospital can access those! 🙄 if not, I’m on the list for Monday but that means I need to have another Covid test today they said as it has to be done within 72 hours of the op!? So not sure whether to turn up the hospital this morning for round II of swabbing when I’m meant to be self isolating. Hmmm! Another call to the EPU at 8! 😀🤦‍♀️

@LauraT94 I’m so glad you’re feeling better post procedure and it gave you the closure. I remember feeling like that last time so I’m sure I’ll feel the same again once it’s all done - I think this waiting period is just making me overthink things! That’s good news you were ok overnight - hopefully that’s the end of it for you!! Xx

@Sleeeeeepy that’s good news it’s all worked as it should - enjoy that coffee!! More than deserved 😊 xx

My antibiotics were put in my IV line @LauraT94 @AMS19 - nothing up the bum for me

@SuzieDeLaTour fingers crossed for results and surgery.
I would say from my experience I had bleeding a few days before but it was fairly obvious when the miscarriage started I had contraction style cramps for several hours before which paracetamol didn't touch and felt a pop same feeling as when my waters broke when I went into labour with my son. So hopefully if you haven't had these then you can have surgery.

@Scottishskifun no pain as yet thankfully - just 24 hours to go!! Hoping it holds off! Just found out my Covid results are back so that’s one hurdle down 😊 x

@LauraT94 glad you had an OK night and procedure went well you definitely made me chuckle with the bum description! Its very true with maternity hospitals/midwifery services the phrase you leave your dignity at the door and pick it up again on the way out!

@SuzieDeLaTour great news about covid test and my fingers are crossed for you for the next 24 hrs/surgery.

@TheDaydreamBelievers oooh la la lucky you miss fancy IV line! 😂 I'd have much preferred that! I don't mind needless at all, but alas...

@SuzieDeLaTour hopefully it's not too long for you now too! Glad covid result was ok!

@Scottishskifun hahaha yes that definitely sums it up quite well!

I'm a bit crampy this morning but I'm just spending the morning in bed watching Bridgerton for the second time! Can think of worse ways to spend the day!

@SuzieDeLaTour my DH is always fiddling with the WiFi too! I hope all goes well with your surgery- it will soon be over and then you can start to move forwards. But thinking of you.

I hope everyone else is doing ok.

Thanks ladies, I’m glad I’m inching closer to the day! Did anyone else experience headaches during their miscarriage? For the past few days I’ve had one - not sure if it’s stress or a sudden change in hormones. Annoying though! X

Haha @LauraT94 that's me, truly spoilt by drugs going through a needle into my hand, rather than up my bum . Its the little things, eh? 🤣

@TheDaydreamBelievers yes I get you. Thank you x