Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@CocoLoco88 ooh whereabouts are you? SW London is gorgeous - there are so many lovely things to do so if you want any tips just ask 😊 moving just before Christmas was brave, hope you’re feeling settled in your new place! X

Hello,

Hope you don't mind me jumping in. I've been reading everyone's stories and I'm so sorry for you all very strong ladies indeed!

Going through this at the minute...Had my dating scan tuesday and it wasn't as hoped...

My sack was measuring 23mm which estimates 6 + 6 (thought I was 8+4) but my pcos could have thrown dates. I did have bloods 29th dec and they were 5k hcg which matched me being where I thought. We weren't trying and with pcos just don't know when I ovulate .

They couldn't see anything in the sack so I am either too early or it's not developing 😢she said it wasn't conclusive of no development till 25mm sack size . Surely even 6+6 it wouldn't be empty?
It was so horrible the big screen was broken and she just turned the screen and was like 'there's the sack ' silence. I said where's the baby?!! Then rattled on about it's to complicated to explain when I asked questions.

Spoke to doctor and have a scan next week on Thursday (feels like forever away) she told me to prepare for the worse.

I just kind of want it over now as I can't move on with it hanging over me . No cramping , no bleeding yet .

Hi @Cordial11 I'm so sorry you've had to join us. There have been a few ladies on here who have been in the same limbo you have. I had a scan at 6+6 and although baby was measuring a week behind, there was a heartbeat and you could clearly see the baby. So agree it doesn't sound good in all honesty. I think the waiting is absolutely the hardest part. Once I knew I just wanted it sorted. Have you decided what type of management you will have assuming the scan doesn't go well next week? We have tried them all on this thread so will be able to answer any questions you have. Sending you huge virtual hugs xx

@SuzieDeLaTour I’ll PM you if I can work out how!!

@Cordial11 so sorry you’re in this position, I only joined this thread on Friday and everybody has been so supportive already, it’s helped enormously. Hang in there and keep posting if it helps - we’re here for you x x

Well so much for my lucky follicle... AF came this morning, two days before I expected it. I suppose that this cycle was always going to be off and I was having bleeding on and off weeks before the mc bleed really started in earnest. Still getting squinters on pregnancy tests too. Feeling really down now even though I knew it was unlikely to work first month. 😞 Feeling really hopeless. Now I definitely won't be pregnant by my birthday. This was my last chance at it. Just feel like I'll never get to have another little baby 💔

@LauraT94 the bare sleeping is my way in summer but in winter our house is toooo cold!!

@Cordial11 your story of your scan is heartbreaking. The silence from the sonographer while you lie there staring up at the ceiling tiles... it's awful. I'm so sorry.

@glowingtwig I'm so sorry. The first period was always going to be super tough, I think we are all dreading it. Here are some positives that I'm focusing on for mine:
Having a period would clear out any old blood or remaining tissue/clots and leave a lovely a fresh lining
Eggs take 3 months to mature. Which means these current eggs will be influenced by pregnancy hormones and won't benefit from any new diet/vitamin changes you've made since
You will be able to better time the pregnancy which might makes scans easier
Otherwise it is just super sad and it is fine to feel totally angry, upset and disappointed. It is only the first cycle and it wasn't a "proper" cycle. The fact you had follicles shows your body is already doing the job and you've got a fab shot this month to try again. Keep taking vitamins and eating as healthy as you can. Your body can now build up ready to go next month ❤

Thanks ladies for the lovely comments it does mean a lot

I am English but live in Australia so I'm not sure how the options differ or how they work. My doctor mentioned D&C which is my preference for operation.

I had a natural miscarriage at 11+6 a long long time ago and it was traumatic and got stuck in my cervix so ended up rushed to hospital . I doubt that could with this loss as sounds like blighted ovum however I don't want to take any risks of being potentially in that pain ever again.

We have already decided we will wait a while before trying again just not ready for everything all over again and the anxiety

Hope everyone else is doing ok today (ok as can be)

@Cordial11 yeah a D&C is similar to a MVA what I had. Definitely a good option as I think with a D&C you get put to sleep too. If you don't then make sure you have all the pain relief you need. I'm so so sorry this has happened to you twice. Do you have any children? There is absolutely no rush, you need to recovery both physically and mentally ❤❤

No children yet I have not long turned 27 so feel I still have time hopefully but pcos and tyroid against me .

It's 5am now and I have been up since 2. I have a half day sick Thursday and full day Friday off work and am suppose to be in today but don't know if I can face it. Putting on an act of being fine all day when I want to be in bed pitying myself I might ask to work from home .

@Cordial11 ahh yes plenty of time lovely! I understand though with issues it puts the pressure on. There is so much you can do to help. I would highly recommend a book called It Starts With The Egg. There is SO much in there for helping fertility with PCOS I think you'd find it extremely helpful.
Yeah work from home if you can. I'm so grateful to be working from home full time, not sure I could have got through this if I wasn't. Hopefully your manage will understand. I know it all seems hopeless now but I promise you will feel better as time goes on xx

@Cordial11 I'm so sorry that you think you might be experiencing a blighted ovum 😢 I would 100% recommend taking time off if you can or at the very least working from home! I tried to keep working whilst I was waiting to miscarry and it didn't do me any good - I started to feel unwell as the stress was just wearing me down. I'm finally heading back to work on Tuesday! Had my MVA (similar to D&C) on Thursday.

Right I'm taking a bit of a leap posting this as it's quite a vulnerable thing and it might divide people quite a bit...

Sex drive post-miscarriage...

I've been trying to ignore it but today my sex drive has definitely jumped up a notch. I know it's only been a few days since my MVA. And I know I have spent a lot of time in horrible pain! But something is making me want to jump on OH 😩

Obviously I'm not going to for health reasons (still bleeding, open cervix means you're more vulnerable to infection). But I'm trying not to beat myself up over it/feel guilty/feel like a freak.

I'm guessing it's mostly to do with grief? I know it's common to crave intimacy when you've had a bereavement. Also, I'm sure there's an element of just wanting to be pregnant again as soon as possible!!

At the same time, I'm nervous for when we eventually DTD post-miscarriage as I'm sure it'll be emotional.

I usually masturbate often but obviously haven't yet. Buttttt I did have an orgasm in my sleep last night which I wonder if that had anything to do with the increased sex drive today.

Just feeling a bit weird about it and hoping someone else might have had similar feelings?! Sorry if it's TMI 😂 totally laid myself bare there! But I'm almost sure I can't be alone.

@LauraT94 you're not alone. I felt the same way a few days after the last bit of my mc came away (expectant management) and I was desperate for sex with DH. I was about to ovulate though so maybe it is your body gearing up?

I can take it or leave it most of the month but in the fertile window I'm always jumping on him/thinking about jumping on him.

My bleeding had stopped by ov time so it was ok for us to dtd.

Definitely grief makes you crave that closeness. Especially as sex is off limits while going through the actual mc. X

@LauraT94 I was exactly the same as you!! If you read back on here you'll see me talking about how I felt really turned on about a week after my MVA! It was all very odd as I had basically had no sex drive the whole time being pregnant then it came back out of nowhere! The last week has been particularly bad. I waited until 2 weeks post MVA like I was told for infection reasons but then Friday we got back on it. I vowed not to do it unprotected until I got a negative test but thay hasn't quite gone to plan this weekend. I'm definitely feeling very turned on quite a lot, so assuming my body is trying to ovulate?! I've also had some EWCM the last 2 days too. I'm not actually wanting to try just yet, I am intending to wait until after a period, but have gone with the flow the last 3 days!

Also @AMS19 thank you for your kind post. I keep reading it and it does make me feel a bit better. Tomorrow is a new day.

One day at a time @glowingtwig ❤❤

I agree with the others- grief, wanting closeness, waning to get pregnant to fill the hole in our hearts, but also likely that high fertility post MC so the biology is saying "THIS IS THE TIME!"

Morning ladies. Wishing everyone a good week with even more heeling and progress ❤

@glowingtwig the other thing to think about it there is a reason that egg didn't fertilise. We have to trust and hope our body is good this time and waiting for the perfect egg! I would much rather wait months for thr perfect egg than go through another miscarriage. So maybe this time the body was just doing it's job and recognising it wasn't a perfect egg or perfect sperm

@LauraT94 omg I had been wondering the same thing, yesterday I’d been thinking about it quite a lot and had no idea why - I’m physically and mentally exhausted and normally it’d the be last thing on my mind with how I’m feeling 😂 have to agree with others that it’s maybe wanting the intimacy?

@AMS19 I love that idea about waiting for the perfect egg rather than going through this again. Obviously it’s so soon and I know I shouldn’t even be thinking about when we would try again but part of me just can’t help thinking ‘I want to get on with it ASAP’ and worrying ‘what if it takes a really long time?’ Your message puts such a positive spin on the wait we might face, I really like that x

So grateful to have stumbled upon this thread. After seeing a strong heartbeat at 7 weeks sadly out a 9 week scan private scan on Thursday we were told the baby had died and a missed miscarriage diagnosed. Told the baby had likely died at 7w5days. The last few days have been a complete blur, terrified to leave the house incase I start bleeding and just feel so trapped and broken. I've got an appointment this morning at the EPU at 11.40 for a scan to confirm and then discuss options. I know 100% I want a surgically managed miscarriage under full anaesthetic but terrified I'll be made to wait weeks, just wondering how long it took anyone else to get surgery? I think if it's any longer than a few days I'd want to try and go privately, just can't take anymore of this :(

@tamsin424 hi, I posted a response on the other missed miscarriages thread about my surgical management. I’m sorry for your loss, it really is devastating 😢 I’ve found this group of ladies absolutely amazing - such strength, honesty and humour (!) during such a difficult. I hope it brings you the same comfort xx

@LauraT94 thank you for your honesty!!! I didn’t want sex at all while I was pregnant and then a week / two weeks ago it suddenly returned - must have been around the time I actually miscarried. Definitely don’t feel like a freak!! Your OH is probably delighted, I know mine would be 🤣 in obviously holding off like you until everything is recovered and we are safe to go again. Are you tracking your ovulation? I have to be honest I didn’t find sex for the first time post miscarriage emotional at all last time - there was a part of me that looked at it quite matter of fact, like I needed to get back in the saddle (no pun intended!!) just to resume normality and be in a position where we could try again. It wasn’t weird or painful thankfully ☺️ Xx

@tamsin424 I could have gone for surgical management within a few days, but ended up waiting about a week (took 4 days to think it over). When I called to say "yup surgery", it was then arranged within 3 days

Oh I'm so glad to read your replies! Definitely feel less weird now haha - knew deep down I wouldn't be alone.

@glowingtwig I'm a nightmare with things being 'off limits' - makes me want them 10 times more 😂 I feel like it might be too soon to ovulate just yet as I'm still bleeding so I feel like it's probably more emotional at the mo! And I'm reluctant to use OPKs as they were positive during pregnancy for me anyway. I'm also really sorry that AF came but as @AMS19 says your body must just be waiting for the perfect egg ❤️

@AMS19 it definitely sounds like you're obviating! Would you be upset if you got pregnant without a cycle to date it? I understand that could cause a lot of stress with scans etc. That's my main worry. But I think my joy at being pregnant would be stronger. I'll have a little read back and see if I can find your comments from before!

@TheDaydreamBelievers I suppose so much of this process is clinical it would only be natural to want some intimacy and closeness!

@CocoLoco88 yes that's how I was feeling! Like physically I don't think I'd even manage sex right now as so exhausted and sore. But something in my body or my brain is craving it haha!

@SuzieDeLaTour you're welcome - glad my brutal honesty is helping others 😂 I don't tend to hold much back! OH is definitely keen to get back to it as soon as I've stopped bleeding (he's not scared of period sex, just avoiding infection). Which is funny as he usually has a much lower libido than me. I wonder if this increased need for intimacy is affecting him too?

@AMS19 sounds like you're 'ovulating' 😂 sorry!!

Also I can't believe we've nearly filled a thread 😱