Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

Hello Redfox, welcome to this unexpected club. Keep us in the loop, we are here for you. I have told A LOT of my friends and family about my pregnancy after my reassurance scan (saw amazing heartbeat but baby stopped developing 3 days later according to the 12 week scan, so brutal to know how soon its little heart stopped) and definitely don't regret sharing the news. I'm a very open book and although I did not expect it to happen I really didn't mind telling people I miscarried. The support I received was invaluable. There is so much shame and stigma, why? It is so common and it isn't preventable, it happens, we grieve, we want people to hold our hands and not wonder why we are being weird ... I don't know if I will have a reassurance scan again next time but I will probably tell people when I get a bfp again, especially if they ask how is it going. It's only because my friend had a MMC I was not utterly shocked and devastated at my scan. I was so sad but I knew it was something it could happen. Didn't make it better but the awareness prepares you in a way....

@DMT1982 sorry forgot to say. Thyroid testing I ordered this one. So have to do it myself but send it off to a lab. Whereas the Celleac one I do at home and get the result straight away.

www.letsgetchecked.com/ie/en/home-thyroid-antibody-test/

Xx

Sorry if my posts read like a random ramble. As to the podcast I did mean episode 16. Very relatable and informative.
Also, Mas I felt like you at the hospital and the day after :) I think partly cause I went into a self-preservation mode, I felt relieved I was fine. I am a big part of the process and I felt like I got the care I needed. It all felt so dignified.

@mia2201 I totally agree with you. The only reason I'm keeping it quiet is my mums dream is to be a grandparent. I was SO excited to tell her, she would have literally burst. She doesn't even know we are trying so would blow her mind. So I really wanna still get to have that surprise. I don't want to lose that too. If that makes sense? But I will tell her. And tell family and friends in time. Just hopefully after I get my rainbow baby

AMS, that's so sweet! I told my parents and the both cried with happiness, not gonna lie making the phone call after receiving the horrible news was a very difficult thing to do. You're a lovely, caring daughter! Hoping for rainbows for all of us :)

@mia2201 I'm so sorry to hear your story, it must be that much harder after seeing the heartbeat. I'm glad to hear that you've had a lot of support, I've told my mum and a couple of close friends and it feels cathartic already. I certainly agree with what you say about awareness. I spent too long on pregnancy apps reading about how it grew from a poppy seed to a pip and getting a bit carried away with it all...I won't be making that mistake again.

@MAS50 thank you so much for posting after what you’ve been through it’s very much appreciated and it’s very much helped me reading this the night before having the procedure.

I’m so pleased you had a great experience at the hospital as the NHS are always slated but rarely people stand up and say how well they’ve done. Especially in the current Covid climate as well, you expect the worst really with regards to service.

There have definitely been some dark days over the past few weeks so it’s lovely to hear that you feel better for coming out the other side of the operation feeling good.

I hope your recovery continues in the way it’s started today xxx

yes, Redfox! I was exactly the same, the apps, the scan - it all made it so real. The optimistic innocence is sadly gone for me, next time I will be quite pragmatic- it will all have to wait until 12 weeks... Glad you have the support you need. How's your partners by the way? Mine cried before I did and then made it all about me. He also said if anything it taught him how much he wants to be a dad and how excited he is to parent together in the future. I do appreciate most men try to stay strong for us and aren't that vocal or don't know what's the right thing to say. It's so hard on them, we knew little about miscarriage imagine how shocking it is for them :(

@mia2201 I agree with you I don’t know why it’s not spoken about more but it’s the same as death, no one seems to speak about that either.

I wish I could bring myself to tell more people about the last two miscarriages but I just can’t, I don’t know why because I agree it needs to be spoken about more otherwise we are not allowing others who maybe going through the same to speak up themselves. Maybe this will make me reflect on things and be a bit more open. Xxx

@AMS19 i have only had a little bleeding but mainly brown stuff (is it old blood I don’t know?) so not sure whether I will just go straight down or have the pessary to open my cervix.

I’ll say goodnight all and I’ll log back on in the morning once I’m at the hospital. Xxx

DMT is because we don't want to make it awkward for people I believe. We don't like making people feel uncomfortable perhaps? Watching their faces when they try to find the words. It's very personal and painful... Glad we have each other on here, take care x

@mia2201 My husband seems to be ok but it's early days; he's doing a great job of comforting me but I'm reminding him to be open about his own feelings and to share them. I know how much he wants to be a dad and part of me feels that I've let him down (I know it's ridiculous).

@DMT1982 @AMS19 I'm so glad it helped. I can't fault the NHS at all. Without boring you with a long story I got to the ward at 7.15 and they didn't have a bed for me but they were so honest about what was going on and reassured me they would get one and I would have the procedure I wasn't even worried. I was started off with the cervix meds in the EPU because they did have a bed then spent a couple of hours in surgery recovery while they waited for a bed to open up in the day surgery clinic but even with all that was a good experience. Recovery was quiet so just chatted to the nurses and they got me a sandwich etc. I was so worried they would stick me in maternity but of course they didn't and when I told the recovery nurse I was worried about that she was so kind and assured me they wouldn't. Even with all this faff I had the cervix meds at 8.30 and was taken for surgery at 9.30. So just a bit more reassurance for you that if things are a bit crazy because of Covid, in my NHS trust at least, they certainly saw it as an essential op that would happen as planned. Also, with the cervix meds they warned me I might have painful cramps but personally I didn't but they must have worked as still feeling no pain and surgery went well. Will be thinking of you all today. Know it's a horrible and massive milestone xx
PS still seem to have pregnancy insomnia, or spent too much time sleeping yesterday as I'm wide awake right now!

@mia2201 - you’re spot on, I don’t want to put people in an awkward position trying to find the right words (if there are any right words!) xx

@MAS50 insomnia is awful isn’t it. You either wake up and can’t get back to sleep or can’t get to sleep full stop!

I am at the hospital and although I’m relieved the operation is going ahead I’m currently set in the waiting room on the maternity ward with pregnant ladies waiting for triage or to be induced.....dirty dancing time of my life if playing on the radio....how ironic lol!!

I’m actually thankful we are all wearing masks as I don’t need to try and smile at anyone and thank god for this thread as my eyes are fixed on my phone.

@AMS19 I hope you are at the hospital as well and are being booked in xx

@DMT1982 oh no I'm so sorry to hear that. Hopefully they'll get you out of there soon. Thinking of you xx

Thinking of you @dmt1982 annoyingly mine is touch and go as they have no beds. They are seeing if they can find one but unlike @MAS50 they've told me they don't know if it will happen. I'm not sure I can wait weeks for this so if it can't happen will go with medical management and ask for painkillers to be prescribed if possible given the sac will be 11 weeks and I really dont want to push that out of me 😭😭😭 let's pray they somehow find a bed. It is the worst time for this to happen, it really is xx

@DMT1982 oh just saw your message. That is really awful they've put you there to wait. So so sorry!

@MAS50 I’m in my own room now so was only sat there for 25 mins or so, the longest 25 mins of my life though! The anesthetist has been in and I should be going down soon with any luck. They’ve all been really lovely so it was the initial blip but can’t be helped I suppose we are in the middle of a pandemic xx

@AMS19 I have everything crossed for you that they find you a bed, surely this is classed as an emergency operation?

Thinking of you xxxxx

@DMT1982 the issue is the hospital "is in crisis" and has even closed A&E. But they are trying so fingers crossed! I am with another girl here top who is having the same thing 💔 keep me updated lovely. Hoping you'll be going in super soon! Xxx

@AMS19 blimey they’ve shut A&E, things must be bad then. I’m hoping they can get you both done but if not is it worth asking the question if another trust maybe outside of London can fit you in? I’m only thinking because if you go down the medical route you may need to come back to hospital if the bleeding is bad and if A&E is shut then what do you do? Don’t want to worry you but maybe a consideration if they can call another EPU and you can travel? I hope you don’t have to go down that route though and now you’re there they will book you in and find you both a bed xxxx

@DMT1982 I'll definitely ask the question. Jsut waiting around at the moment. The thing is, a gyno surgeon is exactly going to be doing anything else, so just need to get myself on that surgery table even if I have to sit in the corridor before and after 😂😂 I'm so close now I just really want it to be over! This is definitely taking away from any nerves about the actual op! Xx

@AMS19 yes I agree they will only be doing gynaecology related things surely however that maybe short sighted on our part as they may get used elsewhere as they are doctors I suppose.

The hospital I am in said they are at crisis point but still trying to carry on with emergency procedures like this one. Surely in the long run it’s better to get it over and done with for us and the trust because we won’t need to come back but with the other options there is a high chance you end up coming back in.

Yes you’re mind is now occupied on actually getting the operation done and now the actual operation.

Thinking of you at this horrible time xxx

@DMT1982 yeah they did say it is being classed as an emergency so that hopefully helps. Honestly I reckon after this week they won't even offer it as an option to anyone. I just can't see it. I think they'll make everyone try medical first. Xxx