Hey guys! Just wanted to pop on again to update you all with where I am and how I’m feeling, plus some things that have helped me work my way through this week. I’m nearly 1 week post-surgery (surgery was on the 12th). It’s my last day off work and I’m feeling ready to go back tomorrow. I say go back, I WFH so go into the spare room ha! Was signed off for 2 weeks but just feel I don’t need it really.
Overall I’m feeling pretty okay. The bleeding has basically stopped apart from the odd wipe of brownish pink, and I took my last Codeine pill last night. Haven’t had any cramping today or yday so those are good signs I think.
Generally I’m feeling strangely at peace with what happened and ready to move on. I get upset when I think about being in the hospital etc as it was such a traumatic few days so I try not to dwell too much on that. Hoping this is okay and isn’t going to suddenly hit me in like 3 months; I think it’s just my mind’s way of being positive and looking forward.
I’m also feeling so grateful and thankful for our wonderful friends and family. We’d told close family that we were pregnant on Christmas Day, and since the miscarriage we’ve opened up to a few close friends as well. We’ve been absolutely inundated with beautiful gifts, flowers, chocolates, sweet treats/care packages every day since and it’s honestly been amazing and has really helped me to not feel alone. I just feel like so many people love us and are thinking of us and I feel like we’re wrapped up in a giant duvet of support. I know sharing isn’t for everyone but for us it has really helped and I’ve been surprised how lovely people have been just checking in with a daily Whatsapp too. Makes me feel just really loved.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, one thing that’s been helping me over the last week has just been really trying to find the joy in little things. With Covid and not being able to go anywhere or see anyone, I’ve felt a real kind of peace that no-one else is doing anything fun, we’re not missing out on anything, and we need to take this time to make ourselves as happy as we can. Little things like a lovely fancy coffee in the morning, getting into clean PJs every evening, nice walks, movie nights, cooking delicious dinners etc are all helping me get through both our personal situation and also this crappy lockdown.
Another thing that’s helped is when it comes to TTC going forward. I keep telling myself we’re just a couple of months behind where we were. So we found out we were pregnant on the 24th November. If I look at it like that, then although we’ve had this awful thing happen to us, we’re really only 2 months behind where we were when we were TTC back in November. Not sure if that makes sense but it’s just something that’s helping me. So when we go back to TTC I’ve been reminding myself how much we’d learnt about BBT/ovulating etc and that we’ll go back to what we were doing in October/November.
Another thing that’s helped is not being really final/throwaway with things that were bought/we have that are baby related. For example, I got bought a lot of alcohol for Christmas, and my husband also bought me non-alcoholic gin and prosecco. So I said well we’re ready for me to have a little drink now, and then we’re prepared for when I get pregnant in the future. Husband also bought me an IOU for a pregnancy massage for Christmas and belly butter, so I just said we’ll save those for when I am pregnant rather than switching the pregnancy massage to a non-pregnancy one, for example. Just little things like those have helped me.
Also off the back of @AMS19 post about telling yourself you’ll be pregnant by a certain date. I was thinking about this and realized that as our horrible experiences have all happened so early on in the year, I’m really going to try and be hopeful that many of us will be pregnant by the end of the year. Hopefully the odds are in our favour! Me and my husband definitely both feel keen to TTC as soon as we can. Realistically though this won’t be for a while; need to wait for a period first and to get our results back, then hopefully my cycle will return to some sense of normality although they were longer coming off the pill which made things harder ☹ End of February I’m hoping for us. I think the first time we have sex will be emotional but as you girls have said, I’m also keen to get some intimacy back.
The last thing I wanted to share is still in the very early stages but I’m just so excited. I’ve wanted a dog my whole life but have never been able to have one due to us both working full time and renting flats. We now rent a lovely house with a garden and we both WFH, me probably forever going forward. We’ve chatted about it lots but with the miscarriage I’ve just been thinking so much recently that the thought of TTC again feels almost insurmountable. It completely consumed me last time and wasn’t good for my mental health at all. I feel like we’re finally in a place to be able to have a dog, and having one would just be a really great thing for us to focus on and give our energy to while we recover and begin to move forward. I plucked up the courage to text our landlady last night (even though on my discharge notes it said I wasn’t allowed to make any big, life-altering decisions this week ha) and ask her, and she said she didn’t mind!!! I was so excited I literally couldn’t concentrate on anything else the whole evening/today and I just wanted to share it with you ladies. It would honestly be our dream come true. I also went down to see DH this morning who is meant to be working but was actually doing an online quiz to see what breed of dog would best fit us. I nearly cried. I’m trying to not get too excited as we have a huge amount of research to do but the fact we’re even in this position for the first time in our lives makes me so so happy, and has been a nice end to a pretty rubbish week. We’re looking at this more as something we’ve always wanted that could potentially come along at a time when we really need it. My husband was joking that we’d get a puppy and get pregnant the same week and I said if that happened than it would honestly just be perfect and we wouldn’t complain in the slightest.
Phew, SPEECH! Hopefully my ramblings make sense. Sending love to you all xxx