Miscarriage support

[Wearenotyourkind]

Hey. I am currently going through a miscarriage (8 weeks) with my first pregnancy and finding it a pretty lonely process. So I just wondered if anyone else in the same position wanted to join a thread for support etc. I know there are lots of other threads, but it's a bit overwhelming and don't want to just jump on an existing thread 💗

Hello ladies. I wanted to update you on my experience because like many of us, I came to this thread to draw on your experiences to know what was ahead. Thank you to @Poppypip and @Wearenotyourkind for asking after me. It is touching that strangers can be so kind and caring to check in on you.
I went to hospital on Tuesday to take the first tablet to start the medical management and I was booked in for 48 hours later to continue the process. On Wednesday evening I suddenly started bleeding at home and passed out. I ended up in A&E and passed out again. They started the medical management that night. They rescanned me in the morning and I hadn’t passed the sac so I had more tablets. One side affect I found from the tablets was I was extremely cold so if you are booked in for this pack socks. Another side effect which I was told about but I didn’t comprehend was diarrhoea. The tablets work by contracting smooth muscle so it makes you pass the miscarriage but your bowel is also smooth muscle. Everything you pass is examined for foetal tissue so it meant I had to have a nurse carry away my bowel movements too. This made it all feel so much worse.
In my case the bleeding was very sudden and dramatic but it has finished very quickly. I found last week when we were waiting for the mmc to be confirmed was emotionally harder. This week was physically harder and I’m tired after it. I’m sad and numb but I’m no longer bursting into tears. My sympathies to everyone going through this process.

@Rose012020 you poor thing, that sounds like an awful series of events. It may be just bad luck but it sounds like the drs you saw earlier should have noticed that your MC wasn't complete. I really hope they keep you safe now and you don't get further pain or infection.

@Rashboy really sad to hear that you ended up passing out and in hospital, that must have been really scary. I completely agree that you can't process the emotional side of things when you're dealing with the physical aspects. I had a hormone crash the following week which was actually the hardest part I think. I sunk into a dark hole and became really anxious and panicky. I have come out the other side of that now though and can see a hopeful brighter future. For the next few weeks I'm embracing not being pregnant and not trying to get pregnant (first time I've done this since January!) 🥂

@Rashboy that sounds so tough, I hope you are doing ok at home now x

@Wearenotyourkind how are you getting on? No sign of AF yet for me. I think if it's not arrived by the end of next week (which puts me at 6 weeks since MC bleeding ended) I will have to call the GP and see what they can do. I'm just eager to start TTC again and this isn't letting me move on :(

Thank you @mrsssk and @Poppypip. I’m doing ok now. I found it shocking and scary because I had planned going in on Thursday morning on my own terms to start medical management and instead ended up in A&E in a gown because my clothes had to be binned! For a planner this was not good.

I will say for anyone waiting to go through it, I had worried about pain during the medical management. I personally didn’t find it very painful. I would describe it as sore with a few sharp intakes of breath during cramping but it was manageable with paracetamol. Hopefully this will reassure anyone who has to go through this procedure.

At the moment I feel like I want this all over so I can think about ttc again. Did anyone else feel like that?

So sorry to hear your experience @Rashboy. Glad it wasn't too painful for you though. How are you doing now? I felt exactly the same about just wanting it to be over so we could start TTC again. I'm on CD12 now, still spotting slightly after AF, but hoping I'll ovulate next week (usually CD19). I think for me it's about wanting to be able to take some control back, which you feel you have none of during the MC process. Hang in there lovely 💗

Any sign of AF @mrsssk ?
So frustrating! My AF has been longer than normal, but I understand that's to be expected. It hasn't been heavier or more painful though, which I'm pleased about. As I said above, I totally get the frustration of wanting to move on. I can't remember if you said how old you are, but I'm mid 30s and TTC first, so I don't feel like I've got time to waste.

Sending love to everyone else too 💕

How's everyone getting on?

Do you think you ovulated @Wearenotyourkind ? Fingers crossed.

@Rashboy hope you're starting to recover.

Did AF arrive in the end for you @mrsssk ?

I'm hoping AF will arrive this weekend and we will TTC again next cycle. I'm terrified at the thought of not getting pregnant and terrified at the thought of getting pregnant- does anyone else feel the same? I'm also sill up and down emotionally. In some moments I just really miss my babies 💔

How's everyone getting on?

Do you think you ovulated @Wearenotyourkind ? Fingers crossed.

@Rashboy hope you're starting to recover.

Did AF arrive in the end for you @mrsssk ?

I'm hoping AF will arrive this weekend and we will TTC again next cycle. I'm terrified at the thought of not getting pregnant and terrified at the thought of getting pregnant- does anyone else feel the same? I'm also sill up and down emotionally. In some moments I just really miss my babies 💔

I completely get that, just had my second AF start since my MC and it was two days late but I had such mixed emotions and when I came on I kinda felt relieved which is weird. Thought of pregnancy again is so scary! ❤️❤️

Sorry to hear AF turned up @Tbug
It is such a rollercoaster isn't it. Hope you're enjoying a big glass of wine this evening 🥂

Hey @Poppypip. CD21 here and no sign of ovulation. Been doing OPKs since CD12 and not even close to a positive. Plus today I've started spotting so no idea what's going on. I've had a headache everyday since CD1 and have been struggling to sleep well since the MC. In all honestly, I am feeling really low today. Any sign of you AF?

What was your first cycle after MC like @Tbug?

💗

@Wearenotyourkind so sorry to hear that. It's all so crap isn't it. We should be pregnant and we're not and each new challenge we face is another blow. Headaches and difficulties sleeping are enough to make anyone feel low even without all of the other stuff. I hope at least you can take some comfort knowing that you're not suffering on your own, we're all in the same miserable boat 🛶

My period started this morning which is quite a relief. The hormones have not been helping my mood though. I saw my SIL yesterday who is 4 weeks ahead of where I was. I forced smiles and made small talk whilst flashbacks of my MC went round on a loop in my head. I hate that I can't be happy for her without trauma and grief showing up at the same time.

I find it so helpful being able to off load on here. I feel like the real world thinks I should have moved on a bit by now.

I totally agree about being able to offload on here @Poppypip, so thank you so much for your reply. It's just so bloody hard sometimes, isn't it? Glad your AF has arrived, although I hear you on the hormones. Yesterday was horrendous and I felt so low and was having really dark thoughts. I also completely get it with how you're struggling with your SIL. 4 babies of friends/family have arrived since my MC and I've really struggled with that. So I can't imagine how difficult it is to have her only 4 weeks ahead of where you should be. It just all feel so unfair and like everything is outside of my control.

Sorry you're in the same shitty boat but from my point of view, it's good to have you here with me.

Strength in numbers @Wearenotyourkind 💪 💞

I live for the hope that tomorrow might be a slightly less crap day! And there have been times when I've been genuinely happy and relaxed recently, it's just easy to forget that on the low days.

I've found it weirdly comforting listening to the Life After Miscarriage podcast. It's women telling their MC stories and I think I find it validating when they reflect back experiences or feelings that I've had.

I'll give the podcast a listen - thanks for the recommendation. I agree with you about not all days being as bad as this, and I think you're right, it's important to remember that. I do live with depression anyway, so am aware of my tendency for dark thoughts. Today is a new day and instead of being in bed all day like yesterday, I'm going to keep busy and clean the house from top to bottom. I have what I am presuming is AF this morning. So last cycle (if you can even call it that 😂) was 21 days and no ovulation. I'm hoping it's just part of my body's reset after the MC and will try to focus on next cycle and hope it'll be more normal. Thank you for being there 💗

@Wearenotyourkind in that case we are both on cycle day 1. A fresh start with (hopefully) reset bodies. But full of hormones which put the dark filter over our minds and give us cramps and headaches! Keeping busy doing mindless tasks has definitely helped me, although I have spent other times just lying in the bath crying. It's all about balance! We definitely shouldn't be giving up all hope yet ✨💖✨

We are cycle buddies now then 🌈 you are so right about balance too. Thank you so much, you have helped me immensely 💜

@Wearenotyourkind you too 💜 I really needed someone who understood today. I was googling councillors this morning but I actually think this group provides me with what I need for now 🌈🌞

Hi all. It's been a while since I posted- I have been going through some dark times and then other days when I think I have tried to avoid anything miscarriage or even baby related. I have been struggling in general and feel like things are almost getting worse rather than better. I hope its okay to rant here for a bit- been a rough day of lying in bed and crying after a walk in the park with far too many prams around!

I thought I would at least feel like I was moving forward with things by now. But the sadness still feels quite constant and although I'm functioning, I feel like I'm doing everything behind a film of glass. I feel removed from everything and any transient enjoyment doesn't feel quite real. I am starting to wonder whether it is becoming more of a mental health issue. A couple of talks with professionals recently have suggested an element of trauma which makes sense considering the experience of the miscarriage- I'm hoping to start some private therapy whilst waiting for some specific trauma therapy on the NHS. I hope that helps but hope is in short supply right now and I am contemplating medication which I know isn't ideal whilst TTC. But not sure how much longer I can feel like this.

I'm also about to start my second period after the miscarriage- I know this as I have had my usual spotting but also really bad pms symptoms. I had pms before the miscarriage but not like this- the tiredness and headaches plus aggravating tmj pain (emotional tension probably isn't helping this) are really awful. Is anyone else getting worse pms since the miscarriage?

I've also been back to work for 4 weeks on gradual return and have struggled so much to be around my colleagues (family/baby talk is pretty incessant where I work) that I am now wfh for the next few weeks. I hope that will give me some breathing space whilst I still get used to doing my job again. But I don't feel good about work and if I'm honest, I'm not really enjoying it which is another thing that worries me.

So that's me Sorry for the long post. Am going to try to catch up on the thread a bit more and would love to hear how all of you are doing.

Hello @goldflakepaint. Thank you so much for posting. I’m two weeks on from my mmc and I feel the same way as you. It is so good to hear from someone else who gets it.
Last week I was burning up with an anger and a rage where I could smash everything but that has passed and now I feel so low.
Your comment about hope being in short supply really resonated with me. I think this Covid situation has made things so much harder. I look to the year ahead and I can’t see anything positive to look forward too. I even asked my husband did he see anything happy coming up and he said “you always like Christmas”. That really made me feel awful that the only happy thing in our lives is a world wide festival in 5 months time. We probably won’t have a holiday because of all the restrictions and it is so expensive. It feels so pointless.
I too am having dark days and I’m finding them really hard. Maybe it helps to know that there is someone out there who feels like you. I’m waiting for the sun to shine through this dark cloud but it hasn’t come yet.

So sorry to hear you've been feeling crap @Rashboy and @goldflakepaint

@Wearenotyourkind and I are very much in the same boat. I have occasional days where the world seems rosy but then crash back down the next day. I think the difficult feelings are just under the surface for me and the smallest thing tips me over the edge.

@goldflakepaint I've just had my first period since MMC and PMS was definitely so much worse than I've ever had it before. My poor OH doesn't know if he's coming or going. He can leave the room and I'm fine and comes back in to me in floods of tears, he's always paranoid that he's done something wrong.

We're going to start TTC again but I know getting pregnant won't fix my mental health. I think my anxiety might actually get worse if I get a BFP but then my low mood will get worse if I don't... rock and hard place!

@Rashboy Hi, thanks for responding and it does mean so much to know other people feel the same way. This whole thing is so lonely, its like going through a natural disaster, watching your entire life turn into rubble and yet everyone else is just continuing on- I just want to scream at them 'but there has been an earthquake!'. Knowing of course that for them nothing has changed, really. I know our partners/friends/family go through it with us but I agree with you that COVID-19 makes it all particularly crappy as we still can't do a lot of the things we might normally do to help feel better. I hold a serious grudge against corona for the fact that it meant that I had to go through the traumatic experience of the miscarriage by myself.

I'm so sorry for your loss- it is a horrible thing to go through and must still be very raw for you. I really hope there is much more than just Christmas (as great as it is) for you to look forward to soon

@Poppypip Lovely to hear from you. It is good to know that you have always experienced worse pms- my partner has also commented on my mood swings in the last few days. I guess it may just take some time for our hormones to settle down plus we're all going through such a difficult time anyway.

I also really relate to what you said about becoming pregnant again being likely to spike anxiety- but not being pregnant prolonging low mood. It is such a weird and complicated place to be in. AF is due today and hasn't arrived yet so of course I can feel myself convincing myself that these symptoms are now signs of early pregnancy (despite the usual spotting). But realistically I think more likely that I don't know what my new normal is for my cycle at the moment. It's almost worse having a cycle where I got pregnant to compare symptoms too!

I think it helps me a little to know that lots of couples have managed to cope with pregnancy after loss and there is a lot of support out there.

Hi everyone. Thought I’d join.

I have just miscarried at 6 weeks. I started spotting much earlier, but passed a clot which I now believe to have been the pregnancy at exactly 6 weeks. So in my mind that’s when it ended.

I was very upset when I started spotting, it was every other day and when it stopped I’d reassure myself that everything was ok, start getting excited for my pregnancy and look forward.

Heavier bleeding started and thankfully the EPU saw me and a scan confirmed I’d passed the pregnancy.

Whilst in hospital I felt relief to finally know. But as a couple of days have passed I’m feeling more of a sadness and loss. I also feel really upset that I didn’t recognise the clot for what it was. I took a photo and keep referring back to it. I’m not sure that’s helpful or not. I wish I’d given it a better look and not just thrown it in the bin.

I am incredibly blessed to have a healthy 16 month old toddler. But feeling some Mum guilt for craving a bit of space too.

I told my boss who was very understanding and asked if I’d like some time off. I said no, which I now regret as I’m finding it really hard to focus and find meaning in my work. Hence I’m here and now focusing.

Also feeling pretty angry that my SIL and DB who experienced a miscarriage used it as an excuse to treat me really badly (my SIL stopped talking to me when I announced my first pregnancy and hasn’t really spoken since). I feel really angry that they directed their grief at me and treated me badly because of their loss. I don’t feel I needed to experience a loss to appreciate the gravity of it and still feel that way now. I was under no illusion that a miscarriage is an incredibly difficult experience.

Thanks for letting me share.

Hi everyone. Sorry I've not replied in a while. So sorry for what you've been through @HogDogKetchup and no wonder you feel so upset the your brother and SIL. Please continue to share here, if it feels helpful. Lots of us have taken comfort in sharing with others who understand and allow us to feel less alone through all of this.

How are you both doing @goldflakepaint and @Rashboy? I agree with the PMS - my mood was so low last weekend, I was having suicidal thoughts. The trauma thing also really resonates @goldflakepaint. I also totally relate to what you were saying about work - there are times at the moment I feel like I am half a social worker - covid and MC have stolen my other 50%. I do have some very supportive colleagues though that I have confided in.

How are you @Poppypip?

CD9 here and just coming to the end of another longer AF. No heavier or more painful though, just longer. Really hoping my cycle sorts itself out now and I ovulate this month.

Is anyone else still struggling to sleep since their MC? It's so frustrating.

How is everyone? Im feeling super shit, keep crying always thinking how pregnant I would be. And everyone said 'youre fertile after miscarriage' and three months later, AF just came and is so bloody painful and im fed up. Also, it feels like everywhere I look people are announcing pregnancys 😭😭😭 sorry needed a rant, hope you're all okay ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Hi all,
I’m so sorry for your losses and send lots of hugs for those going through this.
I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage 3 1/2 weeks ago, due to mix up with scans and dating I couldn’t have my medically managed miscarriage until 2 days ago. It all went well, I stayed in for the day and I was surprised as to how pain free it was (I’d read horror stories about it all...)
Since coming home, I have felt well and have a little expected bleeding, I was told I’d passed the majority of the tissues but there may be more small amounts to come. I just wondered 2 things:
Did anyone else who has experienced this feel sore and get twinges of pain for a few days after? Not bad enough that paracetamol won’t help but I guess more like muscular pain, a kind of stiffness in the pelvis area?
Secondly, I’m an active person, running is my headspace and I haven’t yet done this...I’ve read not to rush back into exercise...how long did anyone leave it before exercising again? (Other than walking!)
Mentally, I feel sadder now that it’s so final and done than I did when I was backwards and forwards to the EPU, even though I knew it wasn’t happening...it’s a strange, empty kind of sad.
I’ve got a brilliant partner and network of family and friends around me but I don’t think I realised how common miscarriage is...until you experience it and tell people.
Anyway thank you for the opportunity to put out my thoughts, again sending hugs to anyone going through a really tough time. Xx