Miscarriage support

[Wearenotyourkind]

Hey. I am currently going through a miscarriage (8 weeks) with my first pregnancy and finding it a pretty lonely process. So I just wondered if anyone else in the same position wanted to join a thread for support etc. I know there are lots of other threads, but it's a bit overwhelming and don't want to just jump on an existing thread 💗

Hey @Tbug so sorry you are feeling so down lovely. I really relate to what you wrote. It's fucking horrendous, isn't it. We've been through so much. And everything just feels out of our control. I am still trying to take one day at a time. Even 3 months on. Any more than that and it feels too overwhelming. Please be kind to yourself 💗

How have your cycles been since the MC? Mine still have a mind of their own. It's so frustrating. I've been bleeding now continuously for 27 days. No sign of ovulation since the MC either. Am wondering if I should speak to GP.

How are you doing @Poppypip?

Sorry for your loss @Chlob83 💕 I opted for natural management, so can't help with advice about medical management. But I'm sure someone else will be able to help.

@Wearenotyourkind fucking horrendous is the perfect way to describe it. So true, do have to take it day by day ❤️ my cycles are back to normal, pretty sure im ovulating, but took 13 months to get pregnant so don't know why I thought it would be quick 2nd time, everyone saying I'd be fertile didn't help 😳 defo call your GP, they might be able to do blood tests etc. Sending hugs xxx

Oh my AF is so much more painful aswell, 1st day I come on, I literally cannot move 😢

That's good news you're ovulating at least @Tbug. It took us 9 months the 1st time and the thought of it taking another 9 months is just too much to bear - I really get where you're coming from with this. Been to a 1st birthday party today and just about killed me 💔 do you get any flashbacks about the MC at all? Sending love xx

Hi @Tbug thanks for checking in again and sorry you're still feeling rubbish. I keep thinking 'I should be over this by now' but in reality when someone announced their pregnancy in a work meeting last week (due in jan just like I was meant to be second time around), I left the call and burst into tears. 5 of my best friends are pregnant... I'm happy for them but every comment reminds me of my heartbreak or triggers flashbacks to the awful experiences I had in place of their joyful ones. In summary, I agree, this is really crap!

@Wearenotyourkind I would definitely go and speak to the GP, that sounds so frustrating.

@Chlob83 glad you had a fairly pain free experience. I had the kind of muscular aches you describe after my medical management. I wondered if it was ligaments tightening up again because our bodies changed so much, even after just a few weeks of pregnancy. I found a post miscarriage yoga class on yoytube, it felt great to gently stretch out and to take some time to be kind to my body. With running I would just do what feels good to you, don't push yourself but don't deprive yourself either.

I'm working with a miscarriage counsellor now. I was a bit ambivalent about starting but really glad I did. She's a specialist and so kind and easy to talk to.

My new worry is that I might be hyper fertile. Sounds great in theory but it means that instead of screening out really unviable blastocysts before implantation, any old rubbish implants and will then inevitably miscarry. I guess it means eventually there might be a healthy one but it potentially means going through a miscarriage for every month of TTC. I don't know if I want to be pregnant or not this month because if I am it probably confirms my theory.

Thank you for the advice @Poppypip and the kind words @Wearenotyourkind.
It’s been 5 days now and the aches are still there but are a little better now. I went for a run yesterday and it felt so good therefore I had a better day mentally. I’ve also been busy all day today so although I woke up feeling wobbly, I feel so much better now.
It’s so great that you have someone to talk to about things...my best friend has been in a similar situation to me so she has been amazing.
I’m now in the phase of ‘what if a miscarriage happens again’, ‘what if I now don’t even get pregnant again’... I’ve been told these are normal thought patterns...the thing is I’m also 37 so don’t feel age and time are on my side with this...but on the positive I like to think I’m fit and healthy so have that to my advantage (?!)
Hoping to heal and try to remain relaxed and positive about things (sooo tricky!)
Try to keep your chin up...sounds like you are heading in the right direction! Talking to the right person/people definitely helps. 😊

Just thought I'd check in to see how everyone is doing now? If you're anything like me, things are still up and down...good days and bad days. I am due to start some counselling soon though, so I'm hoping that helps. Sending love to you all 💕

Hope everyone is okay!! I stupidly thought I'd take a test today cos I have symptoms and just feel different but of course BFN 😡 hate TTC so much!

That sucks! I'm so sorry @Tbug ☹️ I feel your pain. I hope you are being kind to yourself 💗

You ok @Wearenotyourkind? I bought a book called 'the brink of being' it's bringing me a lot of comfort ❤️

I read that too! Right after the MC. Also found it really helpful. I have to go for another scan (to measure the fibroid) and I feel so anxious about going back to the same place in the hospital where the MC was confirmed. The journey is so bloody hard, isn't it xx

@Wearenotyourkind I bet, I would find that hard too, I hope it goes okay. I work at the hospital where I had mine so there's always a horrid reminder :(...and soo hard, harder than I could have ever imagined xxxx

Hi all. I took a bit of a break from MN but the craziness of the TWW has drawn me back in! I've spent every weekend for the last month with pregnant friends and family and it wore me down. I just want to feel ok again but tiny things can still set me off.

Sorry to hear that you're also still feeling down and anxious @Tbug and @Wearenotyourkind

Hope you're finding the counselling helpful @Hopeisaprison

Oops that was a bit of a name change fail there! Hopeisaprison is also me 😬

Lovely to hear from you @Poppypip. How are you feeling?

@Wearenotyourkind that makes more sense! Did you see your GP about your cycles in the end? I hope things have regulated themselves a bit?

I'm definitely still up and down. I'm hoping this month we might have timed everything right and we might get lucky but I am also terrified of being pregnant again. It almost feels like a form of self harm willingly entering into something that could cause so much physical and emotional pain all over again.

@Tbug it sounds so hard having to go back into the hospital for work. The constant reminders must be exhausting. Are you definitely not pregnant this month?

X

@Poppypip no AF came in full force lol, gunna ask Dr to do bloods this month to check estrogen levels etc. I get what you say about being scared to be pregnant again! Doesn't help everyone told me it's easier to get pregnant after mc xx

Sorry to hear about AF @Tbug. It never gets easier, does it. How are you getting on at work now? I can't imagine how difficult it is to work in the hospital right now.

I did speak to GP @Poppypip but by that time my cycle appears to have settled. After the full month of bleeding, I had 4 days of no bleeding and then had a normal period. Am now CD20, so will see what happens for the rest of this cycle.

I absolutely get what you're saying about the worries of getting pregnant again. It feels like a double edged sword. Did you look into counselling in the end? I am due to start some soon through work. I also really feel your pain with your friend and others around you being pregnant. It's so fucking hard and so many mixed emotions flying around for us.

How are you doing @Chlob83?

Hope everyone else is hanging in there 💜

Hi everyone - I know this thread naturally went a bit quiet, which is absolutely fine. Hopefully it means you're all doing okay 💜But I just wanted to add a message to say I am still here and thinking of you all. My due date is fast approaching (Christmas), so am aware that this may be the same for some of you. I also wondered if we had any good news of anybody that has conceived again? Sending love ❤️

Hi @Wearenotyourkind 👋 Thank you for getting back in touch.

It continues to be an emotional rollercoaster at this end. I feel incredibly lucky as we managed to get pregnant again fairly quickly. I'm 11+5 today which is a new record for me but means I've spent six months of this year in the first trimester (across 3 pregnancies). I thought I would be happy when I found out but just cried because I was so terrified of what might come next. Every week the pregnancy continued I just thought that the miscarriage would be so much worse because the baby is bigger. I'm slowly starting to believe that this one might stick now (3 scans so far suggest it's going well) but still feeling very detached from it all. Still working with miscarriage counsellor which helps. Sorry if this is difficult news for anyone to read, I know I'm in a really lucky position and I don't take that for granted at all.

How are you getting on @Wearenotyourkind and anyone else whose still around?

Hi @Poppypip lovely to hear from you. Wow, what a doubled edged sword for you. But huge congratulations! I absolutely understand how you must be feeling and what an anxious time it must be for you. But amazing news that things seem to be progressing well. I'm glad to hear you've got support from the miscarriage counsellor.

We are still TTC - almost at the 18 month point now, which is difficult. I'm still continuing with the counselling too and have also been having acupuncture. The GP is now referring to consultant. I've also had blood tests and an ultrasound. What should have been my due date is coming up at xmas and that's really fucking hard. This journey is just so hard for some of us, isn't it. Sending love to you and anyone else that's still reading the thread 💗

Thank you @Wearenotyourkind I am in a very luck position.

Sorry to hear your no further forwards with everything. Is there any chance of having some tests privately to speed things up? I definitely relate to the due date being difficult. Our first was due at the end of October. It was actually quite nice that it was around the time of baby loss awareness week. We lit a candle for the little one and my OH had it burning every evening when I got home until the candle ran out 💞 Our next due date is NY which will be tough too. Will you do something to mark the date? Our babies were so very loved. X

Can I jump on?
Had bleeding and cramping, went to hospital where they did an emergency scan which showed no heartbeat. Yesterday would have been my 12 week scan.
I am completely broken.
Made so much worse by the fact that I have 4 stepkids from DH's first marriage. I love them very much and we have a great relationship.
They are due this weekend. Am I being a bitch for saying I can't do it this weekend and they need to stay at their mums? (We have 40/50 care). I am having the surgery tomorrow. I am completely broken. I don't want them to see me like this. Problem is it's two of their birthdays before Christmas and then Christmas itself so I can't put it off forever.
I feel like no one understands. My friend (not a atepparent) says she can't even walk past a nursery near her house yet I'm meant to be okay with having 4 kids in my house that arent and never will be mine, with DH all over them being an amazing dad, and me just sitting there having lost my own. I'm so resentful of his ex, a shit mum, who gave him 4 and I can't even give him 1.

Would I be unreasonable to say no to them coming this weekend? It's still so raw, it wont even have been a week and I will have just come out of surgery.

They knew i was pregnant and were so excited.
Should DH go over and tell them?

Being a stepparent at the moment is just an extra layer of shit on top of everything else.

@YoungScrappyHungry I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like such a difficult situation and it's understandable that you're not feeling up to child care. Either ask for them to stay with their mum or explain that you're sick and shut yourself in your room and watch box sets and get their dad to take them out. You need time to physically and mentally recover but eventually the kids might help you with that. Like you said, they will grieve with you because they've lost their little brother or sister. Look after yourself

@Wearenotyourkind I thought of this thread and you the other day!! I'm still TTC 😫 my due date would have been next Sunday, did think I'd be pregnant again bu then :( hope you're okay! 20 months TTC ish now :(

And congratulations @Poppypip!!! 🤩🤩🤩