Miscarriage support

[Wearenotyourkind]

Hey. I am currently going through a miscarriage (8 weeks) with my first pregnancy and finding it a pretty lonely process. So I just wondered if anyone else in the same position wanted to join a thread for support etc. I know there are lots of other threads, but it's a bit overwhelming and don't want to just jump on an existing thread 💗

You guys all seem to know the good books to read!

I don't know what to order, i think I want to read something UK-research based as USA-maternity health terrifies me so I'm v apprehensive on their takes on miscarriage.

I'd like to read something explaining the science a bit more in depth, i'm finding a lot of support from my family and friends so I think what i'd need is a kind of guide on moving foward like modern studies, progesterone research, asprin for clot prevention, age research stuff, that sort of thing.

@GingerCalico I'm hoping that is what the book I've ordered will offer. The author is a professor and consultant at St Mary's and Imperial in London and it looks like she know her stuff.

@RamboBambino2016 Completely agree that it is hard to tell people what you need- I much prefer being the supportive one rather than the one being supported! Well done with the facebook page, its very brave to be honest about something this difficult.

@GingerCalico Our experiences sound so similar. I also almost needed a blood transfusion and had to do a lot of resting. Have you been put on iron supplements? I think if your haemoglobin is low, that should be happening. I think its also important to remember that it is absolutely to be expected that you would be focusing initially on physically getting through things- that's survival mode kicking in. I remember feeling almost euphoric when I left hospital which was so confusing as I had just lost a baby and had been so sad previously. But again, it's a natural rush from having survived something terrifying. The emotions hit afterwards once I knew I was safe. Try to be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling. And make sure you rest as much as you need to- if it helps I started feeling more like myself about two weeks after coming out of hospital so you should feel better soon. Just take the time and get advice from GP if you become concerned about anything physically or if you stay exhausted for a long period of time.

@Wearenotyourkind I also have that book on my kindle as the next thing to read! I understand your worries about work- I am in a similar field (mental health) and it is hard to imagine holding the difficulties of others when you are still going through an incredibly hard time yourself. I don't know if this is something you would want or something that is possible but just wondering if your employers aware and whether they are able to make some adjustments for you? I think at this time in particular, its okay to operate under airline rules- put your own mask on first

@Snapper81 I was thinking about buying 'It Starts with the Egg' at some point. And you guys definitely deserve the break in August.

@Poppypip Glad to hear your first day went okay. Mine wasn't too painful considering that I spent most of the time trying to get into the computer system and finished at 1.30!

I am a bit all over the place today, adjusting to being back at work and also feels like period is on its way. I have started spotting and having some pretty bad PMS symptoms. Not helped by a vague fertility referral letter which seemed to be offering me an appointment- I had been told by consultant in the hospital that we were no longer eligible for anything on the NHS due to getting pregnant. I got excited about the letter as waiting list for appointment is relatively short (4-6 weeks) and even being able to just get further investigations on the NHS would help financially but there's a weird clause in there which seems to suggest that even after being put on the waiting list for an appointment, a consultant may deem our referral inappropriate. So realising that got me feeling seriously crap again and I felt weirdly agitated and emotional for the rest of the night.

Hence the long message. Sorry guys- it is really nice to speak to you all knowing we are going through similar things. Going to try to calm down and get some sleep now

Hi ladies. Is it ok if I join you?
I had some brown spotting on Sunday and they confirmed on Monday at the scan that it’s a mmc. I was 10.5 weeks but the baby is measuring 6.6 weeks and no heartbeat. So now I have to wait until next week for another scan to confirm and they will then discuss my options.
But I feel like I’m in limbo. My husband and I are the only ones who knew I was pregnant. We were waiting for the 12 week scan to tell them. It feels horrible to tell everyone oh I was pregnant but I’m not now. I feel I can’t tell anyone I’ve had a mc because I haven’t. I’ve had a scan and I’m waiting. I’m scared it’s going to be painful and how much I will bleed. Will I wake in the night bleeding or will I end up in hospital having surgery? I’m a planner and I like to face the worst head on but I can’t cope with this limbo. I’m now not pregnant but I’m actually 11 weeks and my body is acting and growing as if I was. Anyone for a handhold out there?

@Rashboy I am so sorry to hear your story. I was in exactly your position just over 4 weeks ago (although it feels like a lifetime). I would definitely encourage you to speak to a couple of trusted people IRL. Being in this limbo phase is horrible but feeling like you're on your own is even worse. If you've had some spotting then things may progress naturally. Between us on this thread we have experience of natural, medical and surgery- it's a personal choice and there are pros and cons to each. Reading up on the options may help to make you feel a bit more in control. I found if I was expecting something to happen then I could cope with it, even if it was awful, but any surprises threw me off completely. Try and distract yourself and do some nice things. Sending so much love 💕

@goldflakepaint stop youre going to make me blub! You have a good way with kind words, im terrible when im going through tough times and if people are too kind to me I completely lose it! I think I operate on 'holding it together' quite well but actually its all paper thin and i'm a soppy sort at heart

@Poppypip Thank you for your kind words. This thread and reading about other people’s experiences has really helped me.
One of my in laws is 7 months pregnant and none of the family have met up due to lockdown. With restrictions lifting the family will be meeting up soon and I don’t know how I will deal with it. I can bear the idea of being in the same room as them while everyone congratulates them on their wonderful news and how great it will be to have a little baby in the family while I will probably still be bleeding from the loss of my baby. I don’t begrudge them their happiness and it will be lovely for all the family to have a new baby but it makes me want to scream. I’m going to have to plaster on a smile but that was hard enough to do when they got pregnant immediately while we had been trying for two years.

@Rashboy sorry that you find yourself in here too. I hope we can give you as much support as I have received from the ladies here.
@GingerCalico I really recommend it starts with the egg- it's very scientific yet manageable for non sciencey people. I read it in one day cos I found it fascinating...and once I've got the ok from my doctor, I plan to put a lot of the suggestions into action.

@Rashboy So sorry you are going through this. I also had a mmc where baby stopped developing at 8 weeks but we didn't find out until private scan a week later. I also know that horrible feeling of not being in control as I am a planner too. I agree with @Poppypip about leaning on your friends and family- its pretty common to not tell everyone in the early days so people will understand that. It is your decision of course so do what is right for you but you have had a loss regardless of what stage it is. It is the hardest thing in the world and you absolutely have the right to need and receive support.

Also I completely understand the fear and uncertainity of not knowing what is going to happen. I felt that way as well and would not have chosen to have the miscarriage naturally but that is what happened for me. The pain was nowhere near as bad as I expected (although everyone is different). I hope you do get whatever your preferred option is but remember that we often don't know our own strength and ability to cope. You're already so strong just to be getting through this part

@GingerCalico Thanks, that was a lovely message to read this morning! You're right, it can be really hard to accept kindness. All of us deserve all the kindness in the world right now though.

And yeah, it can be a hard area to work in when you are going through your own stuff- I definitely feel that way at the moment and feel pretty useless and ineffectual. Luckily, I have understanding colleagues and managers who are allowing me to ease back into work which I think is better for everyone.

@Snapper81 Can I ask re 'it starts with the egg'- is there a lot to the plans that they advise you to go with? I read a review and feel like the 'intermediate' plan would be relevant to us but that it may work out very costly. What kind of things are you thinking about changing if your doctor says its okay?

@Rashboy I dont think i could manage that you must be very selfless, for me it would feel far too much too soon and i'd feel like i would be shit company anyway as i cant pretend to be happy very well, people see through me right away!

Ive seen a few threads RE guilt around other pregnant ladies when were still in the middle of our own trauma, surely its alright to make an excuse and see them a little later on?

Put it this way - if i were happily pregnant one day (fingers crossed) and a friend came to see me going through what i had, and was just barely holding it together for my sake, i'd feel absolutely awful. Interestingly though, i've heard that being around pregnant ladies and newborns is the worst, but once they're a few months older it can be wonderful?

Thank you for the lovely replies @goldflakepaint, @Snapper81 and @GingerCalico. I have found miscarriage shrouded in secrecy and it feels like I am now part of a secret survivors club. I really dislike this waiting period between scans to confirm the pregnancy isn’t viable. I understand the need to do this to ensure that the sonagrapher hasn’t made a mistake but it feels like a cruel, dragged out process. I had vaguely heard of missed miscarriage but I thought they were rare and acted upon immediately. I had thought most miscarriages were when you spontaneously started to bleed. But the thought that this process could drag out for weeks seems tortuous and I’m in awe of you ladies that have gone through it.

@goldflake there are different plans based on your individual circumstances. They cover recurrant miscarriage, older women (35+), IVF, PCOS etc and then give you suggested supplements and quantities. There is diet advice too.
For me, I've already started reducing the amount of plastic I have in the house. I'm already a vegan (this isnt one of the recommendations) so I eat lots of fruit and veg and healthy fats (this is recommended). Vitamin D and folate is recommended 3 months before ttc and I never stopped taking those. Been taking them since November now. She highly suggests Coq10. I've seen that it's in male wellman reproduction tablets anyway- I havent looked at the womens' but that is one I definitely want to speak to my dc about. There are more that o cant remember right now. All her recommendations are backed up with studies and are sited so people can make their own informed decisions but I would defo speak to a doctor before going ahead with anything. What gave me hope is that she explained that chromosonal abnormalities in the egg only happen around 3 months before it is fertilized and you can potentially give your eggs a better chance. I thought that as we age, the eggs just decline in numbers and 'goodness' and there's nothing you can do about it.
I think its worth a read anyway. If anything, I feel a lot more educated about how female reproduction works.

Hi everyone. Just checking in to see how you all are?

I'm back at work now, but my manager suggested a phased return, so I'm just doing mornings for a bit. Have only managed to get through the hundreds of emails and find out what's happening with all my clients so far. I've had some spotting for the last 2 days, so not sure if AF is coming. I'm due to take another pregnancy test next a Tuesday, so hopefully it'll be negative this time. My husband and I talked about trying again yesterday and we are both in agreement to start again after my first AF. I can't remember if I mentioned that a large fibroid was picked up on my scans, so not sure if I'll need to be referred back to gynae for this. I've had 2 surgeries in the last few years to remove fibroids. Another spanner in my stupid works.

Sending love to all 💕

@Wearenotyourkind i have a fibroid too, it was found on the outside of my womb at my first ever MC related scan then its just... never been mentioned again? (2x more scans later)

What happened with yours? Were they in a tricky place that warranted surgery?

Hey @GingerCalico the 2 I previously had removed were causing absolute havoc and really affected my day to day life. I was bleeding heavily for months at a time, with huge clots and frequent flooding. They were both supposed to be removed in the first surgery but I was bleeding so much, they were only able to remove one. So I had another operation to remove the other one. All of this delayed our TTC journey by about 2 years as I had to stay on the pill (and all the bleeding was not so sexy). I didn't know another one had grown as no symptoms at all with it, it was only picked up on my MC scan. Have you had any symptoms from yours at all?

Oh my god that sounds so aweful what a thing to go through when youre TTC

No i havent had any symptoms off of mine touch wood but i did suffer from a weird 6-week long period about 1yr ago which i had numerous tests on and everything came back fine? That was when i was on the pill, when i came off it the stupidly-long periods stopped thank god

Got me thinking though that i'll mention it again at the Dr's as have an ominous feeling my TTC journey will be a long journey :(

Hi ladies, I thought i would share some of the results of my tests that started yesterday. I really wasn't expecting to find anything out yet - just have a lot of blood work done and an internal scan. Well, what the doctor found out is that I have endometriosis. I had no idea. I don't experience any pain, no heavy periods etc. He also told me I have diminished ovary reserves. It was really quite depressing. I've been doing loads of research since I got back yesterday and it looks like my chances of having a successful pregnancy without intervention are very slim. I was told that my immune system is attacking my embryos (hence the two miscarriages) so it is likely to keep happening. I've researched that there is medication that can be taken for this. Once my blood work comes back he'll let me know if there is anything else as it could be a number of complications.
I'm going in to have an endometrium biopsy in three weeks and until then, I'm taking hormones to bring on my period (still hasn't arrived yet since the last miscarriage) and thicken my lining which is currently non-existent.
It's been an awful lot to take in. I'm still not really over the miscarriages yet and I've found myself grieving for my first loss all over again. I know its not my 'fault' but it's horrible hearing that it was my body that attacked the developing babies.
I've spoken to an endometriosis support line worker today and she has pointed me in the direction of the most up to date literature and given me the details of my local endometriosis accredited centre. I feel like I've got so much to learn and understand and if I do decided to try for another baby, I now know it's going to be a journey full of hospital appointments, drugs, hormones, possible IVF and even surgery to remove cysts. It's really quite overwhelming. It also makes me realise how AMAZING my little girl is to have come along naturally and so successfully. I'm so lucky x

Hi Ladies,

Hope you're all doing ok. Sorry I've been very inactive on social media etc as just wanted a break for my mental health. I went back to work on 23rd June and just concentrated on that for a week.
Glad you've at least got some tests done @Snapper81 and hopefully now there is a way forward.

I feel in a better place mentally and might try some of the books mentioned here.

Just wondering if AFs have started coming back?
I'm 4 weeks from when the bleeding started but no sign of AF though I did have some spotting over the weekend which was really confusing.
X

@wearenotyourkind just read that you had the same spotting I had over the weekend and think we sadly mc at similar time. Has your AF returned? We've also decided to start trying again ASAP when AF has been and gone x

Gosh @Snapper81 that sounds like a lot to take in :( can I ask why you had the tests in the first place? Like what were the causes that lead the Dr's to scan for something deeper thats causing issues rather than the famous 'its just one of those things' we all got

So glad you have your little girl to look to during this time though :)

@GingerCalico I had two consecutive miscarriages- one in February and one last month and I'm 39 so because of my age, I was offered tests. Usually they're offered after 3 miscarriages but once you're older, they will test after 2.
The internal scan is one of many tests they do. We're still waiting for my blood tests and husband's sperm.

Hi all. I also took a social media break which I think was good for me. I had a (pretty much) negative pregnancy test yesterday which I'm pleased about. We're going to try again next month. TBH I'm mostly just preparing for MC no 3 in a self preservation approach. I've read most of Miscarriage What Every Woman Needs to Know. It's quite dense science and I've learnt some stuff but it's possibly just made me more paranoid about all the things that can go wrong!

@Rashboy have you met up with family yet. I feel your pain. My SIL is 4 weeks ahead of where I was and although I'm so happy for them, I can't think about their baby without my heart breaking. My mum started telling me about a quilt she's making for the baby with no recognition that it might be hard for me to hear.

@Wearenotyourkind sorry to hear about your fibroids. It does feel like one thing after another doesn't it. I had a large dermoid cyst identified at the same time as being told the baby was measuring small. The wait for gynae is so long though!

@Snapper81 what a lot for you to take in 😔 Do you mind me asking how they know that your immune system is attacking the embryos? Seems like you're really getting up to speed on the research which I hope will empower you. Your little girl really is amazing. Really understandable that you're still grieving your losses little ones too though.

@GingerCalico fingers and toes crossed that you get lucky next time. We have to keep believing that the statistics are still in our favour.

@mrsssk hope work is going ok. I'm the least efficient employee ever at the moment I think! I'm really struggling to focus on the million admin tasks I have to do. I'm not expecting AF for at least another 2 weeks if I count from when my BBT dropped, rather than when I had medical management.

Hey gang. Sorry been a bit quiet on here - back at work now and been busy catching up. AF arrived ok Sunday - 1st one since MC. Not really much different from my normal flow. Although might be a day or two longer. I'm planning to get back to using OPKs and start trying again once AF has gone. I did another pregnancy test on Tuesday this week. It was much fainter, but still positive. I'm hoping this means it's going in the right direction though. Fingers crossed the next one is negative (the only negative I want!).

Sorry to hear about the endometriosis @Snapper81. That must have been quite a shock with none of the classic symptoms. How are you feeling now? Any sign of AF? I can absolutely understand you feeling completely overwhelmed with it all. Sending much love to you 💗

Any sign of your AF now @mrsssk? How are you getting on back at work? 💕

How are you @Poppypip? Glad s social media break helped. I've never been on any socials and that's just the way I like it 💖

So sorry for your loss @Rashboy. I can relate to the awful wait between scans as I had this too. It just seems so cruel. How are you doing now? You will find the strength you need from somewhere like we all did 💞

How are you @goldflakepaint? Hope work is okay? 💓

Are you back at work now @Cheeseandcrumpets? Hope it's been okay for you 💘

Hello girls... I hope someone can help me with my issues.
I had a missed miscarriage end of April. I took cytotec because I was worried that with D&C I could develop scarring/adhesions. But it didn’t work properly, so I ended up having D&C. After 3 days I had infection (fever and high CRP). I had amoxicillin and it worked. But some days later, I started to have abdominal pains and small bleedings. So I went back to the doctor. I still had a small piece of retained placenta. The doctor decided to removed it with hysteroscopy (9th June). I was started to feel OK (no pain, no bleeding) and waiting for my period, but two days ago, I started to have again abdominal pain (different than the cramps for the period). I cannot do too much effort because the pain increases. Today I went to a new doctor and he saw in the ultrasound fluids in my womb. He is worried that I could develop adhesions. They are testing me if I am having infection. And for now, he gave me Duphaston to force my period to come. I will see him back in a month.
Has anyone experienced similar complications after D&C and pain for so long?
I don’t really understand why I am having so many complications. I blame my previous doctor, or is it just I am really so unlucky? 😔

Hi @Rose012020 I'm am so sorry you are having to go through this. This sounds awful. I'm afraid I can't offer any advice as I did not have a D&C, but I'm sure someone else will be along soon to be more helpful 💗