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Missed Miscarriage
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Hol54321 · 21/04/2020 14:31

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

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Chanel05 · 21/04/2020 14:36

I'm sorry to read what you're going through OP. Thanks I had a mmc last April and it was the worst time of my life. Give yourself time to grieve and you don't need to rush into any decisions on how to end the pregnancy. I spent three weeks debating it. Again, I'm so very sorry that you're going through this.

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mum707 · 21/04/2020 14:38

I know its tough time, please be strong. Have they advised for another scan to confirm?

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Mc3209 · 21/04/2020 14:39

@Hol54321 I am so sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to you. Sending you lots of hugs and strength to get though these difficult times. Please look after yourself. xx

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Hoping11 · 21/04/2020 14:42

Im so sorry. I have experienced the same pain and it is indescribable - it hit me so, so hard. I really feel for you. I can promise you that there will be lighter days at the end of this tunnel. Take each day as it comes and navigate this as gently as you can. Take care of yourself x

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eventhecathasapenis · 21/04/2020 14:44

I am sorry for your loss. I had a MMC in October last year and the shock is awful. Give yourself time to heal and have a good cry. You will conceive again when you're ready and you can have earlier scans for reassurance at that point.

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zscaler · 21/04/2020 14:55

I am so very sorry Flowers

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Hol54321 · 21/04/2020 14:58

Thank you so much everyone, your kind words mean so much. I know that MMC is more common than I first thought, but I don't have a lot of information on what to expect. Due to the situation with coronavirus they are advising against going in for treatment but I did prefer the idea of letting things happen naturally. I haven't been offered any further scans it's pretty much here's your news and a few print out leaflets and off you go! Baby has been in there for approx 3 weeks by now from the estimated dates, and i have no signs it will happen soon. I'm going to wait a week and if nothing happens then may have to think what to do! Xx

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Maisie111 · 21/04/2020 15:32

I could literally have posted this exact same story. Told at the 12 week scan there sadly was no heartbeat and same as you, measuring around 9 weeks. I had literally no idea there was anything wrong. Heartbreaking.
I am so sorry you are having to endure the same dreadful experience. Mine happened in November, I would not say I am over it but I have learnt to accept it and move forward with the thought that something just wasn't quite right and Mother Nature takes care of precious little babies.
It takes time to feel normal again, I am only beginning now to feel like my old self, of course I am desperately trying again without luck so far.
Take time and look after yourself and your husband. I found it really helped to talk to people, it amazed me that so many of my friends had endured miscarriages and I never knew. It also gave me hope that they went on to successfully carry another baby to term.
xx

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Umnoway · 21/04/2020 15:36

I’m sorry for your loss Flowers. I had two in a row in 2017 followed by a healthy pregnancy. Not an easy time at all, I’d even had two early scans which showed a strong heartbeat the second time but HB had stopped by the time I had the 12 week scan. Miscarriages are always cruel but I feel missed ones are somewhat more cruel, it’s the shock of having no miscarriage symptoms.

Be kind to yourself.

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Hol54321 · 21/04/2020 15:50

@Maisie111 it is strange isn't it, a feeling that you can try to explain but not fully understood until you've experienced it. I'm glad you are feeling better and that you are trying again, good luck! Could I ask, did you choose to have help to speed the process up for did you let it run its course? If naturally how soon after the scan did it start to happen for you? Xx

Thank you so much everyone ❤

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Maisie111 · 21/04/2020 16:02

@Hol54321 it is a very strange feeling.
I had to have an ERPC, nothing happened for me naturally and after 10 days I was finding it mentally tough. I was re-scanned and literally nothing had changed which was another day of heartbreak. I didn't want the tablets as personally I felt after 10 days we had endured enough. That was on a Saturday, I went in for the ERPC on the Wednesday of the following week. It was the right choice for me, the staff were lovely, it was over in a morning and I was home in the afternoon. It was relatively pain free and more or less everything settled in a matter of days. Obviously things are different at the minute sadly so an ERPC may not even be an option unless in an emergency.
Do what is right for you, I was keen to let things take their natural course but sadly my body did not agree. I was scared too and looking back I don't think I needed to feel scared but it is the unknown and you just have no idea what to expect.

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Hol54321 · 21/04/2020 16:20

@maisie111 thank you for being so kind to open up and share your details, but it really helps ❤ I think we're going to be very similar but I'll see how things go!! Please take care of yourself too and I'll try to do the same ❤

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SkyBlue20 · 21/04/2020 18:11

Hi @Hol54321, I’m so sorry to hear your news. The same happened to us almost a month ago now - 12 week scan, measuring 9 weeks, first baby. I had to go back for another scan two weeks after - I can tell you the full situation for me so far if you like but it’s quite a lot of waiting and things still aren’t sorted so don’t want to go in to it and worry you unnecessarily as my case isn’t a common one, I don’t think! Just be aware that processes seem to have changed due to COVID-19 so may be different to what you read online.
So sorry again that you are going through this, it’s absolutely awful and the only thing that can really help is time. Sending you lots of love 💕

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Hol54321 · 21/04/2020 18:35

@SkyBlue20 thank you so much for your comment. Oh bless you, I'm sorry to hear that. I would love to hear your experience if your willing to share it, I know that everyone is different but your story is just as important as the straightforward ones. Hope you are healing as time goes on ❤

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Bubblesbebe · 21/04/2020 19:30

I am so sorry for you @hol54321, I went through exactly the same situation, found out in the 12 week scan that baby had stopped growing at 9 and a half weeks... it’so so heartbreaking that you are going there to thinking its one of the happiest days in your life when you finally get to see your baby after 12 weeks, and in one second all your dreams are gone and you feel numb because your body can’t believe what just happened..
Take the time to mourn and cry all you have to cry as its super necessary to heal, buy also try to move forward and focus your thoughts on the future, because you will be pregnant again and will have that baby you wanted so badly.
I had my miscarriage in September and decided to go for a D&C as I couldn’t bear to wait any longer for the baby to come out so that I could move on, I felt much more relieved after it.
I fell pregnant again in November and although it was very scary in the first months, I am now 22 weeks and so happy that I managed to get pregnant so quickly, as it really helped me to heal and move on.
Sending you a big hug, take care ❤️

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SylvanianFrenemies · 21/04/2020 19:33

I'm so sorry. I had a mmc at the start of the year. It is such a hard thing to go through. Be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve x

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SkyBlue20 · 21/04/2020 19:55

No problem at all, but like I say, mine seems to be unnecessarily drawn out so just keep that in mind, I really don’t think many experiences are as long winded...
so 26th March we had the bad news and I was told so wait two weeks then come back for a scan to ‘confirm’ (was told it was a formality, no chance of any other outcome but they have to do the next scan). At that next scan I was told that due to COVID-19, I had to wait another week to see if anything passed naturally (my body had, by then, reabsorbed the baby so I just have the sac no foetus) - they are trying to keep people out of the hospital as much as possible.
At the next, third, scan, I was told nothing had changed (no surprise there) and that I had to wait ANOTHER week. At that point I kicked up a bit of a fuss, started crying and laid out my case. The sonographer agreed with me that it just didn’t look like anything was going to happen and fought my corner for me. I got to see the doctor who was really apologetic that I had just been forced to try natural management and that nobody had spoken to me about my options or even miscarriage in general. She said that they’re not offering surgical at the moment due to COVID-19 and booked me in for medical management - first tablet on Saturday just gone and then back in to the hospital for the day and four more tablets yesterday. I was there from 9am until about 6pm and I had some quite bad pains and vomiting but hardly any bleeding, so they sent me home and I now have to wait another week to see if anything passes naturally (pretty sure it won’t). The doctor advised the first time I saw her that they’d likely want to try it two or three times before they’d allow me to move on to surgical but I’m going to fight against that as much as I can - I just want it over now and also can’t face another day like yesterday.
Anyway, that was my experience - I really hope yours is much more straightforward, it really does seem to very from NHS trust to trust, at the moment especially.

How are you coping? I found the first few days after finding out I had ups and many downs, just embrace them and do what you need to. I still have sad patches now but they’re nowhere near as frequent as they were at first. Sending you love xx

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Hol54321 · 21/04/2020 20:12

@Bubblesbebe thank you so much for giving us all hope that despite gojng through this now we could go on to have another successful pregnancy. I wish you all the best and hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well and you stay safe ❤

@SylvanianFrenemies thank you for your kind words, means so much at this time.

@SkyBlue20 I cannot even begin to imagine your emotions right now. It's enough to deal with the news let alone going through all of that. I really apprecaite you sharing the story because real women talking about real experiences really helps so much. Please stay in touch ❤

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Hol54321 · 21/04/2020 20:17

@SkyBlue20 In addition to my message above I just realised I forgot to answer your question. I'm doing ok, better than yesterday when I got the news. But, like you say it's a numb feeling. Ups and downs. Crying then smiles. Realising mother nature did what was needed, but doesn't make it any easier. The realisation that your baby wish lists are back on hold. I did not tell family we were expecting because I hadn't had a chance with covid around but they know about the loss and have been so wonderful amd supportive. Having someone to talk to is so important. Bit chatting to you ladies means so much because only you truly understand the pain xx

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SkyBlue20 · 21/04/2020 21:09

@Hol54321 Absolutely agree - I’ve found talking about it has helped so much but sometimes you really just can’t do better than other people who have unfortunately been through the same thing, they just know how you feel in a way that others can’t. Please do stay in touch also 💕

I found that telling people close to me about the loss reinforced to me who I would tell about a pregnancy in the early weeks next time - my best friend, for example, has been amazing, but I didn’t tell her about the pregnancy until we lost it and now I’m just wondering why! Then there are other people who we had told that I know I wouldn’t tell before the 12 weeks next time. It’s strange how it’s hard to know these things for certain until you go through it.

Also, a tip I learnt in the days straight after that might be useful - if you click on a Facebook advert and say you don’t want to see it, it’ll take you to your settings where you can opt out of seeing parenting ads. I found that invaluable as it was awful seeing them all the time, reminding me of what could have been.

How’s your husband coping with everything? Mine is really sad, of course, but he’s very much of the type that keeps himself busy to not think about it. Over these last couple of days especially, I think he’s felt quite useless as he hasn’t been allowed to the hospital with me at all for any of this, so whilst I was in yesterday he cleaned the house, did a shop, just anything and everything else to keep himself occupied. I, on the other hand, hardly moved off the couch the first few days and still have moments now where I feel much the same.

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Hol54321 · 21/04/2020 21:29

@SkyBlue20 without sounding strange here, I feel like your saying all of the things I would say like we're the same person! 100% you took the words out my mind about the people I would and wouldn't tell the next time. I'm just so anxious about even thinking about the next time right now. Not only because of how emotional this has been but exactly the same as you, because hubby is devastated and really upset. Although men don't express emotion like we do we have opened up to each other about our feelings and I've told him never to hold in the tears just to maintain a 'manly' stance or because he thinks it may upset me. (He's very much a manly man so emotion does not come easy) but that's why I can see he is struggling with all this. I went into the scan alone because I knew the hospital were not allowing partners, but as he was waiting in the car they did allow him in to hear the news. He too has been doing everything and anything to keep busy and keep his mind off being sad. It's heartbreaking! But I am trying to stay positive, get through this horrible time and focus on getting my mind and body in the best shape possible for next time (loose some of that isolation chocolate and treats damage)! I haven't done much today apart from staying cosy on the sofa and reading up on things to try and understand things better. But nothing came close to the amazing comments on my post here, humbling! We will get through this time, even if just by venting our feelings here ❤

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SkyBlue20 · 21/04/2020 21:56

I’m with you, @Hol54321! I too told my husband to not hide anything and I check in on him time to time to make sure he’s ok as he’s just getting on with it and I’m the one being all emotional and breaking down every now and then. He says he just feels it’s unfair and he hates that he can’t be there with me (he wasn’t allowed in to the 12 week scan at any point) - I think he’s more worried about me than anything else but I’m a tough cookie, I’m alright (though it is a god send having him there!)

I too am so nervous about the next time - I was anxious all the way through this pregnancy (I was convinced I was going to have a MMC and here we are...) so the next one will be like that but worse. I think I’ll just try and distance myself from it as much as possible until after the 12 week scan, though easier said than done. I’m terrified of having to go through all of this again. Like you, I just want to get in to the best shape I can (and those extra lockdown pounds!) but am waiting until all of this is over first - think my body is going through enough at the moment. I think we’ll try again as soon as possible though, despite the nerves 😬

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mrs04 · 21/04/2020 22:10

So sorry to read what you are going through. The exact same thing happen to me on Friday, however I opted to have the home managed medical which I started on Saturday. My body hadn't realised the baby had stopped growing around 3 weeks ago so I can't bare wait any longer.

It was also my first pregnancy and hadn't heated if MMC before, but reading up I've realised just how many others of us have experienced this.

I'm really struggling to understand what's next at the moment. My DH is being really positive about trying again but I'm in two completely different
mind sets about when will be the right time

Take care 💐💛xxxx

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amyspames · 21/04/2020 23:22

This is also me today - should have been 16 weeks.
Had 12 week scan on 30th March. Was told baby only dating 9 weeks and 1 day not 12 weeks and 6 as should have been. I asked if this was a problem and was told it could be lots of reasons and not to worry and come back for another scan in 3-4 weeks. Wasn’t even mentioned that it might not be growing properly, I suggested this but was told not to worry and when I asked if it was ok to share news as I planned and not wait until next scan, was told it was fine, so then told my new team and old team at work and also my 7 year old daughter.
Started having light bleeding a few days later, after a few days I called midwife, who spoke to hospital, and they said they couldn’t do a scan to check all was well cos of corona in the hospitals. As I knew it was risky, didn’t push for one, and was told to just contact if it got heavy, clots or watery, is not to wait until my 12 week re-scan which would have been on 27th April. This then went on for almost a fortnight and in the meantime booked in for the earliest pregnancy scan I could get privately which was Sunday.
This didn’t go well. She couldn’t find heartbeat or get good image of baby, but said this could be because my uterus was tilted. I got upset and she said that even though I told her the bleeding had all but stopped, to ring the hospital and lie and say still continuing as I was so upset, so they wouldn’t be able to fob me off for another week and for me to have to worry for another week.
Hospital scanned me this morning and confirmed no baby, and hadn’t grown past 9 weeks. So when I was sharing the good news with everyone 3 weeks ago, it had probably already died 3-4 weeks before that.
I’m gutted and also really pissed off with the hospital that did the scan, as it’s just a shit show. Don’t even know if they checked for the heartbeat as there probably wasn’t one at that point, and didn’t think to ask as they just implied that it was fine.
Hospital can’t do the op cos of corona, so going in for the day for it to be medically managed. I’m so worried about what will happen and that I won’t be able to cope with the pain and the blood.
Was dreading telling my 7 year old that she wasn’t going to have the brother or sister she’s been asking for for 3-4 years after all, j but she seems to have dealt with it well. More excited by the fact that because they’re letting my husband stay with me, we have to break lockdown and she’s getting to play with my friend’s daughter at her house for the whole day when I go in to ‘have medicine’.
I just feel like it’s all been such a farce, I’ve been stressed out from about 3 weeks into the pregnancy with the corona situation anyway, and now this. 😢

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Hoping11 · 22/04/2020 07:01

I’m so sorry to hear that so many have been through this awful experience, too. I didn’t want to share this on my first post for fear of being insensitive but I now feel it might help/offer some light to a few of you...

I walked out of a scan on 15th November having been told my baby had no heartbeat and had died at 10+5. This was my first baby which I had tried for 2 years to conceive and I was utterly shattered. I truly couldn’t believe that I’d ever be a mother or get through the following days and weeks.

5 months to the day, I walked out of the same clinic having had a very healthy 13 week scan with my new pregnancy. There is light at the end of this, I promise you. Sending love and strength xx

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