Missed Miscarriage

[Hol54321]

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

@skyblue20 it's a small world! I've just taken to ringing each time before I go to check, I've never made it into M1, go there and then get directions to wherever I'm being scanned. 3 scans in now all.im different parts of the hospital, no change between scan 2 and 3 but miscarriage wasn't formally diagnosed at scan 2 despite measuring 6 weeks and no heartbeat 2 weeks after a scan measuring 5+4. Hence not getting intervention for another two weeks...

I had a private scan last week, as the limbo was killing me, I think they thought I was a bit crazy when I asked for a picture even though it was clear I'd miscarried, but its the only thing I've got that proves there was a baby (or babies they weren't sure if it was twins!) and meant my husband could see something as he's not been in any of my scans.

@workingMama1 Sounds familiar - they’re very much trying to delay any sort of treatment, aren’t they?! I had my 12 week scan, then a follow up two weeks later and another one a week after that. They then tried to get me to wait another week and go back for another scan but I kicked up a fuss at that point and the sonographer (who was lovely - I’m finding all of the staff nice tbf) fought my corner and we ended up with medical.

Lovely that your husband got to see something, I think it must be so hard for the partners at the moment to not feel a part of it at all. I know it’s all medical rather than a ‘nice’ day out but I feel it must be important for the partners to see it and have that to help them bond a bit.

@skyblue20 in a way, I seek comfort in the fact that it took surprisingly quick to get pregnant and it didn't take long the 1st time either with DS. I would really hope my 'luck' in that sense continues...I'm in London.

So one day after my scan on Thursday, interestingly I've started cramping big time and bleeding after spending the day researching and making/cancelling appointments. Wtf!? Now I'm wondering if I can have any management or just have to painstakingly wait this out and hope it clears my body. My telephone consultation isn't until Monday. Anyone know?

Why on earth couldn't I have started bleeding last month instead...

I am in the Midlands area, but the hospital I attend is relatively small - I wonder if that has been to my advantage in that perhaps they aren't having to attend to that many COVID related things, and therefore surgical scheduling hasn't been overly affected? It really seems like a bit of a lottery.

@Sakura54 I think it depends on how much you're bleeding/exactly what's happening as to what options they can offer you. Even if things do continue, I have read some posts where people still went in for surgical management/scan just to make sure everything had cleared after things had started to move unexpectedly on their own. I know it's crap, but just keep monitoring yourself over the weekend and see what happens. If it makes you feel any better, I had horrible stabbing cramps (particularly in the afternoon/evening) for several days after I'd found out and before my SM, but everything 'stayed in'.

On a slightly lighter note, I want to start doing some proper exercise again today as most of that has gone by the wayside for many, many weeks! I find myself waking up very early atm, but it's been quite sunny in the mornings so was hoping to be virtuous and get out for a run, but just my luck it's foggy, and looking a bit unpleasant, and I need all the encouragement I can get atm! BBC says it should clear in a few hours though, so I'll try again then.

Thanks @tryingtimes20 I find it odd that this started after my scan, as if all that very hard pressing and then internal scan kinda got things going lol but yes I'll see how bad it gets. My hospital did want me to come in in 3 weeks' time to find out if I bled, so let's see what BPAS say first.

Yes, deffo go for a run! Next week its raining all day.

I went out for about 2h (not continuously jogging, haha!) and just got back; I'd forgotten how good it feels to get your heart properly pumping for a bit! Had a little mooch and wander about, sat in a field for a bit just pondering things...we are quite rural so there's lots of green spaces and trails to get lost in without bumping into anyone.

How is everyone else doing today? xx

Hi all!
@tryingtimes20 I'm also in the Midlands. Moved up here and bought our house around 3 years ago and we love it. It's home now. Well done for the run, I feel like a couch potato so good for you!

Hope everyone is doing ok today. I still have no cramps or bleeding but I've been told to wait at least three weeks. The sunshine helps. My other half has started about 10 different DIY jobs just to stay busy and keep his mind off things! Xx

@Sakura54 sounds like you are similar to me, bleeding starting not long after a scan. I did wonder if its psychological, now it's confirmed it's a miscarriage does my body finally know to let it go? I'm not bleeding heavily and so "it" hasn't happened yet.

How close to normal is everyone managing (or as close to as you can get in lockdown!). My friend who went through something similar told me I should be resting and hydrating so my body is ready for whatever comes next. So I've not done any exercise for three weeks bar an hour long dog walk each day, I can feel my muscles turning to flab! Well done @tryingtimes20 for getting out for a run!

I'm still working (as much as I can from home with a toddler!) but have taken a step back from some of the more strategic work as I can't concentrate on it. Ive taken the days of my scans off. Luckily work have been great. Though I did get an email yesterday that nearly sent me over the edge, HR are asking everyone vulnerable to complete a form and I got it as I'm down as being pregnant. I didn't even open the form, I'm just going to send it to my manager and ask her to get me off the list....

@Workingmama1 yeah it's a weird thing. I mean, it stopped growing a whopping 6 weeks ago and instead of miscarrying normally, as to be expected in the 1st trimester, another rare thing happens to me (my last pregnancy had a lot of 'rare' probs too). I thought I was still pregnant for the last 6 weeks, what a tragic thought. ATM it feels like a light period and yday I had to take painkillers for the extreme cramps. I hope it stays this way until I find out what I'm being offered.

How old is your DC? Mine is 2.9...I really didn't want a big age gap....and now who knows when I'll have another...sighs

Lol a 1 hour walk sounds like exercise to me!

I'm really sorry to hear you lost your baby @Hol54321. I'm currently going through it as well. I was 10 weeks on. I started bleeding on Wednesday night so I called the hospital on Thursday morning. They booked me in for a scan the next day. The scan showed no heartbeat and that the baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks.

They gave me a tablet in the hospital and more to take home. I've just taken the second lot a couple of hours ago and am lying on the settee with a hot water bottle having taken painkillers. I'm not sure what to expect. I've to go back in for a scan in 2 weeks which should have been my 12 week scan date. I'm heartbroken. I've just turned 38 and have endometriosis, I don't know if I'll be able to conceive again.

It's really tough but we have no choice but to get through it. We will need to take things easy over the next few days. You're in my thoughts x

I was really glad to find this thread - I am so sorry for each of your losses and the extra pain of going through this at the moment without being able to see anyone or choose surgical management. Reading through other experiences is really helping me, I don’t know anyone who has gone through this and although friends and family are sympathetic I don’t really feel they understand how it feels.

I had the medical management but apart from pain not much happened, a week later I seem to be miscarrying naturally with the same pain again and loads of blood and clots this time. For anyone waiting and worried about this, both times (the medical and ‘natural’) the worst bit has been for about 4 hours each time, you’ll know when this is starting and ramping up, and both times I couldn’t do anything except lie down on my own (even my husband being there was annoying) and breathe through the pain in between running to the loo when I felt things coming out. It was awful but the second it stopped, I felt full of a strange energy and respect for my body. I’m hoping that now things have subsided to more like a period bleed that might be nearing the end for me. BUT even with how awful the “main bit” was I would go through it again in a heartbeat if it gave me a chance to have a healthy baby one day and I’m not scared of experiencing that level of pain again. I’d have chosen the surgical option if available but it’s not being offered here (London). The worst bit is not knowing how long this will all take.

And reading other experiences, I'm also annoyed at how shabby I've been treated. I was told during the scan that there was no heartbeat and that the baby had stopped growing. The sonographer or whatever she was told me to go and sit in the waiting room and wait on the doctor. It was a public waiting room, a stranger was sitting beside me and lots of people walking past; pregnant women, workmen and random staff. I had to sit there for over 45 mins sobbing my eyes out. It was just awful. It can't be right how we are getting treated. It really can't. Also indeed some people are saying that they got a second person to come in and check their scan. I didn't. What if she was wrong, what if the baby was still alive?

@Mlou32 and @Poppy10121 hi both and welcome - this is an awful thing to be going through, but this thread contains a lovely community of people who know how it feels. I hope you will find some comfort here.

@Mlou32 It was my understanding that a second sonographer should confirm that there is no HB, but I'm not 100% on it. I know it's not much help, but just to try and give you some reassurance that if a HB was not immediately obvious at 9/10w via external ultrasound, then that normally is conclusive. I first found out at a private scan because my bleeding started over the Easter BH, and knew straight away something was up when she couldn't find it externally, although she was very nice and asked me to do an internal before she said anything. My EPU wouldn't accept their findings and did another one (with a second person to confirm), but it obviously was the same result. I'm so sorry you've been treated so horribly, but at that stage in development I would think it nigh on impossible that there was a mistake, even if best practice wasn't followed - that's not an excuse, but just to try and give you some peace of mind xx

@Mlou32 I’m so sorry that you didn’t get treated well at your appointment. I think it’s really natural to wonder if the baby could really have died without you noticing. I had these feelings two despite 3 people in the room telling me what they had seen. They also print off the scan for examining before prescribing the medicine although this might be different at different hospitals.
I had a second dr come and confirm what the sonographer said but it felt very much like a check box thing - the moment the sonographer started the scan I could see in her face that things weren’t right. They do it every day and know what they’re looking for. I know it’s not much comfort. Hope you are doing ok x

@poppy10121 and @tryingtimes20 thank you, that does reassure me. I think I know that there was no heartbeat, but there's just a tiny part of me that thinks, what if...?

Hi, I have been trying to reply but I can't post ... Just checking to see if my post was too long perhaps ...

Let me try breaking it in half

Hi everyone,

Thank you for sharing your stories. They have helped me a lot as most of the online blogs and stories on charity websites don't seem to deal with the actual process, which is what I am finding so hard. I don't feel grief, it feels too small to grieve, and all the advice seems to be 'it's ok to grieve ... '

I am going to describe exactly what happened here so please don't read on if you don't want to know this as I think (I don't know) that my experience/response was quite extreme and I don't want to upset anyone but I also wish I could have read some similarly explicit descriptions myself. xxx

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Anyway I started bleeding lightly last Friday and midwife said it was light and just to keep and eye on it as I had my 12 week scan on Monday. But I knew something was wrong and so was prepared. I have an 18month old and it all just felt so different from how it had felt at this stage with her. I went in on Monday alone and my partner waited outside with the baby. The baby had stopped growing at 6-7 weeks (6 weeks ago.) I was told to attend the EPU at 10am the next day. But on the Tuesday morning I had terrible contractions and suddenly huge bleeds and was passing clots the size of my hand. It went on for an hour and the bathroom was covered in blood. I was desperately trying to clear it up so my partner didn't see the worse but I ended up just standing in the shower while it felt like my insides were falling out. I'm not sure I will ever forget it.

After an hour my partner called 111 - we had no idea if this was normal or not. Nobody had told me anything the day before and we didn't want to call 999 if this was normal. I was staring to feel faint and 111 called an ambulance which arrived within 20 mins (amazing considering the strain services are under.)

They took me to the EPU emergency department where I was very unsympathetically rescanned by a horrible doctor but then rescued by some amazing nurses and HCAs who were kind and wonderful. I was told I would have to be admitted for emergency surgery as I had lost so much blood and the embryo and sack and lots of 'product' were still very high and 'not shifting' - the language they use is brutal.

This was at 10 am and the contractions and bleeding was subsiding now. There were no beds on the ward until 5 pm so I waited in a triage room and was put on a drip as I was nil by mouth and my blood pressure had dropped and I had a temperature. I eventually went to theatre at 9:30pm. The worst thing was that due to COVID I was totally alone this whole time as my partner wasn't allowed in and we had nobody else to watch our daughter either. I understand the reasoning obviously but it was still awful signing all these consent forms and making decisions about what to do with the 'remains' on your own when you are in shock.

I don't know if this will reassure and relieve those of you who wanted surgery and were not allowed it , but because of COVID the anethestist said she would not be allowed to do this under general as she would want to as it was possible to use a spinal block. Apparently they have to write a written justification for all generals at the moment. Because of this I was awake the whole time and I found it brutal. I had the removal by suction which to be fair was probably better than a D and C awake but it was so invasive and sterile and I am still having flashbacks and nightmares about the theatre. It only took about 15 minutes but I could feel and hear it all and I don't think I will ever forget that suction sound. I was so scared and felt so alone. Also the feeling of helplessness I felt when I couldn't move my legs has really affected me since. I saw a pot being taken away full of all the stuff they had sucked out and that has also stayed with me as I specifically requested I wouldn't be able to see it.

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Part 2

I was back on the ward after 30 mins recovery and the bleeding had slowed right down now. It took 3 hours to get my legs working again. I stayed the night and was looked after by lovely nurses and discharged the next day (wed.) They offered me a bereavement midwife 's support but that didn't really feel appropriate for how I feel.

I am now up and down. Physically a bit achy and some light cramps and bleeding but I feel like I am still in shock and traumatised. I can't stop the flashbl
acks. I don't think it would have been so bad if I hadn't felt like I had gone through the whole thing completely alone.

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I really wish I had been able to manage it at home and not had the surgery while awake 😔 - under a general I've no doubt the surgery would be the best way for me though. I have a friend who had to do it under local a few years ago and she has experienced similar trauma from it.

Anyway. I know I will be fine. I am beyond lucky to have already had a successful pregnancy - I know this would have been a totally different experience emotionally if it has been my first child.

I just feel I need to keep taking it through. If I don't start feeling better by next week I will call and try and get some help I think.

I hope this post is ok and I haven't gone into too much detail.

Sending out love to all of you going through the same thing. It seems so desperately unfair.

Love xxxxx

@Smilingdonkey the treatment people seem to be having on the NHS at the moment varies so hugely. I'm so sorry you had to go through such a traumatic experience, and thank you for being brave enough to share.

As for TMI, I don't think there's such a thing when it comes to this subject. As you've said, everything that someone wants to talk about can add to historical experiences and resources for those that (unfortunately) will come after. I know I found reading such posts in the days after I found out immensely helpful xx

I still don’t have any signs of miscarriage. I should be 13 weeks tomorrow and when I had my scan on Wednesday they said baby was measuring around 6 weeks. I can’t see mine happening naturally.

I feel like I’m in limbo because no one actually said I had miscarried, yet there was no heartbeat - So I’ve just got to wait until next Wednesday to get a definite answer. I just want it all over with now so I can try get back to normal.

@wildflowerpetals it's so hard. In some ways I am relieved I didn't have the wait. I don't understand how you as the mother can't make the decision to assist /manage the miscarriage yourself. It's wrong. You shouldn't have to wait if you don't want to xxx

@Smilingdonkey I haven’t been given the choice yet because I have to go back for another scan Wednesday to see if the baby’s developed - they can’t class it as a miscarriage because baby was measuring 5mm and it has to be >7mm for them to say it’s a miscarriage. So at the minute it’s the wait between my last scan and the next. It’s hard because I don’t feel I can say I’ve miscarried as I haven’t had it confirmed but I also know everything isn’t okay as they couldn’t find a heartbeat x

@wildflowerpetals ah ok sorry I misunderstood. That's what happened to me but I had already started bleeding at 13 weeks so I was sure and then the next day it all started properly before they scanned again. The worst thing is I feel like I can't trust my body anymore. I don't understand how it took so long to miscarry and why I continued to have symptoms 😔 I hope it is all resolved for you soon xxxxxxx

I was on the November thread - only sent a couple of messages but it is nice to have found some people who have all had the same timeframe as me.

I had a private scan just over a week ago which showed no heartbeat - should have been just over ten weeks. It was a shock as I had a previous scan at 6 weeks which showed a heart beat.

The epu were able to arrange the suction method under local but not until after the weekend. Fortunately I was covered by my health insurance provided by work and I was booked in the next day for surgery under general anaesthetic. This went well but I had a nasty reaction to the precautionary anti biotics - ended up at a&e with vomiting diahrroea and was also passing a lot of blood. That was scary but cleared up about a day after stopping the antibiotics.

I don’t know how I feel. We are paying for tests to be done to see if there is a reason for the miscarriage or if it was just chromosomes and bad luck. We won’t get the results for another five weeks or so. We won’t try again before getting the results. In the meantime I am trying to be as healthy as possible so I have the best chance possible. I am 40 so any period of waiting feels like I am wasting valuable time. The only consolidation I have is that I fell pregnant after only three months of trying so 🤞 it will happen again for me.

I have been signed off work for two weeks - so could have all next week off. I don’t know. I might do half days - working from home so it is easy to do.

I just don’t know how I feel. I wasn’t so attached to the embryo as such - but losing the hopes and dreams has been devastating for both me and my husband. I feel sad and a bit numb.

Hugs to you all xxx