Missed Miscarriage

[Hol54321]

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

I’m so sorry that this has happened to so many people, it really is awful 😔

@Hoping11 lovely to hear your story, gives us all some hope I think. Hope you’re doing well!

@amyspames That is awful, I can’t believe they did that to you. I would most definitely be asking for clarification from them (namely whether there was a heartbeat at your 12 week scan) and then possibly putting in a formal complaint once you’ve finished dealing with them. I’m so sorry you had to go through that 💕

@mrs04 There’s no need to rush in to anything, maybe see how you feel once your body has gone back to normal and you’ve had your first period etc and decide from there - if we’re anything alike, your emotions are likely to be all over the place right now so won’t be helping with any decision making. Sending love 💕

@SkyBlue20 I mentioned it at the hospital (different one to where 12 week scan took place) yesterday they said they can’t always hear heartbeat in those scans and would be just looking to see that there was a heartbeat. I can’t remember what happened on first pregnancy as it was not far off 8 years ago.
Googled last night and it seems like that was utter bullshit, as they can detect it from about 6 weeks apparently.
I knew the sonographer as well, not like she was a friend or anything, in the year below me at school.

I know it doesn’t change the outcome, but I could have at least spared telling my daughter anything (she seems to have taken it well luckily) not told any more people in work, and also not had to carry on with what was probably already a dead baby inside me for an extra 3 weeks or so, thinking everything was fine.
Nothing will get done about it, but if they did fuck up, I at least want them to know that I know they did.

I'm so sorry to hear your stories ladies, it is so sad. I feel a mixture of emotions today, some that I think are subconscious because they are there but i can't recognise them. I feel sick to my stomach today, like when you have severe anxiety and you just dont feel well at all. My body is still adjusting but still have full breats and spots on my face. The hormones seem present but according to the 12 week scan dates baby passed away over 3 weeks ago. When will I stop feeling pregnant and when will my miscarriage start thats all I want to know right now :( today is a strange day for me and I'm having my ups and downs :( zero motivation to do anything around the house, its horrible!

@Hol54321 thank you for starting this thread, I was considering starting one myself to reach out to ladies in a similar position. I'm so sorry so many of us have found ourselves here, its shit at the best of times but even harder in the current situation.
I had a small bit of bleeding at 5/6 weeks, went for a scan and was 5+4 but too early for a heartbeat. Second scan two weeks later and measuring 6 weeks and no heartbeat so told to expect to miscarry, no follow up just left with an appointment for two weeks time and the ward number to call if I started bleeding. Limbo was killing me so a booked a private scan last week which confirmed a missed miscarriage. The private clinic rang EPU who said to keep my next appointment which was today and they would confirm and talk through options.

Geared myself up today, did my research on what I wanted to happen next (MVA first choice, then medical management second choice, as surgical is not an option) but was told I need to wait another two weeks before they will do anything. It felt like a kick in the teeth as I've known already for 2 weeks that the pregnancy isn't viable and I just want to start the physical process so I can begin dealing with it emotionally. Baby died 3-4 weeks ago and no bleeding or cramps so I can't see my body sorting this out on it's own.
I'm going from a sobbing mess to ok and back again several times a day, its just so tough. I have a 16 month DD so she is a good distraction and I'm so grateful for her, but also means it's hard to get down time to process what is going on...

@Workingmama1 lovely to have you join us and I'm so sorry to hear that. It's just devastating news and I feel that medical staff can be rather dismissive of us because of how common it seems to be, but it still doesn't make it any easier for us. I'm thrilled you have another lovely daughter that can remind you how successful pregnancy can be and that this one off event was just that, a one off. Take care of yourself and give yourself the time you need. I just cannot stand waiting for it to happen. Im in the stages of, what if they were wrong and I haven't been offered another scan to check. I know thats impossible but everything goes through our minds :( I had no symptoms of anything wrong so i didn't have any early scans but even if I had mine would have shown a heartbeat at that point and baby only died after reaching 9+1 so early scans would still not reassure me next time i know I'll be a mess x

@Hol54321 it's a shame they haven't offered you a follow up scan. WpU services seem to be badly affected by the cover situation.

I was reading the updated guidelines and if I'd had my bleed now I wouldn't have been offered a scan so would be none the wiser, probably until my 12 week scan as no other concerning symptoms...

@SkyBlue20 thanks for the Facebook tip, I'd been struggling with seeing some of those adverts

Just reread my post, meant to say EPU services seem to be badly affected by the covid situation!

@amyspames Yeah I'd heard 7/8 weeks was about right for seeing a heartbeat, though I'm sure a number of factors can probably affect it. I'm so sorry again that they did that to you but I'm really glad your daughter didn't seem too affected by it, that's a small consolation at least.

@Hol54321 So sorry you're feeling low today - just listen to your body and don't push yourself to do anything you don't feel up to. I completely understand the waiting and wondering when it's finally going to happen so am sending you lots of strength. I'm with you on the early scans - we had a private one at 7 weeks, measured 6 weeks and saw a nice strong heartbeat, which you don't always see at that stage, so it seemed really positive. It wasn't, obviously. I was quite torn about whether I'd get one next time as it didn't (and couldn't) make a difference ultimately, however by the time I had my 12 week scan, my body had started reabsorbing baby so it was barely there, so it was nice to have that first scan and some sort of proof baby was there at all. I likely would get one next time for the same reason but possibly later on and also knowing that it is just one snapshot in time and anything can change literally one second after you have the scan.

@Workingmama1 Sending you lots of strength, too - the waiting is just horrendous and it seems to be amplified because of coronavirus affecting all of the services. I hope you get booked in for treatment after these two weeks of waiting and all is sorted for you. I'm going through a very similar waiting game so please do keep in touch.

Still no movement from me today, I just know nothing is going to happen this week and I'm going to be back to square one come Monday. I'm terrified of an MVA but it's what I'm going to push for as know I have no chance of the general anaesthetic!

OP I’m sorry. This happened to a friend of mine a few years ago. I also lost my baby at 40 weeks a year ago.

I haven’t RTFT yet I’m sorry also to everyone else on here who has experienced any kind of pregnancy loss or baby loss.

Hi OP @Hol54321, unfortunately, we share the same dates I found out my baby was gone. It would have been my first too after trying for almost 2 years.

I was almost 10 weeks and on Sunday I started to bleed and spent the whole night having awful contractions that would start extremely painful and it would eventually disappear, only to come back a minute later. I had that all night long and it was unbearable. By that point, I knew there was no more baby.
I had a scan on Tuesday and my sac was empty so I am thinking I didn't even notice when the baby passed.
Doctors said I will bleed heavily for a week but that hasn't happened yet, it's more like I have a period. I had pain in my tummy everyday especially if I get up, but it's slowly getting better day by day.

I had a good cry Sunday and Monday but I am surprisingly ok, maybe because I like to think that there was something wrong and nothing I could do about it. My husband was surprised of how much he felt it, even though at times he would forget I was pregnant, but we are getting through this together. He even went on to say that it's my body and my choices and if I never wanted to try again he would understand and it just makes me realize even more how much of a great father he will be. Of course, I will want to try again and I am hopeful it will happen still this year. But IVF will be the next step if by January there is no baby as I am quite old.

Thank you for this thread I feel a bit less alone having someone going through the same at the same time as me. x

@MochaTea hello lovely lady. Bless you that's awful. If it is any comfort at least now that the process has started for you, you can now take the time to get your body and mind healed. I am struggling with that part because I had no spotting or bleeding, I still don't. The waiting part for me is getting really difficult but I really dont want to be in hospital because they are so stretched with covid-19 and I dont want to risk getting unwell. We will get through this time, and we all have each other to talk to. Only women that go through this can truly understand and relate. Take care of yourself ❤

I am so so sorry for you @Hol54321

I can empathise as this has happened to us 3 times now (plus 1 spontaneous MC). It's truly the most heartbreaking thing a parent can ever go through and the thought of ever going back there fills me with dread so I really really feel for you and wish I could take it away.

I opted for surgery each time (most recent was in the new year) so if you have any questions about that, please let me know.

This is a massive cliche but please look after yourself and talk to your partner because it can really put a lot of strain on a relationship so be open with eachother and take your time, there is no rush for any decisions and no rush to move on if you're not ready

How is everyone feeling today? I was just feeling really frustrated and angry this morning, I just want to get things over so I can try to look forward. I understand the hospitals stance on not wanting women in hospital but it's not made accepting it any easier. @SkyBlue20 and@Hol54321 you are right, the wait is so hard, I can't believe I spent the last two months praying for no bleeding, now I'm not sure if it would be a good thing as at least it's a sign things are moving!

@MochaTea so sorry you find yourself here. Hopefully the bleeding you are having now means that everything is passing and no further intervention will be required. Your husband sounds really understanding, he'll make a great dad when your time comes

hey @Workingmama1 I think we were both on the same pregnancy thread. I changed my username as couldn't really go there and say I've miscarried, so just left it.

I am hoping it was quicker than normal for me but I understand how you're feeling with COVID. I felt a lot of us are being overlooked when we should be getting the same treatment as always. EPUs are there for a reason and it can be made into a safe environment.

Hoping you get a closure soon as it is surely helping me move on as much as I can.

@Workingmama1 I totally understand. I'm in exactly the same boat. I was recommended a couple of miscarriage specific websites to look at by the hopsital, where you can read about other people's experiences and I'm just struggling to even read those. Not for any reason other than i feel my symptoms don't relate. 99% of the stories do explain helpful things but none of them explain the waiting times for the miscarriage to start. They all explain seeing blood or having cramps then booking into a scan to find out. But I've had nothing to date and still don't, so im battling emotionally with will it ever happen naturally (of course it probably will) but its hard to comprehend that right now.
Our emotions do battle with being ok, sad, confused, angry and frustration. Probably all in one day sometime. But we're only human and it is okay not be be okay. At least we have each other on this thread for support. My friends are trying so hard and i love them for it, but none of them understand or what it means will happen or I'll have to go through next. Xx

Had a couple of glasses of wine and had a lovely night with my husband but now I’m feeling a bit sad, I wonder if it’s the wine bringing it on. I’ll be ok, just another low moment 😔

So sorry for your loss .
Same happened to me , I found out at my 20 week scan ( on my birthday), had to go to hospital 2 days later and deliver. We held him , cried , took photos , received a baby box . I Was home few hours later . It all was a blur , I didn’t know what to feel . We had funeral with close family, we bought a plot and put up a headstone and we visit him often . This has helped us massively as we know he’s left some kind of everlasting imprint on the earth especially as there is no birth certificate for non viable births .
I went on to have a healthy boy 1 year later .

“ a tiny flower leant not given
To bud on earth and bloom in heaven”

Lent not leant

@Allihearischasemarshallskye sorry you had to go through that, particularly if you had to delivery your darling baby, that must have been so tough

@Hol54321 I've also found it hard to speak to friends, they have been lovely and offered to be there for a chat, a cry or a moan but I'm a very private person and don't like sharing emotion so I've not taken them up on it, and none of them have gone through it so they don't understand. I did however ring the miscarriage association helpline (I tried Tommy's but they are closed due to Covid!) They were great, I had a cry on the phone, told me all my feelings were valid and helped me to understand them but also talked me through what might come next, something I didn't get from the hospital.

@MochaTea I totally feel my care has suffered due to covid-19. I know they need to change things up but I've not even been to the EPU and I've been to three scans at hospital now. Yesterday I had to go to the radiology department and then walk back through hospital on my own crying. I've only seen sonographers and had no contact or conversation with a doctor, nurse or midwife. I got more information from the private clinic i went to last week.

@SkyBlue20 sorry you're feeling sad, its perfectly normal to feel sad, angry, disappointed and a whole host of emotions

On a different note I've had some light, brown bleeding tonight, not sure if that means things might be happening...

Is anyone else terrified of the actual process of miscarrying?

@SkyBlue20 the wine may be partly to blame for how your feeling but just let it out hun, it's probably just what you needed.

@Workingmama1 maybe! It might be your bodies way of letting you know things are happening. See how you go and keep us posted. If you need somewhere to vent or just let those feelings out as you go we are all here for you x

@Allihearischasemarshallskye thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that pain and suffering. I can only imagine the devastation especially at 20 weeks when you think your in a safe stage of the pregnancy. I am so glad you were able to have some closure with the funeral and allowed the closest to you to be there to support you. I am so pleased that your little boy was safe and you got your rainbow baby ❤ take care of yourselves and our little ones may be gone but never forgotten.

Sorry for your loss :( x

Hi. I come from the same pregnancy thread as @workingmama1 (infact, to make matters worse, I'm the thread starter, so I’ve had to say goodbye).

I had my dating scan at nearly 13 weeks, but they couldn't see anything, so they did an internal and saw that it had stopped growing 6 weeks ago. I only just heard about MMC recently on MN, so cant believe it's just happened. I know MCs are common so have been realistic from the start, but to get this far and then find out just takes the piss. I've also suffered through all these pregnancy symptoms for no reason now and there’s more pain to come.

I want the D&C but they aren't offering it due to CV, so I told them I will wait it out for now and they've book me an appt for 3 weeks' time for an update. Now that I think about it, I should probably get medical management seeing as the foetus hasn't been alive for so long, but I'm dreading the pain....

I noticed that this thread was in the wrong topic so I've asked MN to move it. Might find some more ppl going through this right now!