Missed Miscarriage

[Hol54321]

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

So sorry for your losses everybody 😔💕

@Workingmama1 Your experience sounds a lot like mine - it wasn’t until I kicked up a fuss at my third appointment (three weeks after we found out) that I saw someone who wasn’t a sonographer. I didn’t get told a single thing about miscarriage, didn’t even get a leaflet, nothing, I just got sent on my way each time and told to come back in a week/two weeks. It is absolutely awful. I understand we’re in the middle of a global pandemic but I’m still very unimpressed by the treatment. Like you, I too am terrified of the actual miscarriage, which is why I just wanted a D&C and for it to be over. Hope you’re doing ok. Xx

Hi @Sakura54 I was on the same thread as you and I am so sorry to hear you are also going through that. It is a difficult moment and it just seems so unfair. I was almost 12 weeks and so excited.

I hope we can also have here what we did there and you take care of yourself, for now, that's all we can do until we complete our miscarriage.

Hi all, I was wondering why I hadn't seen this thread and then saw that an earlier poster said it had been put in another sub-forum.

So sorry to everyone going through this and I'm in a similar boat - found out I'd had a MMC about a fortnight ago now at around 10w after seeing a HB only a few days before. I'd had bleeding episodes since around 6w, was diagnosed with a SCH, and had been in and out of the EPU for repeated scans, so it was hard to ever be happy as it felt like there was a dark cloud over the whole thing from the start.

I appreciate now that I was very, very lucky in that I was able to get surgical management within a few days, and am now 9 days post-op. If anyone is able to get ERPC and would like to hear my experience, please just say as I have a detailed thread already on what happened.

I know everyone's experience will be different based on their geographical location, and I don't want to give hope, but for those who come to this thread later, anecdoctally people are still being offered SM (I post on another forum where UK individuals do) during this time. I believe the ultimate decision will come down to your individual Trust. Please don't be scared of advocating for yourself to get as close as you can to the option you want.

My heart goes out to all of you - things will get better in time, I promise xx

Hi all, I’m from the same thread as @Workingmama1and @Sakura54, I’ve been silently following this thread since Wednesday.

I had what was supposed to be my 12 week scan Wednesday morning but was told baby was measuring 6 weeks and they couldn’t find a heartbeat. I have to go back next Wednesday to have another scan to confirm baby isn’t developing. I had cramping in my first few weeks of pregnancy but nothing severe and no bleeding so this all came as a massive shock.

Some people are telling me to try stay positive and they might find a heartbeat next week but I know my dates so can’t see how I’d be 6 weeks instead of 12. I just want to have a definite answer and get it over and done with now x

Also it's great to hear from posters who had to go through this and were able to go onto have a successful pregnancy shortly afterwards - this was my first pregnancy, so reading others' stories after being in a similar position gives me a lot of hope xx

Hi all, apologies I started this thread but didn't realise I'd done so in the wrong category! Anyway welcome all and im so sorry you have found yourselves here too. I know how difficult it is to even write a comment on here but we're here for any one of you that may need it. Even if you find comfort hearing our stories and realising you did nothing wrong and you are not alone ❤

Hello,

I thought I'd share my story as it might help others going through this horrible experience.

I tried for a baby for eight years. We tried fertility treatment and in the end had ICSI. We were blessed that it worked first time and we got DS.

It was very hard emotionally and we decided we couldn't go through fertility treatment again so DS would be our only child. Out of the blue though, when he was 18 months old, I discovered I was pregnant. We were delighted, couldn't believe it. Had a bit of early bleeding though so had a scan - it was twins!! But it looked like one might be miscarrying. It was and I lost the second baby a couple of weeks later. So lost one two at six weeks and one at eight weeks. We were devastated. So thankful to be blessed with DS but desperately wanted another. A year later, I got pregnant again. It was a missed miscarriage this time. Equally devastating. Thought it just wasn't meant to be. Decided I had to draw a line under babies, I was lucky to have ds and to move on with my life, our lives. Kept taking folic acid though, just in case. Three months later, I was pregnant again. This time we got DD.

My dcs are 15 and 11 now. They are the light of my life. I've never forgotten my lost babies. Raise a glass to them on their due dates. Remembered the days they would have started school..... wonder what they would have been like.

I'm sorry to anyone that is going through this. It's a horrible experience. I truly hope for happier time's ahead for you xx

Hi @mochatea (what was your old username?) and @wildflowerpetals. It's very sad that we've ended up here from such a fun thread. So sorry, guys.

They are still tagging me to offer condolences, but once that stops I will unwatch the thread as I don't want to see all their scan pics...sad to leave that thread.

@Hol54321 is surgical management an option for you? I'm annoyed that my hospital won't give me that. I don't want to go through the pain of MC and clots etc...

@thewinefairy thanks so much for this, we have been trying for a long time and it just gives me hope it will happen soon. Being my first it just makes it double hard where you are constantly thinking Do I not deserve to be a mother? But eight years, wow, you are an inspiration. Definitely gave be a bit of a boost now, so thank you for this.

@Sakura54 canueve. I never really said anything there because the messages are just too painful. I preferred just to leave.
@WildflowerPetals quite sad to see us all here but at the same time quite comforting. Let's hope we will be on a new one soon and go through the last of the threads with healthy babies being born.

Thank you so much for your stories, ive learnt so much from you amazing women.

@Sakura54 I was told after the scan that there were three options available to me despite covid but they highly recommended staying out of hospital. But i received a letter from EPAU today saying to please call them to discuss my aftercare following the scan. So I'm going to call them and see what they say. I have anxiety about hospitals and would rather do things naturally but after nearly a week now without symptoms I dont know I can wait much more!

It’s really nice (albeit horrible for the reason we’re all here) to have another busy thread to chat on - I really miss the pregnancy thread I was on for the chatter more than anything. I’m keeping up with it but obviously don’t have much to contribute, so it’s nice having one with people that can understand what we’re all going through and we can go through it together. I’ve missed that. Thanks for starting it @Hol54321. Xx

@SkyBlue20 completely agree; it's very comforting to have more people to talk to who have gone/are going through a similar thing at the same time.

From our chats on the other thread, I'm just horrified you (and several other ladies here) are still in this position in terms of how long you've had to wait; until a few weeks' ago I had no idea about this side of pregnancy and the poor treatment women could experience.

I know that the UK and the world is in an awful position at the moment, and difficult decisions are having to be made as a result, but I honestly feel that this sort of surgery is not something which should be classed as 'elective'.

Side note - I've just checked again on the BPAS website, and want to reaffirm to everyone that they are still offering surgical management if that is something anyone in this thread feels strongly about, and is not being offered it at their hospital.
You can be referred to them from the NHS.

@MochaTea - hang in there. There were many times when I thought it would never be my turn. Everyone was pregnant. There seemed like a time when I had spent most of my adult life trying to get pregnant or trying to stay pregnant. These stories of success that I read about were always someone's else good news story but never mine. But then it happened for me.

After my second miscarriage I was told I probably wouldn't conceive and carry to full term but DD is testimony to that's not being true.

For what it's worth most women I know have lost babies, not many are lucky enough to come out of pregnancy unscathed. Great if you do but many are not so lucky. Even though I have ds and dd, I have not forgotten my lost babies.

Fingers crossed for you all that there are happier times ahead and you will smile again xxx

Sorry to see so many of us here from the November babies thread, it's making me sad it didn't work out for so many of us. I've dipped in a few times (not sure why, maybe I like to torture myself!). I'm so glad I found this thread to talk to women going through the same thing, as much as I wish you weren't here having to go through it

In terms of the current offer from EPU I wanted to say I had a totally different experience 2 years ago with my daughter, she was suspected ectopic, they took me into a quiet room, did blood pressure, temp, urine sample etc and then a scan. They were so understanding and kind. Thankfully all was OK. Chalk and cheese compared to the level of care now. I know that they don't want us in hospital but to not even have a phone call with a clinician is poor. There is a difference between not wanting you to spend to long in hospital and bad quality care.

I know it's early but is anyone thinking about trying again? I want to but the current situation scares me, and the thought of having to go through this again if nothing changes in care standards terrifies me.

Thanks for that BPAS info, @tryingtimes20 - that will definitely be an option for me if I don’t get what I want at my appt on Monday.

@workingmama1 I only partly get their ‘not wanting to be in Hospital for too long’ argument - I spent around two hours per appointment in the hospital and I’ve now had three scans plus the full day in hospital on Monday and have another scan this coming Monday, so that’s eight hours plus a full day. Each time I’m coming in to contact with new people and even if it’s the same person, they’ve seen a week in or two’s worth of people since I last saw them... If they’d just booked me in for the surgery straight away, it would have worked out about the same and that’s so far - I’m nowhere near done yet! I get the theory behind it but the reality isn’t the same.
Yes, we want to try again as soon as possible, nervous to potentially go through all of this again but hoping it won’t be as complicated as this if it were to happen another time. Coronavirus is also a worry but we were going to be having a baby in the height of it all of this pregnancy has progressed so we’re prepared for that 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Workingmama1 I definitely am - thinking about being able to start over allows me to have something to focus on and keep going atm. For me it's upsetting to think about what's happened, so I don't.

I've been reading lots of stories from ladies that were lucky enough to fall pregnant very quickly after a MC/MMC and carry to term, so it's nice to picture myself in a similar position.

I know there are some additional risks with COVID, but I'm lucky enough to be a situation where I can WFH, so I try not to think about that too much. Also I wouldn't want to put my efforts on hold because, although I hope it will happen quickly once I'm better, it might not, so...

@tryingtimes20 thank you for that info and I also found your thread. I actually called my hospital for medical management and they arranged for me to come in today, but then I cancelled it after I saw your link! Lol. I have to wait for a nurse from BPAS to call me on Monday so fingers crossed they will offer SM.

@workingmama1 tbh, this really wasn't a good time to be pregnant. I'm probably going to wait and see what happens with CV and then decide when to start trying. I've been so chilled this pregnancy but now this has happened, I'm probably going to be scared in the future. My SIL had a miscarriage too not long ago (what were the chances of it happening to both of us?!) so looks like my parents will have to wait quite a bit longer for a new GC!

@Workingmama1 DH and I are wanting to try again as soon as possible. This was my first pregnancy and would’ve been our first baby so we’re eager to try again. I’ve read it can actually be easier to get pregnant in the first 3 months after a MC and many women go on to have healthy pregnancies so we’ll see x

I totally agree ladies that the level of care is absolutely shocking. In fact, what care? I've had nothing and were just told to go home and let it happen naturally. If i had questions they weren't going to answer them and just asked me to phone the EPAU when home should i have any questions. She then told me I'm sorry I can't stay i have more scans to do so see yourself out when you're ready. What's worse is that my hospital is in the news for being under review for poor care and baby deaths. That fills me with ZERO faith. Such scary times and covid doesn't make it any easier! x

@wildflowerpetals our first pregnancy too (and actually first month of trying) and feel much the same - right now we feel eager to get going again ASAP. I need to get out of my head that we’ll be pregnant again by July though, I haven’t consciously thought it but I can feel it sneaking in - it may not be immediate next time! 🙈 We’re very nervous about being pregnant again though, even little things like who do we tell and when as know people will be extra worried for us now. It makes me so sad and mad that this will affect every single pregnancy now, I know no pregnancy is without worry but we feel like it’s really going to take the shine off - when we find out and when we tell people there won’t be that same excitement there was last time, even thought it did come with some caution then, it was still exciting! Now it’ll just be worry (despite knowing the odds are the same as they were).

@Hol54321 I’m sorry to hear how poor your hospital have been and am incensed by how many of us are experiencing the same! Coronavirus should not be affecting antenatal services as much as it is, I’m sure. Where’s everyone based? I’m Manchester, hospital is in Greater Manchester.

Having a glass of wine and starting my bday celebrations (two days early 😂), cheers ladies. Here’s to being the absolute warriors we are 🥂

@skyblue20 Everything you’ve said is the same as how I feel about everything! Hopefully you’ll have the same luck next time round and you can get pregnant straight away 😊 I’d love to be pregnant for around July/August time but I don’t really want to put a goal on it as I think it’ll add unnecessary stress. I thought the same - this time round we didn’t tell anyone until the 12 week scan, obviously we were hoping to give good news but that didn’t happen. Next time round I’m wondering if I should tell our parents as soon as we found out so we have that extra support but I guess we’ll just have to see how we feel when we get to that point. I thought next time round we might book for a private early scan but I think that’ll only settle my anxieties for a short time so it might be a waste of money. I’m trying to focus on the fact that SO many people have healthy pregnancies after a miscarriage but when I am pregnant again I don’t know if that’ll actually help or not 🙈 x

@skyblue20 you are near me, I'm Greater Manchester too but being seen at Bolton.

An example of my "great" care, I had to ring before my appointment to check where to go, I mentioned I'd been getting bad chills (I was shivering with a jumper, onsie and a blanket over me!) and was concerned it could be an infection, I was simply told if your temperature goes over 37.6 don't come in in case its covid, no watch out for xyz or we need to check you out incase you are seriously ill with a womb infection!

It's hard to not get ahead of myself thinking about another pregnancy, I've found myself wondering when my due date could be if I got pregnant again and what the age difference would be between a new baby and my daughter. I will be terrified if/when I get pregnant again, worrying if things are going wrong and I just don't know. The idea of maybe having to self isolate for 9 months scares me too, it doesn't seem like there is an end in sight and they are talking about vulnerable people continuing social distancing even if others start returning to normal.

I'm still bleeding brown blood so think things are perhaps progressing, its slightly heavier today than yesterday but still lighter than a period.

Also enjoying a glass of wine, why not!

@workingmama1 I’m being seen at Bolton too, no wonder our experiences sound so similar!!

Sorry, quick reply then with the surprise!

@WildflowerPetals Agree that I don’t want to put any pressure on but hoping it’ll be quick - the thought of the TWW kills me. Going to try and be more chilled next time round but that is so not in my nature! We told a few people early this time and I think I’d tell them again next time - actually found there were a few people I turned to after the miscarriage that made me realise I’d tell them early next time too.
We had an early private scan this time at seven weeks, where we measured six weeks and saw a strong heartbeat. Obviously it made no difference whatsoever on the outcome but by the time I had my 12 week scan, my body had started reabsorbing the baby so there was hardly anything to see so I was glad we’d had the early scan and had that picture of our little one. I think that’s the only reason I’d do it again next time though - and I’d probably do it slightly later, maybe 9/10 weeks.

@Workingmama1 I’m finding Bolton seem to be very OTT and on it with Covid-19, they’re very very stringent about everything but almost in a bad way - like telling you to not even come near with a fever even though there could be a legitimate reason for it that isn’t Coronavirus! When I went for my second scan I was traipsing all around the hospital as no-one knew where the EPU had moved to, it was ridiculous (it’s M1 if you need it - I’m well acquainted with it now!) It’s all just very all over the place as they seem to be changing things daily. Can you remind me where you’re up to over there?