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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)

999 replies

sadtoday21 · 20/05/2019 21:56

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed (again) because we reached the 1,000 post limit (twice!). I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not all quite there yet (BUT some of us are!! congrats!!!). I know we will all be pregnant someday soon and that this will end up being a lucky thread! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this. This thread and the ladies on it have been a source of inspiration for me, which is why I created this blog to help other women find information and support after miscarriage: mcandbeyond.weebly.com/

About me, for any newcomers: 31 years old, first pregnancy ended in an MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and had follow-up with CX hospital until mid-May. Second early MC in April (we weren't supposed to be getting pregnant because of the molar, but didn't know about it at the time). Now TTC again nearly four months after the first MMC and so so ready for a baby!

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bananamonkey · 26/05/2019 06:31

I’m so sorry you find yourself here @FluffyBumpkin, my history is similar to yours (1 healthy pregnancy, conceived second after a couple of months but mmc came to light at 12 week scan, had stopped growing at 8 weeks, had ERPC followed by chemical pregnancy, now trying to get body back on track at 37) but I can’t imagine the pain of going through this twice. I hope you can find some comfort on MN, I know I did despite being in a dark and lonely place in real life.

Your “friend” is a show-off dick @Catconfusion, I’m all for continuing training in pregnancy having lifted and ran both times but a flipping marathon and tough mudder-type thing seem totally unnecessary. I can imagine the latter being insured for a pregnant participant!

FF has showed O as Thursday as I thought, the day after I got my flash smiley. I’m pretty sure I have no chance this month but it has been really nice to see the temping and OPKs lining up together with my body symptoms so accurately and predictably. Even if my cycle is long at least this month it seems to be working normally so I’m taking some consolation from that.

Hope everyone’s having a nice long weekend! I’m enjoying being at home after being away for so long but currently attempting potty training so may be going stir crazy later today 🙈

First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)
bananamonkey · 26/05/2019 06:34

Oops So many mistakes, I should proof read 🙈

I can’t imagine them being insured

and

confirmed O the day after static smiley

Catconfusion · 26/05/2019 06:50

Hey @bananamonkey you chart looks great. I hope that one time was enough. It's such a pain being away but like you say you now know the opks line up with the temp rise.

Yes the girl is a dick. She's a friend of one of my best friends so I don't have to see her in real life thank god. I used to live near her and run info her on the dog walk so glad that's not the case any more. I've deleted her off everything and asked my best friend to not tell me anything about her pregnancy. She's 35 and it was an accident by the sounds of it. She's determined not to give up anything she already had planned for this baby. It's so selfish!

So I'm on my 6th day of flashing smileys. Definitely getting EWCM. My temperature took a dip yesterday but I wonder if it's because I took paracetamol before bed for a headache. It's spring back up though. Hoping for an O soon and that maybe the Inositol has helped bring it forward. Xx

First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)
sadtoday21 · 26/05/2019 10:11

Hi ladies! @bananamonkey your chart looks great! It looks like you dtd right on O day and even the other one is still in the fertile window, so I think you are covered! Definitely not out of the TWW yet.

@Catconfusion its looking really good for O! Fingers crossed you get confirmation of the temp rise tomorrow! I think our cycles must be syncing online haha because I have the exact same large temp rise this morning! Too funny!

So after three days of flashy smileys, I finally got my static :) today! And also a huge temp rise. It's looking pretty good for an early O this month, even earlier than before the mmc! I'm a bit confused though, shouldn't the static smiley come the day before the temp rise? Did I miss O? Did I time bding alright?

First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)
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Amanda81 · 26/05/2019 10:16

Ohhhh exciting! All the O's happening with you guys @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion @bananamonkey

@sadtoday21 - you may have peaked in the afternoon/evening of yesterday and O'd over night/this morning.

Amanda81 · 26/05/2019 10:17

Oh and @sadtoday21 - BD looks to be covered and well timed! Fingers crossed for you all xx

sadtoday21 · 26/05/2019 10:37

Thanks @Amanda81, I needed your expert eye! So, I am right to think that O was on cd15, not cd16, right? Your explanation makes a lot of sense. I am going to try to get one more in today and tomorrow just to cover all the bases! I know it looks pretty well covered, but can't help thinking I should have done a bit more - I guess that is always the case. Was a bit earlier than I was expecting, so pretty surprised to see that large temp rise this morning!

Good luck to everyone in the TWW! @bananamonkey we are nearly exactly in it at the same time - really hoping for a BFP for you! @3204ECL and @LMLP91 how is your TWW going? You must be close to done with it by now? Baby dust to all! Xxx

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Amanda81 · 26/05/2019 11:11

It looks like cd15, but it's never an exact science (unless you are working in lab conditions 😂😂) I think you've got it covered of cd13 onwards. Eggs last for no longer than 24 hrs so no harm in one covering all bases, but I do think little swimmers would have been waiting for their prize and have probably already doing their victory laps around your Fallopian tubes 😂😂

Catconfusion · 26/05/2019 13:13

Yours looks great @sadtoday21 I think combined with the peak Opk it looks like O on day 15. Great sign it's early.

How are you feeling today @Amanda81 ?

I'm not convinced my rise is O due to the still flashing smiley. I might do a cheap opk early evening and see if it is positive as the surge might be today for O tomorrow.

It's lovely to see so many of us heading for the two week wait. Xx

sadtoday21 · 26/05/2019 13:46

Thanks @Amanda81 and @Catconfusion!

@Amanda81 how many weeks now until the next scan? How many weeks are you now? Any ms yet? Hope the fatigue is easing a bit!

@Catconfusion that definitely sounds right. I did have a flashy smiley on the day I O'd last cycle though, so certainly possible if the surge is short! I wish I'd gotten in 1 more bding session tbh, although it looks like last night might have been very well timed indeed. I was just really surprised to see the temp rise this morning and I guess a tiny bit worried, since I was planning one more bd today that probably won't do anything. No more EWCM either, so looks like I just have to hope for the best and move on to TWW. We will see tomorrow!

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Amanda81 · 26/05/2019 14:16

Hey both @Catconfusion @sadtoday21 - having one of those days where I feel it's all destined to go wrong. My symptoms keep coming and going, and when they reduce I just go really down in positivity. I know this is expected considering the previous MC's and also understand that symptoms come and go, but would much prefer to have them all the time. My main symptoms are boob pain, nausea and fatigue. My boob pain has subsided today, but do feel nauseous when I have am emptying stomach. The ups and downs are just uncontrollable! Trying to remain positive, but know it can go either way. I have a scan booked for what I think will be just over 10 weeks, which will be a week on Tuesday (so currently 8+6 ish). I may buckle and get one next week if I can't settle my mind. The 10 week scan is a bit of a trigger as that's when our first was measured at. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 trying to keep busy and have finished a report today. I'm over in west wales at the end of next week and then I have family over the weekend, so enough to keep me busy until the 4th June xx

Catconfusion · 26/05/2019 16:23

@sadtoday21 I think you did really well with fitting in bd so an excellent chance of catching.

@Amanda81 You're coping so well with the situation. It's so hard after loss even though going through another one is unlikely. Just remember the symptoms are not even a guarantee. You could be vomiting every five minutes with the worse boob pain ever and still have lost. I would say have a scan earlier if the 10 week mark is a trigger. Just do what's best for your mental health.

So I did a cheapy Opk and it's looking positive so maybe now gearing up to O. Will definitely get a bd in tonight. We couldn't manage it this morning. DH was weirdly unable which is unlike him. I hope It's not all getting to him. Anyway will hopefully be in the two week wait soon. Xx

Amanda81 · 26/05/2019 21:29

Thanks @Catconfusion - you are totally right. Symptoms or no symptoms, it's just one big mind 🤬. Great news on the +opk! So pleased that your cycle is back on track. Very excited for you xx

sadtoday21 · 26/05/2019 22:41

@Catconfusion congrats on the +opk!! It seems like the cycles are all back on track after the mmc/mc - finally! Looking forward to us both being in the TWW (symptom spotting haha!) and wishing you all the best. Here's hoping for another temp rise tm!

@Amanda81 I think you should go for the earlier scan, just to give you peace of mind. I also think it is completely normal for symptoms to come and go - or even not to have any! Hope you can relax a bit this week and enjoy it as much as possible under the circumstances xxx.

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Rainbow8bubbles · 27/05/2019 06:13

hi guys i wanted to check in because maybe you lot can help me. if anyone can remember my history that would be great lol. so I through my first week at work and I can still do the job no problem I just don't WANT to do it. I feel like I'm going mad. I was always into my job before I got pregnant and now I just can fixate on anything else. Also about two weeks ago I got a faint positive after feeling very sick and sore and tired. ( you know where this is going) and Monday I took one again so I should have been 10dpo and line was faint be defo there and then one on Saturday so that would be 15dpo and line was still just as faint and then yesterday I did another one and it was negative. I feel like I'm grieving because I know its a chemical pregnancy and I know I was warned it could happen but I was also told that after a natural miscarriage that there was no reason to wait I could try again asap. I haven't started bleeding yet but I know it will happen. I just feel lost and I don't know what to do. I feel up and down and like know one understands. All I want is to be happy and its so difficult. I mean life goes on and I can do my job and live my life but I'm just not happy and I cry when I'm alone. I know I have to wait but my faith in my body and in mother nature is just gone and I turn 30 in just over a week and I don't like that either. Also could wondering if there could be something wrong with either my husband or me? I mean could it be my eggs that are the issue? I just want answers and a way to cope and I know over time this will pass but I just feel like I needed to post here. X

Rainbow8bubbles · 27/05/2019 06:50

Overlook the spelling and grammar mistakes I'm emotional

Catconfusion · 27/05/2019 09:35

Hey @Rainbow8bubbles firstly don't be hard on yourself for trying again. Some ladies are lucky and catch which is probably why doctors give you the all clear. Your body has however been through a lot so could still be recovering.

I wouldn't start to necessarily go down the road of thinking something is wrong. Chances are it's all just bad luck. You're still young and although some ladies have egg quality issues early it's unlikely. It might be worth booking in with the GP for a chat and maybe a few tests. They can check your thyroid and vitamin d levels which can sometimes lead to losses.

The more advanced tests are done after three losses as I'm sure you know. I had a mmc and then a cp straight after and my doctor said she won't count the cp as she thinks my lining was still recovering. Your doctor might be different so with recording you've had another albeit loss.

I'm so sorry you've been through this. There are several of us on here who've been in a similar situation. It's really hard but you'll get through it.

As for work I've felt the same. I ran my own business before I fell pregnant with the mmc and it's been tough to get back into it when all I wanted was to still be pregnant. You go so far down the road of being a parent it's hard to turn back. All I can say is take one day at a time and you will feel better.

Rest up and see a doctor if the bleeding or symptoms are difficult to manage at home. We're here to support you through this! Xx

Catconfusion · 27/05/2019 11:43

Hey ladies, I'm a little concerned my body is heading for another wtf cycle. Had a drop today and another flashing smiley. Also DH could not perform last night after a failed attempt yesterday morning. He says he feels pressured which is unlike him. Also I didn't seem that into it. By the time we got the chance last night it was late and I was tired plus I'm full of cold at the moment. It was not ideal but I didn't want to miss the opportunity. This morning was also very strained but we did manage it. I hate that we have to dtd in less than ideal circumstances. Also no guarantees due to my unpredictable cycles. Tbh I think last cycle knackered us both so much the enthusiasm has gone a bit. It's so sad. Anyway sorry for the rant but just feeling a bit challenged by it all at the moment. I hope you're all having a lovely bank holiday! Xx

Kiki061190 · 27/05/2019 12:47

@Rainbow8bubbles don’t feel bad for feeling the way you do! You need to let your emotions out. I understand about work, I return tomorrow and tbh I was so work orientated before but having something like this happen changes your priorities and that’s ok!

@Catconfusion I completely understand how that must feel. Men almost don’t want to feel like they are doing it for a purpose as opposed to fun. Don’t worry tho, if you can both manage to dtd every second day throughout the month that should more than cover you.

I’ve been attempting to track ovulation so I can roughly know when to expect a period. I got a positive yesterday and a negative today but I don’t want to enter this into my app if that makes any sense? I’m cycle day 18 now after miscarriage and that seems too early? I usually ovulate day 14 but I wouldn’t expect to ovulate so quick after the bleeding stopped. So I’ll keep tracking and see if another positive comes up through the next couple of weeks. Been temping as well which I’m finding quite facinating!

Catconfusion · 27/05/2019 13:10

@Kiki061190 thanks for the reply. It's just odd because it's not bothered him before. I think me having a cold hasn't helped as I'm not as up for it as I'd normally be. Luckily no rise today so we might still be in with a chance. I just hope my body plays along in the next couple of days!

Cycle day 18 is possible. Some ladies are fertile pretty quick after a mc. I find temperature monitoring a much more accurate way of monitoring. I use Ovusense which is pretty easy to use. The opks just give me a potential warning it's about to happen. It is fascinating to see what's going on. Hopefully you'll get a rise soon which is a good sign your body is recovering. Xx

Amanda81 · 27/05/2019 16:06

Hi ladies

@Kiki061190 I O'd on cd21 after erpc,so it does sound possible.

@Rainbow8bubbles MC has a way of messing around with your normal everyday and life before Mc. I started t question what's it all for. This does pass and you start to retrieve the purpose of work and life in general. I had to force myself into it. I had a little exercise that I did before I went to bed which was to list three things which are positive about that day, and list one thing I would like to do less of the next day. It helped refocus the mind.

@Catconfusion my DH and I had a cycle like this (think it was the 2nd cycle after MCC). He got a bit of stage fright and I felt less in to it, mainly because it felt forced. After this I decided not to share so much about the 'timing' of dtd. I think men almost prefer to not know the window. The pressure on them is unreal. We can still get on with it even if we don't feel like it, but if men don't feel like it, it really is going nowhere. If you can't rant here then where can you! I would also like to add that before the MC and in our 16 years of being together we have never had stage fright or lost interest. It's all down to the pressure. Is there a way of easing the pressure on you both? I know that you see yours and your DH's age as a significant contributor, and I totally get this (as we are in the same boat), but a month here or there isn't going to impact. You have caught really easy before, and it will happen again. Also your cold will screw around with your temps and O so do be mindful of this. I had a cold during this cycle I caught and I found a high daily dose vit C (1000mg) really helped xxx

Update from me. I buckled today and had a private scan, the last few days I have been uncontrollably anxious and fearing the worst. It is all good news and the baby is measuring 9+3 (so slight ahead) and has grown 10mm since last Tuesday! Amazing! And we saw it moving. The NHS scans don't give scan photos at the early scans, so we now have a little photo stuck on the fridge. I am feeling very blessed, but still feel like I don't want to fully invest emotionally. I guess that will come once we have got over the next few weeks.

Hugs to all xx

sadtoday21 · 27/05/2019 17:21

@Rainbow8bubbles I am really sorry to hear that you are having such a terrible day and about the chemical pregnancy. The same thing happened to me the first cycle after my mmc and I also found it stressful and quite depressing. Physically, it wasn't bad, but I was very worried because of the partial molar. I also know what you mean about feeling like life has no purpose and you don't want to work - it's hard to care about work stuff when you are going through so much! Just try to get through the days as best you can and reward yourself with small treats and things you enjoy. It will get better in time, but it really is hard. Sending you hugs!

@Kiki061190 it's definitely possible to O that early, especially if you had a natural mc. Hoping that is the case and you are really on the road to recovery now!

@Catconfusion wow, I really related to your post. I haven't had the stage fright issue with DH yet, but I did feel like it was all a bit forced this month because I was really trying to stick to a strict schedule. I decided I didn't want to make an issue about timing and everything so I just left my smiley face stick on the sink for DH to see. He saw it and got the message! I know he really wants a baby too, but @Amanda81 is right, they don't like performing with a purpose as much as just for fun!! And I am also really stressed with some work deadlines and coming down with a bad cold, just like you, so hard to be really in the mood. I hope you get your static smiley soon so that you can both take a break and relax a bit! Xxx

@Amanda81 what fantastic news! That must be such a relief. I am so happy for you and it must have been wonderful to see the baby moving. Amazing that it has grown so much in such a short span of time!!

So, I think that I may be 2 dpo today - any thoughts from the chart? I'm really hoping tomorrow will confirm O. Not sure whether I need to get in another bding session today as I really think O already happened and I'm feeling quite ill actually. More inclined to get under the covers and sleep off this cold than dtd. I've also cut back a tiny bit on coffee now, although I'm still drinking 2 cups a day, and cut the wine back too to a small occasional glass here and there. I hate the TWW because I feel guilty for not acting pregnant and then sad and stupid for being so careful when I get a bfn. How early do you think I can start symptom spotting/testing? I don't want to put my life on hold for something that probably won't happen and then be really disappointed, but I also am really anxious about doing anything that might harm future baby.

I guess this is actually my first TWW since the first pregnancy ten months ago. That time was before the mmc, so I wasn't so anxious or even really hopeful, just mildly curious. While I was doing the test I thought "if it's not pregnant, and it probably won't be, I'll just have some nice wine" win-win. Then I was shocked to see the two pink lines and my whole life changed in that instance. Now it all feels very different and somehow more sad.

First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)
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Amanda81 · 27/05/2019 17:47

Hey @sadtoday21 I think you are 2dpo also. If I was you if you would prefer to stick tissues up your nose and bury the cold under the duvet, I would! I don't think dtd would make much of a difference if you are 2dpo. However, if you get a temp drop tomorrow I would get back on it. Are there any similarities in your cycle? I know you have O'd earlier than usual, but usually the rhythm of temps is the same. There is a nifty little tool on FF which helps with this. You can mark it to compare cycles at ovulation. Xx

bananamonkey · 27/05/2019 18:35

Sorry you’re having a crappy time @Rainbow8bubbles, I can definitely say I felt the same. I had to set my annual goals at work and the thought of it stretching out in front of me made me want to cry, my goal for this year was to have a baby and I just didn’t care. It has improved with time and work is a good distraction, I’m on my first cycle after also having a chemical straight after my MMC. Take it one day at a time and try to do some nice little things each week to keep busy x

I think you did the right thing with the scan @Amanda81, really pleased it’s all looking to good. FWIW I did get a scan picture from EPU with my first pregnancy at 7 weeks and you literally can’t see anything it’s just a collection of blobs, you weren’t missing out 😂

I’d tuck yourself up and rest @sadtoday21, hope you feel better soon x

On the pressure topic, I really hate the whole process of TTC, after a couple of months all the joy gets sucked out of it, the scheduling, the timing, the constant peeing in pots/on sticks, I genuinely end up thinking it’d be easier sometimes if DH could just give me a pot of sperm when I ask 😂

sadtoday21 · 27/05/2019 18:44

I just had to share this really funny passage from the new statesman on here, I can totally relate and was laughing out loud! It is hilarious: www.newstatesman.com/lifestyle/2015/02/trying-get-pregnant-hard-enough-without-being-told-not-drink

"Trying to conceive is grim. If this is something you have never tried, you may not understand why anyone would say this. You may think “well, it’s just having sex without contraception – doesn’t sound bad to me!” And yet it is. Whatever your best intentions, once you’ve made the decision to do it, attempting to get pregnant can take over your life.

Naturally you will begin by thinking “oh, let’s see what happens”. You are not going to become some paranoid fertility-zilla, the kind of woman who checks her basal bodily temperature daily, spends a fortune on ovulation tests, constantly frets about her LH surge and is never quite sure whether or not today’s vaginal discharge looks enough like egg white to be of note. You do not want to be that woman because that woman is a) not cool and b) having rubbish sex. It is much better to be the kind of woman who happens to get pregnant within a month or so of (not really) trying. The kind of woman who might want a baby but is also having lots of hot, carefree shags throughout which she is far too turned on to give conception a second thought. To her, getting pregnant will be an added bonus. “Oh look, it must have been that night on the beach! Or maybe by the fire in the log cabin?” That, you tell yourself, is the kind of conceiver you’ll be.

And yet, a few months down the line, should you have failed to conceive by the hot-but-nonchalant shagging method, things will start to change. You no longer measure the passing of time in quite the same way. Each month splits into the two weeks following the start of your period (“fuck it, I’m not pregnant”) and the two weeks after (“I might be, I might be, I might be… How early can I test?”). Sex at what you know to be the “best” time (you don’t want to be the kind of woman who knows what the “best” time is, but you are) now starts to take on a grim significance. It’s still fun, yes, but not as much fun as it was before you started stressing about whether everything was “on target”.

You may try to keep up the cool act with your partner, failing to let him know that thanks to this morning’s piss on a stick you are absolutely sure that the next forty-eight hours are crucial. After all, why stress him out too? You can just seduce him! But then there will be times when he’s tired or busy or simply not around. At this point you may consider sharing with him the sheer importance of the Shag Timetable (I recommend a PowerPoint presentation). Knowledge of the “right” time is an unfair burden for you to carry alone, particularly when it can feel like your body alone is being tested. You’ll be the one who gets the pass or fail at the end of the month. And after a while you may give up on bedroom etiquette completely. Much as you’d like to lie in a post-coital haze, you now stick your legs and arse in the air to make sure it “goes the right way” and doesn’t all dribble out. You make yourself feel like a leaky vessel, your partner, a squeezed-out tube of Frubes. It is not how you pictured it at all."

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