First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part III)

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed (again) because we reached the 1,000 post limit (twice!). I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not all quite there yet (BUT some of us are!! congrats!!!). I know we will all be pregnant someday soon and that this will end up being a lucky thread! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this. This thread and the ladies on it have been a source of inspiration for me, which is why I created this blog to help other women find information and support after miscarriage: mcandbeyond.weebly.com/

About me, for any newcomers: 31 years old, first pregnancy ended in an MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and had follow-up with CX hospital until mid-May. Second early MC in April (we weren't supposed to be getting pregnant because of the molar, but didn't know about it at the time). Now TTC again nearly four months after the first MMC and so so ready for a baby!

@sadtoday21 you don't know how much your kind words mean to me. As you can probably tell I'm going for full on despair and zero hope. I don't know how you coped when you found out about the pm. I wish I had one ounce of your strength.

Unfortunately it was just bad timing with the GP. Both of the only doctors I would even consider talking to about all this are off for a couple of weeks. I tried talking to the epu but they didn't even want to know this long after the surgery. At least when I finally see someone it will have been that many more weeks with no af so they might take me more seriously.

If I ever make it back here I fully expect to be greeted with lots of good news. xx

Hi @AnnaMC214 Firstly I'm so sorry you're going through this and feeling this way. I appreciate its been a little while since your surgery but I'm a little surprised the EPU couldn't help. How about the Gynae ward you were on? It sounds like you need to be checked over sooner rather than later, especially since it's affecting your mental health so much. I guess all you can do is try and go in as an emergency at the doctors as they must have emergency appointments. Are you in any pain?

I totally understand you needing to take a step back from the thread. We're always here for when you're feeling stronger. Hopefully there's an explanation for your symptoms and you'll get the all clear very soon. XX

Thanks @Catconfusion - the trouble is I don't think anyone would see it as an emergency. I think I'll be told that some people just take longer the recover than others. I swing between feeling I should make more of a fuss to feeling I'm being overly dramatic. I do have some pain pretty much all of the time but it's not severe. Backache is pretty much a constant along with occasional cramps etc. It's all fairly mild but a bit wearing. It seems worse on days when I get a temp drop but I wonder if that's just in my head. I don't know what to think anymore. xx

@AnnaMC214 you're entitled to go and get checked over tomorrow based on the abdominal pain. Don't worry about what anyone thinks. It's a pretty invasive surgery and you don't feel like your body is healing from it. Maybe there is some other explanation as to why AF hasn't started. Hopefully the GP can give you some reassurance.
I hope you're ok and get some answers soon! Xx

@AnnaMC214 Hope a good nights sleep works it's magic for you.

I need you guys to talk me down.. I'm 10 dpo tomorrow and I don't feel in any way pregnant but I also ordered a load of pregnancy tests which arrived today. My intent was to test tomorrow. I know im just going to be disappointed and if it's a bfn (which it will be) then I'll probably test again next week where I will just be disappointed again. I just can't get it out of my head..

@Kelpies you see I would test at 11 dpo but if you really think it'll impact your mental health just keep busy. Give the tests to someone else to safe guard. I listened to a Facebook live with a fertility nurse last night (free with Ovusense) she said for mental health not to test until 18 dpo. That seems too long to me. You see I find AF suddenly coming harder. I'd rather see a negative test first and expect it. Just remember if it is negative it's not your fault, you did all you can and ttc is really hard. We only have a 20-30% chance each cycle. Good luck! Xx

@bananamonkey thanks! More flashy smileys today :) - I can see how you get sick of them after awhile haha! Can't believe you had 7 days - that must mean you are really fertile, right? I'm not sure how soon O happens after the static, but I think @Amanda81 is right 24-48 hours. Sperm can really last five days! It happened to me after the mmc - I got pregnant with one bd that was five days before O. Of course, it didn't stick, so I'm not sure really what to make of all that.

cd14 now with a slow temp drop that I usually get before O (three down in a row). Managed to fit in a bd last night and really hoping that I don't have a week or more of smileys - I feel anxious when I miss a night when they are blinking at me! I know they say every other night is fine, but I've been waiting so long since the pm that I really dread a bfn this month. I used to O on cd19, so hoping for somewhere around there!

How is everyone in the TWW doing? xxx

@Kelpies I try to wait too, but then I always end up testing because I think I find the waiting harder than seeing the bfn. But then the bfn crushes me. It's really a lose-lose situation. Sorry!! I would just go for it if you've got tests to burn xxx.

Hi ladies! I hope you are all getting on ok!

@sadtoday21 O is approaching tho how exciting!

Ladies can I ask a personal question? I found out today my in laws shared that I had a miscarriage with two other family members and I was annoyed. Not that the family members knew but that they were told without us knowing. In my opinion it is our private business and only ours to share if that makes any sense? Would you have been annoyed also or am I being unreasonable?

Woo @sadtoday21 sounds like it's on the way! I will definitely move to every night once we get a static. Xx

@Kiki061190 I think it's awful your news was spread to other family members and you have every right to be mad. We chose to put ours on social media but that's only because we personally felt it would help with the healing. Sharing about miscarriage is not for everyone and it should be kept private by those close to you! Xx

@Catconfusion thanks! I agree with you. I read the static smiley is only 24-36 hour window, so I guess it would just be that night and the night after at most! Do you bd every day with the flashies as well? Or every other? I want to do every day, but am afraid I might wear DH out before O, particularly if it happens to take a long time like last cycle...I wish I knew how many flashy smileys to expect! It seems the average is 4, but can be as little as 2 or as many as 11!

@Kiki061190 I agree completely with @Catconfusion - that was your news to share or not share, not anyone else's! I guess I would only be really upset though if I thought the intent was malicious or mean-spirited. If my in-laws were sharing the news to somehow protect me or help me, I wouldn't mind so much. If they were just gossiping, however, I would hate that! In general, I feel I want people to know what I have been through, rather than hide it. I get more upset when people ask me why I am not having kids or downplay the trauma of the mmc. Xxx

@sadtoday21 we're doing every other night. I think it can vary so much with getting a static. Your LH surge will begin when your body is ready. I'm planning to go to every day once we get the static. My DH never seems to tire but I found last cycle I'd lost the will to live by day 36. I really hope it's not like that this time. I have 20 opks left so hopefully will get a positive soon. Xx

@Kiki061190 I think @sadtoday21 is right that sometimes people share in a helpful way but idle gossip is not on! Xx

Thanks ladies! I know it wasn’t malicious but I’m quite private and would rather it was my fiancé or I that shared the news as we see fit. Was annoyed because that’s a few people who know without even mentioning to me or my fiancé at all.

Hey all.

Absolutely frazzled and taking so many naps I'm finding it hard to keep up with the thread, but really want to stay active and contribute. Anywho...

@Kiki061190 - I would be so very annoyed! A similar thing happened to me with our first pregnancy whereby my in-laws told the wider family that we where pregnant although we had asked them to keep it too themselves. Of course, as we had a MMC they then had to tell them we where no longer pregnant. I was very angry and will never trust them. With this pregnancy the in laws have not been told, yet my parents have been told. It is very much your story to tell and you should be able to control who knows. I'm personally not too fussed about people knowing about the MMC, but I want to be able to tell the people from my point of view and from the horses mouth so to speak. Some people just can't help themselves xx

@sadtoday21 the flashing smileys can be bloody frustrating! I never got the same amount, but varied between 4 and 6 flashing smileys, before getting the static. Love it when that static smiley shows up. Made me feel like I was working properly. We never dtd every day, we tried one cycle and it just felt so forced. I've also heard that sperm needs between 24-36 hours to get to optimum quality, think that's why every other day is supposed to be the best for trying to conceive. So excited for you xx

@Catconfusion I don't think you will need all 20 OPK's, really hopeful for you this cycle xx

Sending you hugs and love @AnnaMC214 xx

@Amanda81 thanks so much! His family is lovely but they just can’t keep anything private and that’s what annoyed me. I felt it was our choice alone to decide when and who we talk to about it!

I’ve started temping all this week ladies! I’ve also started ovulation tests the past 3 days, just a faint line so no positives which I fully don’t expect for a while! Nice to get an idea of where my body is at tho.

Thanks @Amanda81 I hope not. I'm getting ewcm now so I'm hoping it's a nice early one. Glad you hear you're getting plenty of rest! Xx

😉 @Catconfusion - good sign on the EWCM!!! What cd are you now? Are the temps in the right pre-O region? Xx

@Amanda81 I'm cd 15 and temps went down a tiny bit today so hoping for a bigger dip and hopefully a static in the next couple of days. Xx

Whoop whoop 🙌 @Catconfusion that's a much better cycle length! Fingers crossed you don't get those failed attempts again, I don't think you will as the EWCM is a really good sign. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Hi ladies. I have just joined this forum and it’s the first sort of thing like this I’ve tried. I don’t know how to start a new post so thought I’d just post on this thread in the hope of someone being able to offer me some advice. Although I don’t even know what I’m looking for tbh.

I’ve just found out I’m having a 2nd consecutive Missed Miscarriage and I’m so confused and upset. I am 36 and conceived my wee boy first time I had unprotected sex in 2016. The pregnancy was healthy and straightforward. Last year I decided to try for number 2 and conceived again, first time on day of ovulation. I had no idea anything was wrong till I had a tiny bit of pink tinged mucus at 11 weeks. Went to EPU and they scanned and revealed the baby had stopped developing at 6 weeks. I was gutted obviously. I had a natural MC about a week later.

I was desperate to be pregnant again. Had one normal cycle and conceived again the following cycle. Booked an 8.5 week reassurance scan and this time felt different. Nausea, sore boobs, bloated... 2 days ago went to the scan and was devastated to hear again, no heartbeat. I will take pills to induce miscarriage on Monday.

The unit told me they won’t look at any tests etc until I’ve had a 3rd consecutive MC. Already I am desperate to try again but the thought of sitting in that room and receiving that news again horrifies me. I am desperate to know why this is happening to me but I know there’s no way to know. I and so angry with my body and feel it keeps tricking me into thinking everything is ok. My midwife even told me one MMC is rare, never mind 2.

I don’t know what I’m hoping for posting on here. Maybe positive stories that things can still work out for me... or advice about what to do next. I’ve read online about supplements to help egg quality but I thought that was a fixed thing. I’m panicking about my age as I would like another couple of children and now I’m thinking this won’t be my journey. My husband drinks and vapes frequently and I don’t know if that could be a factor.

If anyone could offer me any advice or knows anything about MMC it would be gratefully received. Thank you x

@FluffyBumpkin I'm so sorry you find yourself here and welcome to the thread. Your post really moved me, as it spoke to some of my worst fears. I also got pregnant the first time trying and had an MMC at 12 weeks (no signs anything was wrong, found out the scan that hb stopped at 9 weeks). I had to have d&c to resolve it and the pathology report five weeks later showed that it was a partial molar pregnancy. So, I did get some answers about why it happened and went wrong - it was a genetic mutation where two sperm enter the egg before it can close properly. A freak accident at conception and nothing I could do to the make the baby live. I then lived in fear of having to have chemo for three months while they monitored my hcg levels and couldn't ttc for that time. I just received the all clear to start ttc again.

I know this isn't a positive story - sorry about that! But I say it to tell you that even when you do have answers and know the cause of the MMC, like I do, it's not really that comforting. I am just entering O week for the first time since being cleared from the partial molar and I too am feeling anxious and full of fear that I'll have another MMC or something even worse. All a long way of saying that I really understand where you are coming from.

@Catconfusion on here take insitol for egg quality - it's something that some ladies take after the age of 35. I'm 31, so I haven't gone down this road yet, but I feel in general there is not much to be done about genetic mutations and egg/sperm quality. Of course, it helps not to drink a lot of alcohol or coffee, and smoking definitely does decrease the quality of both. It would be good if you could get DH to cut down on both the drinking and vaping. Even when the NHS runs all the tests, it seems they often do not find much - sometimes, blood clotting is an issue and then they recommend baby aspirin. But, overall, it seems you just have to keep trying until you get lucky, no matter the heartbreak.

I hope you get lucky soon! Wishing you all the best Xxxx.

@Amanda81 great to hear from you! Sorry to hear you are feeling so knackered, but great that everything is going so well. Thanks for your answer on the bding and flashy smileys - that was really helpful! I am on my third flashy :) today and I skipped one bding yd. Will aim for tonight. It's looking like I am on track for my pre-MMC/MC O timeline, around cd19, maybe even 1-2 days earlier.

Very nice to have my cycle seemingly back on track finally, but as I mentioned above just feeling a bit anxious and low right now. I am worried about getting a BFN this month, worried about another MMC or worse, very worried about having to defend part of my dissertation in two weeks when I still feel distracted and not ready. In general, I'm just not feeling great really. I'm still thinking about the MMC a lot and, while my body is fully recovered now (finally!), I'm just feeling a bit apprehensive about the future. Anyone else feel this way?

Thanks @Amanda81 I had a massive dip today so it's looking good. Still on flashing smiley but hopefully I'll get a peak soon. Xx

I'm so sorry @FluffyBumpkin You find yourself here. It's interesting what your midwife said about it being very rare to have 2 mmcs. They certainly have an added layer of grief because you have longer to bond with the baby and not always signs of anything wrong. I'm hoping it's just really bad luck for you. Will your GP do any tests I.e. thyroid, vitamin d, full blood screen? I'm sure you'll find this thread supportive. Xx

@sadtoday21 Inositol isn't specifically for egg quality but to help make ovulation more regular. Any lady with irregular cycles could benefit, specifically those with pcos/pco and of all ages. It can apparently help with egg quality but it's ubiquinol/coq10 that people generally take to improve egg quality. If I were to have another miscarriage I may take coq10 as this might be a sign of poor egg quality. My blood tests imply my egg supply is good so I'm still confident my loss was just bad luck

Egg quality is so individual and not necessarily dependent on age. My friend was 33 when she was diagnosed with low egg reserve. Another friend had a baby at 44 and was told hers were good. Miscarriages can be a sign of poor quality eggs or just a rogue poor quality one. Again this can happen at any age. Poor sperm quality can also be the cause. That's why @FluffyBumpkin If you can get your DH to cut down on vaping and drinking it will help. Xx

I'm sorry @sadtoday21 You're feeling anxious and it's totally understandable. It's so hard just to let go and go with the flow after a tragic pregnancy outcome, especially when your body took so long to get back to normal. Just remember it would be unbelievably bad luck to go through something like this again. Chances are the next pregnancy will work out just fine. Xx

So today I realised I hadn't deleted that girl from my Instagram who ran the London marathon while pregnant and did weight training in preparation. I know from a friend her baby is due on 23rd Aug just like the baby I lost. I saw from pictures this morning she did the muddier obstacle course race last weekend. It just really triggered me. There's actual falling risks in that sort of thing. It just seems crazy to me. Anyway I've deleted her. There's not much that triggers me now but she definitely does so it's not worth looking.

Thanks @Catconfusion you are right - I was thinking of ubiquinol/coq10. I think I read that people generally only take ubiquinol after 35, but as you say, age doesn't really matter. Thanks for all the great info on egg/sperm quality! I personally am not sure how much it all really helps - it seems to be at least 80% luck to me. But that is just what I think when I am feeling a bit cynical haha.

Sorry to hear about the Instagram girl - she is crazy! It's definitely true that ladies who haven't gone through mc have a much more relaxed approach to pregnancy. MMC is particularly awful as it goes on so long, often without any signs. Without wanting to minimise anyone else's loss, I definitely think based on my own experience that the longer the pregnancy continues, the more difficult the whole process is. Of course, there is also a special kind of agony in not getting pregnant in the first place. It's all so hard and so many things can go wrong. But, as you say, we just have to try to stay positive and keep taking one day at a time!

I think you're right @sadtoday21 it's massively about luck and a bit of genetics. Even ladies with low egg reserve can randomly have a healthy pregnancy - it might take longer. My friend is 37 and been trying for 5 years with low egg reserve. I keep telling her to not give up. She had two failed IVFs and has been told very little chance naturally but it's not impossible.

Thanks, she's just silly really. Even before a mmc I wouldn't have run an obstacle course.

I agree getting further in makes it more distressing though I know earlier ones can be horrendous. I really wish I'd lost in the first couple of weeks rather than later on. It's more traumatic but you also lose so much more time with a mmc. Xx