First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed because we reached the 1,000 post limit. I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not quite there yet. I know we will be someday soon! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me on here as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this.

About me, for any newcomers: First MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and currently undergoing follow-up with CX. Second early mc in April. Now impatiently waiting to be cleared from CX before ttc again.

Thank you all for your messages of support you guys don't know how much you have helped me through this last few weeks. I know it will get better but right now I don't know when.

@Kiki061190 that was an extra blow that makes it harder for you all, keep strong!
@Catconfusion wot a horrible thing to happen, some people just don't have a clue

@Amanda81 so nice to hear from you. How have you been feeling? Symptoms still floating about? My DP knows all about you ladies and is often the one pushing me to post and ask you all your opinions and advice. You have all been so kind and supportive and I do feel that we are all on this journey together and pull each other through.

Quick question/bit of advice needed please...so the FF app advised me to start using OPK's as of yesterday. So off I popped to Tesco and bought some own brand sticks, have just done a test and it's negative. Can't help but feel disheartened and also found the whole experience of peeing on a stick a bit upsetting as the last time I did this it was showing me a positive pregnancy test 😔.

Anyway. I guess I just wanted to know how accurate/reliable these tests are? Whether to take the app's results with a pinch of salt and try again tomorrow, or just put them to one side and just carry on with temping for a while to get into the swing of things? I'm very conscious that I don't want to become obsessive/too disheartened by all of this as I feel like I've only just turned a corner in my healing.

What do you ladies think?

Sorry for the ramble, hope you're all well?xxx

So sorry for your loss @Kiki061190 x

I actually don’t have much cycle data since I don’t think I can rely on the 2 cycles post-MMC and have always taken the pill but thank you, you’ve made me check back to last year and my 2 proper cycles TTC were O around day 18-20 (wasn’t temping but going off other signs) so clearly I’m just being impatient

Hey @LMLP91 - great to hear from you too. I never had much luck with the general opks, I never seem to get much of a colour on them, hence why I went with the Clear Blue advanced OPK's. I also prefer to POAS in the morning, just to get it over and done with. I also didn't POAS for the first few cycles after the MMC and I just temped. I wanted to figure out my cycles on temperature alone and then decided to use OPK's I think 2nd cycle in. I also felt doing it all at once would be too overwhelming. However, it was a massive learning curve for me, as I didn't have a clue about when i ovulated etc. Try not to get disheartened, I do think that one system doesn't work for all, and you just need to find your groove with what works for you. Try not to worry about not getting a positive reading, when I did my research and trawling through MN, there where many women who didn't get a hint of a line, even though they where O'ing. Something it's down to how diluted your urine is. Sorry for the ramble reply, currently moving the office around which takes me forever to get every bit of stationary in the right place...ocd 😂😂😂 I'm doing okay all things considering. I'm lucky to be pregnant again, so do count my blessings. Just really really hoping this one turns out okay...third time lucky 🍀🍀🍀

You are so lovely @sadtoday21, and I'm also pleased that other DH's get involved and are as equally interested and encouraging us to support one another. Strength in numbers and all that jazz 🤗🤗 🤗 Friday afternoon is only 3 sleeps away! Wowzers!!!

Hugs to all xxx

@LMLP91 so nice to hear from you and I hope you are doing ok! The OPKs can be really disheartening - for some reason I never O until I get to the very last stick!! But it is totally normal to not get a result right away, you just have to stick with it as long as you can. For me, the result always comes just when I have given up completely and I know what you mean about it making you feel bad about yourself. Still, it's better than just temping alone because it will predict O in advance so you can catch the egg! I say stick with it and make sure you watch EWCM, above all else! Wishing you the best of luck this month xxx!

Not impatient at all @bananamonkey, just super keen to get a bun in the oven, which is the ultimate goal. My cycle did jump around after the MMC, but only belt a couple of days, they did this:
Cycle 1 - O at 17dpo
Cycle 2 - O at 16dpo
Cycle 3 - O at 14 dpo (caught but ended with MC)
Cycle 4 - O at 18dpo (caught again...)

I would keep going with the OPK's just to see, as you can see from my 3rd cycle it leaped forward by 2-3 days. If I wasn't opk'ing I would have missed it. I was taking Ubiquiniol that cycle and think this may have brought it forward xx

@Amanda81 that thought has crossed my mind too! Google didn't seem to think so though so hopefully I just have to be patient. Maybe it's like a watched pot 😂

I'm glad you're managing to busy yourself as much as possible to help this time pass and I'm glad your dh is being understanding. My dh also knows all about this thread. I think he's grateful that I have someone to talk to about it all aside from him! 😂

@LMLP91 I've used the cheapie stick opks in the past and got on ok with them but I think some people struggle to catch their surge. I found testing twice a day helped me not miss it but it can get annoying poas constantly. They're not really like a pregnancy test where they are positive or negative and it's more on a scale which is why you have to do them over a few days to try and catch the peak and the time between that and O can vary. As @sadtoday21 says, they are good as they give you advance notice of O but if it's too much for you right now then I'd just stick with temping. xx

@AnnaMC214 thank you and I couldn't agree more. I've been in bed all afternoon with a stress migraine so all in all my reentry into the business world was a bit of a disaster.

Thanks @Amanda81 exactly, it's not a baby group. Like you say networking can be tough, especially if you're not feeling 100% and then to be blind-sighted by something like this. The whole experience was exhausting.

I'm so glad you've managed to soften the strenuous side of your job. I love getting new stuff in my office. I can imagine that's kept your mind occupied and such a good idea to have a focus. I really hope you scan day comes quickly. As you say one step at a time. Xx

Thanks @sadtoday21 for the virtual hug, we'll needed today. I'm really glad your sample is off. I hope it turns up in a timely fashion this time. We still don't have DHs SA. My GP hasn't received it yet and the lab said a week ago they'd mail it over. I just hope it turns up. Xx

@Kiki061190 Thanks and I can relate, I just kept thinking that should be me coming in with my baby in August but sadly it won't be. She was literally sat two chairs away so not nice at all have a new born shoved in my face Xx

@Rainbow8bubbles Any time and I'm glad this thread is working! Xx

@LMLP91 I've got the digital opks this time because I found temping stressful last time. I'm hoping peeing on a stick each morning will be easier because it's a yes or no answer to ovulation. Temping was making me question everything and causing a lot of stress! I still might do it though as Ovusense have a shiny new app and intrigued as to what the supplements I'm taking are doing to my hormones. Xx

@Catconfusion I'm so sorry, that sounds like a truly awful experience and I can totally understand why it upset you. It seems very insensitive when they knew you were coming back and who goes to a networking event 2 days after giving birth!!!

@Kiki061190 I'm so sorry you've had this loss on top of what you've already been through, sounds like you and DH are supporting each other and we're here if you need to talk.

@sadtoday21 Great news on the last test! Congratulations and here's to TTC again this cycle! When is your o predicted?

@Amanda81 My DH knows about the thread but hasn't read the messages! To be honest I think he finds it a bit strange but equally understands what a life line it's been for me. Sounds like you're managing well to keep busy, only one week to go!

@Rainbow8bubbles so sorry you are having such a tough time. I promise it does get easier but even when it does there are tough days and sometimes triggers you just don't see coming that send you back in to a downward spiral. Like many others have said the comfort I've found form this group of ladies has genuinely been my lifeline and got me through the worst times.

@LMLP91 I struggled with normal OPKs so tried the digital CB ones last cycle and got on really well with them. I stated using them again this morning. They are more expensive but I found they gave me a better understanding of what was going on and a more definitive reading. Found them cheapest on amazon!

Hope everyone else is doing ok. xxx

Thanks ladies for your insight and advice...I'll give myself three more days with the cheapie OPK's as well as temping and see if I get any change. If not I'll give the sticks a break this month and see what happens. Moving forwards, I'm happy to invest in more expensive/reliable OPK's, just grabbed the first ones I could see in Tesco this morning before the baby clinic started...yep, I realise how shit that sounds! That's my work life 👎🏼

That being said, I do feel better about being around it all and I'm managing to cope so much better now, which is why I can't get too bogged down with obsessing over O, which I am SO capable of doing!

Thank you all again, you girls are 🌟
Xxx

@3204ECL thanks it was all in all an awful meeting. Xx

The lady next to me told me she had a missed miscarriage after her son was born. She said she was relieved as she was getting cramps and it didn't feel right. There was no heartbeat at her 12 week scan. She said it felt like a heavy period and wasn't too bad when it came away. I told her mine was obviously our first child and being nearly 40 it had caused a lot of anxiety about whether we'll ever be parents. Plus I had surgery so I was scared of the GA and loss of control. I appreciate some people have an easier time with mmc but it's hard when it's down played. It was like she was saying she didn't understand why I was so upset because hers wasn't too bad.

@LMLP91 I got some Clear Blue connected ones for £25 on eBay. They arrived and perfectly fine. I'll start next week. I found early evening the best time to test with the cheapies. I got a clear peak with them. I just want to take the stress out so that's why I went for the CB as they seem more structured. Xx

Just found out one of my close family friends is pregnant with her second baby. I thought I was doing ok these days, but it was actually pretty upsettting. I’m really happy for her, of course, but she and everyone else in our circle acts as though it’s just a normal, happy thing. She’s never had a mc and so she doesn’t have any fears about the pregnancy, only excitement. I guess I’m just jealous that she is on to her second before I’ve even had one...it feels like everyone is succeeding at something I’ve failed so miserably at. Sorry for the rant everyone, I just really need this ttc process to hurry up right now! I don’t feel like I can face family gatherings until pregnant again. I really wish I could have at least had one pregnancy without all the fear and anxiety and pain.

@3204ECL great to hear from you! How are you doing these days? My O has been all over the place since the mmc and mc last month - I think it should be around cd19 though, so I’ve still got about two weeks of waiting 🙄. I hate all the waiting!

@LMLP91 I wish the cheap OPKs worked for me as the digitals are bloody expensive!! But they don’t work for me, unfortunately, I just need the smiley ones. I do kind of love/hate OPKs tbh - the blank tests are almost as soul crushing as a bfn!

@Catconfusion I really don’t like what that lady said to you on the train. Mmc is terrible!! It was probably the second worst thing I’ve been through. And everyone is different in terms of how they experience it - I don’t think my body was ever going to let go of that baby without the surgery. Her experience sounds very different. It just makes me mad! No one should downplay the pain of mmc. Thinking of you - how many more days until you start OPKs? I think about six more days for me.

@Catconfusion correction - lady sitting next to you, I don’t know where the train came from! 😂 I guess it is late and I was getting too worked up and adding all kinds of drama! I just really do feel that women need more emotional and physical support post mmc/mc.

Still no af. I'm really starting to worry now. I think my body might be broken. My temp today was up a bit but still down at pre O level. FF has given up on me entirely though and taken away my crosshairs. I think I give up. This is all too hard 😭

@sadtoday21 I'm ok thanks, a bit up and down with my mood but got a flashing smiley this morning on the exact same CD as last cycle. I don't think I ever realised it before but I'm actually pretty regular which is good! The waiting is the absolute worst! I hate wishing time away but at the moment I seem to be doing it all the time. Not too long to wait, for everything crossed for you for this cycle 😊

Got a slight issue with this weekend... DH is going away Saturday and Sunday for a work trip and I'm due to O on Sunday... I'm worried we're going to waste this cycle and he just doesn't seem to understand how it's making me feel. We'll obviously still try around it but for some reason the whole thing has upset me a bit. Pretty sure I'm being ridiculous but I just can't help it!!

Happy hump day all, bring on the weekend! xxx

@AnnaMC214 so sorry about AF. Where are you at time wise in your cycle/post MMC? xxx

I'm so sorry @sadtoday21 it's so hard to watch the blissfully innocent pregnant ladies who don't have this burden of loss. I guess we were the same in the beginning and it could easily have been her going through a mmc and you having a healthy pregnancy. You haven't failed. It's not about her being any different to you just luck. If you need to avoid family gatherings avoid them. Just try not to pressure yourself to be pregnant again. I'm trying really hard to not put too much hope into this cycle. I can't deal with the fall out if I don't fall pregnant if I've assumed it will just happen. I think for you just being able to try will be good for your mental health regardless of the outcome. I really hope we both have a successful cycle though and that were ok if not our time! Xx

@sadtoday21 yes that lady was very odd. She also said while the lady with the new born was there that I'm going to have to face babies do it may as well be today. Also she had a pregnant mentor on the course she was doing during her mmc but she got through it and didn't let it upset her. It was all about downplaying it which made the day even tougher. We're entitled to be upset and other people, especially those who have been through it should be honouring that.

No disrespect to the ladies who already have one child but I do feel with a mmc during a first pregnancy there is this extra layer of grief. We are facing the possibility of not ever being a Mum. I know it's likely we all will be but the fear of that makes the grief very intense. I just hated how blasé that lady was because most people I know who've been through this are devastated! Xx

Sorry @sadtoday21 forgot to say I'm not sure when to start opks as my cycles are so irregular. I only have 25 so maybe day 12. It's very unlikely I'll ovulate earlier than day 20 but I guess possible. Xx

It's so sorry @AnnaMC214 you're still waiting for AF. Feel free to share your chart. Xx

@3204ECL can you dtd with DH on Friday night and Saturday morning? Apparently two days before O is still a good time because of how long sperm lives for.

I know what you mean about the waiting. I just want to get on it now! Xx

@Catconfusion yes we will DTD Friday and Saturday before he leaves at 6am 😭. Last cycle I had 5 days of flashing smiley before peak so if that's the same it would be Monday but will wait and see I guess! How are you doing today? xxx

@3204ECL I got a flashing smily today too! Finally! I’m thinking O will happen on Sunday so hoping that works out ok as I’m going away Sunday afternoon.