First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hi ladies! Our last thread was automatically closed because we reached the 1,000 post limit. I was hoping we would be able to start a new thread called First Pregnancy Post-MMC, but unfortunately we are not quite there yet. I know we will be someday soon! In the meantime, I hope you will all join me on here as we continue on this journey together. You have all been an invaluable source of inspiration, support, and kindness for me and I want to thank you for making me feel less alone in this.

About me, for any newcomers: First MMC in February at 12 weeks (baby passed at nine), D&C the next day, found out five weeks later that it was a partial molar pregnancy and currently undergoing follow-up with CX. Second early mc in April. Now impatiently waiting to be cleared from CX before ttc again.

Hey everyone. I love how our cycles are beginning to sync up. So for me I'm cd 5. AF physically wasn't too bad but my mood was very dark. It scared me a bit but it passed like a dark cloud and was possibly hormone related. I read something the other day about how the depression after a miscarriage is like post natal depression without the baby. We're jacked up on pregnancy hormones one day and then the baby is gone. It takes a while for the mind to catch-up with the body and come to terms with it.

I'm so sorry @Rainbow8bubbles this grief is overwhelming sometimes. It doesn't seem fair when other people have babies easily.

I think I mentioned before about someone I know who ran the London marathon at 5 months pregnant. I found out yesterday through a friend her due date is the same as mine. Apparently she took up weight training and lifting bags of cement as training for her marathon. She's also going to a music festival in July when she'll be 8 months pregnant. Apparently she refuses to give anything up for this baby (it was an accident we think) I've had to delete her off my Facebook. It's really upset me.

I can handle baby announcements but it makes me so mad when people aren't grateful for their babies. It just doesn't seem fair when we did everything right and we lost ours.

@Kelpies I think you're right and it's ok to have a certain level of detachment until the 12 week scan, but even then I'm not sure I'll relax. When I'm pregnant again I think I'll just try and detach myself from the outcome and keep myself busy. I will allow myself to experience a little joy though. Making decisions out of hope rather than fear is the best case scenario but it's hard. Xx

@Catconfusion glad to hear you are a bit better now that AF is done. I would be so mad about your friend's behaviour too! It's really not fair. What did you finally decide to do on the temping front?

I agree with you @kelpies about the scan and also even after 12 weeks I don't think I will relax - not until the baby is here! I'm planning to get scans more often when pregnant again so that I don't go months with a mmc again. I am also dreading the scans though, particularly since they will be in the same place as when I first learned of the mmc at 12 weeks. I guess we just have to be strong and get through it because there is no other choice! I agree with you 100% though about the anxiety and fear associated with a new pregnancy.

@AnnaMC214 any luck with AF yet? Hope so and hope it isn't too bad for you!

@Rainbow8bubbles I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. It will get better, even if it doesn't seem like that now. I promise you. Hugs!

@Amanda81 just one week until scan day! Yay!!!

Well I just sent off my second to last sample for CX. I am sending two this week in case they lose one like last time. Will send the final sample on Thursday. I don't want to get too hopeful, but it feels like I am almost there! My skin is completely clear and my body feels recovered from the mmc/mc now. I also feel a lot better emotionally now that it's been over three months since the surgery and so ready to ttc again. I'm really excited, even though I'm trying to manage my expectations! It's very up and down this whole process - my emotions are all over the place!!

@Catconfusion I definitely feel like my ability to cope and feel positive depends on what my hormones are doing. I'm glad the black cloud has lifted for you a little again. I'm not on fb but I know constant pregnancy/birth announcements would be detrimental to my mental health right now. That's without people like that awful woman!

@sadtoday I'm so happy for you that you've finally made it to the end of your CX ordeal! That's a great idea to send off two samples just in case. I have no doubt that the results will be good. Here's to new beginnings! 😊

Still no sign of af for me and I'm getting frustrated. I actually feel better than I did a couple of days ago! The cramping has gone although I do have a headache which feels like it has the potential to turn into one of my hormone migraines.

@Rainbow8bubbles it's so hard, I use to be such a believe in everything happens for a reason but now I'm loosing faith in that of course! We just have to remind ourselves that our time will come, good things are worth waiting for! Xx

@Kelpies this is the mantra I am going to take, one day at a time! It's so hard as DH gets so existed so quickly

@wanderlustgirl this is my mantra too, one day at a time! So hard not to get ahead of yourself in thinking about all the possibilities though...

@AnnaMC214 sorry to hear that AF hasn't arrived yet - it definitely will soon! Probably today or tomorrow at the latest. Are your temps still low? Hope that this frustrating cycle is over for you soon xxx.

Quick Q for all the OPK experts on here - is it ok if I reuse the test applicator from the kit I started last cycle again? Or do I need to buy a new one? I'm always confused about this, but don't want to buy a new kit as this one was barely used last cycle. Thoughts?

@sadtoday21 I believe if you still have he inserts over you can use them in the same
Holder, otherwise new inserts = new holder but I maybe wrong!

@sadtoday21 my temp was still low today so hopefully it won't be too much longer. My body seems irritatingly slow at reacting to things!

I don't use the digital opks myself but I'm pretty sure you can reuse the same holder for as long as the battery lasts. The main thing is to not switch holders mid cycle. xx

Hi everyone,

@AnnaMC214 I'm so sorry you're still waiting for AF. I hope it comes soon. Xx

@sadtoday21 I'm pretty sure you can reuse though I'm new to them so not sure.

Luckily it's a friend of a friend so I've just unfollowed her but it's so triggering. I've asked my other friends to not talk about it. Xx

@wanderlustgirl It's so hard to believe in things happening for a reason isn't it! It just seems so unfair to have a child whipped away from you before having a chance at life. I feel like I've been mugged and the most precious thing in the world has been taken and I've been left battered and bruised with no way of getting it back. I think you're right though, we'll all have our chance one day but the pain will always be there to some extent. Xx

Talking of being triggered. Today I went back to my women's networking group for the first time since before I was pregnant. It took a lot of courage if I'm honest as everyone knows what happened. What I didn't realise was a lady who's part of the group was bringing her newborn baby in. There's only 10 of us so really hard to hide. The lady who runs it knew my situation and did message me before the meeting to warn me but I didn't get the message in time. The other members were messaged and told to downplay the visit a bit and be sensitive to my feelings. It all went completely pear shaped because I got tearful. The lady who'd had the baby got tearful because she could see it had upset me. Also I think she was a little gutted people weren't more excited for her because of my situation. The lady who runs the meeting got tearful because I hadn't got the message and she could see how upset I was. I don't think the baby should have been brought in today since it was my first day back and also she only had it two days ago. Anyway it was upsetting for everyone concerned. Xx

I'm so sorry @Rainbow8bubbles that you're feeling this way, it's completely normal and does take time, I find it helpful to know I'm not alone in this even though it feels like it in the real world 3 months on most of the time I'm OK but having a family day out at the weekend I couldn't help but notice a huge number of pregnant women who already had 2/3 children with them and all I could think was how unfair it was that they had 4 and I only wanted 2 - how ridiculous but that's how I feel.

How frustrating @AnnaMC214, fingers crossed it won't be much longer!

I'm feeling a little impatient, not getting anything on OPKs and I only have 6 days left before I'm in another country 🙈

Meant to say @sadtoday21 fingers crossed for your results! Xx

@bananamonkey I'm sorry you're still waiting. It looks like a downward trend and your temps are evening out so hopefully any time now. Xx

Hi ladies! I’ve been laying low the past few days, my fiancé’s gran dies unexpectedly which on top of the procedure on Friday has been a lot to deal with! Trying to remain positive tho and get through this month together and things can only get better 💗

I hope you are all doing well!

@Catconfusion I'm so sorry to hear about your day! That sounds horrific! Well done for getting though it though and it will get better x

Thanks @wanderlustgirl it's been over three months now and I'm generally feeling better. I just can't believe she was showing her baby off two days after giving birth, especially with it being my first day back. It made so much sense to wait until the next meeting. She was very emotional as so soon, it upset me and generally the group didn't know how to react: the grieving mother on one side of the room and the doting mother on the other side. It just was a very uncomfortable experience for all concerned! Xx

Oh @Catconfusion I’m sorry I didn’t see your post, what a crappy situation, sorry you had to go through it, there was no need for her to bring the baby that soon x

Thanks @bananamonkey it was horrible. I didn't know whether I wanted to vomit, cry, leave the room. It felt so claustrophobic. I couldn't eat the food I'd paid £15 for - networking is expensive. All in all a very awkward situation which could have been avoided! Xx

@Catconfusion im shocked she wanted to go to something so soon after giving birth

@wanderlustgirl I know right! She stayed for about half an hour of the meeting before leaving in tears. I'm convinced it was because of how awkward it felt. Annoyingly she sent me a message when I had my mmc to say she was thinking of me and that she'd had one a few years back. Baffling that she'd think I'd be ok with her coming in since she knows what it feels like. I'm just a bit shocked and disappointed by the whole experience. Xx

Oh @Catconfusion that sounds completely awful! I'm so sorry. What a horrible situation to be put in and the last thing you need right now. I really think it was very insensitive all round. I can't understand why the lady would even want to bring her baby so soon after giving birth and then to not think how that might make you feel is baffling. I also think the organiser could have avoided the whole thing by suggesting she bring the baby another time when you could have been given plenty of notice. xx

@Kiki061190 it's good to hear from you but I'm so sorry you and your fiancé are going through so much right now. I think it's great you're managing to maintain a positive outlook. It's always darkest before the dawn 😊 xx

@Kiki061190 so sorry to hear of your loss and at such an incredibly hard and sad time for you. Thinking of you and your partner and sending lots of love and sunshine your way ❤️

@Catconfusion that sounds bloody awful! I'm so sorry you went through that. I remember coming back to work to learn of two colleagues' pregnancies and it honestly floored me. Not only was it hard enough returning to an already tough baby-filled environment, but hearing pregnancy announcements was the icing on the shitty cake!

These experiences will shape us and make us stronger...whatever life throws at us, we get through and survive!

Hope you're all making the most of this lovely sunshine xxx

Gosh you have been a chatty bunch today! Just caught up with a cuppa.

@Catconfusion that must have been very difficult. Sorry that you had to go through all of that today. Taking that first step back in to a networking session takes a lot of courage and should have been about your first step back into focusing on connecting with like-minded business people. The coordinator should have politely asked the new mum to come another day, as the group isn't a mums group, it's a business group. Very upset for you, but also quite angry at what you have had to put up with today. Hopefully everyone understood how you felt/feel. Also sorry for the new mum, she also shouldn't have been put in that position, equally if she was told to be sensitive, she should have taken the decision not to come...seriously 2 days after giving birth, do you really want to be at a networking group!!! I mean! Xx

The one step at a time mantra is the only way to be I think. I also think making peace with whatever the outcome is also helpful as a coping mechanism. I have found that this time round, that by accepting the possibility of another loss is the only way to get me through each day. I am also taking it a lot easier. I only have appointments out of the office now on a Tuesday and a Thursday and the rest of the working week I am in the office delivering the workload. This helps with the fatigue.

I'm so excited for you @sadtoday21 - your last blood test! Whoop 🙌 🙌. Is it next Wednesday you will find out? Or sooner? I bet you and DH is going to have one hell of a celebration when you get your results! So happy that you can start ttc again soon, if actually not already (I know I would be). I think the other ladies have answered your query on the OPK's xx

Where is this elusive AF @AnnaMC214 - this may sound like a dumbass question, but can you have a period without any bleeding? You've had some quite severe cramps, surely it should be here or just around the corner. Finger crossed that arrives soon xx

Do you know what cycle day you roughly O @bananamonkey? So hoping it happens for you before you leave the country! Xx

So sorry to hear about your fiancés gran @Kiki061190. I have found that the hardest times that me and my DH have encountered have brought us closer together and ultimately stronger. Take care of yourselves xx

The days are very long at the minute. Feels like I am wishing them away for next Tuesday. Very apprehensive and quietly anxious for the next scan, but overall trying to keep busy. For quite sometime now I've been meaning to sort my office furniture out, so me and DH toddled off to ikea this morning and he is now putting the furniture together whilst i write to you guys. He's been ever so good and has been very sympathetic to my mental state. My work is suffering a little as I am struggling to focus, but am hoping that new office furniture will do the trick!

Here's a question for you...do your respective halves know about this thread? Mine does. I say to him that I am going to catch up 'with my ladies' and he actually asks how everyone is doing. It's weird how in a very short frame of time, how integral you guys have become to my everyday. Interested to know what you guys do/say...just been nosey xx

@Kiki061190 I’m so sorry to hear about what happened, hope you and your DH are doing ok. Thinking of you both xxx.

@Catconfusion what a terrible day indeed! I find that very insensitive. If we were friends in RL, I would give you a great big hug and then maybe a nice g&t! You’ve been so strong lately, I know it’s hard, but try not to let other people get you down. You are maybe only 2-3 weeks away from a BFP yourself! There is always hope.

@bananamonkey sorry to hear about your cycle and waiting for O. What cd are you now and when do you normally O?

@Amanda81 your advice is always so wise! You are my guru. I laughed out loud reading about your DH, mine also knows when I’m chatting with “my ladies.” When you told us you were pregnant I was so excited I shouted very early in the am OMG Amanda81 is pregnant again!! And DH said what??! 😂

Since I sent one sample today, in case of postal incompetence, I should have the results by Friday afternoon. There is no way I’m missing this O, but still have at least another week to go! Stupid long cycles. Anyway, thanks so much for all the support on this thread - you ladies are amazing!! Xxx

@Catconfusion I completely understand where you are coming from! I was around someone the other day showing me their 20 week scan ect and I was looking at the scan and just thinking about when I went for mine and found out it was a mmc. Only my OH, parents and my best friend know so for me I was quite saddened!