Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 26 - tests, treatment and trying again

[bythesea82]

Tea, hugs, a wealth of collective knowledge and lots of hand holding as we try again. This thread moves like lightning so hold on to your hats!
Previous thread here

I'm jealous of meet up too! My best meet ups would be either Cat and Loopy or the Bucks ladies as I'm South Midlands

may had a similar experience last year with my 3rd mc. It happened during the afternoon (after a couple of weeks of spotting) and dh had to try and look after me whilst entertaining our ds. Horrid, but we got through it. It's grim whatever your circumstances.

Ok - rant time (I've had a crappy week and have had some so apologies!) Has anyone else ended up feeling really angry about the NICE guidelines regarding scans, measurements and the management of your miscarriage? I had a horrid situation last year when I knew I was having my 3rd miscarriage at 11 weeks but because the pregnancy only measuring 5- 6 weeks I was told that my dates could be wrong (5 weeks wrong???) and that I had to go back two weeks later for a rescan. I knew my dates were right (I was actively ttc so obviously knew my dates) but was told, very patronisingly, that I may be wrong. So I complained about this through the PALS thingy and just kept being told that 'they were they guidelines'. I knew my dates were right, I knew the pregnancy wasn't viable and I knew I didn't want to go through the agony of miscarrying 'naturally' at home. But because of the guidelines, I had no say and no choice. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that something similar is happening to somebody I know and I'm fucking angry for her that she cannot have the final say over what happens to her and how it happens, at a time when she/me/we/us feel extremely vulnerable and lacking in control. So, I want to get that changed. I have no idea how but I'm going to try. Rant over. x

Pop, I agree. at the very low least, they could do 48 hour bloods to get a clearer idea rather than waiting for a rescan. Good luck with your campaign. Hope you're friend is OK, under the circumstances.

Meet up: I'd love to, maybe Aylesbury way? Wendover is nice... let me know if it works for anyone?

Massive congrats Purple! I'm so sorry to hear you've been unwell though. Hope you're on the mend now?

Brummie sorry to hear you're feeling fragile. It's only natural after all the heartache you've been through. Keeping everything crossed that this time is it your time. We're all here every step. Hugs

Sorry I've been a little absent since Louis came. I'm not doing so great with bf'ing and think it might not work for us but otherwise I'm loving being a mummy. xxx

Cat, ask for a nipple shield. Scott still needs to use one. They're a faff, but really help him to latch on. Good luck. x

Sorry, I've only just caught up - looking forward to our meet today ladies!

Big cuddles for all of you having a difficult time at the moment. xxx

cat keeping asking for support on BF - I went around all of the baby cafe's near here one by one until I found the right person to help. Good luck!

Off to work today wish I had a meet-up to go to instead! Have a lovely time ladies.

one step hope you got some sleep. Sorry you're still in limbo, hope today's bloods are quick and you get more info.

March & one step hope you enjoyed the ????yesterday. I may have enjoyed a few glasses and have a dull head this morning - duh!

Bless you Freckle and thanks for the offer. Unfortunately I'm down south. Off to primark to try and get some bargains!

Very jealous of today's meet up. Have a fab time ladies. Anyone on the southcoast and fancy a meet up?

Pop, think your campaign is fab and I certainly my last MC was drawn out over three weeks due to nice guidelines (there's been growth so we have to wait but it's too small and no hb so we know it won't be viable) by the end the nurses were admitting they were just as frustrated as me. I was lucky as my body isn't good at
Admitting it's not working and hangs on to them as long as possible so I got my preferred eprc but the last scan showed it was probably going to happen naturally in the next few days.

Cat, hope the bf works and Louis is giving mummy lots of sleep x

cheesy and I are also meeting up in Monday in Holmfirth if anyone fancies it - it's in Yorkshire :).
One Step, sending you hugs. It's all incredibly shit
Sebs I'm constantly amazed at professionals bedside manner. They don't have a clue

Fellow Bucks lady here, would be wonderful to meet. Happy to go to lovely Wendover or wherever.

Won't be going anywhere except JR though for the next two weeks I guess.

Thanks to the ladies on here who have kindly shared their experiences of mc whilst also carrying on with looking after their other children. So tough.

My sister has 2 nearly 3 yr old twins one of each a girl and a boy and has just had her third child a little girl, so seeing her coping on her own everyday... I just don't know how she does it!? The twins were just about potty trained before no 3 came along!

How can I be so genetically different from my sister?? She keeps having children whilst I can't even grow a little human being past 6 wks!!!!??

Beginning to think my weight is an issue. My sister is as skinny. She is two years younger than me. I'm 40 in Sept. I somehow ballooned from 9.5stone 2010 and steadily went to 12 stone at the height of my divorce. I've only managed to drop to 11 stone, even by doing weeks of run club/boot camp and swimming. It's got to be some kind of hormonal imbalance surely?? I really don't eat that much at all and am fairly fussy about what I eat. Was really skinny throughout my late teens/early 20's and early 30's. Since all the stress started with my divorce that's when I put on all this weight!! I really hate my body and myself right now!!

Think I'll ask for some counselling help from JR.

cat I had an awful time BFing DS. Get Louis checked for tongue tie by more than one person. It's so often missed and isn't as uncommon as we're told by midwives etc. Have you got a La Leche League branch near you?

pop that sounds awful re: your scan. The system is so rigid sometimes, far from the personalised care that everyone likes to talk about. Good point about repeat HCG blood tests. I wonder why they aren't used here routinely too, as they are in other countries. They were done for my first mc but only because it was before anything had been seen on a scan and because it was an IVF pregnancy so had a higher risk of being ectopic.

onestep don't hate yourself. You're fab, and going through a horrible time. For me, DS has been my saving grace through all this, and has kept me going. In that sense it's easier. Lots of emotions get repressed though. I think it must be harder when you don't have dc (yet). Just aim on getting through each day, and definitely cancel all the crap you don't have to do. Hugs.

march hugs, good news to get some counselling sorted out.

cat b.feeding can be hard. I hope the hospital gave you some numbers to get support for it. And if it really doesn't work for you, that's OK too!

Have a nice meet up ladies! Am envious.

Am thinking back of what I meant to say before...

flen hope the tww passes quick. Fingers crossed for this cycle.

freckle sorry you are feeling so low about it all. I have those thoughts too. Hoping it passes soon. It was me asking about hcg thanks for the answers - I decided against it in this pg as am already on prog and found some worrying info about hcg. Though I think it was unfounded, it still worried me. Prog worries me too but I'm still taking it. Argh meds.

pop I have had the 'we have to wait 2 weeks' crap when you know its over. I know they are trying to make absolutely sure its game over, but it is annoying that they can't do bloods and a scan a week later instead. Even that is annoying when you are certain of dates.

I know there's going to be loads I have forgotten...

onestep it's easy to say but be kind to yourself. I have no idea why, on paper, DH and I, like many people, are doing everything 'right' iyswim in terms of fertility yet we still have issues conceiving and staying pregnant. Meanwhile, all around us, people smoke, drink too much etc and still get and stay pregnant easily.

I recommended counselling up thread so do look into it. I've found it very helpful in the past.

Posted too soon below. onestep I mean, some things are out of our control, but know you are doing all you can to have the baby you want.

See you all soon Yorkshire ladies!

cat bf'ing is hard, especially at first. I rang some numbers and a lovely lady came out to me sobbing on the sofa! It didn't work for us anyway though and I expressed instead. Give the bf'ing a good go and if it doesn't work, that's fine too. Louis needs a happy mummy, whether his food comes in a boob or a bottle!

Onestep, sorry (but totally understandable) you're feeling so awful. I hope this current mc is resolved soon and that you get the help you need to move on to happier times. If you want to meet without me bringing Scott, just to talk, let me know. I'll see if dh can hold him for a bit. Pm me if you want.

A friend forwarded this link.
My stats
Me 41 yo
DH 42

MC Sept 2010
DD born Sept 2011
Started TTC again new year 2014
MC March 2014 ERPC at 9 weeks
MC June 6 weeks natural
MMC 11.5 weeks booked in for ERPC but happened naturally before appointment (horrible). It had gone at around 9 weeks
Booked to see NHS consultant.
My bloods tested NORMAL abd scan showed NORMAL but told to take .75mg aspirin when next pregnant and to relax and try and enjoy sex etc. They had taken DH blood so they could test us both for Translocational gene but when got results she told me they don't do that test on the NHS anymore. ... also if I did miscarry to collect 'it' for gene testing then.
MC June 6th at just shy of 9 weeks.
I am allowed early scans now (which is reassuring and I know a MMC won't happen again) so 2 scans showed fine and HBP but then started bleeding and took the week off work scan was unclear re HB and miscarried on the Saturday.
The 'collected stuff' was put in a freezer bag and take away box and a rang A&E. They paged someone from gynae and told me to come in straight away. They put me in a special room and DH joined me ASAP. Gynae doctor tested 'it' which confirmed it was pregnancy tissue and he put as much of it in tube for genetic testing and rest has been disposed of sensitively. Doc checked me out to say cervix closed and could go home ... He was very sensitive and was just lovely.

I've been referred to private hospital to see if IVF or any other tests can be done. I'm not sure it's helpful as even at our older age we don't seem to have problems conceiving. Not sure what they can offer .... my questions to you lovely ladies is

1. What questions should I ask the private doctor?
2. Should I give up I was 41 in February and 4 MC in row.
3. Do you they test embryos for anything before implantation?
4. Do NHS test for the NK cells? And is NK cells called anything else?

Any other advice would be really appreciated.

It's been a really hard week ... the day I started bleeding my beautiful Sister in law safely deliver twins after IVF and a weeks after miscarriage 2 friends announced their pregnancy .... I know I have my beautiful DD who keeps me sane and makes me smile everyday but I really really wanted her to have a little brother or sister.

I'm getting some counselling but it's a topic you can't discuss over a coffee.

nice to find some support and advice from girls in similar situation ... I'm lost at the moment. Trying to be normal for DH and DD and everyone keeps telling me I'm lucky to have DD (I really know I am very lucky) but it doesn't stop me feeling I've failed my DD and at 41 my time is now up.

Hi guys
DD has chicken pox now ( probably from the shingles I just got over). I'm worried of catching it a second time as it says that can happen if been on steroids in last three months. Any advice? Mw says I'm high risk with the current pregnancy if I catch chicken pox and has said to try and get a blood test done today so they can give me meds if I have low antibodies x

I would be up for a South Wales meet up ( after chicken pox scenario is sorted out) x

Welcome Chrystley, and so sorry you find yourself here.
Re: giving up, I don't think you should give up yet unless you want to. I sometimes consider it because DH is 48 (I've had 4 miscarriages), but come back to thinking that in 20 years' time I'd regret not trying more than I'd regret trying but being unsuccessful.
I think the NHS test for NK cells in a couple of areas, but you can self-refer to Coventry at cost of about £360.
Not sure about questions for private doctor but others are more knowledgeable than me.

Enjoy the meet up ladies. I'm jealous.

Our epu is a week rather than two. I wonder if the guidelines are different in Scotland or if they are just being maverick. Much better than two though. Apparently They don't like to do the hcg thing because someone sued them when they said the pg was going to miscarry from non rising hcg levels but then it didn't. But i think if hcg is actually dropping and no hb after 7wks that would be fairly conclusive.

I think going through this with or without an existing child is difficult for different reasons. With a child there are problems with the practicalities of mc and with trying to protect them from the awfulness of what's going on. Without children there must be that constant worry that it'll never happen. I imagine the latter is worse. But either way it's just a horrible thing

Hi chrystley, sorry crossed posts with you so only seeing it now. Sorry to see you here. It's a lovely supportive group xxxxx

Just , thanks but it's absolutely fine, please being little Scott with you, I wouldn't want you to feel you have to leave him. I spend a lot of time with my sisters littles ones so it's fine. Hopefully we can arrange something and have a good natter. X