Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 26 - tests, treatment and trying again

[bythesea82]

Tea, hugs, a wealth of collective knowledge and lots of hand holding as we try again. This thread moves like lightning so hold on to your hats!
Previous thread here

Mhairi is a dream - sleeps through and is so chilled out - no idea how as I was so stressed throughout the whole pregnancy! If someone can send me a link to the photo page I'll bob one up :)
Has any one heard from Seb?

Sasha yes that's how I was feeling, it's flipping scary as well!

I'm feeling like it's all a bit hopeless at the moment and never going to happen for me and dh!

photo thread link here

Welcome fixer, I'm so sorry for your losses. You're in the best place here though, these ladies know so much and there is so much support.

Big hug sasha and onestep. I had a terrible come down off Prog and was ready to see the gp and ask for anti depressants etc. however, a few days into my period it did get a little better and gradually I started to feel a bit normal again as days went by. I also felt like it would never happen for us. All I can say is that you WILL feel better and as you get closer to ovulation again hopefully the positivity will return. If I hadn't got pg the 2nd cycle and had the same come down I think I would have done Prog from BFP which may be an option if the same happens next month. Thinking of you during these tough times x

tanny good to hear DH is starting to understand. I agree with March that they need it spelt out to them sometimes. Hoping things will start to improve for you, sounds like you're on the right path now and taking the right steps. Respect to you for putting yourself out there and getting help, I know you'll get through this because you come across as a very strong and determined lady.

Big hugs Tanny my aunt suffered PND and I know 1st hand from her how hard it was. You will come through this though and you will get back to you (I took ADs after a mc last year and they really helped me). Hope the docs will offer some counselling support too. Glad DH is being helpful and supportive. Every now and again these menfolk can and do step up! XxX

Sorry I'm here, just trying to catch up. I'm not in a great place mentally right now if I'm honest as I feel 99% sure this pregnancy is heading for bad news. I can't shake it and no scan or test right now will convince me otherwise.

I actually find being pregnant a thousand times worse than TTC, it's absolute purgatory waiting for the bad scan to happen and all the sorrys and head tilts that follow. I just want to disappear.

bummblebee thanks xx I seem to be suffering at the moment with really painful pulled stomach muscles just across my lower ribs, really painful, not able to do much today but sit around and obviously think too much! Mega impatient to get back to normal and keep busy and find some fitness again. X

Tanny big hugs - thinking of you. Glad your DH is looking after you now but we are definitely here so keep talking to us.

MrsC thanks lovely. It's been a really really hard week. - I think I need to just get out of Week 8 - but that said I'm exhausted, have been asleep all afternoon and I'm desperate to go to bed but Friday is the day.

Got my letter through for my consultant appointment and cervical scan. Mr Watts was true to his word and I'm gutted he's not continuing his care of me. But Worcester are putting everything in place for me and I'm grateful.

Sebs thinking of you, I've felt the fear this week, every single bit of dampness has sent me to the brink several times this week.

Bellende update, Belle had a baby girl this morning, just under 8 lbs. another recurrent miscarriage success story, her lucky number 4

Hope everyone is doing ok

Quick check in from holibobs. Sorry to see a few people are having a tough time. I'm rooting for every single one from a far. Sunshine is certainly a healer although it's hard seeing babies everywhere (family resort) and reminder whilst waiting for first af to arrive after last mc. At least I can enjoy some cocktails to numb the memory.

Whispered congrats thorn, good news!

tanny you'll get there, I know you will. I think men sometimes need to have 'evidence' ie the hv test thingy, before they realise there's a real issue that they can help with? Anyway glad he is stepping up.

march mushrooms sound interesting, and I hope the meeting with Prof B somehow brings a new plan.

sasha and onestep big hugs to you both, and the progesterone come down can be dreadful. Some months I was ok on it, others I felt utterly hopeless. There is still plenty of hope for both of you, I am sure of that.

brummie roll on friday, I can't help but feel hopeful for you if that's ok.

sebs sorry you are feeling so down. Its so hard to know what is just a natural reaction to having it go wrong previously, and when its something more. Here to listen and hand hold x

To those with childcare issues, sounds like a nightmare. Really hope it gets sorted.

Great news on bellende

Glad all is going well boozle80

Bootles we are handholding together!!!! xx

Sebs sorry to hear your having those feelings, willing you on through this to more positive news and feelings xx

Sorry you are struggling sebs. I'm still very hopeful for you but i understand your fear. Totally agree about pg being worse than anything else. The fear and the waiting are a killer. Particularly with the pg that became mc 3, I found those 8 weeks worse than the mc itself, as it felt like i was just waiting for it to happen anyway. BUT, if you've had a good scan then that's a really good start (i never had that). Are you thinking of the harmony test?

onestep and sasha. Sorry you are both feeling so down at the moment. sasha, the hormone crash from the prog can be really bad, but do keep in mind that is being caused by something physical that's going on. I find the low lasts about a week, but hopefully as bumble says, once you are a few more days into your new cycle you'll start to feel better.

girlie, glad you are enjoying your holiday. I'm going to get our flights booked this week. Can't wait.

bootles, brummie, bumble, flen, mrsc and the others in early stages (so many recently! ). Hand holding from me. flen, how is the line coming along?

Sorry you're in a bad place sebs. I'm assuming your scan was ok on Friday? I imagine once you've seen the hb on scan it could make things worse as it's becoming more real and there's more to lose..? Just realised how ridiculous that sounds as obvs seeing the hb is wonderful but there's more at stake the further on you get. (I think I'm still a bit in denial, I accept I'm pg but don't feel any closer to having a baby. But if/when I see the hb I know it will be hard to carry on thinking like that)
I am really routing for you and willing you to be wrong and that this baby will be ok. A few ladies on here with babies thought it was going to be over several times too but thankfully they were wrong. Sorry I don't have any advice other than there's no evidence to suggest it's going to go wrong and to take it one step at a time.

Also thinking of those going through danger points. It must be terrifying. I am feeling positive for you all though and willing your little beans on.

Thank you march. Let us know how your phone consultation goes on thurs, hope it helps put a positive plan together. And yey for booking your flights

Glad you're relaxing on hol girlie, you deserve to have a lovely time. Sorry it's hard seeing families...one day that will be you though with your little one(s)

Afm, I'm seeing my mw tomorrow to be booked in, after this she said she'd do an urgent referal for a location scan to start heparin. Still doing hpts every 2/3 days to make sure the lines still there (and a bit darker). No ms yet but boobs are still killing.

I've just gone into a very bad place. Sparked by the high HCG results and nothing can stop the bad feelings now. I have my miscarriage notes sitting infront of my green notes, my pregnancy app has been deleted, I refused to look at the screen on Friday as I'm sick of seeing blobs that eventually die, heart beat or no heart beat. I even thought that abortion at this early stage might be better than just waiting for the inevitable to happen later. My head has just broken I think, extreme anxiety or something. My blood pressure was through the roof straight after the scan and the midwife was quite concerned. I have two weeks now of being left alone then back in there for scan no.3. I don't want it but at the same time id rather find out it had ended at 8 weeks and have medical management than wait for 10 weeks and have surgery.

Sebs I feel so much for you. I know I'm a fine one to talk at the moment but you have got to lean on everyone around you and find all the support that you can right at this moment. What we go through is like trying to trek up the highest mountain. Don't give up on this. Can you get another reassurance scan next week, to break up these next two weeks. Doesn't seem right to me to be expected to wait two weeks?? Can you phone your GP tomorrow for some support too? Keep talking to us, we're here right now for you and we'll support you every step, every day xxxxxx

Big hugs Sebs we can do this xxx

sebs I want to give you a massive hug. It is so, so hard to get through this stage. You've voluntarily put yourself back in the firing line again, you have no one to blame for the shitstorm that is brewing but yourself. It's the bear hunt, you can't get over it, you can't get under it, you just have to get through it - one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Please lean on your friends here and anyone who will support you in real life. We are willing you on and we have faith enough for you

On sebs, I can see you are really struggling right now. It's such a dreadfully sressful process anyway, and it seems this possible high hcg (which doesn't necessarily mean anything bad, but I do appreciate and understand the way your mind is thinking) has overtaken your thoughts. No-one knows yet how this will pan out, so it seems to be a case of getting through the days. If it helps, please keep talking to us. If you ever need to talk properly, feel free to pm me and we can swap numbers.. Would it help to book in a harmony test? It can always be cancelled if you change your mind. They do get booked up quite fast. I'm just thinking it may help to have something concrete in place that will give you a lot more information. Just as an aside, my bp was through the roof too, just getting the referral for epu - it's usually low. It is so horribly stressful, the whole thing. Huge hugs x

Definitely hand holding together brummiexx

My next scan is tomorrow, and its the big end of week 9 one. Scared.

On other matters, I am trying to summon up the courage to resign. DS starts school in September (wah!) I feel really passionately about being there before and after school. Hence I am on the path to being a childminder, with ad hoc shifts in other job to top up finances. It's all in the pipeline, but there's going to have to be a leap of faith. I am currently the main bread winner (hopefully soon to change) so it's really scary. Then there's the mat leave/or not mat leave, and though I am really keen on the childminding it could be tough if things go wrong in terms of pg, eg looking after someone else's small baby....but I'm tired of waiting for mat leave that never arrives, and maybe it's time to change the things I can control? A new venture for a different sort of life that I think will suit us better.

Sorry huge post. Bit stressed.

sebs I don't mean to make annoyingly practical suggestions about things like Harmony, when I see the issue is that you are feeling so sure it will end badly. I realise what you need is support, and lots of it. As the others say, we are here for you, and hope you have lots of support in RL too. It is just so shit scary. More hugs xx

bootles your post is lovely, wishing you the very best of luck with what you are doing xxx

sebs I gave up googling hcg last week, it's seems to vary wildly in women so much. I've never been given my hcg numbers before, until now mc 4, I trying to make sense of mine last week as I'm sure you'll have seen up thread, but in the end I realised I just couldn't hang too much on those figs and that one piece if information although it was the only piece of concrete info I actually had last week. Just keep on keeping on, hope for the best, keep your head up. Do whatever you can to keep your mind off it. I've downloaded some relaxing apps on iPhone maybe something like that can help you too xxxx