Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 23 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[bythesea82]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

just have been thinking of you lots, as others have said, what a whirlwind you have been through the last few weeks and especially the last few days. You sound like you’re holding it together incredibly well. I hope minijust had a good night and you have time with him today.

patience welcome, sorry that you’re here but hope we can help!

purple hope everything is going well for you.

bootles sorry for the BFN, I think we all understand your frustration with yet another appointment and more time out of your day.

bubbly sorry, I don’t know about fibroids – hope someone else can help. Big hugs to you.

freckle how incredibly frustrating, the amount of energy required to keep pushing for things is so wearing. I hope you find someone lovely soon who will sort it out for you!

To those with due dates coming up -

sasha cross posts. Really glad your appointment was positive

Just so glad he is doing well but of course you're hormonal and anxious. You want him in your arms. He will be soon. .

Sorry about the bfn Bootles. 10dpo is early to be ruling yourself out though. But I know that kind of thinking sometimes prolongs the agony.

sasha sounds like a useful appointment. Fx for some answers.

Hugs bubbly. I am afraid I don't know the answer to your question but it certainly sounds worth following up. The trouble is even drs don't always know. I have pcos and there's acknowledged to be a link with mc but no one knows precisely why or how to treat it. Still, these things are rarely complete barriers, just hurdles. After multiple mcs we already know we have a battle on our hands so explanations do help I think.

First day of "proper" mat leave as dd is in nursery (till 3:15 but still). Feels weirdly quiet. Am very happy if shortest stays put for a few more days of idling about then I might be ready to meet her. Dr was late though so not holding my breath.

Dd, not Dr.

Was thinking, a good friend of mine is pregnant with dc3, due a few weeks after me. It occurred to me that I have been ttc this baby since her ds2 was born and he is now 2.5. I think I am starting to let go of the pain though and am just grateful this ride is nearly over. One day all of yours will be too. I really believe that. Xx

Hey Just** - hogging the thread??? Thats the horemones taking, madwoman! Like we're all not living vicariously through you just now! (we are). You have my sympathy sweetie, seriously - first three months is like you've been hit in the face with a fryingpan BUT you havn't yet had the euphoria kick in of baby snuggles in bed!! You'll have some happiness to sustain you then xxxx A v good friend of mine works in a special baby init with lots of prems and when i mentioned you she said that it sounded like your placenta was breaking up and she said "oh he'll be totally fine" xxx

Me too boozle**, havn't even done a test but got period 13 days post ov (not bad, gone up from 11) but what did i expect from an egg that was 30 days in the folicular phase? I did everything right, dtd at defo ov time, but i recon that egg was travelling by a stana stair-chair! Twatington.

freckle. Sorry about the bfn. Do you think that's true about a long follicular phase? Every single one of my eggs is like that as my cycle is regular but loooong but every time I have raised it as a concern with drs they have just shrugged and said some women's cycles are just different. Even now I can't help looking for answers for my mcs!

Thanks ladies, you are a lifeline, you have no idea how much your support means to me; thank you.

He seems to be doing a little better this morning, slowly bit surely.

Hope you're all doing well, and getting answers, support etc, too. xxx

Sorry af got you freckle and sorry to hear all the crap you're going through to try and sorry out your appointment. The last thing you need! So is it Coventry this month for you?

Welcome patience, hope you find the thread useful and supportive but sorry that you need to be here

Sorry i can't help with the fibroids bubbly, but I'm sure someone will be able to help, I'd definitely bring it up at your rmc appt when it comes through.

Glad to hear your mum is doing ok minnie. Only 4 days til Coventry!

sasha, glad you had a really positive appt and that they are putting you on a similar protocol. It's so frustrating that they can't agree on which is better to test, blood or uterine. I'm presuming both would have come up positive for me, as i think more people are 'abnormal' with the blood test.

purple, hope you're getting on ok with little john and that you're recovering from the cs. I think it's easy for us to forget about the fact that this is a big op and a huge hormonal change, and it's not going to be as easy as just getting on with it.

That goes for you too just, and you have the added stress of having mini just in scbu. Glad you've had some contact with him. Hope he continues to do well and you can have your proper cuddles soon. He's a fighter.

bootles, sorry for the bfn. I know isn't much consolation to say it might still be too early, but you're not quite out yet. I was also bfn this morning with a frer. Hugely disappointed even though my lack of symptoms is already telling me I'm not. Really hoped I'd have a bfp to tell my acupuncturist this morning. She was still very encouraged to hear my diagnosis anyway, but had hoped for other news. She said maybe it's a good thing that I have another month to get my head round the diagnosis, and whilst she's absolutely right, i really wanted to be pg this month so i could plan a holiday. How utterly trivial that sounds compared to what you're all going through.

Oh just lost a big post. Stupid woman hitting back on the browser. I'll summarise... Briefly...

Sorry for the bfns xx

just pleased mini just sounds like a little fighter just like his mummy. Any name news yet?

flen thankyou. 21st. Don't think its the due date that gets to me but the combination of heading into my usual mc phase of pregnancy and the dd.

bubbly no idea about fibroids. Sure someone will know. How you feeling today?

Sasha glad you had a good appointment. Dh doesn't come to any medical appts with me anymore unless he wants to know something. He's also avoiding scans until as he puts it he 'can start getting excited about this one'.

Brain is stopping now. Enjoy your first day of mat leave longest enjoy the peace and quiet!

Just I hope you managed to get enough rest overnight. Are you expressing for mini just? Just wondering if there is any scope to stay in on the grounds of breastfeeding? Have they given any indication as to how long before he might be able to feed? I know of quite a few babies born early, and I'm fairly sure that by 35 weeks they were all holding their own re breathing and feeding, so might only be a short time in NICU before he comes to SCBU and then home. Aside from that I don't think they can boot you out instantly. I had 2 CS 's and they say the day of your op is day 0, and the absolutely earliest they should let you go home is day 2, but both times I was in there were mothers who were staying in until day 5/6 because they weren't happy to go home.

Bubbly sorry you are going through it again. Hope it goes ok next week and that this is the last time it happens.

Girlie, your head must be all over the place, not knowing if it's game over, or one or two babies growing slowly. Hope that next weeks scan brings happy news.

Cloud sorry you are still bleeding. Fingers crossed for Sunday.

Sorry not to name check any more, that's all my brain can rememeber from the heaps of posts I just read.

Not a clue what my body is doing. Have been temping and fertility friend thinks I ovulated a few days ago, but I only had 3 days of ewcm and it reckons it was the middle day of the three, but I didn't think ewcm happened the day after ovulation. And have just been to the toilet and after a couple of completely dry days it looks like ewcm is on its way back again. So I'm wondering if I haven't ovulated yet, and maybe my oestrogen dropped slightly as a blip which stopped the ewcm for a couple of days. Because my cycles are longer and not always the same number of days, I can never be sure, but I would have expected ov anytime from today through to Monday perhaps. If it doesn't happen today or tomorrow then the pressure is back onto DH to perform again, which worries me given how he had failed attempts last Friday and Saturday. Thinking might suggest he tries tonight and tomorrow night, as if he fails, we are still covered by Sunday nights DTD, and as long as he manages it by Saturday we should be ok. If that makes sense?

hi mrs diddlydoo

I'm feeling a bit sad, teary but ok. i just want to get the tests done and try something different cos then i will know everything is ok or not. i want to find out more about these fibroids i got and see if they are causing any issues.

Same edd as my next one diddly. Massive hugs for next week and for tomorrow flen

Meant to say, sasha, i would take your dh to the rmc appt because if they do karyotyping on both of you they will need to take some blood from him as well. It's not always done but if they will do it, it's another thing to tick off the list

Sorry, correction re above, it reckons I ovulated on the first day of the 3 days of ewcm, which I'm not convinced about, also I have had no ovulation pain, which I have always felt since having ds1. Unless the hysteroscopy and removal of adhesions could somehow make my body not feel ovulation anymore? I never used to feel it before ds1, I had him at 34, and AF returned just after I turned 35, so that's 20 years of not feeling ovulation but then having a baby changed my body and I could then feel ovulation and implantation. Am confused!

Huge hugs just of course you’re not hogging the thread – that’s what we’re all here for! I agree the hogging word is banned. You’ve been through so much and have raging hormones to deal with on top of everything else. You’re doing amazingly. And am so glad he is doing a little better.

Sorry for bfns ladies. It sucks.

freckle huge hugs – that must be SO frustrating, what a cock up!! Have they been adequately apologetic??

barking exactly, around the time I had my second MC a colleague at work broke a bone in her foot. A tiny bone, but necessitated her wearing a foot brace for a month. She had FOUR follow up appointments to check it was healing. FOUR! I really truly believe that the anxiety, worry, depression and fear so many of us experience (about why we miscarried, will it happen again, have we been damaged, will we ever get pregnant again) would be significantly lessened by a follow up appointment (or two!) in the months after a mc with a proper consultant to have a proper conversation about your personal circumstances and for someone to actually listen to you and answer questions. My biggest gripe with the NHS is that I just don’t feel like anyone will listen to my concerns.

On that note sasha I am considering going private if I don’t get pregnant on next cycle (honeymoon). Still waiting on my referral to come through from the ACU so thought I could get the ball rolling at least with an HSG to check my tubes aren’t blocked. It’s just starting to feel like there must be a reason I’m not getting pregnant again.

loopy that sounds like a headfuck re. temps and ewcm. I find EWCM dries up the day after OV. Could you potentially be mistaking ewcm for semen (sorry grim!!) – I find it gets hard to distinguish . I would keep taking temp to see what it does and squeeze in another if you can.

Sorry your cycle is a bit screwy loopy. Have you seen a temp shift then? The temp shift is normally the definitive thing that you've ov, although I'm not sure what happens if you ov twice. I also had ewcm a few days ago, 8dpo, which really messed with my head. I'd be tempted to tell your dp that ov has passed but you just want to get back to dtd for fun (because let's face it, it's a totally different kettle of fish the rest of the month). A little white lie (and it might even be true) might help him relax a bit more

Loopy I have exactly the same worries. DP is really struggling. We DTD x 4 on Sunday and also again Monday morning and he just couldn't finish. Breaks my heart to see him struggling. We haven't attempted since as I don't want to put the pressure on.

But if I get a bfn, it is really really worrying me about trying again next cycle

Monten def not confusing sperm for ewcm as DH only managed to finish once. Had ewcm, then the next day had ewcm and very late that night he DTD, and then the next day had ewcm again, it was the day after that there was nothing. March, re temps, you see compared to the few times I have charted in the past I wouldn't have said I had ov, but fertility friend thinks I have. My past charts have had quite a notable ovulation dip and then a rise. To me there isn't a big enough dip yet. Am very worried that I haven't ov, and that it will happen Sunday or Monday and the sperm are dead by then and DH doesn't manage to DTD again between now and then. Having a baby is a real shitter of a process. Even if he does manage to finish DTD, and even if we get a BFP, there is still no guarantee we won't be back to square one within a few weeks if it's not a sticky bean. It's no wonder men feel the pressure after a while on this roller coaster. I always wanted 4 children, but if we are blessed with a third at the end of all this, I think we will stop trying then. We had ds's in 2010 and 2012. We had hoped for one in 2014 and for a fourth in 2016. So if we manage a third, it is going to be born in 2016, so we have missed the one we hoped for 2014. I will be 40 in 2016 and I can't face ttc beyond then, it's affecting DH, it's affecting the boys indirectly, as we are emotional and all the hospital visits and dealing with the mc's affects them too. But the thought of being at the end of 2016 with our family incomplete with just the 2 boys kills me. And then I feel so bad because there are plenty on here who would be so complete to have one or two children, and I feel greedy and selfish then, but I want another so much. Life would be so easy if we just stopped now. A couple of moms I know think I am crazy wanting more children, like their children Ds 1 starts school in sept, ds2 gets his free hours from Jan, and we also have childcare vouchers so he could be going to nursery 5 sessions a week and costing no more than we pay now. I could have an easy life like they are looking forward to, pottering and having lots of me time, but it's not the life I want.

Sasha trust me 4 times isn't normal! We did it 4 times because DP couldn't finish and wanted to.

So I'm hoping that the DTD on Thursday morning and Friday night was enough due to smiley face Saturday evening.

Loopy I know exactly what you mean. I just hope we get our 1 and then I'm done. I cannot go through this again. And honestly that's not me saying you've got 2 etc etc

I'm struggling already. I'd love 2, but even I cannot do it anymore. If we ever get to 1, that will be it. I can't do much more of this and I am terrified we will have so many losses that we have to decide to have no children. I'm not there yet though x

I really dont know longest, i know its very odd for me. As long as i've tracked my cycle its been 32 day cycle, ov day 18-21. I had a natural mc at 11 weeks and it hadnt progressed since 7 weeks, so maybe my system is still recovering. Maybe the prog does make the lining more selective though because i've had 5 pregnancies and all were pretty much first time try. I've literally never had a negative preg test. Not that it makes any dif...

Brummie, try not to mental too much. You have a good chance this month, and if you don't get a BFP it won't be because of lack of sperm. The sperm were in the right place at the right time, and in all probability the egg is fertilised, it's just a case of whether it's an egg that is able to develop normally and whether it can implant successfully. You can't control whether it develops normally or not, that is just down to luck, and with the treatment protocol you are on, and the tests you have undergone, there isn't really anything else you can do to help implantation. I've come to the conclusion from here on in, for you, me and several others on here, all we can do now is keep trying and make sure there is some sperm up there waiting for the egg at the right time. Hence me now stressing about getting DH to perform again ideally tonight or tomorrow night to cover us until early next week...

bubbly I know a little bit of fibroids, I have them, too. One big one (10cm) and a few smaller ones. Fibroids are very common, and most women have them, even if they never find out about them.
The private consultant that I saw earlier this year was quite interested to hear about my fibroid, as, yes, they can contribute to mcs. On his recommendation, I had an MRI scan to check if there might be any issues, but there doesn't appear to be.
So it might definitely be worth raising this with your consultant, or whoever is looking after you for your rmcs, your fibroids sounds very big (I'm not sure what the volume of mine is, so can't really compare).

The problem is that is you want to treat them, it gets invasive, just to give you the heads up. They can try ultrasound to start breaking down the fibroid, but more likely, you are looking at surgery. Which will have significant impact on any ttc - you are advised to wait at least a year, before ttc again, which makes sense, as they will have to cut into your uterus.
Having said that - most likely, there will be no effect from the fibroid. They discovered mine when I was pg with DS, and it did not cause any problems whatsoever. So in my case, it's probably safe to say that it doesn't have anything to do with the mcs.
One thing to keep an eye on is whether they are growing or not - it looks as if yours have stayed the same, but still. I would discuss it with your consultant, it's worth following this up.

just You poor thing. What a rollercoaster you are on, no wonder you are having wobbles! I was a mess after my ELCS, the hormone crash is brutal. Not helped by the fact that you can't get proper cuddles with your DS! Hang in there, lovely, you have come so far. Soon you'll be able to enjoy him as you should.

brummie Poor you, and your poor DH! I hate the stress that ttc puts on dtd, you just can't enjoy it anymore. Have you tried maybe having a couple of glasses of wine... To help you both relax?! I found that things like sexy nightwear/underwear really helped as well.
If it's any consolation, with this pregnancy, we dtd in the days before I ovulated, there is a good chance it could work for you!

No real news at this end. Spotting has stopped again, but I am feeling quite sore 'down there' and crampy on and off. Plus, the progesterone is making my back passage really sore (sorry tmi), but I'm too scared to swap to the front door. Nausea is pretty bad, though, so at least that's a good sign.
Managed to find a babysitter for DS on Sunday - a friend of mine will have him, I told her why, and no problem at all. Fingers crossed it's going to be good news.

That should read EMCS, I did not have an elective! But it'll definitely be on the cards for this one, if we get that far...