Recurrent miscarriage support, tests, treatments and trying again.

[Monten]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

Wehey brummie**!
Just** i got the metaphor, i mean, who wouldn't rather go to italy?!

Hope scares me tanny** i think it's part of having my self confidence smashed. I find myself all the time thinking of the bad thing that will 'pay me back' for any happiness i let myself feel. Driving along in the car this week, sunny, cool 80's song on the radio and i 'caught' myself enjoying the moment, and i could feel myself redden at how foolish i was to be off-guard. Life will be watching, wating to whip me and teach me a lesson. How dare i assume i am allowed to be happy? I'm far too stupid/lazy/thick/fat (tick the current insecurity) to be allowed happiness!

Today we went to Eureka science museum with ds. There was a biology section and in it a 'pregnancy/birth' bit with a monitor showing the progression of a baby in the womb week by week and a big dial you turned to move the baby onto the next stage. Of course (life having a bitter and mean soh) the dial moved the baby onto birth effortlessly the first time. But when i tried to do it again the damn thing stuck at 6 weeks (ffs!!!!!) and i could feel myself panicing, breathing jaggardly...i started counting how many times i was turning the dial and not getting anywhere...was this a sign of how many mc i would have? Were the Gods trying to tell me something???!!! It did eventually move on, but i found it quite harrowing. Then there was the running total of population - going up by three every three seconds. And husband didn't grasp why i couldn't stand and watch it...

Thanks brummie something else to add to my 'surely-this-will-help' list! Good luck with getting another dtd in! Twice in a day would def be too much for my Dh (largely because he'd know why I was pushing for it and would then automatically not get to the finish from sheer fear of not getting to the finish!)

freckle hugs for the crappy eureka experience. That sounds pretty nightmarish! But is not a sign of things to come!

Minnie that is the exact problem my DP has. The fear of not finishing means sometimes he struggles to finish!

So it may not be on the cards.. Will see!!

brummie woo hoo for solid smiley

Sounds like a horrible experience at eureka freckle. It doesn't mean a thing though. Thinking of that place brings back memories of a day trip with my parents when we were kids. It took FOREVER to get there.

I've never seen that piece before just. It is perfect. Thanks for sharing the link.

I'm sitting here trying not to think about whether I'll still be pregnant on my next due date in less than 2 weeks which is during my danger zone. Miscarried a week or two before my last due date. Had cuddles with my baby niece today which has set it all off. How can something so small and helpless end up being such a painful reminder of everything that we should have. Have stuffed my face with Thai takeaway to help ease the pain.

just you made perfect sense to me, but that is because I am familiar with the poem and immediately recognised what you were talking about!

freckle I took a school trip there (before ttc), glad I'm not having to look at that now with a class, don't think I'd hold it together. It is Not a sign of anything!! but I know what you mean as I would do the same

Minnie would signing up to something help? Or getting a friend on board? I started running with my mum (years ago) when we both signed up to a half marathon. Gave us something to train for. I've just signed up for my first triathlon, that's what is motivating me to train right now!!

Sorry to those I've missed, it's been a long day, packed loads in and I'm exhausted!

sasha, i feel like i need to apologise. My comment about the nk cells was not in any way meant to be a criticism or a way of me saying you should amend your blog, so I'm really sorry if it came across that way. I only mentioned the Coventry thinking because perhaps it is a different view to the others in the nk cells camp. Not to say they are now correct and the others are wrong,but just wanted to mention it to our board rather than the wider population. Sorry if I've caused offence

Sorry you had a horrid experience at the science museum freckle. It's hard not to see patterns in random things when you're going through this. I do it all the time. If you want to see meaning in it, then try and take the 'worked in the end' part as the important bit. x

So cd22 here, expecting to ovulate sometime this week (long, slightly unpredictable cycles) and have had 2 attempts at DTD on Fri night and Sat night here DH has failed to finish both nights ?? think it's taken its toll on him, BFP dec, MC jan, BFP feb, MC and hysteroscopy march, and this is first month for TTC since then. I just need him to do it once. From past experience, that's all we need. If he manages it tonight, that should cover us if ovulate up to cd27, possibly up to cd29 if Internet is to be believed. I might ovulate cd26-30 as have had 40-44 day cycles in past, but my longest was cd 40 ovulation but that was the one that was a mmc. But if he can do it tonight, and again on Friday, we might be in with a good chance, but feel like screaming at him, but I know that's not going to help! Other weekday evenings don't tend to succeed as he is tired from commute and often has a drink on way home.

Sorry not had time to properly read the thread, RL leaving me with little online time, and got a busy week ahead, then things should hopefully be more sorted and I will be online more!

So girls I need advice- got a peak on my CBFM today (YAY!!!) so do I bd like rabbits or ring coventry in the morning? Just can't decide! Feel like I'm wasting a go especially as last MC was chromosomal. But then the two early ones might not have been! Aargh I'm

Minnie, I'd go to Coventry. Otherwise you'll have this dilemma every month. Once its done, its done, and you'll have that extra information to base informed decisions on and a treatment plan. Good luck, and cold shower if you decide to give TTC a miss this month.

Good news on your peak minnie. I think we all seem to struggle with this bit about whether to wait or not. I'd be steering towards coventry and as you say, you've had 2 earlier losses which could be due to lining issues. Are you on any protocol regardless of coventry?

sasha loved your blog, so true x

just not long to go now til Italy and talking of which, I hope Purple has her bags packed!

freckle I had a similar experience when we went to the natural history museum after mc1 and there were several 3d models of stages of the foetus in the womb, one of which was the same age as my lost one. Very difficult to see.

Good luck to all those dtd at the moment and I'm the tww, hope it means the bfps continue.

Turns out my ovulation was delayed and I got a bastard smiley on Friday. Which wouldn't be a bad thing but DH is away until tonight so wil probably miss it. Last time we dtd was Monday so unlikely that would still be hanging around. Grrrrr!!

Still catching up but on phone...

Minnie only you can make that decision, but for what it's worth I'd do coventry. I was unsure, and opted for going ahead with the ivf, which then failed. I have no idea if it would have made any difference, but I had to then live with that niggle that it might have done, perhaps I did have raised nk cells. Or perhaps the scratch of the biopsy would have helped implantation. If the ivf had succeeded and then I'd mc'd I don't know how I would have coped with my decision.
Obviously my situation is slightly different but we're now delaying our frozen ivf round for as long as it takes to have the biopsy (hopefully this month or if we're away then next month) so it could be August before we can ttc again depending on the results. It's worth it for me to know we've covered all bases before using up our last chance.

Those human biology displays are disturbing. My 4 year old niece had declared that she never want to be a grown up lady after being taken to one... Sorry it was a difficult day, but please don't read anything into it, fate wise. I know its difficult when it really does feel like the universe is against you. x

minnie glad your mums op went well.

monten sorry you had an argument with dp. Hope you've made up now. Could it be excitement/stress of the wedding that's adding too?

sun sorry about your boss. I hope he gets a donor soon. It's true that good bosses are few and far between.

jady glad things are looking up

cloud good news on getting the scan booked in

Congratulations on starting mat leave longest

I'm with all of you who are upset about the election. Im quite shocked still. Scared what will happen to our public services and the most vulnerable in our society.

Minnie I think judging from your earlier posts you really do want to go to Coventry, so I would go and just tick that box. If you don't, get pregnant and MC again you will always think the Coventry drugs would have prevented it.

I am on the brink of hiding all the Conception and Pregnancy areas on the board as Active feed is just full of threads that hurt me so much. Not even sure what area this thread sits in, hopefully I'll still be able to see it lol

This is the miscarriage and pregnancy loss board sebs so you should be safe!

minnie I think I would go to coventry as you're so close one more cycle and you can ttc knowing you've done everything. Having said that I made my opposite decision and in retrospect I wonder if psychologically I needed a fallback plan in case ttc didn't work out. There's no right or wrong.

Hey minnie** it really is a hard choice, sacrifice a possibly perfectly good egg but have peace of mind. I think if you're going to throw everything in then coventry has to be in there. What if we mc again, it would be the 'if only' factor. Having said thatand even though this month

Oops...butter fingers! Having said that, i have dtd this month, and i've only had one period since my mc in feb, so i could have been going end of april. And if my period turns up at thr end of this week i will be going. But i really am convinced my (now 18) blood tests will come back ok and that it is a horemone issue with me, thrown out of ballance by age and weight!

sebs I have book-marked MN, so that it immediately opens on the page of the threads that I am watching, so I never see any active threads, unless I specifically want to look at them. Most of the time, I find it's enough for me just to see 'my' threads.

Went to a birthday party of one our NCT friends' DD yesterday and bumped into another friend from our local baby group. She's the one who has had 3 mcs and been to hell back. I had not seen her for quite a few months and was flabbergasted to discover that she is very visibly pregnant, due in August. Made me really emotional - I am so happy for her, and it gives me so much hope, seeing IRL that is it possible to go and have a normal pregnancy after multiple mcs, one the other hand, I am feeling very anxious now - if it all goes pear-shaped for me again, it will be incredibly hard to see her having that baby. We usually meet once a month for a mum's take-away night, and she must have been pg last time I saw her, but she didn't show then.
The head-in-the-sand thing is working less and less well...

Fwiw, i would also do Coventry minnie. As I've mentioned before, i decided not to go after mc3, probably in my head as longest alluded to, because i wanted a back up plan/last resort if I had another mc (weirdly i thought it would be nice to have something left to try and of course believed that it would probably work next time. It didn't). I now realise this logic was flawed. I should have thrown everything at it after mc3. The fourth mc reset the clock for the waiting time to go to Coventry and i beat myself up for not getting it out of the way, wondering if it could have been prevented (hoping to find out tomorrow if that is the case when i hopefully get my results).

I know your circumstance is slightly different because of knowing about the chromosomal issue with the last one, but as i understand it, this is still consistent with the Coventry theory about your lining accepting unsuitable eggs. Of course this has to be your choice, this is just my opinion with hindsight. If only we could have hindsight before we have to make these decisions!

Cross post cloud. Can totally understand how that must have been a really mixed emotions moment. Really hoping it works out for you too and that you'll only be a few months behind her x

Oh cloud that's so lovely for your friend. I pray you can end up with a lovely big bump too xx

I have decided im not going to do Coventry. I just feel as though my MCs don't follow the pattern that so many of yours do. Ie fall pregnant easily and have early losses or have losses with no explanation. I know my body can successfully do the pregnant thing I just suspect my eggs are letting the process down 95% of the time.

I need to leave the hpts and piss sticks behind me. I felt fine yesterday but today I am so terribly terribly down, PMT even though I never even used to get it. I just can't go back to taking the thousand supplements, fertility lube, manic sex over a four day period. I think two years of it is enough.

I'll still lurk and if I ever get another positive test I'll let you all know xx

Morning all.

Loopy I've had exactly the same problem. Me and DP DTD this morning - 4 times and he failed to finish every single time. He just couldn't do it. The pressure is obviously really getting to him.

I had a smiley last night so really hope the very late night Friday DTD was enough and was the right timing. I feel for DP and I don't want to say as I could tell it was upsetting him which of course makes it worse.

So Loopy I know exactly how you feel...

I'm frustrated and it really worries me but I hope Friday night was enough

Minnie for what it's worth, I think you should also do Coventry - you are ready to go! I'm so pleased I've been as it just crosses that off the list.

Cloud I take strength from women who've had multiple mc's and are now pregnant. It means it can happen to me too.

Tanny hope Bertie is ok. 2 months!!!!

Sebs

Big hugs. You've just described my weekend. Thousands of supplements, frantic sex this morning which didn't result in a single finish and lube. So much lube. Not because of anything kinky but because I suffer so badly with dryness!! How unsexy is that!

But unfortunately if we don't keep going , I'll never be a Mum but sometimes I understand the need to leave it all behind.

If I was younger, I think we'd have a break from it. But I'm 38, 39 in October and I don't feel I have that luxury.

Poor DP I felt so bad for him this morning. He will beat himself up for that

sebs I totally understand. Hadn't I fallen pg this time, I think I would have done the same as you, I was certainly heading that way. There is only so much one person can take, and 2 years is a very long time. The impact on us and the ones around us is horrific, so soul-destroying. You are very brave to draw the line under it all and face the consequences!

I hope that you will find peace and enjoy life! All the best to you xxx