Recurrent miscarriage support, tests, treatments and trying again.

[Monten]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

I am trying to do too much - all fairly major life changes - and am starting to struggle to cope a bit.

Yesterday my mum came to look after DS when I had an interview - she lives quite a distance so it doesn't happen regularly. They ended up in a toy shop and came home with all sorts. Usually she gets really tasteful wooden educational stuff, but something went awry.

DS produced a toy called 'alien birth' - an egg with slime and very foetal-like 'baby aliens' in it. Even DS was freaked out by it. They were pretty much exactly the size of my 13 and 9 week losses. I have a pretty strong stomach but honestly it was grim. I could barely look at the things but DS was begging me to touch them as he didn't want to but wanted to see. I don't know what possessed my mother. She knows (as of recently) about my MC's, but we don't speak about it. I was really struggling with that toy, actually I found it horrific. This is the only place I can share this story and be understood I think! The aliens have been 'lost' - is straight into the bin.

Omg - that sounds gross and upsetting. What on earth possessed your mum to buy it??? Bin is best place for it. x

It was. I have no idea why she bought it! Totally out of character for her to buy something like that. I can only think she didn't even look at the packet. I am wondering if she blocks the whole mc thing from her mind.

bootles That's horrific, ewww! My mum has been know to buy some right cr*p toys for DS, but that sounds just awful. I would have 'lost' that one, too! I reckon thought that your mum did not have any clue whatsoever and didn't make any link at all with your mcs. However, you should tell her!

cheesy Wow. That's a lot to take in. Try not to think too much about what could have been - I know that's easier said than done. But you do have a diagnosis now, and something that can actually be treated quite easily, so your chances for success have massively increased now! You will most likely get heparin from bfp and then have to take it all the way through your pregnancy, and for a while afterwards. But your haematologist will explain all that in more detail. I remember someone from the ttc after mc thread who was diagnosed with anti-phospholipid syndrome as part of her rmc investigations, and she went on and had a straightforward pregnancy to term. It's all eyes forward now!

mrsd No, I haven't rung the EPU yet - this sounds silly, but I am scared to! Just thinking about getting that number out again makes me actually quite anxious - and it's not part of the 'head in the sand' strategy! I'm totally silly, I know. I'm sort of hoping that the midwife will call me next wee and arrange a scan for me

cheesy what is the plan now? Do you have a RMC appointment lined up? On the whole I would tentatively say this could be seen as positive if there is a fixable reason. But as you say, very sad to think maybe some losses could have been prevented. How do you feel about it?

cloud yes I also think she just didn't click, which is worrying when it's in my head all the time, and she clearly hasn't realised this. She would be very very upset though if she thought she'd messed up, so I think I will stay quiet.

Gosh it must be scary looking for the epu number again. I don't think for one moment anyone would think you are silly - just human after all you have been through. Are you really going to wait until 8 weeks for a scan? Or are you tempted to get one sooner?

Bootles what a horrid horrid toy! I would have binned it straight away too. Can imagine how upsetting it must have been to see it.

diddly don't blame you about not wanting to call EPU. I'm sick of the sight of that place. I'm sure your next visit will be the start of a positive journey though.

I'm not actually under a rmc, my GP only did the tests for my 'piece of mind' and said 'they most likely won't show anything'!! I think this just goes to show though that these tests should be done as standard after a mc, never mind 3!!

I know that looking forward, it is positive news as it means the same problem shouldn't happen again. I also feel a bit like I can close the door on searching for why it happened and it's the end of a chapter but that I need to say goodbye all over again. It's weird, I accepted mc2 straight away, of course I was upset, but I don't 'miss' the baby/pregnancy like I still miss my baby from mc1. It's like I know deep down it shouldn't have happened and could have been prevented.
Im hoping it will mean I'll be more closely monitored next time and might make getting scans easier.

Feel even luckier to have my DS now knowing what the risks were. Although I do wonder if the higher estrogen from bfeeding might have set it off...probably me putting 2 and 2 together though and getting 10!

Sorry just realised Cloud it's you who hasn't phoned EPU yet, doh!

Bootles that is vile!!! Poor you!!!

Well AF has started and I am very very crampy - ouch. Of course all I can think about is this is the cycle we will be trying, what will my due date be etc??

sasha DS is nearly 21 months and I fed him til he was 1, but actually got pg when he was 11 mths (wanted a small age gap). Yes I've had 2 mcs (sep14 and jan15). Yes it's good he tested me, I'm so glad I asked, I only mentioned on the off chance as my other dr declined previously. Thank you x

sun congratulations all crossed this is the one!

brummie love the story about your auntie. That fills me with a bit of hope! Dh has same problem with performance if he knows it's 'important' (never quite reached the point of no return, iykwim!) he'd feel crap, I'd be upset at another wasted month etc etc. So I just stopped talking him and we dtd every other day from around day 8 till I'd had a peak on the monitor. The month I got pg with mc3 we missed ov (I think) and I was sure that was it. Goes to show having some waiting around actually does work!

bootles I know just the toy you mean- totally hideous even if you've not been through MC but definitely too foetus like to have around if you have! Urgh makes me shudder!

sebs I know what you mean about knowing the reason for the last MC is an egg problem makes you less inclined to go to Coventry. I was debating that- and just cracking on. But then I thought more info about my other two early mcs might stop another one of those. I think my problem is I just can't rest until I fel like I've exhausted every avenue of discussion (not just with MC but pretty much every decision I make-drives Dh mad!)

cheesy that's great news for trying again! Not that you have it obvs but that it's a fixable problem. The next time will be a take home baby for sure!

daisy sounds like a busy few days! My boss was fine about the day to Coventry. Though she did look a bit like she thought 'you crazy woman, just accept it!'

Wow. What a horrible sounding toy bootles. Totally understand how that would upset you.

Completely rational to be scared of phoning epu cloud, but as you obviously know already, phoning them isn't going to affect the outcome of this pregnancy. I think 8 weeks is a sensible time to book in.that's the earliest my epu will give a reassurance scan, although Having said that, i would massively struggle to go that long before a scan next time.

cheesy, gosh. That's huge news. I'm tempted to say 'great news', but it sounds a bit wrong doesn't it? To be glad that you have something wrong with you? but a treatable diagnosis is good. Thank goodness for a nice gp that did the tests, even if it was just to make you feel better. Completely agree that they need to review their 3mc policy for basic tests for treatable conditions. Between mc2 and mc3 i was preparing to write to nhs Scotland to challenge the rule and see if anything could be done to get it changed, but as i had more losses it seemed less relevant to me (i realise this sounds a bit me me me and I've been a bit lazy about getting stuff like that started ). This really shows how relevant it actually is for some people to be tested. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through more mc than you should have, but hopefully this is it now and the treatment will work so you can have a successful pg. X

Cheesy, pleased you've got an answer and hopefully a plan for the way forward. Bet it's taught your GP a lesson, particularly as you have DS.

Bootles, the one bonus from having a Dd is we don't have such gross toys. Downside is we have dolls, that frequently get stuffed up her jumper
And pretend she's having a baby. Lots of her friends at nursery have siblings, so definitely role play!

Oh glad Af's arrived for you Brummie x

I'm remembering Professor Brosens very wise words.

Fresh lining. Fresh start

Speaking of Prof B - Pop how did you get on today???

Yes I'm glad my gp seems to have a lot of common sense and it's not all purely about budgets (he was open to following coventry protocol before these results). Plus he had a med student in so he was all smiley and enthusiastic, whereas last time he was like 'ffs, she's back - with a list!' (But helpful nonetheless).

The nhs don't seem to consider the effect on mental health either throughout all this. I know it's been mentioned on here before but someone said once about all the q's HVs ask re. Post natal depression after giving birth, but do they go to the same lengths when our baby has actually died or ivf/icsi has failed...do they f&@k!! Sorry - rant over!!

You're right cheesy. There should be specialised counselling provided for mc.
Any joy with the smiley today?

I was actually offered counselling (which I'm having) at Barnsley hospital after mc1. (Wasn't offered after mc2 but had had mc2 by the time the app came through) But from what I gather not all hospitals offer this and I know they don't offer it after every mc at Barnsley.

No, still bloody flashing! My ic was getting close to control line tho so I think it will happen tomorrow. What about you?

Bugger. Hope it comes soon. Nothing here either. On the smiley or the counselling! Trying to decide whether to give dh a night off tonight to pace himself in case I don't ov til Sunday/Monday, or if I'll just be kicking myself if it then happens tomorrow and we've missed an opportunity tonight. Arghh

I can totally agree with Flen (I think it was you) about the age gap. DS2 is just over 3 years older than Bertie and just delightful with him. For those of you worried about the age gap, try not to, it is just wonderful to have an age gap!

Brummie, glad you're onto CD1!

Cloud, MrsD, Sun and all the other BFP-ers, that feeling that everything is going to end badly is still familiar to me. It won't make anything better, but the odds are in your favour. We are here for the hand holding xxx

Pop, I hope it went well today. I really think they ought to have a mn noticeboard in Coventry!

There's so much to catch up on that I'm struggling. Sorry.

Thanks for the sage words. I'm sure you're right and it's all hormones making me so down on DH. He did say this morning how precious Bertie was to both if us because we'd had to fight so hard to get him, and he does understand my sensation of having "cheated death" so needing to be more watchful over Bertie. RMC just leaves scars. I guess that's why we still hang around here...

Hi there ladies, have been lurking whilst marking all week (man...i hate marking!) But wanted to touch base.

Pop** how was today?

Sasha - same here, ds is 21 months. On the age gap, i'm less worried than i should be and would be wuite happy with a three year gap, by which point i should get 16 hours a week free childcare at nursery! I am happy to totally and utterly indulge him with my love and not break the bubble on his demi- god status just yet. By three he will have such better understanding (thanks flen** what is your job, you useful lady!) There is 9 years between me and my brother, and we adored each other growing up - mutual worship! So although i feel pressure from the pount of view that i am 40, i know ds is very content as things are!

Cheesy - so glad you have an answer babe, that's brilliant! Sorry there is an issue, but at least it is a recognisabke one that has a solution to it.

Sun - get rid of those bastard sticks! Seriously. Last pregnancy i tested every 3 days, 11 weeks and had a lovely collection - all dark strong lines. Still showed pregnant three days into bleeding. They mean sweet f.a. X

Glad to 'see' you girls xxx

march and cheesy it's hard to know when to go for it and when to hang back, isn't it. march in theory, doing it tonight would also cover sun/Mon, but I know how it is..you want to get it timed as closely as possible.

I generally tell dp when we need to start DTD over 'the next few days'. His response is usually to ask which day exactly, (ie when can he be free to do whatever he wants). Its like ground hog day - I keep explaining I don't know exactly which day, I only have a guide, I am not a bloody machine, and besides we need to do it more than once. If I could TTC without DTD, I would jump at the chance. At least my cycle seems to be behaving..no spotting this month and have Ov pains.