Recurrent miscarriage support, tests, treatments and trying again.

[Monten]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

Sun,my dh reckons I won't be happy until I chuck up! It's completely understandable given our situation. Today is a positive day for me (I feel rubbish) but yesterday I spent most of the day I was convinced it was over cause I felt ok. Total head fucker (excuse my language) remember new lining, new chance!

sun I echo what girlie said - stop testing and looking at line strengths. A line is a line, pregnancy tests are not quantitative. And I wouldn't expect any symptoms this early! Whispered congrats

sebs and sasha Sorry you are having a dark day - mc is such a headf**k. Sometimes you just fall to the bottom of the hole and then have to claw your way back out again. It's shit. Especially as it just keeps happening. Sending hugs and a strong and some

flen So sorry about your BFN - it is so disheartening to look at that blank white space again and again. Don't give up hope, lovely.

5+4 here. Wondering if I should call the EPU to see if I can arrange a scan for 8 weeks - which is, gulp, only really 2 weeks away I'm not very hopeful, if I'm completely honest... Still playing through various scenarios in my head when to mc and how to deal with things. Which in turn makes me feel guilty, it's as if I am not even trying to give that baby a chance. Sigh.
Right, gotta go. Nursery is closed today for training, and I have DS's best friend here for the day (return of favour). They are playing so nicely together (at the moment), which makes me sad again that DS will not have a sibling closer to his age he could play with. To think that I could have had a 2-year-old by now... But no.

Sun, congrats on your BFP although I totally understand your worry. When I had my second MC it was a faint line that never got darker. I guess it was a very long cp or something but it really fucked with my head.

My last pregnancy was really strong from the start with great symptoms. I know if the egg hadn't been a dud it would have made it. Such a shame

cloud I am willing your pregnancy with all my being to be a success story. For you but also for me (selfish) as it gives me hope that I still have a little bit of time left before I have to give up.

Not selfish at all sebs. We all need a little hope x

sun hugs and strength and hang on in there. TIAP.

sasha hugs to you too lovely, the darkness does shift and it will. We are all here while it's not.

To those of you worrying about age gaps, my professional knowledge tells me that actually 2 years can be a tiny bit too early in psychological terms for the first child to process the arrival of the second. By 3 their "mind-mindedness" (ie. awareness of the existence of other people!) is more fully developed, which means they can accept the arrival of a newbie more easily (and with fewer emotional/behaviour difficulties). Thought it might help to put that out there...

Sun I agree with girlie step away from the tests. A line is a line and you will no crazy worrying. But fingers crossed and take 1 day at a time.

Sebs there is nothing selfish at all. We all need hope and we give each other hope.

For me all the ladies who have got BFP's and are currently awaiting arrival of little ones plus Tanny Baking and Tiny give me hope every single day.

It happened to them and it can happen to us.

And as my Mum reminded me yesterday, my auntie, when she was my age had 3 mc's in a row and then promptly knocked out 6 in a row. 1 a year. She practically had 6 under 7 I think.... And that was way back when there wasn't progesterone etc.

Every lining is a fresh start. We HAVE to remember that as it's all we have xx

Thanks all. Feeling in a very dark place right now. Think if this goes the way I expect, it could be the end of the road for us ttc. I am just finding it impossible to do this and to try to live anything approaching a normal life. Everything else has suffered - relationship with family, friends, my job etc. Much as I would desperately love to have a child, it is unbearable to go through this again and again.

OMG Brummie I live for stories like your Aunties. How utterly bloody amazing!!

That's a great story Brummie. Glad you have your ducks in a row too.

Big hugs Sun. I wish this could be the celebration that it is for so many women instead of this worry at every turn.

I can agree on the friendship thing as well, it's definitely affected my friendships too.

Work not too much as I've been very open so they've been really understanding. Plus I travel a lot and do some weekend stuff and where I might have taken TOIL - I'm not because I want to make up what I've missed. Technically I shouldn't need to, but we all know real life doesn't work like that

I think also my colleague being pg has gone in my favour believe it or not. I think they are so worried that I was just going to get signed off for 4 months saying that I couldn't face her (and after 3 and her right in my eyeline could you blame me) that work have been amazing trying to accommodate me and I am incredibly grateful for that.

I've tried really hard not to let it affect mine and DP's relationship as I don't want our lives to be about sadness but I'm dreading the baby making next cycle. DP doesn't cope very well with the "performance pressure" and we may have a few failed attempts and all it will take is a failed attempt at the "right moment " and we've missed that window. He'll then beat himself up and make himself worse.

So I admit I'm nervous.

I've got awful cramps today which hopefully means AF is on the way and we can start. But I'm scared.

Sun Sebs and Sasha big hugs to you. Just think of my auntie!!!

sun I've always had faint test results in the beginning for both Ds, my 2 mc and this one. I always envy ladies posting their beautifully clear bfp before AF is even due. But, I stop testing to save my sanity and just wait for AF to appear or not and then start to consider the possibility that this is it, again.

I'd like to say it gets easier but we know it doesn't and won't until we're holding a noisy squirmy baby.

cloud have you rung the epu for a scan yet? My mind is equally full of how, when and where will I mc this time. Keep telling my body this weekend isn't good for me! Do you think it might listen. Then jump to wondering if I'm carrying a dead something inside me. It's the pits.

flen thank you for your professional view on age gaps. Its not been easy but i am learning to treasure the extra time i have had with ds alone. I am so grateful we have him. Hope you're feeling a bit better.

brummie love the family mc tale! Love a happy ending. 6 under 7! That's like a crazy dream of mine in a parallel universe. Would settle with not having to relive the first trimester again after this go.

pop good luck today. Let us know how you get on.

Erica camping will be a good distraction... I hope. we love camping but I'm not quite brave enough to take Ds out this early yet. Just realised we have both mc at similar times in previous pregnancies before. 10 wks and 11+5 wks for me. It feels like I have never ending long days ahead to get anywhere near that far still.

Big waves to everyone else. Hope you all manage to find sometime to relax over the weekend.

Oh had to survive a 'leaving to have a baby presentation' this morning. Cue jealous evil eyes from me at the poor lady. It should be me finishing. Would have been due in 3 weeks. Waves fist angrily at the universe. Again.

jady - you are so right. I laugh now when I watch a movie or tv programme and there are joyous scenes of a wife lovingly showing her husband a positive pg test and they beem with joy and live happily ever after. Just isn't like that for some people.

sasha - yes, if I haven't started bleeding by Tuesday, I will phone the rmc as they will arrange scans from 6 weeks. Will also be asking for heparin so I think they have to scan for that. I too have had those horrible feelings of despairing panic after each mc. They do get better but that really doesn't help at the time. Big hugs hun.

brummie - actually relationship with dh is probably the only thing not to have suffered. If anything I think it has brought us closer than we were before all the crap started. I am most definitely hoping to follow in you aunties footsteps (although 6 would be a handful!).

Confirmed that am pg on digital test before lunch so bought myself big slice of cake to try to get through rest of day. Thank god is bank holiday weekend.

Congrats on digital result sun. That sounds v positive. Big hugs. Hoping this one is the one x

Thanks mrs - yes, now that I've had the positive on the digital, am not going to test again for a week. Will test then to see if it's gone up to 2-3 weeks like it should, or just stayed at 1-2 like it did last time...

Uurgh - baby leaving presentations are awful. I've pretended to be in a meeting so I haven't had to go to them! And don't get me started on the 'royal baby' - the woman in the sandwich shop was having an in depth conversation on when it was likely to arrive, whether Kate was having a sweep today etc.

And thank you flen and march - am trying to muster some positivity. x

Dh is in the good books as come home to find he's been in and left a card for me telling me how proud he is of me plus some money to treat myself and a dvd & choc for dd so we can have a chill afternoon. He's not normally one to do such gesture and I'm now a sobbing wreck!

Brummie re performance issues.... You might find it is better to just not tell your DP when you are in your fertile window. If he doesn't know then he won't be thinking about it quite as much. Or slightly fib and tell him it's a few days later than it actually is, so that you can get a couple of attempts in before he thinks it's DTD time....as they reckon sperm can live for circa 5-7 days if you have fertile mucus, then if he manages it at the time he thought them bonus but if not you've already got some up there lol.

Sun tentative congrats on the BFP, the fact you have a result in the digital is good as they don't give a result until the hcg is a decent level.

Wave to everyone else. Got a stinking cold, and been a long week, am going to lie down for a short while whilst boys are napping, try and find some energy for the rest of the day until they go to bed at 7, when I intend to collapse into bed as am shattered!

brummie - since xmas I stopped using the opks as it was causing too many 'anxiety' issues. Instead we just did it every two days from a few days before I have normally ov in the past, although around d-day I did manage to sneak in an extra one so it was every 18 hours. Seemed to really help on the performance anxiety front. Of course, you could use opks and just not tell dp when it is or as loopy says - tell a bit of a white lie

twilight sorry to hear about you last mc results.your last mc. Whilst it's a clear reason, it must be hard to hear that information, and frustrating to say the least to be set back with more delays. How are you holding up?

Also counting, how are you?

girlie good news on your bfp

just glad you are out of hospital now. Home stretch now. And for you longest and purple!

Still catching up.

baking its good to hear Faith is seizure free, and you sound like you are adjusting to the situation admirably. Sorry you are having to fight so hard to get the appointments that are needed.

I know I've left loads out but my mammoth catch ups will drive you all crazy soon I expect, so I'll stop.

sun (congratulations ) I agree to avoid testing as I think the lines vary so much and cause unnecessary worry. Hope this is the one for you. X

I saw my gp this morning and turns out I have factor V Leiden clotting disorder. I think someone else has this on here too but sorry can't remember who! The gp said he's sure this was the cause of my mcs. I don't think I'll take his word on that given he isn't a specialist (and he probably wants me to stop badgering him for more tests) but I do feel it fits with mc1 (MMC 8+5). He said I'll definately need heparin now when pg (although on coventry protocol anyway but probably need it for longer) but he's referred me to a haematologist who will advice accordingly. He suggested we stop ttc til then (Jun) but when I said 'errmmmm' and went red he could see it was obviously too late for that!
Feel a bit sad and upset that the baby probably died due to something preventable. I know we'll never know for sure but I've had the gut feeling all along that there was a problem with me and could never accept the 'it wasn't meant to be' line.

Sorry for the massive post. Will stop talking about me now! x