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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 16 - tests, treatment and trying again

986 replies

Justonemoretime · 18/01/2015 07:46

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats :)

OP posts:
Justonemoretime · 25/01/2015 09:04

Girlie, hi-5ing you, super cool empowered lady! Good for you for being out and open, taking control and, hopefully, getting other people to think, even for a moment, about the stupid personal questions they think its OK to ask! Smile

OP posts:
girliesaints · 25/01/2015 09:11

Just- don't feel super cool this morning, hiding under my duvet but it was an excellent last night.

Particularly to the knob that initially told me it's easy having babies as he's now got three. Left him speechless!

bakingtins · 25/01/2015 09:14

Good for you girlie

welcome serena and hope you and the other newbies are finding it helpful to be here.

A lot of the women on the pred thread ( conception board) have consulted Zita West and have good things to say about her holistic approach. I'm not sure her products would be any different to other brands though?

I think it's a mercy we had agreed to do dry January before all this kicked off, or I hate to think what state my liver would be in. I supposed we'll have to take it in turns to get plastered so someone is always able to drive though....
All this talking about skiing made me feel sad for DH. He has skied since he was a child and is super keen, I learnt as an adult and like cruising between hot chocolate stops! We can't afford to go as a family in school holidays, but he normally does a mad weekend on the snow train with a mate just to get a few days on the slopes. That's out of the question this year and I just realised he's probably thought the same and not even mentioned it. Bless.

Flen · 25/01/2015 09:32

brummie my parents are in Worcestershire/South Brum, so I still come that way now and again. The ingredients in Zita West are different if you check them out on the site - higher ratio of some and also additional berry type things. No idea if it really makes a difference but I'm giving it a shot! The same acupuncturist lady said to take Feminion from BFP, this has an easier to absorb form of folic acid apoarently, so I'm trying that too....

Trying to decide about baby aspirin belle - we have been told by our consultant to take it from BFP to aid with implantation, but I feel a bit wary about it.

baking I hope you are at least having cake and/or chocolate. Flowers

Hello bythesea! Poor ribs, hope they feel better soon. 2ww here too...

Flen · 25/01/2015 09:33

Oh and I meant to say bloody nice work girlie! In their thoughtless faces.

Justonemoretime · 25/01/2015 09:51

Flen, lots of recent research says that baby aspirin should be avoided in early pregnancy and heparin seems to be the blood thinner of choice for the more modern physician because it has fewer risks. Some people with diagnosed clotting issues may still need it, but many people now say to avoid it if all tests are normal. I still blame baby aspirin preconception for mc#3 because I think it screwed up implantation. However, prof Brosens did say that it can sometimes be prescribed later in pregnancy a bit more safely, but I don't know for why or under what circumstances.

OP posts:
Brummiegirl15 · 25/01/2015 09:54

Well done Girlie - I don't believe anyone should hide away - unless that works for them.

Well finally, I have a negative test so down to Worcester tomorrow to get bloods done.

First step in a long journey

Marchgirl · 25/01/2015 09:55

Meant to say welcome back bythesea. Hope the ribs heal quickly and welcome to our little 2ww club Confused

Marchgirl · 25/01/2015 09:57

Hang in there brummie. Mixed emotions for the neg test I'm sure, but it's a step in the right direction. Next stop testing and then you can get back on the ttc wagon when you're ready. Hugs Flowers

Belleende · 25/01/2015 10:01

Hi longest no heparin for me only med is thyroxine. She said to take it as there is evidence it assists placentas in the older lady. I said ta very much, I feel like a pensioner. She said no worries, she was seeing a pregnant 54 year old later that day!
Willing all the 2ww ladies on

Flen · 25/01/2015 10:02

just Exactly my concerns. Going to do a bit of research into it and decide on that basis.

Boozle80 · 25/01/2015 10:06

My consultants were split on asprin, one said that if you take it from before the BFP it can interfere with implantation but after implantation has occurred it's fine to use, the other said not to use it at all and gave me heparin instead. It's a minefield negotiating research and opinions!

longestlurkerever · 25/01/2015 10:20

Brummie. Know how you feel. It's a positive step but feels unfair you have to take such thin silver linings.

baking bless you both. Life will settle back down one day. How is Faith doing today?

bythesea. Sorry, I missed the bit about the ribs. Ouch! Get well soon

Flower29 · 25/01/2015 10:26

Nice one Girlie, I hope they will all think twice now before asking questions like this and be more sensitive to problems we can face. As for the knob who said it's so easy, think he deserves a knuckle sandwich! Grin Love the idea of making all those people so uncomfortable, he he!
Serena sorry for your losses Flowers
brummie hope you don't have a long wait for your results

Good luck to those in the 2ww!
Still waiting for my hcg to go down to nil Sad

tannyLoo · 25/01/2015 10:31

Hey everyone, I think I'm going to lurk for a while. I am huge and anxious about everything at the moment. This is leading to loads of sleepless nights and my mental health is taking a bashing. I tend to shut down a bit when this happens, but I hope it is short lived and I'll be back soon.

I will still be around on fb as it is nicely vacuous and I can get away with pretending!

Really excited for those in the TWW club, and my deepest sympathies to newbies joining us.

See you on the other side x

Brummiegirl15 · 25/01/2015 11:09

Tanny big hugs. Not long now. You are on the home straight... x

Those that chat on fb will have to let me know - anything to distract from baby bombs!!

barkingtreefrog · 25/01/2015 11:36

Brummie you're right, your friend who tried 2 years doesn't know how you feel but there are a lot of similarities between not being able to get pregnant at all and having miscarriages, so she probably thinks she does. In both situations you are facing people asking you why you haven't got a child when actually you may have been trying desperately for years and years. In both situations you may have an insane jealousy of pregnant women and those with babies. With infertility there is a grief for the child that you don't have and the life that you thought you would be living by now and still aren't. It's like when people compare divorce to a bereavement, you are mourning the life you thought you were going to have. Lots of you talk about age gaps. In my case, it's the age gap between the child I would have had if I'd got pregnant when we started trying and the child of my best friend who is now approaching 4. Our social group have pretty much all got babies now, by the time we have one (if it happens at all) they will all have toddlers or kids in school, so that shared experience and our kids playing together that you dream about will be gone.
That said I do agree that unless you've been through miscarriage yourself, and more than once, you have no idea of the horrifying, raw grief that it brings with it. The grief of infertility is very much there but it's not the same as having babies taken from you. Likewise, I wouldn't pretend that going through two miscarriages qualifies me to understand what it's like to suffer 4 or 5. Your friend does not know what you're going through, but she probably does have a better idea than someone who has never had any issues with pregnancy.
Sorry, that came out as a massive ramble. When the acupuncturist asked me if I had finished grieving, and I related this to the ladies on the infertility board I have been posting on for the last 2 or more years, they didn't really understand the difference between grieving over miscarriages and the continuous grieving that you are doing over infertility anyway. I was already grieving for the baby I didn't have before my first pregnancy and mc. I genuinely don't know, now that the raw grief of the miscarriages has subsided (ie I'm not crying every day and thinking about nothing else all the time), whether my continuing emotions are related specifically to the miscarriages or the general upset and frustration at still not having a baby or a viable pregnancy over 3 years after we started, while all of our friends appear to easily live the life they had planned (one couple went travelling round the world for a year before 'settling down to have children'. She gave birth 9 months after they got home [jealous].
And there you go. I just continued the ramble. Apologies!

Zita West comes highly recommended by anybody I know who has had experience of her. It's all out of my price bracket though so I haven't investigated it as yet.

bootles what a relief about your pay!

counting there has been a lot of research about the effects of positive thinking (the mind body fertility connection is an entire book about it). If I were you I would continue to believe in my mystery pills! Wink

boozle I cannot actually believe your head teacher said that, that's ridiculous! Angry

Girlie great work! I like doing the blunt, honest approach sometimes. I really wish it wasn't such a hidden subject.

bythesea ouch. Hope you're pain free pretty soon!

Brummie the negative test is a good thing but it still hurts to see it doesn't it. flowers hope you get yours soon.

tanny take care.

Thanks for all the luck ladies. I am feeling totally and utterly exhausted after the last 2 weeks and am now going to bury my head in the sand and keep as busy as possible for the next 2. See you on the other side! Hopefully all of us in the 2 week wait will be coming back with bfps that lead to successful pregnancies [happy].

Belleende · 25/01/2015 11:48

tanny has been a bit of a shock to me how easy it is to revert to high anxiety, even when all the signs are good. Maybe try some hypnobirthing techniques. I have heard good things about it for anxiety and pain. Could be two birds one stone. I am also finding yoga a god send. Really does help me think and feel more positively. It might not feel like it, but really not long now. X

Marchgirl · 25/01/2015 13:14

Big hugs tanny. So close now. You can do it. I've been trying the headspace app this week and i find it really good for calming my mind down before bed. I had the hypnobirthing book and cd for dd and it was also good to relax to.

girliesaints · 25/01/2015 13:18

Tanny, completely understand that you're having a wobble and as a thread it's probably not the best environment for you to be around. Please go and play with nice normal pregnant ladies that haven't scared and hopefully their optimism/ excitement will get you back in the right space x

BettyButterchops · 25/01/2015 14:19

Sorry serena to hear about your losses, It's very hard. Further to what belle said, I desperately wanted answers and after a raft of tests had none... which the doctors will tell you is a good thing as it means there's no reason the next one won't work out. Having said that, many of us long for some sort of underlying reason so that we can get to work treating it...
Sometimes yes, the results reveal something not quite right and the women on here are amazing at sharing their experiences of various treatment protocols and information when this is the case.
I found it very hard to accept something wasn't causing my 3 mcs... but a very nice doctor explained why this was sometimes the case and gave me some very positive stats to show despite my age (40 next week) and the 3mcs, the odds were still in my favour for a good outcome. I am now about 13 weeks... further than ever before and although I am very nervous, the other pregnancies, journeys of ttc and courage on this thread have kept me going. Finding hope again is something to be found here.
I hope you have caring people around you... no one can blame you. You deserve credit for being so brave and getting to the end of each day. Please try and be kind to yourself. You have found a good place here for going through the worst time X x

Flen · 25/01/2015 17:11

tanny completely understandable. Thinking of you and do whatever you need.

bakingtins · 25/01/2015 17:13

tanny hugs. Nearly there.

Flower29 · 25/01/2015 18:35

That's very understandable Tanny, it's best for you to be positive now so do whatever you feel is right. Your story gives us all hope so thanks for sharing it and I'm sure everyone is looking forward to your next big announcement! Smile

longestlurkerever · 25/01/2015 18:45

Barking That makes perfect sense to me. I still feel sad about the pregnancies I lost even now I am pregnant so it's not "just" the lack of pregnancy that was hurting, but I know that for me that was by far the biggest factor - the worry we would never get there.

Tanny look after yourself. Try and keep calm and enjoy mat leave as best you can. Hugs.

Tough day today. Dh stayed grumpy and dd has been shrieky and difficult. Not a great combination. And I forgot to buy a haggis, boo, so it's curry tonight. 15 mins to bedtime!