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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 15 - tests, treatment and trying again

990 replies

Justonemoretime · 01/01/2015 09:02

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats :)

OP posts:
AndCounting · 11/01/2015 22:10

Thanks everyone.

flower sorry for you loss. longest is right to point out that your chances remain good. Meantime hope the next few days go OK.

longestlurkerever · 11/01/2015 22:12

Great Charlie! The big one opposite the Royal Courts of Justice. That's actually on Fleet Street, not the Strand. There are two close together. The one we mean is next to a cafe called apostrophe. Shall we say 12:45?

cloudjumper · 11/01/2015 22:41

Welcome flower29 so sorry that you find yourself here. It is so heartbreaking to have to experience a miscarriage, and even more so to have to go through it again. As the others have said, with 2mcs, you might have to go private if you want any testing, but I would definitely go for it. Looking back, I think I should have pushed for that at the time, I didn't realise that that was an option... Any result can help deciding what to do next.

Brummie and everyone else - I can so relate to what you have said regarding how hard it is to manoeuver a relationship through miscarriage(s). Like so many of yours, my DH has (from what I perceive) successfully managed to keep himself emotionally distant - he has been for me in every way while it all happened, but I have found it (and still do!) incredibly hard to connect with him while I am recovering, gearing up to and starting ttc again. He has admitted that he now does not allow himself to become emotionally involved when I fall pg, because of what has happened.
I sometimes wonder if and when the mcs cross his mind, unless I talk about them. Which in turn, I do less and less - which is not good, as I end up trying to work my way through it all on my own...
He has never been moody with me in any way because of it all, whereas I have bitten his head off on a number of occasions. He hasn't got any of his close friends nearby and is rubbish at staying in touch with anyone, so I doubt he ever talks about it with anyone.
I sometimes want to shout at him, to ask if he ever thinks about the babies that we have lost, or if he realises that I think about them every.single.day. It is very frustrating and infuriating, but I am tired of always having to be the one to instigate the talking, so I don't. And he then in turn assumes that all is well and don't thinks about asking, it's a vicious circle.

bootles · 11/01/2015 23:11

Hello flower sorry you find yourself here. I echo what the others have said. A second mc is very hard to accept, and hope that you have support around you.

counting I love your string theory, and it reflects very well the way I feel - I will remember it. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Thanks Tanny.

bootles · 11/01/2015 23:22

longest of course your 20 week scan can go just as well as it did with your DD. There's no reason for it not too. Obviously I realise that logic is obsolete in this situation! You are doing so well, just hang in there and I hope the time passes quickly until scan day.

Don't think I can make this Thursday as have no childcare, would live to one day though.

brummie and everyone else, yes yes and yes to the OH not getting it, and relationship difficulties because of it. My OH tends to go on a big downer on finding out, and I have to be the one to 'cope', and he then bounces back very quickly, saying we will 'just try again' though now even he is asking me what our chances are (I don't bloody know do I?!). He then seems surprised if he realises I'm still thinking about it all the time (which is only because I tell him or get upset). I just have less expectations of him these days, things seem to work better that way.

bootles · 11/01/2015 23:23

Love to, I mean.

bootles · 11/01/2015 23:27

And argh first day back at work tomorrow. I'm supposed to be asleep now. Really anxiety ridden about seeing everyone and them all asking where I have been...I've done it before of course, but this time feels particularly hard. I'll give my usual 'back off' vibes and hope for the best. Only one day then rest of the week off at least, but I really don't feel like facing it.

Boozle80 · 11/01/2015 23:27

I wish I lived nearer to you all as I'd love to meet up. I'd definitely push for testing if you can after two - one of my regrets was that when number 3 happened it all seemed so needless if only I'd tried harder when they said they wouldn't test me after the second. Not that I think they would have however hard I tried but I felt that it ws another life lost.
I'm 15 weeks and already crapping myself about the 20 week scan - I've invested in a Doppler to fuel my anxiety a bit more - I've got to say it's the best purchase in the world and its a little bit like getting a warm hug everytime I hear the babies Hb. I haven't not found it yet though - I'm sure when I dont I'll be cursing the day I bought it!

Boozle80 · 11/01/2015 23:29

Sorry Bootles cross posts. The first day back is always shit. I felt like everyone could see through my clothes or something. I locked myself in my classroom and didn't come out until hometime. Sending you massive, massive hugs and just give them your best off glare! Xx

Boozle80 · 11/01/2015 23:30

Oooo, mumsnet edited my post - it translated to go away glare...

TinyTear · 12/01/2015 06:38

12:45 is great, lurker and Charlie

Looking forward to it.

AndCounting · 12/01/2015 07:06

All the best today, bootles. Only one day. I'm back next Monday and will need some of your 'back off' vibes then. A close colleague is pregnant with same EDD as I had so by my reckoning she'll be announcing it to the office this week or next.

Original poster
Justonemoretime · 12/01/2015 07:14

Bootles, good luck today. Going back is tough. I broke a strike twice just to go back on a day where most people (and students) would be off anyway and there would be time to deal with 'sad face' and take a moment (not possible when teaching is in full swing). Hope it goes as well as possible.

OP posts:
Marchgirl · 12/01/2015 07:50

Good luck today bootles. Hope its not too bad
wish i could meet up with you all. If anyone is vaguely close to Edinburgh I'd be up for meeting sometime

girliesaints · 12/01/2015 08:05

Good luck bootles x

ourdaywillcome1983 · 12/01/2015 08:26

Good luck today bootles

Can anyone advice on dalteparin? I asked my consultant about testing me for sticky blood and I've just had one of the nurses from RMC say that they will give me dalteparin 'since it won't do any harm' I asked if this was the same as Clexane/herparin and she said yes. It will mean that I do have to go for the scan on weds when I will be 6 weeks exactly. Feel sick at the thought.

tannyLoo · 12/01/2015 08:43

Our day I haven't heard of that one, sorry. When is your scan?

Bootles good luck today. If you are able to, try and escape early. Thinking of you x

Original poster
Justonemoretime · 12/01/2015 08:44

Ourday, I think there are various brand names for it, mine was fragmin. Its magic stuff IMHO, great news if you can get it from 6 weeks.

OP posts:
Boozle80 · 12/01/2015 08:44

I got put on heparin from six weekish and it seems to be doing the trick, apart from the scans it's not so bad - I've recently discovered it hurts a lot less if you do it yourself instead of asking DP to do it for you!

ourdaywillcome1983 · 12/01/2015 08:56

My scan is Wednesday tanny I will only be 6 weeks to the very day so not sure if that will be too early.
just I've googled it and it says this one is fragmin, good to see that it gets approval. Thanks boozle he's such a wuss I'm not sure he'd be able to do it for me! Will try and keep calm between now and weds. I feel like we will be throwing everything at it (it being me not the baby) this time - fragmin, cyclogest and 5mg folic acid. Hopefully it does the trick.

Belleende · 12/01/2015 08:57

Since when have swears been re moved from this thread?!? Hear this MNHQ, we come here to vent, it is often very raw, sometimes that involves choice language, but by Christ it is warranted. If I wanted censorship I would be on netmums, but we are all grown ups here. Now do us a favour and back off.
Anyhoo. Doppler you say boozle. I am soooooooo tempted. Bump has been hiding a bit recently. Been increasing the anxiety maybe Do ppler is the answer.

Seems like all our relationships have been through the mill. Mr Ende spends a lot of energy worrying about me. I heard him on the phone to him mum before our 12 week scan. He said this whole process had changed me fundamentally, made me a sadder person. It was upsetting to hear, but true. I am different. I expect we all are.

Original poster
Justonemoretime · 12/01/2015 09:02

Ourday, I had it from 5 and a half weeks, before HB. As long as its not ectopic, then its ok to start it. I believe it really works if there aren't additional genetic issues, which sadly can't be helped, but if the baby is genetically ok, then the injections really make the diff. Are you also getting progesterone too? It seems to be a winning combo. Smile

OP posts:
ourdaywillcome1983 · 12/01/2015 09:17

Yes just I'm on cyclogest, my dosage is 200mg twice a day. So good to hear they will start without the heartbeat, I'm so glad it seems to be the winning combo that's massively encouraging. I hope it can be for me too. I can't believe they've agreed to something that's actually proven to have worked for others! Feeling reassured but realistic at the same time, as you have said: if it's genetic then there's nothing I can do to stop it. She said I will need to get weighed so they can calculate my dosage, does that mean that there's no standard dosage then?

TinyTear · 12/01/2015 09:28

swears removed? or people self-censoring?

fuck cunt arse! fucking fuck I have gestational diabetes again!

anyway ourday i went at 5.6w and there wasn't even a hb, but i just wanted to start my clexane...
I was also on 200mg twice a day

GOOD LUCK!!!

TinyTear · 12/01/2015 09:30

My DH forgot a lot more of the dates and things, but is quite understanding. and I think he wanted number 2 a lot more than me, he told me when the risk was past a bit...

he was the one who pushed me to counselling and stuff which was good as I was just wallowing in my own self pity and not even trying to get better