Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 15 - tests, treatment and trying again

[Justonemoretime]

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats :)

Tanny I am thrilled you're at 32 weeks but so sorry you're not sleeping well. Everything that's happened with your family doesn't help and the build up to the funeral of someone so loved is just the worst. Heart goes out to you and your family

March so sorry it's a bfn all the waiting is the worst part in many respects. Regarding your friends baby just visit when you're ready, if she is a true friend she will understand why this is so hard for you.

Thank you all for the good luck messages for today. Scan isn't until 5.30pm so have to get through the whole day yet preparing myself for bad news

First off im sorry if i miss anything but this has to be the fastest paced thread ive ever been on!
Cat massive hugs for yday, i hate feeling like that at work. I also work with some ladies who have been incredibly insensitive at times and its awful. Take pleasure in knowing you'd be sensitive in the same situation. Good luck for today, i know every scan will make you nervous but i know you will come and update us with good news soon.
I agree with just on every point abbout the vile HR woman, i am flabbergasted - not pregnancy related?????????????? What?!?!?!?!
barking thank you for the advice and monten thanks for the congrats.
March i understand your frustration it will happen, be kind to yourself.
To add on the point about age, i am 31 (32 in a couple of weeks) so this is happening to all ages. I asked my consultant if maybe i had poor quality eggs and he also said 'you wouldnt be getting pregnant if that was the case'

Good luck cat

March Sorry the evil witch got you! Lots of and some , methinks (when is MN adding an icon for chocolate?!). It is so hard, facing that disappointment every month again. Like someone else mentioned above, we live our lives more or less in 2-week intervals. And every 'lost' month seems like a major obstacle.
Can you do something to distract yourself, or give yourself a little treat. And don't worry about your friend - if she is a good friend, she will understand your issues with seeing the baby, and if not, well, then she isn't a good friend. Send a present and visit when you feel up for it.

cat Hope the scanxiety is manageable... Good luck!

Belle Well, if you really want to take a look at some horrendous posts, go to the '40+ and TTC' thread in the Conception forum - things have really kicked off now (all at the end of the thread). But I warn you, it is not nice at all, and people are getting very upset. I have now actually written to the MN HQ to make them aware of what is going on. Some people just don't have any idea of boundaries and respecting others, it's really sad.

Brummie Can your GP give you something stronger for the pain? You shouldn't have to suffer any more than necessary, hope you feel better soon!

bootles Nothing wrong with panda cuddles, whatever helps you!

Quick Q - has anyone here ever take DHEA as a supplement for ttc? I've come across it while doing some reading last night, and now I'm wondering if this is something that I should consider taking. Will ask on Thursday, but thought maybe someone here knows about it.

Grrrr - am sure there is a setting I can change on facebook but seriously today's targeted ads are: baby massage and adoption and fostering services! Seriously facebook - ever heard of sensitivity?!!!!!!
cloud - sorry no advice but I have wondered about DHEA too, so would be really interested if anyone has experience of taking this.

Just had a quick read of that thread. As I'm 38 I'd never looked at it.

WTF? Who is that vile person???!!! Cloud check you out, loving your last post. Do people really name change and come back on? The mind boggles.

Had a mini breakdown today - I got an invite to a baby shower for one of my oldest friends via fb. So if course, the world, his wife and next doors dog start replying. Ping. Ping. Ping

So I've replied saying I 'll go but I simply cannot remain on the email group and explained the reason why.

This is the one (Monten you might remember this) who had IVF as a single woman and had a lunch to " announce" her pregnancy just after my 2nd mc and i couldn't face going so cancelled.

This is that friend. I feel I have to go. I actually do want to go. I didn't feel bad for not attending a poxy lunch announcement that was OTT but I feel I should go to this and it's not for a couple of months yet.

Thing is I can't avoid her forever. Plus I've got more immediate worries than a baby shower and that's facing my 16 week pregnant colleague who sits opposite me when I return.

Again I'm happy but I'm insanely jealous and I just want my babies to have survived.

So anyway mini meltdown and floods of tears after invite. It sounds really bad and I'm ashamed of it, but I really wanted a stiff drink to calm myself down but it was 1pm and that is not a route I want to go down. So I made lunch and then ate a slice of battenburg. Not that it's helped

Brummiegirl - big hugs. I'm having melt downs over everything at the mo (even cried at Facebook targeted ads earlier) so really know how u feel and how difficult it is facing friends going through such happy times, when ours are anything but. x

.... and respect for only having one slice of battenburg! I have been through half a box on lindor this morning alone.

Hugs to you both Brummie and sun. I agree one slice of battenburg is very restrained. I am currently trying to decide if I can squeeze in a bag of steak crisps before work afternoon tea. Will try and resist but may have to go to meeting before the tea starts, in which case I'll have missed out on both !

Feeling a bit nervy today. Have been talking more about the pregnancy/baby and feel like I've jinxed it, esp as movements have been very quiet the last few days. Feel a bit teary but probably being silly.

longest it's early on, baby is tiny and for all you know he/she is kicking where you can't feel. only now after 25/26w i feel more regular movements... with DD it wasn't till after 28 that is was all very regular...

BTW, we should sort out a lunch soon
:-)

Longest it is very much ok for you to feel this way. Little lurker will be kicking away and you just can't feel it.

There is someone on AIBU complaining about a 55 minute wait for her consultant appt. resisting urge to say "are you fucking kidding me? I waited 3 days to have surgery after my baby died so actually 55 mins for a consultant appointment which meant you were late and couldn't have any lunch. Yes you are being unreasonable"

But I'm well aware that I am bitter and grieving

brummie its so hard, i agree. I have one IVF friend who told me i should think myself lucky i can get pregnant (whilst going through mc#2 no less) and another friend who was due on the same day as what would have been my due date for mc1 who just bombards me with pics of her baby. Its really hard, I dont have anyone here at work that are pregnant but someone who excitedly tells me taht she will try this year and thats hard enough it never helps when FB goes into overdrive, i have had to 'hide' certain people who relenntlessly talk about their perfect pregnancies.

I have seen a thread on another forum called 'HORRIFIED is an understatement' i had to stop reading as basically its a girl whos upset that shes put 10lbs on. Oh, OK. Ill take the weight gain if it means a baby, thanks very much.

longest take some deep breathes, brummie will be right

I failed. I commented. But fuck it. I was polite and admitted I'm bitter, envious and grieving.

But I do feel slightly better for saying it. #childish

Thanks Tiny and brummie- that does help. Yes to lunch. Now Christmas is out of the way I am much more available. Tues and Thurs are the best days for me generally. Anyone else London-based fancy meeting up one weekday lunchtime somewhere near the Strand?

ourday - I've had that comment too - repeatedly. "Well at least you know you can get pregnant". Well, yes which true enough is a start, but not much use when I can't keep them for more than a few weeks.

Brummie I know.. I commented to say my antenatal room has WiFi... But I always know I will spend 3 hours there when I have consultant appointments

Longest, Tuesday or Thursday next week would work for me...

sun thats exactly what i said to my husband, its not helpful is it another friend asked me how i was when going through #3 i said "im trying really hard......i dont know.......I'm........" and she interupted to say "getting used to it now?" no, definitely cant get used to that heartbreak. Sending you hugs, i hate facebook at the moment, i find myself saying 'oh f**k off' out loud quite regularly which really isnt good.

ourday - urgh, yes - the 'it must get a little easier each time, now you are used to it' comment! Er - no!!!!!!! No really, each time a little bit more of my heart just feels like it has been chipped away. I've also been doing that to facebook. Think I might have to take a fb break before I accidentally post instead of just thinking it!!!!

You wouldnt say it to someone if a rellative died would you, oh but you must be used to it now - other people have died afterall.
Yes i am the same - i could definitely do with a FB ban sun, i feel like an outburst could happen any minute whether it be at my inlaws or facebook, theres always something. Think i may self medicate with lindor and battenburg.....

Our and sun, I am completely that people would say things like that! Mind you, I work in mental heath, as do most of my friends, and we're so touchy feely that we are all probably too far the other way!

Brummie and tiny I had to comment too, you can tell I should be working when I start browsing other threads!

Longest, I spent so many days weeks in a state of panic about movements, I think it is perfectly natural. Have you contacted your local birthing unit? Mine were happy for me to phone and then pop in (even on a Sunday evening) for a quick listen. My notes are strewn with things that say "reassurance++"!!

No emotional reason for it, but the half chocolate Santa in the fridge has now gone. Need another and some battenburg now!

tanny, sun and i could perhaps do with sending the offenders your way, see if you have any suitable treatment for them at work! My MIL is the worst, she has 9 sisters - i would understand if she was an only child or something but sensitivity is not on her agneda, she doesnt know when to stop either. Oooh i would love some Christmas choc, might see if i can pick up some ferrero rocher on the way home.

Yes, comments I tend to get are things like "I can't begin to imagine what it must feel like to go through so much pain over and over again, and to be expected to put on such a brave face. Please remember that we are here for you when you're ready to talk". Actually, it puts me off talking, but at least it is well meant and empathic.

How long is it safe to reheat Christmas pudding???

tanny - I have stopped being amazed at what people say. Shortly after mc#1 we went on holiday with a couple of very close friends who knew everything that we had just been through. Not only did they decide to wait until the first day of the holiday to tell us they were 14 weeks pregnant, instead of giving is a bit of time beforehand to get used to it, they then followed it up with - 'it was actually you guys getting pregnant have us the idea'!!! Then asked me if I was pregnant again (I wasnt). At which point I took myself off to bed and sobbed!