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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 15 - tests, treatment and trying again

990 replies

Justonemoretime · 01/01/2015 09:02

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats :)

OP posts:
Sunandrainbow · 06/01/2015 16:32

Oh tanny - just read your post on the comments you get. Actually welled up, it would be so nice to hear that instead of the rubbish I get. Another corker is my mum - 'don't you think it's time to stop this now' and 'your life isn't your own once you have kids you know'. this doesn't help mum!!!!!

longestlurkerever · 06/01/2015 16:49

Christmas pudding is invincible.

I am also Shock at the insensitivity of that one ourday and sun. I have to bite my tongue from saying to people who have suffered one mc "it's bad, but it's not like the pain of suffering several" - it's the feeling of inevitability that gets to you. I will always remember squiz on the pg after mc thread saying after my mc3 that the chances of a healthy pregnancy after 3 are almost as good as after none. I wish she had been there in real life to give her a hug - It was exactly what I needed to hear (still don't understand how the stats work exactly but...)

Great tiny! Thurs would be best for me.

tannyLoo · 06/01/2015 16:55

Sun, that's heartbreaking, you've made me well up this time! TBH, my mum has had to learn to be more supportive around my MCs, it didn't come as naturally for her, but it was all linked in to not wanting to see me sad and feeling helpless. She is ever the practical person, wondering how we can afford it (we can't), how broken I will be after multiple MCs (pretty fucking broken), and how my other kids will cope (they're kids, we love them, they'll cope). And because she's my mum, she thinks it's OK to say this stuff (it isn't)...

Your insensitive friends could do with a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

TinyTear · 06/01/2015 17:00

Sun, I want to poke those friends with a stick!!

tannyLoo · 06/01/2015 17:06

longest I could hug all of you for all the support and understanding, and for some of the shit we all put up with. Give tiny a squeeze from me!

Brummiegirl15 · 06/01/2015 17:07

My Mum hasn't been the best either. Told me today I had to just get over it.

She isn't being harsh but as a parent she struggles to see her daughter distressed and is trying to be practical to help me.

It doesn't help.

tannyLoo · 06/01/2015 17:11

Maybe we need to introduce them to MN. They could have a "mums of mums who experience RMC" thread, or a "AIBU to expect my daughter to get over it and move on?" thread. Hmm

Marchgirl · 06/01/2015 17:11

Good luck cat. holding your hand x

TinyTear · 06/01/2015 17:12

Brummie, that is why I didn't tell my parents. I know they would have been overbearing.

Longest, Thursday it is. We can sort details later next week.

Tanny, any plans of a London trip?

Sunandrainbow · 06/01/2015 17:14

Ladies - your virtual friend poking with sharp sticks has really cheered me up!!!! Smile

tanny - that is a brilliant idea for a 'mums of...' thread. Can just imagine her face if I sent the link to her Grin

Brummiegirl15 · 06/01/2015 17:22

Ooh it's nearly 5.30 - good luck Cat!

Sunandrainbow · 06/01/2015 17:26

cat - wishing you really good luck.

Original poster
Justonemoretime · 06/01/2015 17:31

Thinking of you Cat. x

OP posts:
tannyLoo · 06/01/2015 17:35

Fingers and toes cat x

Tiny, would love to, and maybe we could drag a few others along...

Floweroct · 06/01/2015 18:28

This thread moves so quickly these days!
Fingers crossed cat

It's mad some of the comments we get isn't it!! Glad to see the pregnancies are going well, think they keep us hopeful!

Sorry to see some newbies.

I was supposed to have my first private appt tomorrow but the insurance company have decided that they now don't cover him so got an appt in two weeks with someone else. So still waiting for some tests and then got nhs appt in 6 weeks. We haven't stopped ttc and now in tww I think but can't imagine ill get bfp and if I do I'll no doubt go into mad panic - I know you've all advised to wait but I can't! But I will have a break soon as my sis is getting married later in the year so can't miss that!!

Girl I sit next to told me she was pg today, she only found out this morning - she knows about my mcs so it was a bit tough but I am happy for her. I then went to dentist and in walks a girl in a school uniform with a toddler, I know I shouldn't judge but it just felt like another kick in the teeth. Being a mum just seems like it'll never happen !

Marchgirl · 06/01/2015 18:29

My mum is also a bit blunt. Two classic comments when I went through a spell of depression a few months ago. The first was "remember you have a husband and a daughter. If you're feeling depressed then don't bring them down with you"
and this real classic one: "You mustn't stop communicating with Tom, I mean, that's probably what broke up his last marriage, and you don't want that to happen to you as well".
Thanks mum. It was actually a bit more complicated than that!

Sunandrainbow · 06/01/2015 18:39

flower - completely understand just wanting to ttc again straight away. I feel the same - keep thinking I could be a few weeks away from another positive, that miraculously hoes right this time and puts all the s**t behind us. Unlikely I know, but that's how my brain works Sad.
march - ugh. I know mums probably don't mean to be insensitive and are probably just struggling with seeing us so sad, but really?! x

ourdaywillcome1983 · 06/01/2015 18:46

You ladies all have mums that sound like mine, why are mums like this?!?! I love mine dearly but I can imagine all the examples above coming out of her mouth!

sun your friends who you went on holiday with - wow, I am completely agog. I think I would have had to come home. MC#1 happened in December 2013 so hubby was dreading Xmas, his family know this was going to be difficult for us but we were spending it with my family this year so I was hoping we could enjoy this one: Xmas morning his brother rings and asks him to pop in, then tells him his wife is 6 weeks pregnant. (I didn't find out I was pregnant until the 27th) I was gutted that this was on Xmas day, it made our Xmas about that and obviously hubby was gutted too, they weren't seeing us so why not wait a little longer. Sometimes it just feels like people rub your nose in it (I know they weren't)

Sounds like a tough day flower hope you're ok

Catlover2014 · 06/01/2015 19:07

Thanks all for your posts.

Baby measured 14+5 and was looking great! Only issue is I couldn't have nuchal scan as it was too late, annoying as I suspected as much and asked to be seen sooner on that basis. Anyway baby seemed ok and that's what matters.

Sorry for the me, me, me post. I'm shattered and heading to bed but will catch up with you all tomorrow.

Thank you all for being my lifeline.

XxX

ourdaywillcome1983 · 06/01/2015 19:07

Also I've never heard the stat about good chances after a third - I need to find this and show my husband

ourdaywillcome1983 · 06/01/2015 19:08

cat that is excellent news - so happy to hear!!!!!!!!!!! Grin

Marchgirl · 06/01/2015 19:13

Fantastic news cat! So happy to hear that. Have they taken the bloods bit of the combined test, or is it not relevant without the nt part? Hope you can rest easy tonight knowing your little one is growing happily inside x

tannyLoo · 06/01/2015 19:14

Cat that is amazing and wonderful news! xxx

girliesaints · 06/01/2015 19:22

Wonderful news cat x

Sunandrainbow · 06/01/2015 19:24

Ahh - that's great news. x