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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Recurrent Miscarriage Support thread 14 - tests, treatment, trying again

999 replies

Justonemoretime · 29/11/2014 17:38

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats :)

OP posts:
bythesea82 · 10/12/2014 12:45

Thanks guys, will add some more vitamins and might try acupuncture as I am sure it can't harm.

march glad you asked about the course and it was good news.
longest hope your DH gets sorted quickly and it's something simple Flowers

bythesea82 · 10/12/2014 12:46

Hugs charlie early night for you!

tannyLoo · 10/12/2014 13:18

I've been having acupuncture for nearly a year! I think it has done me good. They will normally offer affordable sessions one day a week, which are significantly cheaper.

I took royal jelly and omega complex along with prenatal vitamins, and I also took maca root, which does something (can't quite remember what?)...

I don't drink or smoke and I limited my caffeine and aspartame intake too.

Catlover2014 · 10/12/2014 14:06

Sorry to hear ur DH isn't well Longest. My friend's OH had something similar and it's turned out to be a problem with his appendix. He needed a small op but is fine now.

Sounds like you had a rough night Charlie. Try to get an early one in tonight if you can. Hugs

XxX

charlieis30 · 10/12/2014 15:53

Thanks guys. Sometimes it's tough to switch off the brain.

Tried a meditation technique I've been practicing with the counsellor: imagining each thought as a red helium balloon, and letting it hit me but just bounce off (the way helium balloons do). Worked pretty well, so thought I'd share the technique!

bootles · 10/12/2014 18:25

Glad you get to do both march - one less thing to worry about.

Thanks tinyand belle...think I will ring FMC tomorrow. Belle I presume you mean they found things in that particular pregnancy that pointed to a high risk of late mc? You poor thing, so sorry you had to go through that. I see your point about negotiating 2 systems, I am doing it now and it is definitely stressful. If I were to get high odds with the 12 wk combined screening, an amnio would be more than I could bear I think, with its risk of mc. I think harmony would be a good option for me. My tfmr was actually chromosomally normal so I'll never know what went wrong, but mc 3 was a T22 and I'm 41 so my risk is kind of high. Good to know about the Prof, forewarned is forearmed. But how crap you had to deal with that selfish sounding ego on top of the results. Anyway let's see if its all still necessary after my scan in 10 days.

What time is your scan tomorrow? Hope you had a good diverting day, and everything and I mean everything is crossed for you tomorrow. Positive thoughts! Xx

longest it's good your dh is getting a colonoscopy to rule things out. Hope it all turns out to be a reassuring process.

Am going to try the meditation technique Charlie

Daisybell1 · 10/12/2014 18:27

I also had my harmony test at FMC. It was at the first scan there that my mmc was diagnosed. I'm sure it's a great place but I still have issues with how the news was broken to me. I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, its not the words that were spoken, but being given a 'tour' of the 3d scan image of my dead baby is still imprinted on my mind. Next time I would ask not to look if all wasn't well, I can see her face even now Sad

Apologies, she's been on my mind a lot today Flowers

barkingtreefrog · 10/12/2014 18:48

Daisy that sounds awful Thanks.

After being told at my first scan that there was a sac and an embryo but no heartbeat, 'but your dates might be wrong, come back in a week' I was offered a scan photo Hmm . I'm not sure how many people want to be reminded of the scan that showed their baby was probably not going to make it but I'm definitely not one of them.

TinyTear · 10/12/2014 18:50

Daisy, how terrible.
My first scan there at 10 w had a very brusque Spanish female sonographer. Someone else on the April 15 miscarriage thread also had a bad experience with this woman.
But the guy who did my 12 w one was amazing and quite reassuring.

Longest hope your dh is OK x

Original poster
Justonemoretime · 10/12/2014 19:29

Daisy, how awful. When I had my 3rd mmc at a routine NHS scan st 13 wks and was told the baby had died at 10 or so, the sonographer started by saying 'oh, there's supposed to be a baby in there' then left a screenshot of the dead baby on the wall mounted monitor while she left to fetch the leaflet. We walked out, got on a train to uclh and got the erpc there. when they scanned me, I was given a choice whether I wanted to look or not (I did, but not for long, just a last respects kind of thing), but I appreciated the choice. They were so much more sensitive. I have refused to have this 12 week scan at that first hospital, and am having it at the EPU I've been attending this time.
Shocking how poor some of the care can be. No wonder we end up needing therapy (which we mostly end up having to pay for...) Angry

OP posts:
Daisybell1 · 10/12/2014 19:40

To be fair, the staff were lovely. I think they just wanted to prove that they'd looked in the right place for the heartbeat. Which was fine but they forget how much better their equipment is to anyone else's. But apparently it's a peculiarly British thing, the sonographer at St Marys RMC says that in the states where she trained you never show the screen to the lady until you know everything's ok.

I do now wish I had a photo of her though.

Original poster
Justonemoretime · 10/12/2014 19:45

Its all sad, isn't it. I really objected that this local hospital had these wall mounted screens on as standard so you had no choice to look. Really poor IMHO. I'm still pissed off about it (can you tell?) Shock

OP posts:
Daisybell1 · 10/12/2014 19:47

Just my local hospital has that too but now I shut my eyes until all's ok. But then that wasn't enough for the FMC and they had to point everything out when I was off the bed and dressed.

Original poster
Justonemoretime · 10/12/2014 19:53

A little training would go a long way, I think.

OP posts:
charlieis30 · 10/12/2014 20:05

I'm in the minority here but I'm really glad the sonographer from MC1 gave me a picture. She asked if I wanted it (the rest was all pretty brutal, I was abroad and the culture is more...forthright) but I wasn't offered a pic at MC2 (UCH), although I did see the baby on the screen (I asked to). I wish I had that tangible evidence, a photo that I can just file away somewhere to remember the baby by.

longestlurkerever · 10/12/2014 20:09

It should be all about choice, shouldn't it? You might want to see the scan, you might well not. I also hate the nhs's refusal to confirm a mmc if the foetus is small. Even the second time they were insisting i could have got my dates wrong. What and a bfp before I supposedly even conceived? I could tell the sonographer wanted to comfort me and acknowledge my pain but had to trot out the everything looks normal but early line.

Thanks for your good wishes re dh. I think it'll prove to be ok but nagging feeling they wouldn't be sending him for an "urgent" colonoscopy if there wasn't at least a chance of it being something horrible. Might also disrupt Christmas depending on when it is (nhs guidelines is it hads to be within 2 weeks)

tannyLoo · 10/12/2014 20:11

Charlie that must be such an awful thing to relive. You too Just. Horrible.

I think I've been really lucky that I've never seen anything I wasn't prepared for. The sonographers specifically have always kept the big screen off until they've had a good look first, and at my "regular" scans this time I've asked them to do the same. Another thing that should just be standard...

I have my 28 week MW appt tomorrow, and want to find out about an extra scan. My poor friend is recovering at home and she is really well supported, but I've made it all about me in my head, and want to make sure everything is still ok with this bubs. After getting past my danger zone, my overriding anxiety and dread has been finding something life-limiting with this one.

tannyLoo · 10/12/2014 20:13

Sorry Charlie I meant Daisy! I'm glad yours was a more positive experience...

tannyLoo · 10/12/2014 20:16

Belle good luck for tomorrow! Sorry for all the horror stories to add to your scanxiety. I hope you had a good break from it all today x

longestlurkerever · 10/12/2014 20:19

Understandable tanny. Hope you get your extra scan. Good luck tomorrow belle

Original poster
Justonemoretime · 10/12/2014 20:20

Longest, I meant to say, hope your dh is ok. Better to get it checked than not. Even if there is something untoward (which hopefully there won't be), they will be able to deal with it if its caught early. But I'm sure its just a precaution.
Tanny, sorry for your poor friend. I totally understand that it makes you worry yourself, totally natural.
After yesterday's good news I'm already worrying about screening etc.
I agree, with scans it should be your choice. They should offer to show you but not force it either way.

OP posts:
Catlover2014 · 10/12/2014 20:22

Lots of sad stories about bad care. Whatever I think they should offer counselling and support after mc. Shame they don't!

Good luck for tomorrow Belle you're going to be ok and we'll all be in there with you in spirit.

XxX

Original poster
Justonemoretime · 10/12/2014 20:24

Everything crossed for you tomorrow, Belle. xx

OP posts:
bootles · 10/12/2014 20:32

daisy that's dreadful. I think those 3d scans are disturbing at the best of times, (never had one mind) poor you.
just that's also dreadful. Seriously what part of this are these staff not understanding?

Agree with longest its about choice, I wanted to look at everything each time but only when I chose. I remember the exact words, intonation, room, for each scan - these things really stay with you don't they.

Sorry everyone for bringing up the topic, and making painful moments resurface. Sorry belle, any time after Thursday would have been better for me to start asking these questions. Big hugs to all of you x

Tanny surely you can wrangle another scan out of them somehow...totally understand your fear, and think its common to many pg women, but worse for us. Of course your friend's sad experience will have brought these worries to the surface again.

bootles · 10/12/2014 20:38

longest remember they are ruling things out, and an urgent appointment just means they want to rule things out sooner rather than putting him on the 'maybe we'll do it in 6 months' list.