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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Recurrent Miscarriage Support thread 14 - tests, treatment, trying again

999 replies

Justonemoretime · 29/11/2014 17:38

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats :)

OP posts:
Boozle80 · 09/12/2014 17:54

Woohoo Just we're on it! Hurray!

barkingtreefrog · 09/12/2014 18:32

Just wanted to quickly give out a whoop! for the scan news so far - what a great week for the thread! I am certain the luck will continue Grin.

Belleende · 09/12/2014 18:42

I am now in full freak out mode. Was chatting to a lady I have never met before at a big work meeting. Out of the blue she aksed when I was due. I didn't really know how to respond. Turns out she is an ex mid wife. It really knocked me for six. Couldn't quite figure out why. Then it hit me. This was the first time a stranger has asked me this. This will either be the first of many such instances in the months to come or the first and last time this will ever happen to me. It brought home in a really vivid way the subtle layers of normality that I might never experience. Currently sobbing on dp on sofa. This is a whole new level of scananxiety for me.

Justonemoretime · 09/12/2014 18:45

Hugs Belle, the sobbing is a symptom. Everything crossed for you. xxx

OP posts:
Catlover2014 · 09/12/2014 18:48

Hugs Belle glad DP is looking after you. You're going to get there.

I am in a total state tonight too. Feels like this journey is just too hard at times doesn't it?

Sorry I know I have asked before but how far in are you now? You must be showing a bit for the former mw to guess. That can only be a good thing!

No one would guess with me, I'm skin and bones as always (sigh).

XXX

Belleende · 09/12/2014 18:54

12 weeks yesterday, but I have gotten to this point before and had scan bad scan results, so the risks are very very real for me. Oh and to top the day off I came home to my first christmas card. It is from a friend who really struggled to get pregnant. She knows my story and that my scan in this week. The card was a close up of the face of her new baby. God forgive me but I ripped it up. I was stunned at the lack of sensitivity.

barkingtreefrog · 09/12/2014 19:13

Belle I would have done the same. I recognised the handwriting of a friend on a card this week and almost refused to open it in case they'd done a 'baby' one (they hadn't).
I've got everything crossed for you. Bad scans in the past do not mean you have to have bad scans in the future. Thanks

Catlover2014 · 09/12/2014 19:27

Hugs Belle, that is very insensitive.

Barking I don't even open Christmas cards anymore for fear it will be a baby announcement that I've somehow missed lol.

So belle When was your last scan? Just know that as each day that passes your chances get better and one problem at 12 weeks does not mean you will have another.

We're all here for hand holding!

XXXX

tannyLoo · 09/12/2014 19:40

Someone I used to work with messaged me today to tell me she's going in tomorrow for a TFMR at 14 weeks. Poor thing, really feel for her as she's come so far and things have been going so well for her recently. Just really hit home somehow. It was nice that she felt she could come to me about it, although I don't know how helpful I was tbh.

Justonemoretime · 09/12/2014 19:44

Tanny, that's awful, so sad. Did she have amniocentesis? Sad

OP posts:
Boozle80 · 09/12/2014 19:47

Hurray Bootles. Whoop whoop!

tannyLoo · 09/12/2014 20:05

No, a scan showed the baby had acrania, where the scull doesn't develop, and the condition has a 100% infant mortality rate. Just so sad, and made my six weekers feel strangely straightforward. Sorry, I really don't want to bring back bad memories for anyone...

Flen · 09/12/2014 20:07

Belle many hugs to you. That is horribly insensitive and exactly what you didn't need. Here for hand holding.

Daisybell1 · 09/12/2014 20:48

Wow, some great scan news this week, fabulous!

Tanny, so sorry for your friend, so so sad.

Belle, that must have been really tough, it is shockingly insensitive, but unfortunately, even our nearest and dearest just don't think at times, do they?

We're at the crucial few days for TTC and I feel physically sick at the thought of facing it Sad. I understand how people want to be pg again after mc, I really do, but I don't know if I'm ready for all that again. I can feel the anxiety building now. Sorry, feel like a traitor to the cause here Flowers

Catlover2014 · 09/12/2014 20:55

Tanny shaken at the news of your friend. That's so sad and it just shows what a long journey this is. Poor girl :(

Daisy really sounds as though you're not ready TTC? Could you stand to take a month off and enjoy Christmas without the worry?

Hugs xxx

longestlurkerever · 09/12/2014 21:07

Hugs all. That is sad news Tanny and is bound to have shaken you. daisy I echo what cat said. Give yourself a break if that's what you feel would be best. Are there any more tests you are waiting for?

Daisybell1 · 09/12/2014 21:08

TBH Catlover, I'm not, but having had the scratch at Coventry last month, I think the advice is to get on with it, isn't it?

Marchgirl · 09/12/2014 21:42

Oh belle. Sorry your having such a worrying time. I feel like this is the one for you though. I know you've had a bad 12 week scan before but was that not a chance/'bad luck' (hate that phrase) scenario? No reason to think this will be the same as your last one (though I completely understand why you worry about that and more). Keeping everything crossed for you. Glad your dp Is taking good care of you. Try not to worry too much, you're doing so well and someone noticing the bump is a little bit exciting.

Is yours tomorrow cat ? Best of luck for it x

Justonemoretime · 09/12/2014 21:53

Thinking of you for tomorrow, Cat! x

OP posts:
Marchgirl · 09/12/2014 22:03

Sorry tanny, didn't refresh before posting from earlier. Sorry to hear about your friend. What an awful thing to have to deal with. I'm sure just talking to someone was helpful for her, even if it didn't feel like there was much you could say to help. There are just no words for how difficult it can be at times.

Marchgirl · 09/12/2014 22:09

Daisy. I would say if you don't feel you're ready then listen to your heart and give yourself a break over Christmas. I've not been to Coventry but from reading on here, I thought they said the scratch effect lasted a few cycles? Maybe next month would still have the effect but you'd also be more mentally prepared. You're going to need that mental strength in the first few difficult weeks.

Catlover2014 · 09/12/2014 22:24

Daisy I think March is correct you should have a few months benefit.

Maybe could you call the clinic and ask? It's tough to start trying when you're not ready.

We tried too soon after my laporoscopy and I ended up bursting into tears while we were doing it. Good job DH is understanding lol.

Thanks for all the good luck wishes for tomorrow ladies. Scanxiety is now in full flow, will be glad when it's behind me.

XxX

bakingtins · 09/12/2014 22:57

Good luck cat try to get some sleep.

bootles · 09/12/2014 22:58

Going back a bit...

cloud it sounds v proactive to sit down and discuss the situation candidly with a consultant. For what it's worth, it has taken me anywhere between 1 and 8 months to get pg in the past, and it was when we were in a not very place and DTD just once per cycle that it took 8. I have everything crossed that it happens for you ASAP.

On that note, daisy it can be tough deciding to TTC again. This one was conceived first cycle post Coventry scratch and I was really in 2 minds about trying, as I just felt I couldn't face all the 'necessary' sex, and all that comes after. As march says, Prof Brosens said the benefits of the scratch lasts a few cycles. I am 41 so he basically said get on with it ASAP. Its tough, I do hope you reach a decision that feels right for you.

March hope you sort the course thing. What a total pain. I think you are right in tbat as you have carries a child to full term in the past you are unlikely to have any uterine abnormality...unless possibly if you had a horrendous/complex labour/birth?

Tanny that is very sad, your poor poor colleague. I hope she has good support around her.

belle I have also had a bad 12 week scan followed by tfmr in the past, and its totally understandable that your scanxiety is sky high for Thursday. As others have said, one bad scan that sounds like it was random bad luck does not mean another. It needs to just be Thursday and be over and done with. Candy crush (I actually don't know what that is but it sounds good) is no doubt as effective as the Zen approach, I'd stick with it. I don't know about you but I have become very secretive about my MC's and pg's..and can imagine that for someone else to be able to see you are pg must feel very strange, particularly if its the first time that has happened. Try to let that go over your head and get through the next couple of days. Virtual hand holding and hugs being sent your way.

cat good luck for tomorrow, hand holding all the way.

just read back properly now. Just brilliant. And another scan next week to further reassure you.
By dates I am 7+5, but by O more like 7/7+1. Dr said she really can't date it as its just not effective until 9 or 10 weeks. I kept interrogating her about the size (9mm embryo) and she kept saying its really ok. She then offered me a scan in 10 days so that's good, PLUS she prescribed more clexane without blinking - Prof Brosens used to work there and she did research with him, so its great not to have to explain it all.

Sorry if I missed anyone.

Thanks all for the hand holding, it makes a huge difference xxx

Belleende · 10/12/2014 06:50

Right ladies. Thankyou so much for all your kind wishes. After a sleepless night I have given myself a good talking to. I am bunking off work and heading out for the day with dp. Was due to go to an all day training event but the facilitators give me the rage at the best of times and I think the chances of me getting out of there with my composure in tact would be zero. I would either end up blubbing, or more likely end up telling their smug faces exactly what I think of them. Neither option is good.

cat I hope you managed to get a bit more kip than me. Have everything crossed for you today. What time are you in?

bootles sorry you know how shit getting to 12 weeks only to have the wheels come off is. Candy crush is a mindless computer game that requires no skill but has been desgined to be as compulsive as possible. Does work as a distraction. Glad you scored another extra scan, can't belive the difficulties some women have. Being neurotic does have its benefits!

daisy that sounds tough. Like others said maybe the benefits of a festive month off out weigh the risks of a cycle missed.

tanny so sorry for your friend. What a terrible diagnosis, must be so difficult to process. So nice of you to support your friend, but remember to look after yourself as well, it is totally ok to put yourself first right now.