Recurrent Miscarriage Support - tests, treatment, trying again - thread 10

[bakingtins]

Welcome everyone - pull up a chair! A thread for anyone who has suffered multiple miscarriages and is in need of information, moral support, tea or sympathy. Newbies very welcome.

Can we start the thread with a recap of where we are all up to again, please?

Another pregnancy confirmed from someone who would have been due the same time as me. I suspected it already but it is hard to take as it would have been so perfect for her, me and my other pregnant friend to have our second babies together - they are local friends I made when on mat leave with dd and the older children adore each other. Also I started trying for dc2 a full year earlier than either of them so it does seem unfair to be beaten to it.

Also received a thank you card yesterday for a gift I sent to a new second baby whicih included the line "she really completes our family" and it felt like a punch in the stomach.

Any tips for squashing this green-eyed monster? I really don't like feeling this way. Am trying to focus on the good things about having just dd for a while longer - more money, more sleep, more nights out - but they all feel a bit shallow.

JBrd totally understand the need for a treatable reason - but it also sounds positive from the point of view of you carrying, if that makes sense.

Time to come to terms with this news, and have some counselling sounds like a good thing.

Glad you had a good consultant too...

Jbrd - that sounds positive as statistically not every eggs can have chromosomonal issues. I am sure you will need time to digest it all and then decide on next steps. Are you eligible for IVF at all? IVF with PGD as I understand would be one way of eliminating /minimising any known chromosomonal issues.

Tiny - what more assessments do you have? All the best with the counselling sessions.

I had the one on Friday and now the one for counselling.

Hope that is it and I can start talking to someone :-)

Still no results from Coventry. Might chase them up by the end of this week

Good luck Tiny. Hope the counselling helps.

Have been googling PCOS to see if I agree I may have it. Is generally a bit depressing but one thing I am worrying about is that it says it is linked to snoring and sleep apnea. I have always snored really badly and it was even worse in late pregnancy. Stressing I might also have sleep apnea and it might cause miscarriages. Might be being ridiculous but a Google suggests it's at least plausible. Has anyone heard of that and does anyone have any idea if I could be tested for it?

Hi, unfortunately the scan today confirmed that I am about to have my 4th mc. The heartbeat that was there last week has gone this week. I expected it, as it was small for dates, and could sort of feel it going this week (or maybe I was just having a fanciful connection/reduced pregnancy symptoms)

I am planning medical management, had 1 erpc and 1 termination for medical reasons (similar procedure) and just don't want to put my body through it again. Of course this means the seive/toilet fishing/rubber gloves, to retrieve the 'products' to send off for testing, but so be it.

I'm tired, of repeatedly dealing with this. Yet still not ready to stop trying. Also tired as this afternoon I took DS to a fun day thing which was frankly exhausting, having to be normal and sociable. But he enjoyed it.

The good thing is that I had a consult with Mr Rai (St Mary's) after the scan, and he explained all of my clexane and clotting queries, and spoke to me like I was an intelligent human being which I really really appreciated.

In case anyone else has the same issue/questions, he explained that yes all pregnant woman have clotting changes, (basically helps placenta clot to uterine wall, amongst other things) but my clotting factors change earlier in pregnancy and are a bit more extreme, than that of most pregnant women. When not pregnant all my bloods are normal. He said this is the case in about 1/4 of RMC sufferers. He agrees clotting was not the cause of mc 3 (T22) or mc 2 (chromosomally normal, but many problems at 12 WK scan) but that in any future pregnancy I should take the medications to give it the best chance.

barking gosh I feel for you what with being in France on a cycling holiday and bleeding/passing clots. It would seem a reasonable theory that what you passed has kept the bleeding going, and hopefully now it will improve.

jbrd so sorry your last mc was a result of trisomy 18, though I understand what you mean about it being at least an answer, though sadly not treatable. My 3rd mc was due to T22, and I had mixed feelings about it.

Long post thanks for reading - felt the need to get it out there. Apologies for not mentioning all names, a day or two away and there's so much to catch up on here!

Bootles I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say. I know what you mean about just not being able to face it all again but at the same time not wanting to stop trying. For me stopping trying wouldn't be an answer to the not being able to face it any more as the 'it' is not just the miscarriages but the thinking about it, the being jealous, all of it.

I hope you can take comfort in what Mr Rai said. It sounds like different factors may have caused your miscarriages which is a horrible series of events but maybe means your chances of the next one working out are still good?

Well done on taking your boy to the thing. That took guts. Can you have a break tomorrow? Is exhausting putting on a brave face.

Thanks longest, kind words.Yes that's just it..stopping trying isn't an answer, not for me, not yet. I so bad!y want to give my son a sibling, and so badly want it for me, for OH, and the only way to get there is to keep doing what I'm doing. Not that I'm disregarding the losses as just failures on the way to somewhere..I'm not, they have all been different, respected, and won't ever be forgotton. Its just the way it is.

No, I probably won't get much of a break tomorrow, but I do TRY (don't always succeed) to count my blessings, and DS is the biggest..just hope he sleeps well and is feeling cooperative tomorrow!

bootles I am so, so sorry you're having to go through this heartache again. Although coming from a different perspective to you, I understand that giving up wouldn't be an option. I always said I wouldn't go through fertility treatment, if I couldn't conceive naturally we'd adopt, but here we are after two lots of fertility treatment and two mc waiting for an appointment at the rmc and then launching into the next round of treatment. It's a desperation that people who haven't struggled to get/stay pg just don't get.
I really hope you can find time to do something nice just for you.

longest I really struggle with the thing. I can't face bumps, struggle to even acknowledge pg women let alone hold a conversation, and haven't been on fb since the first mc as all the happy family photos and baby anouncements make me / in equal measure. When I had the counselling I asked about it and she said there was nothing wrong with avoiding unhelpful people and sticking with the empathetic ones (I'd acknowledged that some pg friends were easier to deal with than others due to their circumstances and their attitude to my situation). If you find a magic solution let me know!

bootles I am so very sorry to read your post :( I was hopeful and I had prayed for you. I know you must be shattered and it's going to take time to come to terms with this loss.

I think it is positive that the clinic think you should keep on trying you will get there. I hope your DC can bring you comfort in the meantime.

longest how are you feeling tonight? I was sorry to read your post, other people's blessings can be so hard to absorb. How old did you say you are? I think you can and will get there but I know it's hard to stay positive.

It's hard for me to imagine the sadness of wanting a sibling for a DC, I have already accepted if we ever get there with #1 we won't have the money or energy to try for #2. I will be over the moon if I have that one but wonder if I'll find myself wishing for another if I ever do get there!

XX

barking how are you doing now? Has the bleeding slowed a little? X

I am 33 cat so not too ancient. It's more the increasing gap between dd and any sibling that is creating the time pressure in my head. I always imagined her having a sibling. My sister is my best friend really and I wanted that for her. I know I can't control the relationship she might have with any eventually sibling though so I suppose I just have to accept I can't control the gap either. An not ready to acknowledge yet that she may never have a sibling.

I know what you mean though Bootles. She is my biggest comfort in all of this any I feel better on the days I spend with her. That said a break when you're feeling low isn't failing to count your blessings- it's taking a bit of time to reel from it, cry if you need to and get your strength back. If you can find someone to take ds for a few hours I would. I put dd in nursery for the afternoon the day I last miscarried, then took a couple of days off work too. It did help.

longest I know it's easy for me to say this but try not to worry about age gap. My brother is 8 years older than me and is my best friend in the world. You're 33 with one child that's a great start to making your family!

I'm 34 and I'll probably never have a DC so if you can enjoy and take comfort in your DC that's a great thing. I am sure you will get a second child but I know it's hard while you're waiting .

XxX

Aw, thanks Cat. That is nice to hear. I think you will have dcs, honestly I do. You are young and you are conceiving with treatment, those are both really good signs. Mr Rai told me they were the biggest indicators that I would go on to have a healthy baby - not that I had had a healthy baby before. It is a rough old journey to get there though eh? I am glad I have you lot to walk it with.

And I have found myself in the last couple of days wanting two more children! Which is madness I know. It is almost like I have put all this emotional energy in, I want to keep hold of the baby and childhood days as long as I can. But I can't put myself through all this again so it would only be an option if I find a cure. I think 2 will be enough.

Bootle so sorry to hear this, was really hoping it wouldn't be this way.

I'm glad that you have had some good advice from Dr Rai, amazing what being spoken to like a grown up does for a woman!

It's so hard not to become disheartened, but like you, knew that I had another go in me. This time is definitely my last though, whatever the outcome.

Thinking of you in the days ahead, and really hope the support IRL helps you through.

longest fingers crossed for twins next time then ay?! Hehe!!! Stay positive, you'll get there :)

tanny hello!!! It's nice to see you! How are you feeling? X

Hey Cat! I'm doing OK, still full of symptoms and covered in bruises from the injections. I had a few positive days after the scan, but nagging anxiety is creeping back in. Hey ho.

Went to the Dorset coast for the day on Sunday and swam in the sea which was lush and very relaxing, and planning for this longed for camping trip this weekend. All good distractions.

I visited my GP today as my meds will run out before my next appointment with Prof B, and she has to discuss it with a partner in case they have to do it as a private prescription. Pff.

You and Longest have a way to go to catch up with some of us old fogeys. You WILL get there!

Bootle So sorry to read your news.... I'm glad you've still got fire in you to keep running. Hugs hun and you know that you have a large gang here for you who understand! Isn't that what its all about having someone who understands..... Like you I have my son to hold and remind me how blessed I am already.

Cat I'm just cycling naturally. My husband did find out he can add me to his insurance sooner than open enrollment!!!!! Yay, to find someone who cares about what I have to say is another story. I Ovulate like clock work but I'm having implantation failures. Many women have this and think that they cant get pregnant on their own. They go on to have ivf (close monitoring) and find they have chemical pregnancies. So they were getting pg all along and didn't have a test sensitive enough to know. This is what I've been going through for a few years unknowingly. So for me as soon as I'm pg I get sick! I get sore throat, swollen glands, fever, and joint pain. Sorry for the me, me, me post but I wanted you to know what I was referring to.

jbrd Sorry to here of your last mc having trisomy 18 but I want you to know that age most likely isn't the issue. So please keep trying. I have a child with SMA1 and had him at the age of 19! A good friend of mines has a daughter with trisomy 18 and she had her at 17! I know all of you girls are older than me but I personally feel your all holding healthier eggs than a lot of us younger girls! Hoping this does not offend because its not my intention. Hugs hun

Good luck everyone and do cheer up! Sorry for such a long post!

Bootle - I am so sorry that it was bad news. You are right to take in the positives though especially based on your consultation. It seems that they know what the issue is and hopefully the next pg you will have all the right meds. Will you take heparin and as pro from bfp this time? Hope you get time to rest and take it all in. It's hard with another DC as you need to stay positive for their sake.

Tanny - I guess you are on to the next 2ww anxiety. But with such a good (and different start)- you have to be more positive. Having all the symptoms still is very promising!

Coco - interesting about the implantation failure. What is your treatment plan to deal with it?

Longest - same here, the ever increasing age gap is always at the back of my mind. Not to mention probably being one of the oldest mums at the school gate. But having said that I have a big gap with my siblings and whilst when younger we weren't very close, over time it changes. It's great to have someone you can depend on, no matter what.

Tiny - better chase up on those Coventry results. That is some delay!

Cat - don't feel disheartened. I hope all of us get there one day and I sincerely wish that for those with no DCs. You are still young and should have plenty of good eggs !!

Wow you've all been chatty.

Sorry to hear your news bootles.
At least it seems you are getting good support.

For the ones worried about age I had my daughter at 37, there is still time...

O day tomorrow... Here we go again!

Thanks everyone. It really helps me so much to know that you ladies are out there, and understand.

triple I don't think they have found a cause as such: they don't think clotting issues were the problem in loss 2, which was found to have many problems at 12 WK scan - the conclusion was a developmental problem of unknown cause. Clotting was not the cause of loss 3, that was T 22. They are just saying since they have found this slightly exaggerated clotting response I need to treat it if I get pregnant again. I feel let down by my body, and would have been more comfortable with random losses - I can accept bad luck better. But as you say, at least there is something I can do if I get pregnant again.

coco thanks, yes good to know everyone here understands. Can implantation failure be treated? How frustrating.

Thanks Tanny and all you have you do is take one day at a time. I think the anxiety is inevitable, but so far so good, hold on to that.

Thanks barking yes its funny what we put ourselves through when reality doesn't turn out as we hoped.

Now cat...I know you have the double edged sword of fertility issues as well as mc's, and that must be very hard indeed. Right now you have a new nephew who is reminding you of the unfairness of it all, and of what you don't have. But you are 34, that's good. You are conceiving with fertility treatment, that's good. Unless a medical professional has told you that will never get there, I believe there is a good chance you will get there.

I do see that this journey would be even harder for me if I didn't already have my DS (eternally grateful for him). Each loss remains painful though.

I have seen you display hope for others on this thread - please try to find some hope for you too x

Have to go to local EPAU this !morning for follow up - have kept the appointment as prefer to be managed by them for this next part. They are just up the road. Ugh.

Gosh I need to learn the skill of concise posts.

Sorry meant to say thanks for the kind words cat..

I mean as well as the other stuff!

DS is still asleep!

Cat, I completely echo Bootle, you carry so much hope for all of us, and finding that hope for yourself that you can get and stay pregnant would be great. We have hope for you! Tons of it! x