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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Recurrent Miscarriage Support - tests, treatment, trying again - thread 10

988 replies

bakingtins · 02/06/2014 08:07

Welcome everyone - pull up a chair! A thread for anyone who has suffered multiple miscarriages and is in need of information, moral support, tea or sympathy. Newbies very welcome.

Can we start the thread with a recap of where we are all up to again, please?

OP posts:
Catlover2014 · 23/07/2014 07:49

Thanks all for being lovely. You're all so great. Shame we all live so far from one another.

bootles best of luck for today. I know the dread you must be feeling. Hugs to you.

tiny get doing that baby dance!!! Hehe

coco I've not had any embryos testing yet and do wonder if egg quality is the issue. We will have to wait and see what happens if I get pregnant again :)

tanny whoop to feeling pregnant and to distractions. You're doing so well x

JBrd · 23/07/2014 08:53

bootles I'm so so sorry that you had to have the sad news about your pregnancySadThanks Please take it easy and look after yourself, I hope you have lots of support in RL.
Does your hospital let you go home for the medical management? At mine, you have to stay in for the day, when they give you the second round of drugs. Would that be an option? At least then you wouldn't have to worry about the fishing/retrieving... And they'd be able to give you stronger pain medication.
Will you now be getting heparin when you fall pg again?

I know that feeling of desperation and the worry about the big age gap all too well. My idea of 2 years between DS and a sibling has long vanished into thin air... Now I'll be lucky if we manage 4-5 years.

I'm thinking hard and fast about what to do next. It doesn't help that I've just started AF, so ovulation is just around the corner... Sometimes I really start panicking about time running out Sad
But I just don't know if I can face it all again. All the worry and the heartbreak.
And I cannot take faith in the statistics anymore - every time I think, I'll be all right, I've had my share of bad luck now. And then I have another mc.
They did not test my first two, so we will never know what caused them, but I do need to face reality - at my age, the odds are increasingly against me. And while many many women over 40 are lucky to have healthy babies, it more and more looks as if I'm not in that category, but the one for which the statistics are the issue.
So I need to accept that my eggs are most likely not that great any more. My AMH is low, too, so it's hard to stay positive.

The question is, when do I draw the line? Do I have one more go to try and have a baby? Or do I stop now and accept that it won't happen for me?

Justonemoretime · 23/07/2014 10:44

Sorry Bootle, awful news. I've only ever had erpcs, I much prefer to be knocked out for the duration. Hope everything goes smoothly.
JBrd, sorry you're feeling lost avoutvthibgs. There's a lot to think about. Hope the diagnosis brought some comfort. I think you need to give it time and go with your gut feeling about trying again.
Sorry I've been out of touch, I'm away for a few days and have had issues getting on line properly. Thinking of you all, though. X

TinyTear · 23/07/2014 11:41

Jbrd that is a tough decision.

I am going through similar in that I will give it one more try... then that will be it

3 before my DD and 3 after that will be enough (my problem then is that my DH says that if we have another mc then we would apply for more NHS screening and tests and it would be another 3 in a row, but i am the one physically going through them and i don't think i am willing to try more than once...

ahrgh. it's tough

Catlover2014 · 23/07/2014 12:24

Grrrrrrr!! It was my treat day and my f'in hair dresser is 16 weeks pregnant. Just cried myself into a crumpled mess at home. X

Justonemoretime · 23/07/2014 12:34

Hugs , Cat. Xx

Catlover2014 · 23/07/2014 13:54

Thanks just I'm ok now. Hits like a wave sometimes. Meh! Hope you're all ok xxx

Catlover2014 · 23/07/2014 15:42

Ladies on crinone... Do you have one application per day or two? X

longestlurkerever · 23/07/2014 16:46

JBrd. I agree you should wait a bit and then see what your gut feeling is. Tiny - good luck. Cat - sorry you're having a tough day. How rubbish your treat day got spoilt. I have decided to stop being jealous of my friends and just hope that by the time they drop I have my own bump to take my mind off it! Might be wishful thinking but it's helping for now.

Gah, having a nightmare day though. Dd is hot and whiny and - disaster - we have lost her toy bunny! It is one of 5 very precious soft toys and it's somewhere in the big playground/paddling pool we were at on Hampstead Heath but we looked for over an hour in the baking heat and couldn't find him. I feel like an awful mum - can't even keep hold of her precious bunny! Dh bless him is going back there on his way home to recommence hunting and put up wanted posters but I am worried another child might have gone off with him.

Triplespin · 23/07/2014 17:54

There was no heart beat for me today at my scan. Devastated and not sure what is next for me.

Justonemoretime · 23/07/2014 17:55

Oh Triple, I'm so sorry. X

longestlurkerever · 23/07/2014 18:10

Oh Triple. That is just awful news, I am so sorry. xx

barkingtreefrog · 23/07/2014 18:11

triple I'm so, so sorry Thanks. Hope you are getting plenty of RL support.

tannyLoo · 23/07/2014 18:15

Oh Triple god I'm so sorry. What a horrible kick in the gut. Wish we could all come and give you a big hug and cry with you.

We're here as always for you xxx

Triplespin · 23/07/2014 18:28

Thank guys! I wish I could get some hugs too. Had to go alone as DH was as usual busy with work and didn't even bother to call me before to wish me luck. Did finally call later on and is now on his way home from work. DS is at grandparents this week due to school hols and I am missing him terribly. We are off on holiday for a family gathering for 2 weeks on Sat so at least it will take my mind off things.

What is really playing on my mind is that sthg must be so seriously wrong that combination of steroids (post ov), clexane, metformin and bunch of vitamins cannot correct. It has to be egg quality then and immunes are merely a red herring.

Maybe it is time to find a new focus in life.....

tannyLoo · 23/07/2014 18:40

I think it's too soon to start unpicking it, lovely, you need time...

Sorry your DH wasn't there. We live through every waking moment of pg knowing we are pg, and I don't think even thee most switched on man can understand how that feels.

Maybe we need to strap a quails egg to their tummies every morning with an itchy plaster, get them to run round the block every twenty minutes and drink 3 litres of fizzy pop. See if they can forget about the quails egg. Sorry that probably sounded more bitter that I mean.

JBrd · 23/07/2014 18:41

Triple, so so sorry that you've had this awful news again. It is so cruel and unfair. Thinking of you xxx

Justonemoretime · 23/07/2014 18:57

Triple, are you having an erpc? Make sure you get all the tests done, it will be good to know whether genetic issues were a factor. It will help you make informed decisions going forward. Look after yourself. Xx

twilightstruggle · 23/07/2014 20:17

I'm so so sorry Triple. I'm gutted for you. And I'm sorry you had to go on your own to the scan too. Virtual hugs and Flowers. Its simply not fair. I'm so sorry.

TinyTear · 23/07/2014 20:24

So sorry triple

Do get all the tests possible.

twilightstruggle · 23/07/2014 20:25

I didn't read up. Just saw Tanny's news and posted. Bootles I'm very sorry for your loss too. Completely identify with the notion of being so tired of repeatedly going through the same thing. Glad to hear your consultant was helpful though. What a horrible week for our little thread.

Xx to all.

TinyTear · 23/07/2014 20:28

longest I am going to that playground and paddling pool tomorrow afternoon. I shall keep an eye for a lonely bunny looking lost

Catlover2014 · 23/07/2014 20:30

Dearest triple I am so very sorry to hear this. I can only imagine how much you must be hurting :(

Have they offered you an ERPC? I hope you can get some tests and information so you can make informed decisions.

Hugs and stuff from me Thanks xxxx

Original poster
bakingtins · 23/07/2014 20:44

bootles and triple so sorry to read your news. A sad day for the thread Sad

I don't know how you decide whether to stop. We had several 'last tries'. You never know how far you'll go until you are there actually facing the decision whether to try again/ go or more tests/ try fertility treatments. Blessings of wisdom for those of you wrestling with those decisions.

OP posts:
bootles · 23/07/2014 21:21

Oh triple, so so sorry to hear your sad news. I can only echo what everyone else has said about getting the testing done and hoping you are well supported. Thinking of you xx

jbrd yes the age gap worries me a lot too. You have been through such a s**t time, with a late loss last time - I can well understand your reservations. Such a personal decision, and so hard.

Today was crap. At my local epu , where I have ended up being under as well as st.mary's, they wanted to scan again to confirm loss prior to giving me meds (jbrd I think they just give the meds and you go home at my hospital). Sonographer called another person to confirm no HB, and because I asked, was showing me all that she could see on the screen. She magnified it to point out what she thought was embryo, and we all saw a definite little heartbeat. 'Oh' she said, 'i didn't see that'. Very slow.

What...a...headf**k.

All agreed its basically still dying, measuring 3mm today, whereas 4.1mm yesterday at St.mary's (where there was apparently no heartbeat, in case anyone is getting confused - I know I am). She said its sort of collapsing in on itself (sorry, grim). So can't take meds yet, and am hideously waiting for it to die. Seriously feeling like I've had enough of all this.