Recurrent Miscarriage Support - tests, treatment, trying again - thread 10

[bakingtins]

Welcome everyone - pull up a chair! A thread for anyone who has suffered multiple miscarriages and is in need of information, moral support, tea or sympathy. Newbies very welcome.

Can we start the thread with a recap of where we are all up to again, please?

Sorry folks - epic positivity fail!

Off to buy some Brazil nuts!

Don't worry twilight none of us can be positive all the time. If you have 'unexplained' RMC your chances of success is quoted at 70%, which seems to be similar to the figures you are given with most diagnoses and specific treatment! I have never been able to establish if that's the stats per pregnancy or for eventual success. Logic would dictate that the more unsuccessful pregnancies you have the less your chances become, but there are plenty of people who have beaten the odds even without diagnosis/specific treatment.

Twilight I don't know either but the news story someone posted a few days ago suggested that in a trial of women who had four miscarriages, 65% of those in the placebo group (ie with no treatment except a supportive environment) carried to term. That would have been over a limited period so if you add the people from the treatment group (which might be a higher percentage, it didn't say) and those who had a healthy pregnancy later then it must be a minority. I don't know if those stats are comforting to you or not - half of me thinks 'that means I will probably conceive' and half of me thinks '65% is not that great' but the proportion of the treated group (even where there is no confirmed diagnosis might be much higher). One stat that Squiz posted on the pg after mc thread that helped me was that your odds of having a child after three miscarriages are not significantly less than if you haven't had any. And if someone does go on not to have children this is often due to age or deciding not to try again rather than because there is a medical reason why that woman cannot carry to term. I find that difficult to grasp but it was a point reiterated in that article.

Tanny hugs. I understand how you feel but I think it's right that your odds are actually better if you have no diagnosis, though obviously that depends on what the diagnosis is. The nk cell diagnosis worries me actually because of the debate about how treatable it us. I think I would be pleased to get that result, while still being annoyed that no other cause has been found.

Thank you everyone for your kind words today. Feeling a lot better this evening. Barking don't worry I didn't take your question personally but as already felt guilty for whining when I have dd. Am surprised and comforted by the fact that so many others are in the same position. When I first started ttc dc2 I was very relaxed, thinking 'I know I can get pregnant now'. This all came as as big shock to me. Are some causes things that can be triggered spontaneously or is it likely to be a cause that was always there and I was just lucky with dd?

It's so frustrating, tanny, isn't it, being all normal! I completely understand the wish for finding something wrong, just to have an explanation why the mcs keep happening. But if they are happy to give you the steroids+clexane anyway, then that's at least something! I can't help wishing that they would do that for me - I would happily do the steroids etc. without having the NK cells tested first, just to be able to get on with it, rather than more waiting and faffing about with tests! (I'm ovulating as we speak, can you tell?).

twilight I think I have read those stats you're after in Prof Regan's book, but I honestly can't remember! Stats are depressing, though, I try to avoid them where I can. Because if I add up how much my -ahem- advanced age contributes to pregnancy failure, I might as well give up now Instead I cling on to those many many happy stories of women in their forties having happy healthy babies! One must not lose hope.

barking I had no problems (that I was aware of at the time, but then again, I was blissfully naive) conceiving DS. I don't think it makes any difference, tbh, already having one and wanting another, or not having any DC. I could not explain why I can't be content with one, I have asked myself that many times! I'm one of 3 and DH is one of 4, and one reason for us to want another is for DS to have someone close, esp when it might come to looking after us oldies! And when we started ttc for what would become DS, I was adamant from the beginning that I do not want a single child, I just don't like the idea.
However, I was also adamant that I would never consider fertility treatment, IVF or adoption... Little did I know of the despair and desperation that unsuccessful ttc could bring.
One of the ladies from my fertility yoga group summed it up very nicely - unless you have been there, you have no f*ing clue, none.

Which reminds me that I need to dig out the counselling leaflet. Sigh.
I actually need to complete an assignment to get the credits towards this qualification thingy I'm currently working on, but I'm so not motivated. Anyone know anything about health economics and want to do it for me?! Meh.

Mikaeel Kular's mother is accused of beating her little boy for four days before murdering him.

How can there be sense and justice in that?! I would have loved my babies every day and would never hurt them. It's beyond incompressible that she should be blessed with fertility! X

There is no justice in this cat

Women who drink, smoke, take drugs, neglect their children, are actively cruel carry baby after baby successfully.

Your potential to be a wonderful mother has no bearing on your journey to get there! It's very unfair, but that's just how it is.

barking I had no probs with DS1, MC1, dodgy pregnancy with DS2, then 3 MC. I think probably my first pregnancy triggered off my immune problems and DS2 was just lucky to get away with it. Apparently NK cell issues tend to get worse with successive pregnancies. I agree with jbrd that it doesn't make much difference how many children you have, it seems there is a need to complete your family however big it is in your head. I feel 'done' now, in a way I wasn't after DS2, even though I recognise I was blessed to have 2 lovely boys and for many people that would be plenty. You have an idea of how far you'd go to achieve that, but it seems to be pretty moveable goal posts when it proves to be more difficult than anticipated. We had several 'last tries' and ended up spending more and going through more than we'd originally agreed was reasonable in pursuit of a third baby. No regrets!

Hi ladies hope your taking life one day at a time. I have been trying to keep busy preparing for home school next month.

Congrats Triple and Tanny hope its ok to say now.... So happy for you guys.

Cat that seems to be a cruel irony.... I posted my little sister is pregnant, not the worst mother but a ways from a good mother.

As for me I'm 3 days past O.... I'm taking the baby aspirin but have been cramping since day 1! I feel pressure like the day before af. Do you ladies think its the baby aspirin? I feel as though my af is on her way!

Jbrd & baking you're so right about desperation and moving goalposts. A friend of mine had a still birth, followed by difficulties TTC and then a very tricky pg, which was touch and go until birth. I would have thought after all that trauma she would think twice about trying again but she's desperate to have another.
I can't predict how I'd feel about another if I managed to have one child, but right now I just have the fear that I will never experience giving birth, never have that experience of pregnancy, bump and motherhood at all, and I'll never see that little baby, a combination of me & DH that we both want so desperately .

Argh. Having a down night. We're fast becoming the odd ones out in our friends, the only childless couple left .

coco I have my fingers crossed for you. Maybe the feeling is just the embryo settling in there!

barking it's the same for us too but you'll get there in the end. Tomorrow you may feel a bit brighter. It's a rollercoaster of emotions on this journey.

Xx

Thanks Cat I sure hope so! The cramping is what I felt last pg. I just was wondering if aspirin causes increase in blood flow that's noticeable.

Barking take you time and vent but don't stay in that dark place to long. Hugs There are ladies that never see 2 lines..... Lets try to hold out hope for one another!

Hey ladies, I see my consultant at 9.15 this morning to discuss infertility and mc treatment plan. Totally dreading it and feel very low with it all. Can't see how I'll ever get to be a mum but he always tells me "it's going to happen". Hmmmm jury's out on that one!

Hope you all have a good day. Xx

Finally managed to make it on to a laptop rather than phone, so I'll add a few 'hellos' quickly.
Tanny, so sorry to hear you've got a 'normal' result (you know what I mean), I was also in the 'normal' category. When you speak to Prof Q or B on the phone about it next week, I am sure they will explain further. Prof Q told me that I was 'within' normal, but that there clearly was an issue and that their plan would be able to help with it if I can ever manage to get pg, so the call was more reassuring than the letter. I hope it's the same for you.
Cat, hope your appointment today is positive. I know it's obvious, and you have probably thought of it, but maybe write down your questions before hand so that you don't forget them when you're in the consultation? Good luck!
I don't know how long you keep on going for. I guess you just know when you've had enough? I'm not there yet, but I do wonder if we could go through this again, should the worst happen.
I've emailed my GP about blood tests for vit D. I swim outside at least twice a week (cozzie, not wetsuit) so I think I get enough sun, and the low result was from October, so hopefully it's OK now.
Waves to all! x

Good luck today Cat, I hope it goes well. x

I think I'm starting to MC again. All my symptoms seem to have disappeared in a flash. I know they can come and go, but not for me, my experience is between 5 and 6 weeks my symptoms go, my hcg drops like a stone and then I start to bleed.

I used up my remaining stock of expensive tests this morning, FRER was strong line and CB digi said 3+. If there's any silver lining, it's that I've not had a 3+ before.

Not much comfort when actually I want a baby, not to get a bit closer to having a baby.

Tanny, fingers, toes, everything crossed for you. Thinking of you. Xxxx

tanny I really hope it's not this time - if you're still getting a strong line then your hcg hasn't dropped like a stone, hold on to the hope!

Good luck with the consultant cat, let us know how it goes.

Thanks everyone!

tanny I really hope all's ok. Pregnancy test is good sign. When did you say you're back at the clinic? I have everything crossed for you!

XX

tanny fingers crossed for you

I hope it's all ok... When is your next scan? can you get your local GP to send you to one near to you (so you don't have to shlep to Coventry again?)

Fingers crossed for you Tanny. It's really impossible to know- symptoms do come and go and I had barely any with dd until much later on. I know how nerve-wracking it is though. Will you have another scan soon?

Barking I feel for you. Hope things start looking up soon.

Good luck cat

Not going to reply to everyone personally (should be working)
but:

• good luck to everyone having appointments today
• sending positive vibes to the ones feeling down (I know, I have been there)

My folic acid supplement has vitamin D, and I do go out for walks and the playground a lot so hope my levels are ok...

about some people who don't know how hard it is to become a mother and take it all for granted... some days i rant and rave at how unfair it is, and other days I am sorry for their children...

i sometimes wonder if I parent the way I did because I had the 3 mcs before my daughter... i am more veered towards the attachment/gentle style of parenting and I would never do CIO or any sort of crying sleep training... and actually hearing my daughter cry (real sobby sobs) makes me hurt...

now the tantrum cries I can cope with... those I actually grab a phone and take photos of

Thank you tiny, that made me chuckle.

Will try and keep calm. I have a scan booked for next Friday and really the only thing I can sensibly do is see if I can get genetic testing done if I do MC again. EPU might see me with my history for a scan.

I am having some nausea again, but it could well be just my emotions... Who was it who suggested a see-through tummy???

tanny So sorry to hear that you are having a wobble day! I know it's easier said than done, but please try to stay calm - you have everything going for you at the moment!
Please please stop testing - pregnancy tests are in no way reliable to indicate how a pg is progressing! Remember that you are a hormonal supernova at the moment, everything re-adjusting and getting ready, changing from day to day. There is no way a simple pg test can give you an accurate picture of what is going on, they are only good for giving you a Yes/No answer, nothing else.

So - today you are pregnant!

Hi ladies, consultant was lovely. He still thinks we have a good chance and has said I can start ttc from next period. Back on the rollercoaster for me!

Hope you're all having a nice day xx

Hi tanny - I know it's hard not to worry. But you are on the right plan now and the cb digi 3+ is amazing! I have never had that before myself so I am pretty sure your hcgs are still very high and indicative that all is good!

Tanny any symptom is good. In the nicest way I'm pleased you feel sick

But if you are worried and can't wait 'til next week maybe go to EPU and tell them you've had spotting. I know it's a white lie but they may do a scan and help put your mind at rest.

In the meanwhile I am chatting with the big man upstairs for you.

Hugs xxx