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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Late miscarriage

197 replies

xPhoebex · 05/06/2012 20:55

Hi everyone,
I am in hospital atm, and have been told I am having a late miscarriage at 19 weeks. I'm just a bit confused as to what to do once I'm induced.
I'm not sure if I want to hold my baby afterwoods, and like the hospital have said they could maybe do me foot/hand prints instead...but I'm even scared of seeing them incase they are really tiny....I'm just wondering what people's experiences are?

OP posts:
mumblecrumble · 10/06/2012 08:32

Hi there, hope the night has passed quickly and you have managed to get some rest.

Thinking of you

ipswichwitch · 10/06/2012 11:56

Luka is a beautiful name for a beautiful little boy. You may not feel it now but you are stronger than you know (way stronger than your utter arse of an ex, who does that at a time like this?), and I'm so sorry life is dumping so badly on you atm. Hope your friend is back soon to give you some RL support, we are here whatever happens

swooosh · 10/06/2012 23:59

Hope you are ok!

AllOverIt · 11/06/2012 07:28

How're you doing today Phoebe? Smile

Original poster
xPhoebex · 11/06/2012 16:51

Managed to have a bath yday, then spent the rest of the day in bed crying :(
Haven't eaten or drank anything today, I just physically can't.
Now I am back "home" I am struggling more than I thought I would be....I say "home" cos am being kicked out in 2 weeks so need to get packing too :( So it feels like I can't even relax here.

OP posts:
Bluetinkerbell · 11/06/2012 17:11

oh Phoebe big hugs for you, try and eat something to keep your strength up... even if it's just plain toast and water! x

springydaffs · 11/06/2012 17:48

How come you have to be out Phoebe? Can you get your GP to push for some accommodation for you. I think you'd be deemed 'vulnerable' at the moment and maybe s/he could pull some strings.

Keep plodding through each day at a time (hour at a time..). Try not to look ahead, it can be overwhelming. Take each day as it comes - you may have to be out in two weeks but you've got two weeks to kick back.

Can you eat some nuts? packet of nuts here and there, bit of fruit... xxx

Original poster
xPhoebex · 11/06/2012 18:14

I have just had 2 phone calls with 2 friends. Feel so drained from it, helped loads, but now they are over I feel empty again :'(
It's almost easier not to talk to someone, cos I hate feeling ok and then low again, it's easier just to always feel low.

I have to be out in 2 weeks as was meant to be moving to England to be with my partner, but....obviously that is falling through! I've been told I can stay at one of my friends as long as it is v v v temporary. Just need to get packing I guess :(

I have asked the local council for help, but all they would do is put me in a hostel :s as I'm too old for "proper help"

Don't have any nuts here :( Or fruit, not been shopping in a week. I have a drink now though, maybe there are some biccies in the back of a cupboard somewhere :P xx

OP posts:
springydaffs · 11/06/2012 19:26

Are they friends who may recognise they could do some running around for you? (I say that because not all friends recognise that a bit of practical help wouldn't go amiss....) ie get some shopping in for you.

Sometimes I think it's appropriate to crawl in a hole and lick your wounds until you're up to facing the world. At my worst times I've actually felt a lot of peace by doing that iyswim ie sometimes you need to settle into the shit and not try to struggle out of it - the time will come when you can rise up. Sometimes talking to friends forces you to put on a front, which is exhausting ('yeah I'm fine ha ha'). I hate the phrase 'feeling sorry for yourself' but sometimes I do think it's appropriate for a period of time to dig deep and be with yourself in the shit, if that makes sense. You can always vent/moan/beat your breast here - no-one would judge you for it.

Original poster
xPhoebex · 11/06/2012 20:26

One of them doesn't live nearby, the other is bogged under with uni work, so don't wanna be a problem.

I know what you mean! Sometimes you just need time to wallow, than try and pretend that eveyrthing is okay. I'm exhausted frmo the phone calls and it's a bit annoying cos both siad "oooo you sound brighter" so I feel if I turn round and say "Yeah, and as soon as we hang up I'm gonna burst into tears and feel empty again" it's like letting them down. Plus people get tired v quickly of talking to a depressed person!

OP posts:
springydaffs · 11/06/2012 22:29

well fuck em and find people who don't get tired talking to a depressed person! they are around - usually depressed people themselves Grin

sometimes I think it's only sane people who are depressed. I mean, this place can be so shit sometimes, how can you be jolly all the time?

chipmonkey · 11/06/2012 23:19

Talk to us, Phoebe, we're a right bunch of miserable sods! I think someone who hasn't been through something similar might possibly think that this is something you can pick yourself up from. And you will but it will take a long time. And it's normal that it should.

Original poster
xPhoebex · 12/06/2012 17:23

Love it - sometimes it's only sane people who are depressed, so true :P

It is definitely helping though talking on here, cos like...you all know how it feels...well not exactly cos our experiences are all different, but like you all understand more than others could

OP posts:
swooosh · 13/06/2012 17:57

how are you doing today?

Bluetinkerbell · 13/06/2012 18:16

still thinking of you too! x

pinkyp · 13/06/2012 19:36

Hey how are you? Smile x

Original poster
xPhoebex · 17/06/2012 20:51

Sorry I've been quiet for a while, been really poorly :(
Am really struggling to come to terms with things tbh

OP posts:
Bluetinkerbell · 17/06/2012 21:59

Sorry you've been feeling poorly!
Don't feel like you have to come to terms with things, take it hour by hour, day by day...

One foot in front of the other and don't forget to breathe (bereaved mum's advice)

big hugs x

mumblecrumble · 21/06/2012 18:46

Hi there, still thinking of you too.

Thinking practically - have your relatives been aroudn at all?

Are you getting some help?

mumblecrumble · 21/06/2012 18:46

sorry,t hat wasn;t meant to sound forceful - just hoping you don;t feel alone :)

alyak2011 · 21/07/2012 21:36

Hiya everyone never postedo n a site like this but just looking for people to talk to. Let me explain, last week i thought i had terrible constipation, i phoned my midwife and was told to take paracetamol to ease the pain and if this didnt work go to my nearest walk in. Needless to say i did this and ended up at my nearest walk in (hospital number 1) i was told i was in labour and rushed via ambulance to another hospital about 16 miles away (hospital number 2) i was given an internal and told i was 9cm dialiated,they sad my waters where bulging and causing me to be dialated. Hours and hours passed then my waters finally broke,instantaneous the pain went and i was told i had gone back down to 3cm dialated. I was then rushed via ambulance to another hospital more equipped (hospital number 3) they did several scans and babys heartbeat was fine and strong,yet still no more contractions. Afew more hours passed and they came back!! did another scan and babys heartbeat was really weak. I was told i could have an injection to help lung unprovement bt never got it. I was then told baby had no chance of survival if born before 24 weeks, (my son was 23weeks+2 days) and that he was going to die. Surely enough he did and i then had to give birth.

Its a really hard thing to deal with because i myself was born at 24 weeks and not only survived but im fully healthy. None of the doctos knew what caused me to go into labour and it all to happen (backwards) as they said, contractions,waters brokw,no contractions, then contractions etc

I have a funeral director coming to see me this week to arrange burial as post mortem has now been done, this was my 1st baby, i just dont know what to do.how can my son be classed as a late miscarraige, when it was nothing like that!! he was perfect just tiny! like his mummy! i held my son and got pics and handprints and footprints,i didnt think id want to in the beginning but it seemed the right thing to do. if u need to chat pm me xxx

Zacsmum80 · 25/07/2012 02:04

Phoebe just read thru this thread and I really do hope your ok now and doing better after your awful experience. Only just come across this thread and I have been thru such a similar experience to you. I lost my baby Zac on 14 June at 20 wks although baby was only 16 wks gestation. My exDP was a total and utter twat like yours. Went for a job interview 100 miles away while I was in labour, visited me that evening and I haven't seen him since. It hurt so much at the time but I have finally managed to separate the double loss, forgot about him and grieved for my baby boy. I too have been in the middle of a house move shortly after going thru MC but I had alternative housing so no where near as stressful as your situation. I just want to hug you right now.

I can't imagine having gone thru everything alone, I had RL support, don't know how I would have coped without it. I notice you haven't posted in a while, I do hope you have now spoken to and have got the support you need and deserve from your family. Your so brave. I hope your in a much better place both physically and emotionally now. If you ever need a chat please feel free to PM me.

You have plenty of support on this thread, your all so kind.

I must say a huge thank you to bluetinkerbell for all the kindness you showed me in my time of need. Your such a lovely supportive person.

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