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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Late miscarriage

197 replies

xPhoebex · 05/06/2012 20:55

Hi everyone,
I am in hospital atm, and have been told I am having a late miscarriage at 19 weeks. I'm just a bit confused as to what to do once I'm induced.
I'm not sure if I want to hold my baby afterwoods, and like the hospital have said they could maybe do me foot/hand prints instead...but I'm even scared of seeing them incase they are really tiny....I'm just wondering what people's experiences are?

OP posts:
Bluetinkerbell · 06/06/2012 10:18

If you want to have a look at pics of my little girl, they're on my profile as well x
We couldn't have the hand/footprints done as she was very fragile, as she had died for quite a while already :(

Original poster
xPhoebex · 06/06/2012 10:36

Thank you for helping me to know what to expect.
Just...don't know what to do. I suffer from depression anyway so this is like....well....it's a lot for anyone isn't it x

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Bluetinkerbell · 06/06/2012 10:41

it certainly is a lot to take in! Don't try to do too much once you get home, get some ready meals in and some things to keep you busy, dvd boxes and such... those first few days after you give birth are the toughest to get through...

How is your DH/DP?

Original poster
xPhoebex · 06/06/2012 11:13

We're in an argument atm so he doesn't know :( He was away visiting family and we fell out cos I was in here anyway, plus my Gran is in hospital very unwell and he said I was "offloading" everything onto him when he was just trying to have fun with his family. So...I've not told him to avoid the arguments.
Plus he is too far away to get here and stuff so...yeah.
It's just so hard, as I am really struggling healthwise with the M.E aswell. Just all a lot to deal with.

Thank you for letting me see your photos bluetinkerbell x

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Bluetinkerbell · 06/06/2012 11:21

Have you got any family/friends to come and support you in hospital? just worried you are going through this difficult time all by yourself...
if there is anything I can do... please let me know...

Original poster
xPhoebex · 06/06/2012 11:26

My family aren't speaking to me atm :(
My friend who lives nearby is away for half term, so don't wanna worry her, and I have another friend who lives aaaages away and we are emailing, so it's helping a bit to talk to her :)
But I will admit, it is hard physically being alone. Especially cos of the M.E right now, even simple things are just tiring me out as don't think I slept last night :(
Just need to try and stay strong :)

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Bluetinkerbell · 06/06/2012 11:27

whereabouts in the country are you?

Original poster
xPhoebex · 06/06/2012 11:34

I'm in Cardiff.
I've texted the friend who is away for half term to see when she is back, but like, not made it clear something is wrong as don't wanna worry her.
Me and my partner are texting too...but he's being all blunt and short, not something I can tell him over text =/ What a mess.
But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? :) The hospital are going to try and arrange for me to talk to someone, like a counsellor or something which should help me too I think :)

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Bluetinkerbell · 06/06/2012 11:40

ah that's a bit too far for me to come and visit unfortunately...
hang in there! you are doing very well! Glad the hospital is sorting some help out! x

Original poster
xPhoebex · 06/06/2012 11:44

Aww I wouldn't have expected you to if you were nearer, but thank you so much for the thought anyway :)
Yeah, I think talking to someone will help. I wanna try and get to see my Gran quickly too before everything starts, so hopefully I will manage that :)

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AdventuresWithVoles · 06/06/2012 12:49

Has anyone mentioned SANDS? They deal with stillbirth & neonatal loss. Support doesn't have to stop after you leave the hospital. Glad to hear the hospital is digging out a counsellor for you.

Bluetinkerbell · 07/06/2012 13:51

how are you doing today phoebe? thinking of you! x

Original poster
xPhoebex · 07/06/2012 13:54

Hiya,
I took the tablet yesterday....nto really sure what happens next, so busy here, no ones been in to see me much x

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Bluetinkerbell · 07/06/2012 13:56

You might start feeling niggles later today then... will they give you some pessaries to induce tomorrow? that's how they did it with me.
wishing you much strength for the days ahead! here to talk if you need me!

Original poster
xPhoebex · 07/06/2012 13:59

Tbh, I#ve barley been sleeping so is alla ablurr, i cant remember what they've said and stuff :( just feel empty, and emotionless, and feel like when someoens talking i cany reallu hear them. I can sort of only take things in if it's written down atm, as odd as that sounds, it's just if someone says something, it's a case of in one ear, out the other!

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Original poster
xPhoebex · 07/06/2012 14:01

For the alst hour or so, I have had like, period-like cramps on and off...

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Bluetinkerbell · 07/06/2012 14:03

I can imagine you don't get much sleep with being in hospital and in the situation you are in :(
If you start feeling period like pain, you can always ask for some co-codamol to ease the pain and which hopefully would help you sleep/rest a little bit as well!

AllOverIt · 07/06/2012 14:05

Oh I'm so , so sorry. No personal experience, but two friends have had still births so have some experience. SadSadSad

I'm here, holding your hand Smile

LynetteScavo · 07/06/2012 14:05

xPhoebex. Have just read this thread, and although I have no experience of what you are going through, just want to let you know you sound like an amazing person, and incredibly strong. I am in awe. x

Original poster
xPhoebex · 07/06/2012 14:09

I will do bluetinkerbell :) Thank you

Thank you alloverit and lynettescavo - that's very sweet of you to say I sound strong. I'm really not :P Trying desperartly not to fall apart, I guess I have no choice but to be strong atm x

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Bluetinkerbell · 07/06/2012 14:18

ah we x-posted there! please do ask for the co-codamol! it seems things are starting to kick off... when the pain gets unbearable with the co-codamol, you can ask for pethidine or even stronger morphine, which will ease it even more. I know with the morphine I had a chance of taken a rest during contractions...

jellybeans · 07/06/2012 14:19

I am so sorry. I had two babies stillborn at 21 and 23 weeks pregnancy. One we already knew she had died, other one was alive but too premature to save. The hospital provided funerals for both (think they do after 16 weeks) and did memento boxes etc. I had a post mortem with one. I wish i had with both as there are still unanswered questions. One of my losses was also to IC and reocurred in my next pregnancy, an emergency stitch saved my little one though and he is now 3. I am so glad i held my babies, took pics (although a flash isn't a good idea) and have a grave to go to. I was so scared to see the first one but needn't have been, she just looked sleeping and beautiful. They look dark though due to gestation (esp the earlier ones). I am very glad we spent time with them. But everyone is different. Hope it goes as gentle as poss x

Original poster
xPhoebex · 07/06/2012 14:26

Thankyou bluetinkerbell I have some co-codamol now. Is it right that I should be bleeding a bit?

Thank you for sharing your experience jellybeans :) I have decided to hold him, and take photos, I feel from speaking to everyone, I will regret it if I don't x

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Bluetinkerbell · 07/06/2012 14:32

I'm glad you have some pain relief! yes bleeding is very normal! also don't go to the toilet without assistance, and always put one of those boxes to wee in (don't know the name) so the midwives/nurses can take a sample and also if things progress very quickly you wouldn't want to deliver baby in the toilet. ( I know that's not a thing you would probably like to hear, but it's best to be warned as I've heard of stories where this had happened)

Original poster
xPhoebex · 07/06/2012 14:40

Yeah, that could only make a bad situation even worse!
Sorry for asking so many qs, there's just not many people around to ask and I just feel so dazed atm sorry x

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