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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Late miscarriage

197 replies

xPhoebex · 05/06/2012 20:55

Hi everyone,
I am in hospital atm, and have been told I am having a late miscarriage at 19 weeks. I'm just a bit confused as to what to do once I'm induced.
I'm not sure if I want to hold my baby afterwoods, and like the hospital have said they could maybe do me foot/hand prints instead...but I'm even scared of seeing them incase they are really tiny....I'm just wondering what people's experiences are?

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AdventuresWithVoles · 05/06/2012 20:58

So so sorry you're going thru this :(. :(
I think most people (folk I know who have been thru this) find it better if they do see & hold the infant. Easier to accept what's happened, somehow, in the long run.

Not to say that's the answer for you.
Do you know why this is happening?

Original poster

xPhoebex · 05/06/2012 20:58

Not too sure, I did have a fall a week or so ago and broke 2 ribs, so it's most likely from that :(

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Original poster

xPhoebex · 05/06/2012 21:00

What happens to the baby after? Like do they cremate it?

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suzydelarosa · 05/06/2012 21:00

Oh gosh that's just awful. This happened to a friend of mine at 20 weeks as baby had developmental problems and she had to be induced. She went in and it took the good part of a day. Staff were briefed properly so v sympathetic. Given private room so proper privacy. She was able to hold baby and take photos although didn't want to get prints done. Everyone is different.

It's awful to say but it happens a lot so I know good hospitals are geared up and staff are properly trained to provide emotional support.

I don't know what to say to you during such a distressing time, only what my nan would say to me: this too shall pass...

AdventuresWithVoles · 05/06/2012 21:03

I think you can't have a burial in some places without a birth certificate & that can't happen before a certain point, might be 22 weeks. That said, you need to ask in your hospital, it's probably mostly your choice what to do with the body. I know a lady who had termination at 23 weeks due to multiple deformities & they had the baby buried where they can visit her.

Sorry, don't know how to ask this as delicately as it deserves: have you been scanned & there's no heartbeat? Is that why are you are being induced?

Original poster

xPhoebex · 05/06/2012 21:07

Yeah, I was in here anyway cos of kidney infection and they did a scan and no heartbeat.

Thank you for the advice :)

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AdventuresWithVoles · 05/06/2012 21:11

I suppose you're in shock, I feel so bad for you. What an awful situation. Is anyone with you, or able to visit? The baby's father? Other family? When will they induce, tomorrow? How did you break your ribs?
Sorry, don't answer any questions you don't want to. I have to put my LOs to bed but will check tomorrow. xx

Jubilcece · 05/06/2012 21:12

My baby was born at 18 and half weeks. I spent several hours with her after she was born.

I also took photos. My baby was too small to take hand and foot prints sadly.

Our hospital organised a lovely service and cremation for us at the local crematorium. I have my dd's ashes upstairs in a box. Although I could have had her placed in the children's garden in the memorial gardens at the crem.

My baby was small - about the size of my hand - but was clearly a baby. I could even see that she was a girl.

I am sorry for your loss. I know what a shock it is. x

Jubilcece · 05/06/2012 21:13

Have you had the first tablet that induces you yet?

Original poster

xPhoebex · 05/06/2012 21:20

I'm on my own here, cos I was in here anyway for the kidney infection.

I broke my ribs falling down the stairs. I have M.E, so tbh, I just want this over and done with as soon as possible so I can start the grieving process, cos I know I am going to struggle and be poorly from it all cos of the M.E, so they are talking about inducing me tonight.

I suppose I am at an advantage in that I was already here, so have "home comforts" and things. I just don't know what to expect...like in my mind when I think of baby I see like an alien squidgy kinda thing...and I don't know if I'd want to hold him :s I just don't know what to expect, guess I am afraid of the unknown

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clabsyqueen · 05/06/2012 21:20

I have no experience of miscarriage at this late stage (plenty earlier on though) but wanted to wish you well at this really tough time. Words fail when faced with these situations. Making a family can be heartbreaking. I hope you get the support you need.

Original poster

xPhoebex · 05/06/2012 21:24

Thank you clabsyqueen x

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Jubilcece · 05/06/2012 22:01

The first tablet is taken and then you have to wait 48 hours for the second stage of being induced. Have they explained all this to you?

My advice is to accept all the morphine they offer you. It numbs the pain - hysical and emotional. x

Original poster

xPhoebex · 05/06/2012 22:05

Yeah but tbh, i wasn't really with it....and there's no one around really to ask again
Okay, will say yes to the morphine! lol thank you x

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pinkyp · 05/06/2012 22:11

Hope everything goes ok for you, perhaps keep an open mind regarding the baby. Ask the mw how to expect baby too look or perhaps she could take a photo for you to look at before you decide. I'm sorry if i'm saying the wrong thing I have no experience, do you have someone to call?

Bluetinkerbell · 05/06/2012 22:12

so sorry you are going through this.
I had my little girl last year at 20 weeks. She was only the size of my hand, and was very much a real baby, just very tiny. Be prepared that if you want to see/hold your baby, it will be very red, due to the gestation.
The hospital should give you the choice of what you would like to happen with baby, burial or cremation. We opted for a private burial organised by ourselves, funeral directors do this free of charge for babies. We did this because they couldn't promise us any ashes if we opted for cremation. Now we have a nice spot to go and visit our little girl.

If there is anything else you would like to know, do ask! Happy to help
and like jubil said, do take the morphine, it really helps!

Original poster

xPhoebex · 05/06/2012 22:17

Thank you very much everyone. Sorry, I don't know what else to say atm x

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Bluetinkerbell · 05/06/2012 22:20

Don't worry Phoebe I'll be keeping an eye on your thread in case you pop back with more questions...
Take care x

Jubilcece · 05/06/2012 22:36

I will be thinking of you - but I am away tomorrow for a few days, without internet access. Take care. Will check in when I get home at the weekend.
x

chipmonkey · 05/06/2012 23:02

Phoebe, I'm so very sorry about your baby. I lost my baby girl to SIDS last year. I would advise you to take photos and even the littlle hand and foot prints if they can be done. I have often heard people say they were sorry they weren't taken but never sorry that they were.
to you.

Moominsarescary · 06/06/2012 06:40

My baby son was born at 20 last year due to incompetant cervix, I have pictures on my profile. He was very red due to gestation as blue said. he was just under 12 inchs long.
We opted for a private burial. We paid as we didn't realise most funeral directors will do it for free.

I'm sorry you are going through this x

Original poster

xPhoebex · 06/06/2012 09:43

I've looked at your photos Moominsarescary - thank you, it's helped me be more prepared for what to expect.
I think I will hold him, and have the handprints etc, feel it will be hard now, but would regret it later on if I don't. Thank you for the advice x

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steben · 06/06/2012 09:48

I am so sorry you are going through this - no advice but just wanted to say my thoughts are with you.

Moominsarescary · 06/06/2012 09:58

I was scared at first, I was worried how he'd look. Also how small he'd be. The pictures arnt very clear but once they bought him in ( I didn't see him straight after birth) I realised I'd been worring for nothing. He just looked like a very small baby.

Just so you know sometimes the placenta doesn't come away on it's own and you might need help to remove it. This is normal, mine wouldn't come away untill they emptied my bladder. X

Original poster

xPhoebex · 06/06/2012 10:13

Okay, thank you for helping me prepare for like what to expect and stuff, it is really helping :) x

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