Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Late miscarriage

197 replies

xPhoebex · 05/06/2012 20:55

Hi everyone,
I am in hospital atm, and have been told I am having a late miscarriage at 19 weeks. I'm just a bit confused as to what to do once I'm induced.
I'm not sure if I want to hold my baby afterwoods, and like the hospital have said they could maybe do me foot/hand prints instead...but I'm even scared of seeing them incase they are really tiny....I'm just wondering what people's experiences are?

OP posts:
Original poster
xPhoebex · 09/06/2012 18:26

So...I'm back home now. I dunno like...if I can tell you all what happened as feel as though I've let you all down.

Thank you all for saying Luka is a lovely name :)

OP posts:
Bluetinkerbell · 09/06/2012 18:45

you are not letting anyone down Phoebe! x

Moominsarescary · 09/06/2012 18:54

Don't think that way, you have to do what is right for you in this situation and if you need to talk you can x

Original poster
xPhoebex · 09/06/2012 18:56

I just felt like sooo shit cos we had postponed the wedding cos of Luka, so today was what should have been our wedding day, so last night I just couldn't take it anymore, and I took an overdose :( I feel so like....shit cos you all went on about how strong I was....and look what I did when it was over :(

OP posts:
mumblecrumble · 09/06/2012 19:35

oh sweet heart, so sorry your feeling so hopeless. There MUST be someone in real life who can hug you, make you a nice dinner and look after you a bit. Meanwhile - do out pour on here, you must have so much going on in your hea dand your heart - none of which is your fault. I mean you wouldn;t have planned life like this would you?

Also, an overdose does not mean you are not strong. Glad it didn't work - perhaps there inlies the strength.

You must think about what you in 5 years time would say to you now. What do you thinm she might say?

Original poster
xPhoebex · 09/06/2012 19:44

Nope, there's no one :( My aunty asked me to meet her in town for lunch today, she just meant cos today should have been the wedding, and I said I was too poorly, thinking she would come here.....but no :(

I haven't like eaten since like yday lunchtime, just feel so weak and poorly, and I just don't know where to begin. I think I need to eat and like shower, wash hair, think it would all make me feel better, but just don't know like....where to begin cos I'm just exhausted.

I guess she might say things get better, or things get worse...so enjoy right now cos this is actually a good time in my life? haha

OP posts:
mumblecrumble · 09/06/2012 20:27

If you can;t be arsed prioritise eating, sleeping and drinking. maybe have a nice bath? Are you in any pain from your time in hospital?

I really don;t thinkt hings could get worse xPheobex, the baby, the wedding, your health - really the only way is up!

Wish I could pop round but we live far away. Now cos I feel sorry for you and charity bah blah blah but you sound really mice and like you need a good chat.

Maybe if talking to relatives is difficult (I would find that hard) you could start with sands or somthing

www.uk-sands.org/

maybe have a read through their site, give them a ring? And the samaritans have been really good the few times i have called them too.

www.samaritans.org/

You are not alone. And you are valued and loved And you are greiving for your baby, grieving for the marriage you could have had and your health is hard work too. But your friends and relatives are not mind reaers - did you tell your Aunt why you were ill? She porb though you wouldn;t want her coming over or something. Glad she called, lovely she is thinking of you today

Original poster
xPhoebex · 09/06/2012 20:35

I can't really have a bath cos when I'm this poorly I sometimes faint in it :P But thank you for the suggestion.

I have called the samaritans, and had a little chat, and then they get someone to call me back in a few hours time to check up on me, and then that person does the same. It's a bit annoying as they obv don't pass on details so have to start allllll over again which I'm too tired for now so have avoided the last call, but like....it has sort of been...nice...like....those phone calls ahve sort of helped me to hold on a bit today.

Thank you for saying you'd come here if you could! I know it's not charity, sometimes it's nice just to have a natter :P

I'm just catching up with some friends atm, some didn't even know I was pregnant, so I'm not telling them, just sticking to "normal" chat in the emails....I guess it's easier in a way!

My best friend is away on a hen night though which sucks a bit :(

Oh yeah, dunno if I mentioned.....my now ex....has a new gf....and so is spending out would be wedding night with her....lush....

OP posts:
LadySybildeChocolate · 09/06/2012 20:37

Oh, sweetie. I wish I could pop by to wrap my arms around you. Is there someone you can call to come and sit with you, a friend? Your mum? I don't think that you should be by yourself. It's a really crap time for you, it will get better though.

mumblecrumble · 09/06/2012 20:38

Would you want to chat on the phone? Never done that in mumsnet before.... and I have avery croaky voice! But very possible

Yur ex has a new girlfriend? and he still assumes you are having his baby? My god you are lukcy to be rid of that twat.

When si your friend back home? She will be devastated she has been away when you have needed her msot.

Original poster
xPhoebex · 09/06/2012 20:39

Mum isn't relaly speaking to me, most of the family are still as hospital with my gran so don't want to worry them.

Nooo, he knows I lost the baby now, told him on thursday. I know lucky to be rid of him, just hurts.

Feel like I'm having a panic attack :'(

OP posts:
LadySybildeChocolate · 09/06/2012 20:40

You need to have something to eat and drink, Phoebe. Do you have some soup? Ignore the ex, you need to think about yourself at the moment.

Bluetinkerbell · 09/06/2012 20:41

I'm sending you lots of virtual hugs! Have you got some films/dvds boxes you can watch so you can keep yourself occupied?

Have you got food in the house? If not, can you manage to do an online shop with some easy ready meals that you can just bang in the microwave?

Thinking of you! and we're here to listen when you need us x

LadySybildeChocolate · 09/06/2012 20:42

I know that my family wouldn't want me to be in this much pain. It doesn't matter why she isn't speaking to you, she's still your mum. Have you tried calling her?

mumblecrumble · 09/06/2012 20:42

Do you think it might be good chatting on here? Or better to get something to eat and watching something (comedy?) on TV to try and let your mind wind down (God I knwo that sounds stupid - I suffer with anxiety and sometimes find a bit of comedy however much I am not in the mood just helps the endorpihins a tenny bit)

mumblecrumble · 09/06/2012 20:43

yep, Tesco .com - good in emergencies :)

VajeenaVaginaVajayjay · 09/06/2012 20:50

xPhoebex - So sorry you going through this and that your feeling alone.

I don't have much to add but keep chatting to people on here. There is so much support and im sure someone will come along soon who has been in a similar situation as you are in now that will have some great advice for you.

Pop over to some of the other threads on chat etc... Find something to make you have a giggle, even if its only for 5 minutes.

Don't be hard on yourself. You need to grieve. Keep speaking to the samaritans and speak to GP about bereavment councelling. You will definitely benefit from it.

Just keep posting and we will talk to you

MikeLitoris · 09/06/2012 20:57

phoebe I am in cardiff if you need anything at all. Just let me know .

You have been through so much you poor thing.

Luka is a lovely name.

Methe · 09/06/2012 20:58

You poor love :( I am so sorry for you loss x

I lost a little Girl at 17 weeks on April 10th. We saw her and held her and had her blessed and then we had her buried. Deciding what to do after a loss is so personal so what ever you decide will be right.

Luka is a lovely strong name :)

Original poster
xPhoebex · 09/06/2012 20:58

Hey everyone - working my way through the msgs now, had a bit of a panic attack, but I'm calming down a bit now :) x

OP posts:
VajeenaVaginaVajayjay · 09/06/2012 21:03

I live on the outskirts of cardiff xPhoebex - without giving too much away I also work in a nearby hospital. PM me if you would like to.

Original poster
xPhoebex · 09/06/2012 21:09

Thank you everyone for offering to be there for me and stuff :)

I have got a cup of tea now and some bread and butter. I know it's not much but think it's all I can manage from now.

I've had some film on on C4 since 7.30 but I honestly don't know what's happening :P It's just background noise, but makes me feel less alone :)

Don't mean to like keep on moaning :P But my filing has come out, so think I might just call it an early night soon and try and sleep away the pain :)

OP posts:
LadySybildeChocolate · 09/06/2012 21:21

Smile I'm so pleased you're eating something. You're not moaning, life's being shit to you at the moment.

Sleep well.

buggyRunner · 09/06/2012 21:37

Hi op, just read the thread. So sorry for your loss.
Regarding ex-dp he sounds like a bastard and you (even though you won't feel like it) are far better without him.

You have just been through something so draining (emotionally and physically) that your will feel awful. Please dont give yourself a hard time. You took an od don't feel guilty.

So this is it rock bottom. When you are physically stronger you will feel better.

Your exp probably prevented you making friends and added to your depression.

springydaffs · 10/06/2012 00:23

sweetheart, I'm so sorry you are going through so much at the moment. Yes it's better you are not with your ex but it does hurt - yep, it hurts.

This may be a dark time but it will pass - the dark times always do (even if you can't imagine they ever could). In the meantime, keep yourself cosy, look after yourself as best you can. We're here for you.

I don't know if you have the energy to get in touch with SANDS, an organisation (wo)manned by people who have lost babies so they know what it's like. Do give them a go if/when you can. You've had some lovely support on your thread - how kind people are. Do you have a good GP? I expect the surgery will contact you - if not, try to see them just to check in.

You're not moaning btw. Sometimes you've got to let yourself hurt (can't be upbeat all the time eh?) and now is one of those times. Snuggle down sweetie and let this horrid time wash over you and away. it will pass xx

Luka is a lovely name