How are you feeling after MC?

[freelancegirl]

Hello everyone,

I though I would start a new thread for all of us who have been through a mc recently or not so recently and want to carry on swapping stories, bitching about crap feelings, celebrating any good feelings etc etc.

I will kick off, but I hope some of you will join me.

Bleeding has more or less stopped so am still worried about that 'last 2cm of product' the scan revealed still needed to emerge. Docs have given me antibiotics to ward off infection and am due back for another scan around 12th April.

Today I woke up feeling like shit! Emotionally I am still getting better but I feel so tired at times. I woke up feeling exhausted today, but there are other times during the day when I will be walking around fine and then suddenly feel totally knackered. No idea why. Hormones shifting? It's almost the same tiredness as had when pg. Sometimes I feel a bit sick too and am having the odd dizzy spell. I don't think there's any infection but like I said am already on antibiotics.

I am also really annoyed about my weight. I haven't weighed myself since the mc as don't have any scales at home but I go away at weekend so I can weigh myself tomorrow. But I know I had put on about 5lbs in the first trimester and my small jeans are still not fitting me. I was a bit of a gym bunny before getting pg (which coincided with xmas so I was eating more/exercising less anyway and had put on 3lbs, which I wasn't then bothered about as I knew I could shift it after xmas - not expecting to be a) pg and b) have an mc). Now I feel bloated and miserable about my weight because am guessing am around 8lbs heavier than my best. I realise there are other priorities but now there's no baby I would like to have my size and my energy back!

As regards moving forward and possibly ttc again, I have bought two cheap pg tests and when I am brave enough am going to see if I get a BFN. I feel that would be a step in the right direction to start with.

Hope all are well and feeling positive. Feel free to join in xxx

Doh . Posted a bit on wrong thread x sorry everyone x

Hello ladies,

I'm going to join you if that's OK. I had my 12 week scan yesterday to find out that the baby had died at 9 weeks. Had some bleeding on Saturday so suspected but still an awful shock. Going into hospital tomorrow for a D&C when I think it's going to really hit. Glad to know there are others the I can talk to.

Hello Shell
So sorry to see you on this post but at the same point welcome. Please feel free to post and moan, cry and even feel happy. (Alot of us seem to be oscillate between periods of thinking we are moving on - to feeling very low very quickly.) Glad you have got the ERPC so quickly. I have been having a very undramatic natural miscarriage since about the 10th April and in hindsight wished I could have gone down the ERPC route but I kept thinking I was nearly there when I wasn't.
Hope tomorrow goes well and you recover quickly - lets us know how it goes.

Thanks LIG, I can't believe you've had such a long wait. I just couldn't face anything other than the ERPC but not sure how I'll feel after. Just hope my bump goes quite quickly because that will make it more real. Have been worringly OK, went into work today, but don't want to crash. Think I'm going to steer clear of the booze becuase I tend to get all emotional.

Hi shell x welcome. I've not been on here long & EVERYONE is sooo lovely . You can b yourself, happy,sad,manic,miserable,& get anything off yr chest x

If you feel like letting yr hair down, we often go on our virtual ibiza holiday thread & go a bit wild.....u r more than welcome to join us x

I (eventually) had d&c at around 11 weeks. Am very glad too as it helped to put an end & to move on. Op was painless.slight bleeding afterwards for about 10 days. Good luck.
Lots of gentle hugs yr way ... thinking of you.

Pixie x

Thanks very much Pixie. Virtual Ibiza sounds fab! Can you believe that I cancelled my flights for an Ibiza hen weekend on the Friday before I found out?! Think finding you guys was meant to be!

what a shame SHELL.

well you are welcome on our virtual one - im off there now as I'm in desperate need of several cocktails, a smoke & need to get ready to dance the night away.

pixie

Hi pixie! Hi all - sorry you are all here. Hope the virtual hugs and hand holding are helping. Just got back from Barcelona. I see the girls ha e emigrated to Ibiza! I paid them a visit there, but they seem to be in bed from last nights naughty shenanigans!
Had an ERPC on 15th April, ovulated on 24th April. Definitely not pregnant as not ttc(using condoms), but no sign of periods. All advice, ideas welcome. Normally clockwork cycle 28 days! Quite worried now.
Nice to be back. Hope everyone is as well as can be expected. Am on the bacardi already in RL! x

Hi Diamond - I'm sure your period will come - I think they are like watched kettles???? the more we watch for them, the longer they take to come along .

I tried my "moon-cup" today, but not sure if i should have taken the smaller one [ouch] ...

What would have been your period date before you were pg?

sorry DIAMOND - ive just seen tme& I've got to go, but will post again later. x x

Hellooooooo! Still here as well as in Ibiza but addressing my aches, pains and general hormonal craziness as the Incredible Bleeding Woman (I think in years to come there should be a statue outside my house and people flock pilgrimage style to rub my statue bits for good luck from all over the world) I am going to have a bath, a good scrub, a good moisturise and hit the town for tapas and wine. But do keep posting so I can catch up later xxx

Freelance: you are a girl after my own heart. Do you ever take a break? You are constantly on the go. I like that. I've been doing much the same. Stops the festering, and it keeps you in touch with reality. Always good: the reality check: don't you think? Lol

hey all!

free -sorry you are feeling so bad

• just had an arguement with the dh about my SIL and finally he has realised the issues i had. (took tears and emails to prove her insensitivity-my dh was in tears and so was I.) but life is so high and low at the moment - me and my dh had never spent so much time in tears over the last cpl of mnths and even me and my hate it. (trying to also go to las vegas instead of the SIL's christenining) i really hope that helping others helps you too. i am trying to have the spirit to help others like you have helped me over the last few weeks!please take a break and feel happy for all of us that you have help recently!!

I have een incredible cranky the last couple of days but still no af - was hoping that was an excuse ofr the crankiness - but it isn't!

Good to see you diamonds - good to hear you are back!!!xx

Hi LIG: so sorry that you have been through so much recently. It is hard. But there's no need to be insensitive towards your nearest and dearest - like your sils attitude. Just glad that your Dh is on your side and can see your perspective. I would agree with you and try and put some distance between all the negative people as you are in such a vulnerable position at the moment. And understandably so. A mc is a bereavement. It needs to be mourned in whichever way you feel. Others around you need to be caring, understanding and compassionate. Otherwise there's no need to interact with people who don't respect that, until you're ready: on your terms. I think we may both be waiting a while for AF to return. The unknowing is unbearable, is it not? I'm out of my depth as Ive always had a 28 day cycle. Hope that you feel better soon. I thought I was doing ok, but earlier today read about someone who had a still birth at full term on MN, and have been very tearful since. It's amazing how fragile we still are really. Take care Hun x

Hi diamonds good to have you back. typing in a slightly pissed state - told my work and my SIL i will go to vegas rather than the christening in a very nice way. i think the late miscarriages and still term births are the most horrible things ever - i still feel devastated about a 6 weeks embryo - but cannot imagine a full term baby and cannot even try to feel the pain they are going though....i want to support people that are going throught a much worse situation than me and i am greatful - but feel guilty for feeling as bad as i am for feeling so bad about such an early miscarriage. i would never imagine it would cause me or my dh so much pain x x

Yeah, with you on the drunk state! I know, cannot believe how raw it feels at times, and so early. But a loss is a loss. it was a potential baby who we had hopes and plans for. We are mourning an extension of us, our dreams and hopes and a possible life. It's simple and understandable. There is no greed or jealousy or anything untoward there. It is bereavement at it's most basic level. We need to give ourselves time to come to terms with it, only then can we move on. Be gentle to yourself and each other. Take it one day at a time. Grief is a strange thing. It will take its twists and turns until, two steps forward, one backward- until you have made your peace with it. But in the meantime, we are here, to hold hands, listen and offer our own experiences, just as we rely on yours. This is a good place to share and vent. So drunk can't stop! Big slurpy kiss x

cheers diamonds for your support last night,
that was a very drunk rant last night - feel horrendously hungover and red eyed now. also sent the SIL an email saying that i would be in vegas instead of the christening and thanked her for her support through the miscarriage (which was very sarcastic). not sure i disagree with what i did but probably shouldn't have done it. was good in my drunken state to force my dh to see all the dates with her email after the miscarriage and then my response to which i got nothing back. (she does live in dubai hence the email/text type contact.) i think it made him realise how she had been. i do try and think that people don't know how to react and maybe don't behave as we would expect but i do think sending me an email a few days after she found out about the miscarriage with a video of her boy crawling then ignoring me when i send a nice response is sort of out of order when normally she is very good at responding to emails. going to go and try and sleep off this handgover now.....also wondering whether i should go to vegas with work anyway as it will be a bit of a jolly but thinking it isn't fair on my dh to send him on his own and go away for a few days.

hope you aren't feeling as yuk as i am now.x x

LIG: no worries Hun! Just stumbled out of bed with a very sore head. Am just gonna have big fry up and lounge about until midday. We have a barbie planned for family who are passing through. So, hopefully will be good once in get over the remnants of last night. Your sil is a piece of work, isn't she. In me experience - those with kids are very touchy feely and understanding. Quite the opposite of your sil. No doubt you love your nephew unconditionally, but where is HER compassion, love and most importantly if she has none of the previous : TACT? Hope we get better soon, even though it was self inflicted! I prefer to think of it as self medicating! This is just a side effect! x

Hi all can I join you? Could do with somewhere to moan... Found out at 12wk scan on Weds (I'd have been 12+4) that I'd had a mmc where baby stopped growing at 11 wks 6 days. Was such a shock as I'd had no signs whatsoever. Scan showed that baby's head hadn't been developing properly so they recommended ERPC so they could send it for genetic testing. I had a friend's wedding to go to yesterday so I booked in for the surgery on Monday then went to work! Boss was great and told me to take the next day off, great idea as I was a total state so changed my mind and asked for ERPC Friday instead - I think I just wanted to get it all over and done with.

I wasn't feeling too bad yesterday but today I haven't even got dressed and I'm back in bed as we speak. I've told work I'm aiming to be back mid week but if I feel like this then who knows?

It's weird that more people know now that I've had a mc than knew I was pg, but also amazing that when I tell people how many of them say it's happened to them or someone they know. I know it's not that uncommon but you do feel so alone sometimes!

Anyway sorry for blabbing on, I'm gonna try getting up take 2...

Panpipe: so sorry for your loss. We have all unfortunately experienced similar emotions, physically and mentally. Therefore, you are in the best place for sympathy, advice and hand holding. Do not be afraid to ask for extra time off from work. The emotions come and go in waves; and can catch you unawares. Hope that you are being looked after. Please be gentle to yourself. Give yourself plenty of time to grieve, come to terms with your loss. There is no rush. Try and eat foods you enjoy, watch DVDs which will make you feel better. Feel free to take the phone off the hook/ or speak to councillors with bereavement experience. We are all different. There is no one solution. Do what feels good for you. I am so so sorry that this has happened. Please take care of yourself. Gentle hugs x

Thanks Diamonds. It's been helpful to talk to people and guess I'll just need to take each day as it comes atm. My parents have come up to stay so between them and dh I'm getting plenty of tlc :)

That's good to here. I know I felt very depressed and out of my depth when I was diagnosed with MMC. Was left to miscarry naturally. Then Dh went away on a business trip and I was completely alone in RL. No friends to lean on here, as hadn't confided in anybody. Parents and siblings over 200 miles away. Anyway, after two weeks when ERPC conducted for removal of retained tissue- when Dh was back: we went up north to parents; that's when I felt I could let go. Mum and dad clucked around me. I felt at home. You are very lucky in the respect that they are already with you. Let them look after you now. That's what they're good at. Between them they'll pick you up and put you back together. Bathe in their love and care. We take our parents for granted, so much of the time. Just a few weeks ago, my dad had a heart attack and was in the HDU. My early loss completely paled into insignificance compared to the battle my dad was fighting. Thankfully, he's fine now- thanks to the outstanding level of care of the NHS. Sorry for waffling on. Just take it easy Hun x

I am an airhead: what I was trying to say was: that when no one was here for me, these beautiful, kind hearted and generous people on MN shared their stories with me, heard my fears and gave me a shoulder to cry on. They gave me the strength to carry on. The inspirational stories of those who had overcome adversity and gone on to achieve a successful pregnancy was my light at the end of the tunnel. So, just to repeat , rely, that you are in the right place with people who have been there and will support you. X

Panpipes Just wanted to send hugs to you. I'm in a similar situation after a scan last Monday, baby died at 9 weeks, ERPC on Wednesday. It is so hard and you need to take the time to do whatever you feel like. Glad your parents are down, that really helped me.

I've also been in my dressing gown till lunchtime and trying to decide whether to go back to work tomorrow. On the one hand I still feel fragile but on the other hand could do with some motivation and something to keep me busy. Have found a lot of support herel Feel free to offload whenever you need to xxx

Morning ladies. Yes it really is before 6am and am up and on here. I am having another 'drank too much and woke up at 5am' situation. Gosh am so fed up of accidentally drinking too much! I feel like, having got a full-on period, I now need to acknowledge that my body is hopefully back on track and really move on after this mc.

Hi Panpipes, I feel so awful for what you are going through right now. All I can tell you is 8 weeks down the line, it does get better. It really is horrible though and I know that all of us here on this thread have found it immense support. Please hang around.

I finally feel like I am moving on but that won't stop me from being here! I feel I have made some good friends over the last two months and I still need a place to come to and chat about bodily fluids and lingering issues if there are any.

I held a baby yesterday. It's not something I generally do a lot of as I am afraid of dropping them/them crying and hating me. But it all went well and the baby is still with us :) I don't mean actually with us now, that would be baby stealing, but I didn't damage him and he looks at me rather cutely :) and it didn't freak me out as it did when near babies during the first couple of weeks after mc when my body still thought it was pregnant.

What can I say Panpipes? You are going to have a tough time ahead of you. It's incredible how far-reaching, both physically and emotionally a mc is. But it will all be ok I promise and in a few weeks time it will look a lot better xx

panpipes, your experience is similar to mine...I was also quite numb for the first couple of weeks but you will feel more positive soon, I'm certain of that.

I thought I would come in here to acknowledge the fact that today would have been my due date. I learned of my miscarriage at my 12wk scan (the baby hadn't developed beyond 10wks) and had an ERPC on 5th Nov. My close family knew of the situation but I never told anybody at work. I did share my experience with 2 friends several weeks later...

Anyway, I hope today might give me a sense of closure...in the back of my mind it's always been there, an anticipation and intrigue as to how I would look and feel at 24 wks, 28wks, 32wks etc, etc. Would I be ready? Excited or nervous as Hell? How would my OH and DS feel... I'm sure you all know where I'm coming from. I think the fact that I've been dwelling on what could have been has had a massive impact on me...my mood, my eating and drinking habits and a complete lack of desire or motivation.

Today marks a bit of a new chapter for me, and I actually feel strangely happy and optimistic.