How are you feeling after MC?

[freelancegirl]

Hello everyone,

I though I would start a new thread for all of us who have been through a mc recently or not so recently and want to carry on swapping stories, bitching about crap feelings, celebrating any good feelings etc etc.

I will kick off, but I hope some of you will join me.

Bleeding has more or less stopped so am still worried about that 'last 2cm of product' the scan revealed still needed to emerge. Docs have given me antibiotics to ward off infection and am due back for another scan around 12th April.

Today I woke up feeling like shit! Emotionally I am still getting better but I feel so tired at times. I woke up feeling exhausted today, but there are other times during the day when I will be walking around fine and then suddenly feel totally knackered. No idea why. Hormones shifting? It's almost the same tiredness as had when pg. Sometimes I feel a bit sick too and am having the odd dizzy spell. I don't think there's any infection but like I said am already on antibiotics.

I am also really annoyed about my weight. I haven't weighed myself since the mc as don't have any scales at home but I go away at weekend so I can weigh myself tomorrow. But I know I had put on about 5lbs in the first trimester and my small jeans are still not fitting me. I was a bit of a gym bunny before getting pg (which coincided with xmas so I was eating more/exercising less anyway and had put on 3lbs, which I wasn't then bothered about as I knew I could shift it after xmas - not expecting to be a) pg and b) have an mc). Now I feel bloated and miserable about my weight because am guessing am around 8lbs heavier than my best. I realise there are other priorities but now there's no baby I would like to have my size and my energy back!

As regards moving forward and possibly ttc again, I have bought two cheap pg tests and when I am brave enough am going to see if I get a BFN. I feel that would be a step in the right direction to start with.

Hope all are well and feeling positive. Feel free to join in xxx

Where is free? and really dont think im to keen on the golden sperm gives the man too much recognition :o

Also how did u work out when u were due for af im a little confused as to when it should come?
Hope everyone is ok today
xx

morning everyone.

I really hope thqt you qre qll feeling okqy todqy;

if not - i send you hugs & good zishes x

x x x sorry not to name everyone - am on phone & hqrd to scroll up & dozn x

pixie x x x

thnx 4 info on hoz to put smiley/cup etc....

Oh my god, i disappear into the land of crap signal in the countryside for a couple of days and Really has a bfp!!!! I can't write now as on m25, not driving myself of course but it's difficult to write much. Not sure whether to say Congrats or not as I know you must be terrified but wow, yes this could be very good news!!! Email me Realy if you want to, and will post properly tomorrow xxx

free ur there what a relief i began to worry u had been taken away to a nunery gladd ur ok and hope you've had a nice time xx

It has been a good week or more since I've been able to type a meaningful post, or do more than a quick read through our thread on my phone. So can you forgive me for just joining in when I left off?

It would be remiss of me not to say hello so pixie and pnjeff and WLmum and michy who I have not formally said hello to before now. Any other new people I am missing? We should update our list again ...

Really - wow!!! Congratulations! That is great news and I hope you stay with us. Are you feeling ok? Can't be easy dealing with that first trimester fatigue with your little ones to keep you busy already.

IC how are things in your part of the world? It is funny how the mooncup has popped up on this thread, I only found out about them a few months ago but I decided to be optimistic about not buying one yet because I was rather hoping not to need it for a while!

Diamonds I think I last read that your dad was on the mend, which is great. I can only imagine what a dose of perspective that experience gave you. My DH was in an accident just before we even found out about the pregnancy which we then lost, he could have been quite badly injured or worse, and that experience certainly helped me move on from the MC quickly because we were still just so bloody relieved that things had not turned out very differently for him. On another track, I think you had us all guessing about your "boring" job and I wish I'd been keeping up at the time to put in my guess, I might have won! I use to be a lawyer too, but have not worked since I had my DS in the UK. I am a SAHM now and it always seems to me that it would be a massive juggling act for me to go back into a job like I use to do (corporate stuff) and I don't think I loved it enough to do that juggling.

MInd you, I have had a bit of a wobble this last day or so - every so often I get this feeling of being very over-whelmed by the constant neediness of 2 little children and realise I have not really had any time out from it for several weeks now, which is not really very healthy. I don't think the solution (for me) is to go back to work - I just realise that sometimes I get a bit hopeless a remembering to maintain a proper balance and then it all hits me with a bolt that I just need some time away! And then I end up feeling dreadful that I just want to have some time to myself ... vicious circle. Am I making any sense that someone can relate to? Anyway, I will be addressing that in coming weeks by organising a bit of a social life again. For those of you who are mums already, what do you ladies do to try to make sure you get a balance of maintaining a life outside of motherhood (and not necessarily by working?)

I had my AF arrive over the Easter weekend so I think that will mean that we are TTC by the end of this coming week. I feel a little strange about it. Not as excited as before and it makes me wonder if I'm doubting wanting a third child. I don't actually think that is what it is though, I think I'm just not letting myself think about it all too much because 4 months ago we were starting to TTC and here I am now no further progressed with that plan, as a result of the MC. We have a couple of weddings of close friends in the next month and there is a tiny part of me that would rather wait until after that, so I am not feeling under the microscope from our friends for not drinking. But will I regret post-poning since we are already back to square one and before I know it the year will be half over? Or am I just looking for an excuse to be able to keep drinking??

Creamcracker did you join a TTC thread? Let me know, I might join you there.

Free to pose your original question, how are you feeling after your MC? It sounds like you are doing better and putting us to shame with your gym dedication!

Sorry that this will probably seem a very dis-jointed post, and all very me me me, not necessarily keeping up with the most recent topics of conversation, but I have to jump back in somewhere don't I.

Hello to anyone I have missed ... assuming that everyone is actually still here and still reading this very long post.

Hi everyone, just a quick one

Congratulations Really - that is fab news!

Hope everyone else is okay x

Dearest all

Thank you Free, bll and ilb. So lovely of you all , I am so touched by all the loveliness and best wishes. It means alot especially as I'm not telling a soul in RL. I feel very looked after, thank you ladies .

Am so sorry I haven't got around to writing much this weekend, we have had a bout of bugs in the house and of course DH couldn't cope and was laid up with the worst case of man flu known to man . He was truly remarkable and was sipping soup with a teaspoon. It makes me want to sit there sawing my leg off with a blunt knife just to show him what a pathetic pain threshold he has.

bll Your thoughts and concerns re being a sahm echo mine. The mummy thing and the playdates can do my head in sometimes. Sometimes I feel like a phoney because I really don't feel like Mary Poppins. When this happens I usually fling the kids in the buggy and we get the tube to central London and meet one of my working friends for lunch. That one hour of quick wine guzzling and laughing usually does the trick. Or a bloody good night out. Plus I'm lucky that my friends are all in very different stages in their lives and it's really refreshing hearing about work news or a new shag or wedding plans. All great. Maybe it's the same as having a career you absolutely adore; you still need a break from time to time.

I am trying to 'travel hopefully' as IC's friend put it (ladies who have joined recently, this was our mantra earlier in the thread ). Am still feeling stunned and am trying to not think about it (clearly not working!). Having spent the last 2 months researching everything on m/c I feel I know too much. I am going to do nothing for a couple of weeks and then arrange a scan and go from there. If I get any weird pains beforehand and think there's a risk of an ectopic again, I'll go sooner.

Sorry if I sound like an ungrateful cow, am just trying to get my head around it and protect myself just in case.

Big waves at everyone xxxxx

Hi all. What a weekend! When I woke up with today's aftermath of drinking too much again yesterday, at the usual post-drink 5am, I was thinking - goodness my usual 5am post drinking buddy is not going to be up doing this! But then I thought you might be up anyway fretting about being up the duff again after mc. Really yes please do stay here and chat as we would miss you!! Maybe we need another thread where we can all just chat as well as talk about post mc feelings so we can start to leave this one to those who are, sadly, newer to this situation than us month-or-more 'veterans'.

Really is it totally understandable to be freaked. Please stay with us so you can freak out with us here until you are comfortable with freaking out with Rl friends!

Without having dcs myself I can very much relate to what BLL and Really were saying about it all not being Mary Poppins. BLL you made perfect sense about getting all bogged down with it and then desperately feeling like you need time away. The only way I can relate to that is that it happens to those of us without DC too and many of us find that we need a break from the routine, no matter what that might be. I have - to the outsider - a pretty damn good life with a lot of freedom but since the mc (and even when pg actually) I just felt like I wanted to escape sometimes. It all reached a bit of a head this weekend with a shed load of alcohol consumed and finally I actually feel like I don't want to run away to Ibiza (dance wildly with bad men)/ ditch my career and run a bar, cafe or whatever in some tiny Italian town/move to Australia and settle somewhere in the outback/wish I was a movie star in Hollywood and thinking why the fuck didn't I do more with the talent I seemed to have at school etc etc. I am hoping that the dark moods are starting to lift. Still feel like a holiday would be nice though, but am going to see my parents in Spain for a week on the last day of the month so a break is in sight. Still fancy a girls holiday in Ibiza though and wish we could all go together. :)

But you two I think (as well as others on here) are girls after my own heart and I feel if (when?) I eventually do become a mother I am going to need breaks from that too. We can't all be Mary Poppins all the time.

My big worry now is actually I don't feel remotely broody anymore! The thought of being pg/having kids has once again become something potentially and terrifyingly lifestyle damaging. Agggh! Life is so frustrating sometimes. I guess we all have to see all of this - the downs as well as the ups - all part of life's rich tapestry...

Really, in the meantime shall we change from a night out on the piss to something nice like an afternoon tea with lots of cake somewhere? I for one am sure my body is in need of a drink-fast xx

Bugger Free I have just been collared to do something. Lovely to hear from you. Sod the afternoon tea, I want to go dancing with bad men in Ibiza. . That made my day!

Free I was thinking the other day (Prob around the time Really announced her bfp) that we should start another thread to mark us moving on to the next stages (whatever they may be) and leave this one to those that are sadly going through an mc now.
I'm also with you on the not feeling broody bit, I don't think I've ever felt it to be honest. I'd always been led to believe I would have problems conceiving so I always put it to the back of my mind. However now I know I can get a bfp I still don't really know how I feel. I felt ovulation pains last week and thought about going for it - but something stopped me. I think it's because I don't feel ready to actively 'try' but if it happens it happens - and I'm sure I would love every minute of being a Mum. Although the lifestyle change would hit me hard I'm sure. Maybe a part of me just worries that when I'm older I will regret not having children - but is that the right reason? Did any of you Mummy's on here feel like that before having your DC's?

BLL no I've not joined a ttc thread, it feels too official for me and as you can see above I don't know if I'm ready to officially ttc - but on the other hand I'm not doing anything to stop it and I'm taking my conception vits everyday just in case!

I've been feeling a bit down in the dumps and unusually tearful the last few days and not sure why. A girl's holiday would be the best medicine, maybe we should start a virtual girls holiday in Ibiza thread. What fun we could have posting our virtual antics!! Actually I could probably just post some stories from girl's holidays I used to have

Hi cream and everyone else - I really dont think you can feel broody 100% all the time, there are always doubts - arent there?? I have doubts about ttc again - mainly related to guilt that it is not fair to rest of family, but I keep going back to the overriding thought that I did think long and hard about it and still came to the same conclusion that we did want to ttc again - but I do think it is quite normal to have doubts as it becomes more of a reality - especially when it is such a life changer if you are working full time at the moment.
really is it all sinking in for you yet?
free I'm feeling like I need a detox too - dont think I can count my booze free evenings on one hand! In 2ww at moment so taking it easy now!
x

Lovely girls

Am having to do all sort of tedious things tonight so shall keep it brief. Please blame the poorly husband.

Free and Cream I always wanted children more than anything in the world, work-wise my lack of ambition is staggering. But, yes I did have some reservations and it never ever felt like the right time to start a family, you know, all the usual. Always too busy, too poor, too drunk, too happy etc. But it is very lovely when you do although I have friends who don't want children who also have remarkable, fulfilling lives. And they generally have very flat tummies which I make them show me . You make your life what it is I suppose. If you are happy and generous, warm and friendly, as you two are, you will probably have a very lovely life with or without children.

And am glad to hear that even gorgeous Free wants to get away from it sometimes. And she's a bit famous

I think the m/c does funny little things to our brains. I think some button has been pressed to make sure we're not going to get battered again if the worst comes to the worst.

Mopey It is starting to sink in. My gold sperm award is certainly helping. I am wearing it around my neck. I look wonderful .

Right, where's the Virtual Girl's holiday thread. I will tell you all about the geology student I did unspeakable things with in Crete .

BTW, the Crete story is a while ago. Not in anyway related to this new conception. Blimey, that would be a story

Free and Really thank you for saying what you said in response to my post. It is funny how my logical rational side knows all that to be true and yet I still need to be reminded that the moments of getting over-whelmed with things is not because I am a SAHM, or even because I am a mum at all, it is just part of life. The only difference for me is that having that feeling when I am a mum just feels really selfish and counter-intuitive, since what I am craving is time away from the 2 people who I actually love more than anything else! But I know need to give myself permission to feel that way, without thinking it means I am any less of a good parent. I use to work incredibly long hours in my job, and there were times it was just plain exhausting and stressful and shitty. When I had my DS and decided to stay home, I can clear-as-day remember saying to DH that there would doubtless be days, like in any job, when it all just seemed like a PITA (is that actually an acronym?), and I was full of resolve to always remind myself that that is true of any "job".

Cream I think I am in a bit of the same head-space as you. I'm probably just days away from ovulating. Since the MC, it was always our plan to TTC again on the cycle after I'd had AF. And yet, I feel like something is holding me back from it for this month now that it is almost upon me. I don't really understand it because I know I definitely do want another DC, so shouldn't I be feeling excited about it and ready? Or has the MC taken away that feeling for me? I think for me I'm going to sit it out this month just to give myself more time, even though I cannot pinpoint in my mind just what it is I need time for!

Wow this post is all about me isn't it! "Really I think we all want to here about your unspeakable-Crete-behaviour!

Mopey are you working full time at the moment? And can you remind me how many DCs do you currently have? I am with you on feeling I need a detox. My unspeakable behaviour for the week ahead is to try to have a few alcohol-free days. I have just had a baby spinach salad for lunch with quinoa in it. How virtuous do I feel right now?

too early too early! what am i doing on the pc at this hour!

Hi bll I have 3dc and the youngest has just started full time school and am a SAHM. Rather like really the ambition wand never really got me. I guess that is why I imagine the change from working full time to being at home with the kids seems like it would be such a huge life changer.
To me working life seems all rather glamourous and exciting but from chatting with friends who juggle that with children I really admire how they do it. I am at that stage when really I should be going back to work now but trying to prolong that!!

Certainly the need to escape hits me like any other, although now my 3dc's are all back at school my days are calm again so I get my fix of sitting quietly in Costa then (even if it is just to escape the housework), probably why I am keen to fill them again with babies! so is broodyness just me wanting an escape from starting work...??
That is my constant guilt - that I am just being very selfish to want another.

Really divulge all ....... remind us of our wild and carefree days!!

ok time to stop lurking and really get my arse out of bed now!
Hope you all have a lovely day x

Morning all! just a quick read after my weekend away. Will read properly and post properly later but wanted to say congratulation to really. that is brilliant news and i hope you are getting to relax and can try to enjoy it. please feel free to stick with us - so you can be our wise leader when we all fall pregnant again. i have started reading the TTC and pregnancy threads again but not posting yet - trying to build up the confidence.

i'm off to (hopefully) my last scan in a second - never want to see that place again. hoping if i move then i can go to a new EPU and so not have the horrible memories - to think this time last month i was counting down the days to my dating scan with excitement!

speak later x x

Mopey I think that having your 3 DC's in school would make it seem like it will be bliss to have just one baby at home to look after. Doesn't sound at all selfish to me, you have to know what is going to make you happy. And your post about your kids all being in school now has reminded me of that all important mantra of parenthood when things are possibly getting me down: it is just a phase, it is just a phase, it is just a phase ...

Funny thing is I haven't found it that big an adjustment stopping work. Although I had the career thing for 10 years, and I did mostly enjoy it, it was never something I got terribly attached to because I always knew that I would give it up when I had children. It is just that, almost 3 and a half years in to motherhood (which is really not that long in the scheme of things) I still at times find myself being quite analytical of the whole decision facing women of working and not working once children come into our lives. I'm sort of fascinated by the topic in some ways. Suffice to say the only answer I've worked out is the old "each to their own and wish each other well"!

Gosh I've gone off on a tangent now. Sorry girls!

Hope everyone has a good day

Hi everyone.
It's been refreshing to read all the posts about feeling scared/not feeling broody or like Mary poppins... I thought perhaps it was just me 0) ... I think the pain (physical&emotional) of m/c is/can be so much that after that we just want to protect ourselves.

Does anyone have any tips/happy news re: pregnancy after m/c? Or is it likely to always be stressful? I can't imagine not worrying now. It's such a shame that a happy event is shadowed by fear... I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will be 3rd time lucky but at same time of really wanting to try again & being pregnant/having baby, am terrified of it all going wrong.

At least I have my mooncup & you guys this time.

REally: how Ru feeling today?

Hi to everyone else... I think its rotten brain that keeps me from remembering names... really sorry folks.pls don't take it personally.unless I scroll back &forth a milling times I don't remember.I remember details of posts but remembering who said what is impossible. It's same in RL too... totally awful I know.sorry x

Also, my apologies for my rather sozzled posts over w.e. its been helpful to read about others plenty of wine guzzeling... and a French keyboard made it look awful.... x I normally I don't drink much,but since m/c, its been soooo much easier to... the rum slips down too easily also whilst in France, the champagne& wine is lovely & it would have been rudest refuse (wouldn't it?) I was trying not to be stressed.but now I'm gonna try for sober week or something.

Kind thoughts & hugs to you all x
Pixie

just reading back, we want to hear (not here) about Really's Crete story

Pixie I could be wrong but I imagine with a subsequent pregnancy it will be normal to worry at least until you get past the point in the pregnancy when it all went wrong the previous time.

Ahhh, Mopey It must feel funny when your youngest one has started school. My DS is due to start in September and I already feel wobbly about it. DD will still be home for a few years though. It sounds to me like you're just plain broody - there are easier ways to avoid returning to work! You must have found it hard with the m/c to get back on top of things. 3 kids to get to school - you are my hero!

Bll I find the whole working/not working mum's thing fascinating too. I have met some miserable SAHM's. It isn't for everyone. Sometimes I think you're better off returning to work and feeling happy. There are some flipping amazing nannies and nurseries out there. I did find it easy having one DC though, you can pack a few nappies and bugger off to an art gallery for the day. My children spent quite alot of their babyhood sitting on the floor of the Zara changing room gnawing at the labels whilst I tried everything on.

What I'm saying is that you don't have to spend your whole time at baby groups pretending to love incy wincey spider!

Lig Good luck today at the scan, honey. Looking forward to hearing how it went and fingers crossed you won't need to go back there again. How is the house hunting going?

Diamonds Hoping all is okay. How is you dad and are you on hols this week?

Pixie Have we got you back from France yet?

Pnj and ilb How are you doing?

Anyway, I shall only be divulging my Crete antics when we have a new thread. Where is Free? Since she is the Baden Powell of this thread I nominate her to start the new one. Come on Free! Lead us to our new home!

Now, who's still free on Thursday? I can escape and get to Waterloo for about 6pm? Any good? And I really don't mind what we do. If everyone's off the wine we could go for a posh cup of tea or some supper. Am really happy to go for wine though, I can always have a sip or two!

Big hugs to everyone, hope I haven't missed anyone! xxx

See new shiny thread :) :) :) Better all get involved otherwise I will like the girl who hasn't been chosen for the sports team.

ok bit of help here for the techno wally - how do I find the new thread??
Got lost on mn! Tried 'last 15 mins' but couldnt see anything there.......where are you hiding free?

Free Help! Being as thick as the wall here! Lead us, lead us!

Maybe she has ditched us!!!