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Lone parents

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Original poster

This month i am being made to sell our lovely 3 bed semi for a one bed flat, and my ds is going to live with his dad

222 replies

allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 13:26

i am so sick of it all.

my ex has decided i "dont deserve" the house any more (we now pay half the mortgage each, although he has been paying ALL of it until 2 mths ago) even though i put 50k of my inheritance money into it.

i do understand that it is a lot for him to pay for, especially as he has got his girlfriend pregnant and the baby is due next month, so he is going to legally force me to sell up.

We've decided that ds can live with him and his girlfriend, as he is not happy here with me and dd.

All i can afford is a one bed flat with my dd, i cant get a mortgage as i am paid cash for my job.
Such a lot to take in really.

OP posts:
Original poster
allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:41

DD is not his child though.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 15/04/2008 14:41

isn;t 15% only a guideline? A court might decide differently and whilst you're married don;t you have an equal responsibilty to out a roof over your DC's - very odd to think he wouldnt have any responsibility.

lulumama · 15/04/2008 14:41

you must seek professional legal advice.

Lolly68 · 15/04/2008 14:41

So it is ok for him them to make you and his son homeless but he can have a nice clean slate. When I split up with my ex (we werent married) I went to see a solicitor and they said if I was married he would have to provide a roof for DD - I would check further if I was you.

Lauriefairycake · 15/04/2008 14:43

If you're going to get 80k can't you rent a lovely 3 bed semi?

It will take him 2years probably to get you out if you wanted to be obtuse (not saying you want to be). However if you actually wanted to stay there can you make it happen - take in a lodger? Extra hours to pay mortgage? Depends how skint you are really - I can certainly appreciate you don't want to lose your equity in it if it got repossessed.

Lolly68 · 15/04/2008 14:43

Can you not try housing associations out of the area also?

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:43

is there anyone on MN who is a legal professional, by chance??

OP posts:
lulumama · 15/04/2008 14:44

i think you need mumblechum for this

Kewcumber · 15/04/2008 14:45

I see.

Well get on the waiting lists asap becasue three years will go in no time and it may be the best way of getting back onto the property ladder (assuming thats what you want). You could rent for a few years until you get higher up the list and in the meantime try to find a job which has mortgage potential - alternatively consider a "non-status mortgage" where they don't requie proof of income. They aren't the best rates but it may still be cheaper than renting with the deposit you have you may be a reasonable bet even in the current climate. How much would a 2 bed flat cost where you are?

If you want to be difficult... a sitting partner can make a house sales practically impossible even if not legally impossible.

What do you want?

lulumama · 15/04/2008 14:45

try posting in the legal section and asking for matrimonial lawyers ?

Lolly68 · 15/04/2008 14:45

I find this website quite useful -

www.parentscentre.gov.uk, sorry cant do links. They give advice on everything.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:45

Laurie - i have already taken on a 30hr a week job to pay my half of the mortgage, but he says "its not good enough, i want that house sold, i dont want my name on it any more".

Then my sister is bleating in my ear everyday that i have to sell up too, so i have total finacial independence from him. Is she right?? she keeps saying it would be worth all 3 of us living in a 1-bed flat just to be free from him?

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 15/04/2008 14:46

there is a MN'er whose DH (financial advisor) did wonders with my friends mortgage.

OrmIrian · 15/04/2008 14:47

Regardless of the financial situation, it must be so upsetting to have your ex saying that kind of thing all the time . Can offer no advice I'm afraid but really feel for you.

hatrick · 15/04/2008 14:47

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Kewcumber · 15/04/2008 14:47

it doesn;t matter what your sister of (to a degree) what your dh think - what do you want? decide that first then how you will acheive it, or as close to it as possible.

hatrick · 15/04/2008 14:48

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Original poster
allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:48

kewcumber, a 2 bed flat round here is about 170k plus.
Where would i find the other 90k??

he wont pay another mortgage for us, and my mum cant help out as she helped me once before, and my sister has threatened to never speak to me again if my mum helps again. (sister didnt speak to me for 3yrs that time)

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 15/04/2008 14:48

Can you not get a job that is paid properly - not cash - so that you can get a mortgage. An £80K deposit is substantial.

Lolly68 · 15/04/2008 14:49

I agree with Kewcumber. I would find a legal aid solicitor and chat to them first. You should get the first hour free.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:49

hatrick, do you know me in real life?

OP posts:
TillyScoutsmum · 15/04/2008 14:51

AGBU - why do you not want to see a solicitor ?? Please, please make an appointment (a lot of them will do the first consultation for free). You really need to see what your rights are here. I remember from my own divorce that it is very difficult and time consuming to "force" someone to sell a house. Your (d)h has probably been told this and hence is trying to get you out by telling you lies. Do not listen to him - he is not on "your side"

Please go and see someone. You don't have to start divorce proceedings or anything if you're not ready - but you just need to get some advice on where you stand legally

Just out of interest, why do you think you would not get a mortgage if you work 30 hours and have £80k equity ?

Kewcumber · 15/04/2008 14:51

he may not have a choice about paying something towards the mortgage - you need to get a lawyer - talk to the one Hatrick recommends before you do anything else.

Mortgage of say £90,000 would cost you around £500 per month perhaps a bit more if you have to get a non-cert mortgage. Still cheaper than renting...

Is this the sister who is tryiong to tell you what to do! Can't say I'd pay much attention to her.

hatrick · 15/04/2008 14:51

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katz · 15/04/2008 14:53

how much will the house sell for? how much are your monthly payments?

could you take over the mortgage on your own? possibly interest free for a few years?