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Lone parents

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Original poster

This month i am being made to sell our lovely 3 bed semi for a one bed flat, and my ds is going to live with his dad

222 replies

allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 13:26

i am so sick of it all.

my ex has decided i "dont deserve" the house any more (we now pay half the mortgage each, although he has been paying ALL of it until 2 mths ago) even though i put 50k of my inheritance money into it.

i do understand that it is a lot for him to pay for, especially as he has got his girlfriend pregnant and the baby is due next month, so he is going to legally force me to sell up.

We've decided that ds can live with him and his girlfriend, as he is not happy here with me and dd.

All i can afford is a one bed flat with my dd, i cant get a mortgage as i am paid cash for my job.
Such a lot to take in really.

OP posts:
KerryMum · 16/04/2008 09:15

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KerryMum · 16/04/2008 09:15

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CarGirl · 16/04/2008 09:16

AGBU

I really do think your son's unhappiness could to do with the fact you have split up and his family has been torn apart, I would be wary of believing that going to live with his Dad would make him happier (although it may) and then you would have to pay your ex maintenance.

If you were married and haven't get divorced a statement for the arrangements of children is something that you will need to both and both of you will have to agree on.

isheisnthe · 16/04/2008 09:18

No, I dont think they will, and if all they (homebuy) have is one bed flats which are obviously unsuitable you could look at their "buy on the open market" scheme that allows you to choose a home thats on the market normally under the same rules.

I dont think equity would count against you, it didnt with me and the reason was that although I had equity it was not enough to allow me to house the children and myself in suitable accomodation, hence they accepted me.

CarGirl · 16/04/2008 09:21

If you are able to do shared ownership in a way that lets you own half and rent the other half that would be best as you may then be entitled to housing benefit for the rented part. The downside of shared ownership IME is that you pay the mortgage and rent, if you are on a low income and apply for housing benefit they ignore the amount of mortgage you have to pay and just take into account the rent part, therefore never being able to claim housing benefit!

KerryMum · 16/04/2008 09:24

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CarGirl · 16/04/2008 09:26

From the homebuy website

"Most people we assist are first time buyers but we can also help you if you need to buy a property in a situation such as a relationship breakdown or where your household has outgrown existing arrangements.

Eligibility can vary between individual schemes and full details will be provided upon application."

Get on their and apply please asap!

What sort of price to decent 2 beds go for in your area?

isheisnthe · 16/04/2008 09:32

CG - I own 75% of my house and I dont have to pay rent on the other half - probably cos it was expensive to begin with and they make their money when I move on. (providing the property has gone up in value).

CarGirl · 16/04/2008 09:34

Isheisn'the, that's great it's good to see that what they offer has improved in the last 7 years! I looked at the homebuy website briefly and it does look so much better then when I had shared ownership.

nervousal · 16/04/2008 09:37

I think I am missing something here - if you sell the house and get your share of the equity you will have £80k to do what you want with? As folk have said before £80k is a hell of a lot of money, and gives you lots of options re renting for a while etc etc. Why aren't you considering renting?? (especially with housing market the way it is now??)

CarGirl · 16/04/2008 09:43

Currently when renting privately you only get short term tenancies which mean you can get moved on every year , not a stable upbriginging. The op is on a low income so once the £80k is spent/used she will never be able to build up that sort of equity again.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 16/04/2008 09:45

because i am happy with the shared ownership plan, where i can own something and put my money to good use, rather than wasting it on renting.

OP posts:
isheisnthe · 16/04/2008 09:49

I didnt want to rent as I wanted my DS's to have the security of staying in one place after such a horrible year. I also didnt fancy giving all my equity to a landlord and as CG rightly says once its gone its gone. Personally, I think by the time that AGBU has been approved by homebuy she will be in the perfect position, especially if she is buying on the open market as people are getting desperate to sell, so she may well pick up a bargain.

And, new plus point, they dont make you pay stamp duty on shared ownership properties following the last budget (I think) - bummer as I missed out by weeks and had to pay

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 16/04/2008 09:57

kerrymum i can see youre getting a bit angry at me but i am thinking about what is best for my son..
he is 4 BTW, not at school yet. i am still 50/50 about the whole idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
allgonebellyup · 16/04/2008 10:00

isheisnthe - do you definitely have to be in employment for homebuy?

As i get a lot of maintenance from both my exes and also tax credits.

tried calling them but always on answerphone!

OP posts:
Beetroot · 16/04/2008 10:02

If you try to hang in there for a while the housing market is likely to settle down.

isheisnthe · 16/04/2008 10:08

I'm not sure to be honest - think it helps, or at least if you are looking at maintenance as kinda a wage they would want it to be court order maintained.

They do call back by the way - I know lots of these places dont but they do

KerryMum · 16/04/2008 10:20

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KerryMum · 16/04/2008 10:21

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Kewcumber · 16/04/2008 10:25

he's only 4 I had assumed he was a teenager or a preteen at least. He's far too young to be making a decision like where he should live, can't imagine that he's going to be happy when new baby arrives. I'm not saying that it is categorically the wrong thing for him to live with his father but I would urge you to try to analyse what is causing his unhappiness rather than assuming that you and your DD are the source of his unhappiness and that it will be miraculously cured if he lives somewhere else.

davidtennantsmistress · 16/04/2008 10:29

keery - a little more tact if you please.

ag, - re your son I suggest for the minute (and I know you'd like him to be settled prior to starting school) hold fast, at 4 years old he doens't know his own mind yet, you need to do what's best, and at the minute I think seeing you love him and care for him no matter what is the best thing. otherwise, he'll get settled in with his dad, new baby will arrive and then he'll be all over the place again, will prob be playing up a little bit due to new baby and being pushed away by you to his dad - dad might well pass him back to you, and all the while there's the little boy who doesn't know what's going on, so for now - until everything settles down and you know which way you're all going keep him with you. as I say if next year things are still the same then think about it again but not yet.

captainmummy · 16/04/2008 10:29

AGBU - your ds is 4? I agree with kerry mum - don;t give him up. You may think it'd be better with his dad, but in most cases it isn't Esp as he has a new one on the way - men are not good at the emotional stuff that a new brother/sister can churn up, especcailly in a 4 yo. He won't want to be ignored in favour of the new baby by both step-mum who will be focussed solely on her child, and by dad, and also by his own mum who left him to it.

Don;t let him go. He may be unhappy with you, but you can bet he will be double so with a new family.

Youcannotbeserious · 16/04/2008 10:31

I'm afraid I agree with Kew....... 4 is, IMHO, too young for him to have any say at all about where he lives.........

He's also extremely unlikely to have thought about the ramifications of a new baby....

Even a court won't listen to a child until they are 12-13?!

TotalChaos · 16/04/2008 10:35

completely agree with Kew re:4 year old moving out. Also QS made a very good point - he may come after your for maintenance for him

isheisnthe · 16/04/2008 10:39

I think AGBU is just in a place where she cant see the wood for the trees, I have been there and its hard to think rationally. I bet if push came to shove she wouldnt let DS go to daddys.

My DS's often say they want to go to daddys AGBU, I say right, shoes on, coat on, mummy will take you - they are soon saying noooooo mummy, I dont want to! So, just be aware even at 4 (and mine are 4 & 5) they WILL try and manipulate you a little.

Sometimes, especially if you are panicking and thinking you will not be able to provide a bloody roof over your childrens head you say things you dont mean, so dont be too hard on her, she is really thinking of whats the best thing for her child, even if she isnt thinking through the ramifications of the decision clearly. Hey, thats the whole point of MN, so you can air things you are thinking and get some advice, try to back away from the judgement call on this issue.