This month i am being made to sell our lovely 3 bed semi for a one bed flat, and my ds is going to live with his dad

[allgonebellyup]

i am so sick of it all.

my ex has decided i "dont deserve" the house any more (we now pay half the mortgage each, although he has been paying ALL of it until 2 mths ago) even though i put 50k of my inheritance money into it.

i do understand that it is a lot for him to pay for, especially as he has got his girlfriend pregnant and the baby is due next month, so he is going to legally force me to sell up.

We've decided that ds can live with him and his girlfriend, as he is not happy here with me and dd.

All i can afford is a one bed flat with my dd, i cant get a mortgage as i am paid cash for my job.
Such a lot to take in really.

isheisn'the - how are you doing, how is it in the new house etc etc I keep a look out for you but don't see you posting often!

Posted on my original thread cg - the house is fantastic - love love love it - and love it that I never ask that prat in and make him wait on the door step rain or shine!

Boys are happy and settled in nicely, NM is great, all in all its to good to be true really - only fly in the ointment is exp - who is still a nob of the first order but there you go! have a look on the thread and see what you think of his latest antics.

Hijack over - sorry bellyup.

Please please see a solicitor

Stop putting it off and contact a sol right now to deal with the financial matters.

All's fair in love and war. That is what your ex will be thinking as he fleeces you!

So you must seek your own legal advice for the sake of your children. Look at how many people have told you this. Do not listen to your ex, he is not thinking of your best interests and he's quite happy to rack up debt from the sounds of things, plus he's been quite happy to take your money up to now, so why's do you think he's going to stop now?

Your children deserve a mother who stand up and is counted and does what she needs to do to give them a financial secure future if at all possible.

Phone a solicitor and make that appointment.

And for the record Fnf helps plenty of mothers, me included.

i have looked at all the homebuy/shared ownership sites and they all state you have to be on a certain income before you can buy a house, ie 35-40k!!
There is no way i am on that sort of money, and never will be!!!

thats not the case belly up - I am on 20k a year - they will look at your single parent status - what have you got to lose by looking and applying?

I was the same as you - not knowing which way to turn and thinking me and the boys would be wasting my equity on rent until it ran out - but I thought I'd give it a shot and look how its ended up for me - please please try x

See a solicitor ASAP. Don't listen to any crap from your ex, he's hardly going to tell you what your rights are, or be honest with you, is he? As people have said, many will do initial consultation free or you may be entitled to legal aid.

Don't let this pathetic excuse for a man diddle you and your kids out of what is rightfully yours.

Edam is right....

WHen my DH and his ex split, to save costs, She went to a solicitor and promised to tell him what his rights were....

She got the house (100% equity), the car, all the furniture.
He got the overdraft and the mortgage payments.......
(And the silly blighter bought it!!!)

You need your own representation here...

isheisnthe - how did you manage that? im not even on 20k though, i dont have proper earnings, i am paid cash in hand. i earn about 7k

sorry - I meant that I am 10k.

Literally - I went on that website that I put on here, it said that I had to be on my local authority council house list and so I did that which took about a week, then I went on, applied, put all the answers in, they wrote and told me I was accepted, then I looked and they were doing it so you could either buy on the open market or one of there existing properties or new build, I went for new build. I went in to romans estate agents and saw their financial advisor, who took in to account my equity, tax credits, maintenance payments (which I wasnt getting at the time but anticipated) and my wages, and secured me a mortgage offer within two days - then I went back the homebuy people in this area (thames valley) and showed them the offer, they then built the house and the rest is history - there is lots of tooing and throwing, but now I am here it was worth ever second.

Just try, you have nothing to lose. Also please go to a solicitor, I went to a v posh one, burst in to tears and she bent over backwards to help me - had I been married I would have been more than likely to have been able to have the house, and him pay some towards it - you really need to get this advice. How old is your son? I am sure that you dont really want him to go to his dad and his new girlie - at times I really felt like saying to mine - you have the boys, see how you like it - but I knew that they were MINE - and better off with me than a man that could lie and cheat - as I feel that in cheating on me he cheated on his sons, and he cheated them out of the future I thought they would have.

I really do know how you feel

thanks isheisnthe - i will give it a go this week!!
when my sister got her shared ownership house, she was on a waiting list for over 2 yrs as there are never many properties available here!

So can i put my name down on a council list even if i am still in my own (bought) house at the moment??
Also, if the council offer me a council house rather than a shared ownership one, do i have to take that instead??

(sorry for all the Qs!)

would my 80k equity help here or would they deem me as too "rich" thus not in need of housing??

No you dont have to take any house the council offer you, cos I also went on both lists, theres a council house list and a shared ownership list, I went on both, and you have to renew each year.

I am in the south east and housing prices round here are sky high, so 80k while a good deposit unless you have a job were you were paid a lot would not get you a house.

Where are you - I declared that I would have equity - they need to know that you will be able to pay for your shared ownership house so I see no reason it would hinder you, if 80k will not house you and the kids then you NEED shared ownership, they take this in to account, it will be based on your single parent status rather than if you are a key worker.

thanks

we are in west sussex, have looked on their homebuy pages and it says all they have is 1-bed flats?

so you dont think they will tell me to go away cos i have too much equity?

hi AG,

from what little I know of how the system works - (and I think it was you asking about HB as well??) you'd not get HB on any rent as althou you are a lone parent with that level of equity sat in the bank they would make you use this first before the offered you some help - right or wrong it's not fair but I THINK that's how they work things - but can ask SIL later on if you like (it's what she does).

re the CAB - I honestly can't beleive CAB would tell your XH that he doesn't have to provide a roof for your children. either way his debts - are his problem he has to provide for his children which in my mind incl's a house.

ishe - weren't you looking into a claus where you couldn't sell the house until the children were 18?? would it apply here.

also look into seeing if you can buy your X out of the house - if you can't afford it yourself, can you have help from parents/family members so they also own a share of the house?

in our area council waiting lists are 2 years, and the hard fact is there's not enough of those either (in my area anyhow) - not 2/3 beds - over 60's yes! (typical! lol) any how, also my council won't help until the last minute - as in you have a court evictions - as told to me by the lady when I took my forms in - her words were 'don't bother coming to us until you have an eviction notice from the courts ' followed by get a private rented house and get your parents to pay for it anyhow.

important things to do today :-

see a solicitor of your own - take a pad, write down all questions you want answered now while you think of them, and write down all answers. better to know your rights and not use them that not know them and need them. Yes your X has a baby on the way - but you have 2 children (i'm assuming both his) to providse for.

second thing, why does your DS want to live with his dad? i'd be reluctant to let him go there esp as GF is due to have the baby next month - I imagine your DS will be wanting a lot of attention from his dad and to feel secure - a baby will unbalance this. so suggest to him we give it 6 months to settle down etc and then if he still wants to live with his dad he can possibly? you know your kids best but is splitting them up the way to go? your X could possibly say if he doesn't pay you anything for your DD you won't have to pay him anything for your DS, (not sure if it would work that way but possibly as then that would be one less thing for him to 'pay out' if he's got the new baby)

anyhow not sure i've been much help, but I really strongly advise you find out all you can today about everything - the kids, benifits, the housing etc etc, and see what you can do. also as itis says you don't know until you try so anything is worht trying.

DON'T BE FORCED INTO SELLING UNTIL YOU KNOW YOUR RIGHTS.

I know you do regret splitting from your H but that's no reason to let him have everything his own way (if only I could take my own advice on that front! lol)

Please get legal advice.
It seems to me, as another poster has pointed out, that he is very keen to take your money, but now he is also landing you in shit.

"Apparently the CAB and his financial advisors have told him to sell the house, and thats the only way out of all his debts."

That is the advice he has been given to clear his debts, NOT to find a solution that will benefit you. He is thinking of himself only.

My bet is that as soon as your DS is living under his roof, you will have a constant stream of money requests, emotional blackmails, and he might even come after you for maintenance.

You need to get proper mediation where all agreements are set out and on contract.

thanks you two.

last night he agreed that we should all stay in the house and he is happy to pay for it all. Yet when he is angry at me he starts threatening to make me sell/stop paying mortgage and i hate all the control he has over our house.
i want to be free of him, but i want to keep my son with me.

will ring council today to ask how long the housing lists are. Plus make appointment to see solicitor.

right what you still have to do is get everything legalised, then everyone knows where they stand - it's no good him being nice one minute and not the next - that way he keeps the element of control, which you need to take back. to that end you don't have to tell him what you're doing, but know your rights.

(why would you being free of him mean you loose your son?)

that's not the way things work - he can't say to you if you're not in that house the 3 of you i'm having our son but I don't want our daughter. if he does that quite frankly he's not the sort of a man I'd want either of my children around.

Yes please go and see a solicitor and look into the shared ownership including the link that isheisn't he put up. I think you would feel much more secure in your home etc, could it possible to downsize to a large 2 bed and split one of the doubles into 2 small rooms, or use a reception room for you. For as long as you stay in the current situation money is going to crop up time and again especially as he has a new family.

dd is not his child, although he did take her on as his, and treat her brilliantly.

Ds going to live with his dad is a separate issue, but i wanted him to be secure in his dads house before he starts school (in a new town) in september. He seems so unhappy living with me and dd.

Legal advice is a good idea - but speak to someone re the practical side of things. There may be options you haven't thought of that will work for your children and yourself. That's why I recommended FNF.

Don't give up hope. Very often someone will say something and before you know it the `inevitable' situation you find yourself in isn't.

Cargirl, yes i would happily take a 2-bed house and split the rooms into 2, anything just to be free of him.

ah OK I understand now. then yes I think quint is right - he will want maint etc from you.

have you sat down with DS and had a chat to him? how old is he? could it be a possible adjustment period he's still going thru? is there anything at school bothering him? i'd still be reluctant to him live with his dad - i'd be asking myself if I knew for a fact his dad and GF will be better at raising him than you would be.

What's your support network like at home?