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Lone parents

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Original poster

This month i am being made to sell our lovely 3 bed semi for a one bed flat, and my ds is going to live with his dad

222 replies

allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 13:26

i am so sick of it all.

my ex has decided i "dont deserve" the house any more (we now pay half the mortgage each, although he has been paying ALL of it until 2 mths ago) even though i put 50k of my inheritance money into it.

i do understand that it is a lot for him to pay for, especially as he has got his girlfriend pregnant and the baby is due next month, so he is going to legally force me to sell up.

We've decided that ds can live with him and his girlfriend, as he is not happy here with me and dd.

All i can afford is a one bed flat with my dd, i cant get a mortgage as i am paid cash for my job.
Such a lot to take in really.

OP posts:
Spero · 15/04/2008 14:53

the thing to remember is that you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Yes, parents have responsibilities to provide for their children but if the money is not there, it's not there. If there is £100K equity in the house but neither parent can afford the mortgage, the house has to be sold. If that means children end up in rented accommodation, so be it.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but that is the way the courts would approach it; really, what other way can there be?

Married or not makes little difference. It will all come down to the financial resources of the parties where children are involved.

But of course, take legal advice before you agree to/sign anything. its hard to advise on a forum like this when you only have a brief snapshot of what's going on.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:53

yes am applying for properly paid jobs now, though i did want to go to uni and train to be a teacher - thats another dream gone i guess..

OP posts:
Original poster
allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:56

Spero - this is what i feared, i know he cant afford the payments even though i pay HALF and i also put in 50k.

It really pisses me off - i pay my half, but because he is up to his eyeballs in debt (the reason we split!) then he cant pay his half. So its US who suffer, because then the house has to be sold. NOT HIM.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 15/04/2008 14:57

maybe delayed but not gone AGBU AScheebly has just been accepted no reason why you shouldn't look at it again in a couple of years.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:58

my mortgage is £150,000 and interest-only payments are nearly £900 a month. i cant afford that on my own.

OP posts:
Spero · 15/04/2008 14:58

I'm so sorry.

But I echo what others have said, is there any way you can remortgage, go interest only, get a lodger??

Kewcumber · 15/04/2008 14:58

but if his debt is paid off by the house move he may be in a position to contribute - I don;t know if he would be expected to if DS is living with him but he may be if his income is much higher. Like I said... go to a solictior!

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 15/04/2008 14:59

i also paid off 14k of his debts when we bought this house!

OP posts:
Spero · 15/04/2008 14:59

o bugger, that is a lot. Would a lodger be a ridiculous idea? The first £4,000 or so you don't have to declare.

hanaflower · 15/04/2008 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 15/04/2008 15:01

lodger is also a good idea.

It sounds like to me like one option might be to get a lodger temporarily to help you pay the mortgage and sort out the rest when you can (mortgage/rent etc)

A word of warning you should really be sorting out all of htis money stuiff with lawyers in a firmal financial settlement. Don;t make decisions on such big things as housing on his word which he may subsequently go back on if for example you get a different amount for the hosue that you expected).

Spero · 15/04/2008 15:01

Even if he can't afford to pay half can he pay something? i think your dd, even though not his child would be considered a child of the family as you were married therefore you might be able to get something by way of child support.

Lolly68 · 15/04/2008 15:02

If you do have to sell then please just make sure that whatever you put in that house you get back (including the £14k) you paid off for him. See a solicitor. Just look on Yell.com and make an appointment. Good luck.

Spero · 15/04/2008 15:04

You will have to check on what kind of trust you hold the beneficial interest. If you both signed a declaration that you own the beneficial interest 50/50 the courts would probably not go behind this, so frankly you'd need to take his 80/20 offer and run with it.

I think you need some good legal advice and quickly. Then have a think about what you can do to maximise your income.

£80K is a tidy sum but it would be a shame for it to be dissipated on rent if you can possibly save the house for yours and your children's future.

CarGirl · 15/04/2008 15:07

Can you not do a DIYSO shared ownership where you find the property, the housing association approve that is the right value for what you are buying and then it is a buy/rent deal? I did this with Thames Valley about 6 years ago.

I think you do need to see a solicitor to ensure that you do acutally get the £80k he has verbally offered.

Look at buying a one bed where there is a seperate lounge so at least you can sleep sperately to your dd if you want/need to. I managed to buy a one bed place that had a seperately reception room so use the kitchen diner as a kitchen/living room and the reception room as another bedroom.

Scampmum · 15/04/2008 15:10

What hanaflower said - put it in a high interest account (post office/NS&I pays gross so no need to claim back tax) and use the income to help with rent. Sounds like then you wouldn't be paying more than your current contribution to the mortgage, and would have a bedroom for DD?

lostdad · 15/04/2008 15:11

May be worth contacting FNF (Families Need Fathers), allgonebellyup. Despite the name it is devoted to the right of a child to have a good relationship with both parents, even if they have split up. They have lots of good advice for achieving this. I know a large number of women who are members.

It's not about mums or dads - it's about children. They have lots of people in the same situation and can help you a hell of a lot.

If you're interested, you can google them - seriously, I would recommend them.

dittany · 15/04/2008 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lostdad · 15/04/2008 15:35

FNF doesn't support mothers. Or fathers. It supports children.

dittany · 15/04/2008 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Citronella · 15/04/2008 15:51

You absolutely must must see a solicitor. You must have your interests strongly represented. You are an easy target at the moment because you have been worn down.

CrackerOfNuts · 15/04/2008 16:01

I don't know anything about mortgages etc so no help on that, but about your ds going to live with his dad, is this what you and your ds want ??

Please don't just do it because your ex is bullying you into it.

Oh and for what it is worth Lostdad is right about FNF.

CarGirl · 15/04/2008 16:07

I also wonder if your ds will want to see/stay with you once he is living with his Dad in which case you really do need more than a 1 bedroomed place to accommodate his visits.

isheisnthe · 15/04/2008 17:04

Go to a solicitor, my exp did this - in the end I did just sell the house and split things 50/50 as it was just exhaustive, you will get legal aid (i got partial legal aid, ended up with a 200 quid bill - it would have been massive other for the legal aid).

Also, have you looked at www.homebuy.co.uk - they are a giverment run scheme that do shared ownership - I recently completed on a very nice 3 bed semi - i had 40k equity and had to find a mortgage for 146k, which was easy as I had the equity - its interest only right now (not good i know but when ds2 goes to school I intend to up my hours and go repayment) and costs me 708 a month - it really is doable.

How old is you ds bellyup?

Youcannotbeserious · 15/04/2008 17:10

AGBU - What about lodgers? Is that a possible option?

You said you could manage 1/2 the mortgage and, if you sold, you'd end up with only bedroom only so is it a possibility to do that?

Also, don't (as isheisn'the said) write off getting a mortgage.... With a decent bit of equity, yo umight be OK?