Why do my kids see my cheating estranged wife as amazing

[iamthemanny]

My wife left me for a work colleague due to an ongoing affair last July. Lives with the affair partner since last September.

Does anyone else see their kids obsessed with their mother and affair partner and the betrayed spouse losing out and blamed.

It is killing me. I was also the Stay At Home Dad.

Advice really appreciated.

Actually there are many legal implications that arise from it in this case. So your statement is not quite correct.

Might be as selfish AF but the children might not see it that way especially if they’ve been living in an unhappy household where there were problems between their parents.

No advice as to how the OP does this but he’s going to need to move on from blame for the end of the marriage or thinking that the children owe him more than his ex wife because if the kids pick that up he may end up pushing them away.

@ABirdsEyeView mesher orders are pretty rare. Courts prefer a clean break.

Most couples, when they spilt, need to sell in order to use the equity in the home to help house both of them with space for the kids going forward. It’s not clear if eg XW is renting with AP, has moved into a house he owns etc, but I assume she paid the majority of the mortgage on the FMH and she may not be able to fund payments on two properties.

Ok. If there are, then those have not been made clear in your posts. Of course, you can only say what you are comfortable with.

I don’t think you answered about the age you were when you cut out a cheating parent.

Which is exactly what I don’t, hence me asking here for a female perspective and help

Let’s just say there is more money than sense

As in all marriages where one is a stay at home or changes careers for the children, those people become career enablers so the mortgage is paid jointly. It is a team effort.

Sigh.

I mean, if you are currently in the FMH, but working part time, then I assume she is currently covering the majority of the mortgage.

I do not mean the time before you split up.

I’m not entirely sure you are posting in good faith, OP.

Again, with the cryptic gotcha answer.

why would I post to a female audience, risk ridicule and not post in good faith.

According to you @iamthemanny …

She may wish to have what she contributed or at least a fair split of assets to forward her life. And it really isn’t for you to judge what her lifestyle and it’s costs are.

If legally it is fair that you get the house or a larger share of assets that is great, even better if she pays you maintenance.

But at some point you are going to have to stand on your own feet and let her go.

If they are high earners they have earned it. If you chose to be SAHD or to work in a role that doesn’t pay so highly that was your choice. She does not owe you anything due to the fact she earns more; she will owe you what is legally correct.

@iamthemanny

Because you have issues with women and you are particularly resentful and bitter towards your ex…..

You can’t express any of that to her because you risk alienating your children, angering her, losing her financial support and ultimately you do not have the power - because she and partner are strong and independent and children are inclined to side with them.

So here we are with an angry, bitter, insecure man who is suffering greatly… who partly wants to vent and get advice, and partly wants to lash out a bit on a female audience.

This.

The bitterness and misogyny emanates off the page.

The OP’s question was “Why do my kids see my cheating wife as amazing”?
Well, everyone has answered that and advised him the best thing he can do is be happy and not bitter in front of them.
Instead he just seems enraged that they will even speak to their mother.

It also stood out to me that his ex felt the need to flee the house early in the morning with the dcs and seemed to go to some lengths to cover their tracks so he couldn’t follow them.

Certain things don’t seem to add up.

This is one of those OP’s where I’d be very interested to hear the other side of the story…

I think I will leave it there. So many incorrect assumptions have been made and continue to be.

Thank you to the many who have offered practical advice. It is very much appreciated.

some have answered that and, I have thanked them.

You are free to make any conclusions you like.

I now have some excellent ideas I will now try to do.

@iamthemanny

I did give practical advice, you thanked me, and I stand by what I said. I hope it helps.

You asked why you wouldn’t have posted in good faith.

My answer wasn’t an assumption but an observation of how you’ve spoken about your ex and how you’ve spoken to other women - several of your posts were deleted.

You are bitter, angry and resentful. Though you may be justified to a certain extent, those feelings are more harmful to you than anyone else.

It is quite clear, and I would surmise that either your mother left your dad or that you had issues with you mother post parental break up. Everything is transferred and is compounding the difficulties you are facing currently.

As in all marriages where one is a stay at home or changes careers for the children, those people become career enablers so the mortgage is paid jointly. It is a team effort.

Well no. My family member's ex would describe himself as a SAHD. But he did almost no housework, almost no actual good childcare, the kids had nursery and school while he ponced about. He did cook. Elaborate Glory Meals using every pan. Guess who cleaned up. She did the housework, the shitwork related to the kids, and desperately wanted him to get a job. He didn't.

I think he was baffled when she divorced him. Her current DH is a grafter.

My DSC know their mother is shit. She behaves appallingly still. She had an affair when they were 3&6. It broke the marriage. Then she lied and lied and lied to the kids. It's also come to light now that she also stole from them.

Now they are 15 and 18 and it's harder for them to live with. They still love her though. They've both said repeatedly that they don't want to live with her anymore. But they still go every other week for 50/50.

You are making all these assumptions and stating them as fact. You really don’t know me.

Sorry to hear that

Thanks, sounds a grim situation.

Maybe a bit of misandry 🤷‍♂️.

Are you not bitter, angry and resentful about your situation?

Have you not spoken negatively about your ex on this thread and did you not speak negatively to women on this thread in a manner that was considered inappropriate?

And are you not linking your current situation to your childhood situation by drawing a direct comparison between your behavioural response to a cheating parent and that of your children?

Definitely not @iamthemanny if you look back at my posts to you they were amongst the most considered and supportive.

You asked a question and I gave an answer.

If a number of people think you are coming across a certain way, OP, worth considering if they have a point rather than thinking all are wrong and you are right?