Why are men so bitter about paying maintenance?

[bidoofisgod]

Just that really. Why do they get so resentful about paying for their kids and then expect us to be so grateful for getting their measly money whilst they complain about it?
I get £25 a month. And it's thrown in my face every time we speak, and then when I offer to help with childcare over half term as he has to work on days he has the kids (im a TA so will be off anyway) he says no because he doesn't want me using it to demand more money from him, and would rather pay someone else for childcare. How does that make any sense? All the while he's out living his life whilst I'm left with the kids and the dog which he wanted but now "can't have" and I have to shoulder the financial burden off.
All the same time whilst saying he doesn't want to divorce and wants us to work it out. Really selling yourself here and making yourself so attractive. Ffs

Sorry, rant over

Because they think it’s for you. When I asked my ex for maintenance he said “you don’t have kids to get paid!”

Ugh, yep. I get £0 from mine and pay for every single thing for DS.. every time I ask about maintenance it’s always met with: “why are you so obsessed with money?” ARGGHHH and if I go through CMS he claims to be broke ..

Because they're too thick to comprehend that raising children costs money and they think you'll use it to get your nails and lashes done.

£25 a month is an actual insult

What is wrong with these people

Because they haven't anything else of value and at some level, they know it. So they resent giving their (measly) best while losing the benefits it bought them.

Bottom line? They don't care about their children

Which basically means the human race

It's sickening.

In the US you can't even buy a donut without them checking if you've paid your alimony first

Because they know they can get away with it.
They know there are no repercussions and nothing will happen. The controlling ones think resent giving anything to you and it's another way of continuing to control and abuse.
Men who don't pay shouldn't be allowed a relationship with their kids - controversial but if they don't give a shit enough to provide a nice life for their kids then they shouldn't be around them

There seem to be two reasons.

Either they have no clue how much it costs to provide for a child, and assume it's your 'fun money'

Or they thought when they married, they'd got a skivvy for life, by 'giving you a child' to keep you quiet. When they find themselves skivvyless and with a maintenance bill for a child they were never that bothered about, it makes them doubly angry.

This. They are selfish and stupid. And the whole world is colluding with them.

So right

Same with some woman. My DH's ex rang us when dss was 4 and said she 'didn't want him anymore', that was 4 years ago. Not seen a penny of maintenance in 4 years, but still likes to play 'Disney mum' when she can be bothered.

This - I've had the 'nails' comment thrown at me quite a few times.

I've come across fathers who do support their DC, sharing the 'extra' costs as well as fixed maintenance. And being an active part of the mundane parts of their lives too eg schoolwork, lifts when needed etc. The difference that involvement makes to all concerned is amazing.

Yup. They never wanted the kids. Did it to make you happy/keep you quiet, so fundamentally don't expect to have to pay forever for something they only did for you in the first place. You get the child you wanted and their money.

ExH isn't bothered about paying maintenance. He pays £££ and doesnt mention it. But he rarely sees DD. It isn't often a non resident parent is supportive in both money and time.

Let’s not pretend it’s just as many women that do it! It’s mostly always men.

Completely agree

A lot of men are like this, including my ex and it really pisses me off. Our daughter has special needs and certain foods I have to buy for her every day which are very expensive. He has always earned a lot of money and does his best to under pay me.

He acts like he's doing me a massive favour paying maintenance.

I agree with this as well.

Sadly it's because they don't care about their kids

Quite @CherryPiePiePie

It's a child welfare epidemic because of men's behaviour. It's a personal tragedy to individual children when women do it. Because it's so rare.

DB paid £500 per month to exW per child. Despite 50/50 split. Now eldest is at uni he pays the £500 direct to his DS. ExW is bitter about that. I think it works both ways.

@bidoofisgod is that through CMS? Us mums need to start clubbing together because I'm sick of reading these piss poor figures £25 per month? Disgusting.

On your next review on CMS, ask for a mandatory reconsideration. Then push it further to the courts.

My ex is giving me the silent treatment as he now has to pay £450 per month plus we are going to court over his earnings from 2022/2023. My ex knows its not for me he would rather the Gov pick up the slack!

I went on a work night out and a new guy had started recently. He got to chatting and brought up how pissed off he was that "the money he has to give his ex is being used for her to get a tattoo" fucking twat. I called him out on it, in hindsight I probably shouldn't have, not sure whether the others were in agreement or not, but how dare he!

How is this relevant to OP. The ex wife may be bitter but surely DB doesn't have to deal with her as such given his Son is now an adult anyway.

The mums who are getting pittance have every right to bitter!

I think for a lot of (crappy) men, they see the ex & dc as one "unit". They have anger towards the ex, therefore none of that "unit" deserve anything.

Same reason some men find it easy to walk out on one family and start another without a backwards glance. New woman, new unit.

Same reason pretty much all family annihilators are men, though that's obviously an extreme. Hates the ex so the whole unit gets killed.