Why are men so bitter about paying maintenance?

[bidoofisgod]

Just that really. Why do they get so resentful about paying for their kids and then expect us to be so grateful for getting their measly money whilst they complain about it?
I get £25 a month. And it's thrown in my face every time we speak, and then when I offer to help with childcare over half term as he has to work on days he has the kids (im a TA so will be off anyway) he says no because he doesn't want me using it to demand more money from him, and would rather pay someone else for childcare. How does that make any sense? All the while he's out living his life whilst I'm left with the kids and the dog which he wanted but now "can't have" and I have to shoulder the financial burden off.
All the same time whilst saying he doesn't want to divorce and wants us to work it out. Really selling yourself here and making yourself so attractive. Ffs

Sorry, rant over

It's because they see it as paying money to us (I'm not with my kids dad) rather than paying for their children, it's makes me sick it's disgusting.

I buy everything for my kids so he can clearly see where the money is going!

To add to my own post when I told ex that he should be contributing to his actual kids, he said if I was struggling I could send him my incoming and outgoings as his girlfriend is great at budgeting and could give me some pointers.

At that time I was over a grand a month in childcare costs, he had reduced his hours to nearly nothing to save childcare costs for his girlfriend, and to be able to stop paying maintenence.

I was beyond annoyed.

These threads make my blood boil (I’m not in this situation but know some women who are).

£25 a month towards his child. FFS. Pissing about with self employment and not declaring meanwhile “wah wah wah she’s had her nails done”. Wankers.

These men need a fucking rocket up their arses. Selfish pricks.

(Edit - sorry, hormonal rage there)

Everyone has already said it. They don't want you spending it on you, even though putting on the hearing for example is probably way more for your child. Also, in a lot of relationships that end, the mum pays for all child related stuff when baby comes along so they have no idea what it costs. It's ignorance and a bit of control

My ex told me it's his money and he should be able to make the decision on how it's spent, not me. He also said women were completely entitled because they think they are owed it.

Needless to say it's been fun! To be honest, he was so inconsistent with paying I asked him if he would rather directly pay for her things then I wouldn't be choosing what to spend it on and thankfully things have gotten better. He now pays for her phone, dinner money and travel to school which amounts to the same amount of maintenance. I never gave a crap about having the money in my hand, I just needed financial help with our shared child.

I think the sad truth is they didn’t really want kids. They went along with the idea to keep the woman quiet. To pacify her so that they could keep getting access to free sex and a cooked meal on the table.
Deep, deep down they now resent that they have to pay for the kids that they never truly wanted.
They resent their ex for having the audacity to leave or expect them to pay towards raising their own child.
In fairness they know they can move on and dupe some other mug of a woman into taking the ex’s place.
They often go on to have yet more kids with the new woman.
They don’t give a crap about these new kids either. The new woman just doesn’t know it yet. She won’t suspect as long as she keeps providing free sex and cooking the meals.

Yep, the costs of the child should be split by both parents, it’s not all down to the father, who does actually provide a roof over their heads during his contact time.

@PinkEasterbunny what is the father's contact time though? It can't be 50/50 because there wouldn't even be a discussion about maintenance in the first place!

Fanny wax 😂🤣🤣 the best!

I agree. They don’t deserve to be their dad and the kids are better off with no dad than a can’t be arsed dad who thinks their kids aren’t worth the bother.

These men think they can get away with it and they do. Not my ex though.

I'm a McKenzie friend, and this is my honest opinion rather than my professional one.

Patriarchy
Misogyny
Perpetrators
Patriarchy
Misogyny
Perpetrators
Patriarchy
Misogyny
Perpetrators
Patriarchy
Misogyny
Perpetrators
Patriarchy
Misogyny
Perpetrators

Healthy non resident parents do not resent paying for their children. It's all about power and control of the resident parent.

Yep 70% of children that currently live in poverty would be lifted out of it immediately if child maintenance was enforced.

The average cost to raise a child not including housing or childcare is £550 a month. Therefore maintenance should be a flat rate of £275 a month per child if the non resident parent has 0 overnights, reducing by 28% for every 52 nights a year they have their child.

0-51 nights a year - £275 per child per month
52 - 103 nights a year - £198 per child per month
104 - 155 nights a year - £121 per child per month
156 - 182 nights a year - £44 per month per child.

If the government enforced these figures regardless of a non resident parents income I'm betting a lot of them will learn how to use contraception and miraculously get a job.

My ex used to think I spent it "all" on jewellery!

@Talk66talk my point is that not every man shirks their responsibilities, although I know many do. My DB’s story is not mine to tell - but there is more than one child and a history of her spending maintenance on herself and letting kids go without.

Ex h suggested I clean my own windows when settlement was being decided. Even his own dad couldn't bear it and asked him if he cleaned his own windows!!

I reckon that’s the best explanation I’ve ever seen of this whole sorry yet terribly common state of affairs.

@RMNofTikTok And also that. Money is always about control.

If you claim UC they see that as their contribution as their CM will not change the amount of UC you get.

It’s socially acceptable for them to do it.

Rarely does someone call out their partner, son, brother or friend for not paying for their children.

People generally nod in agreement when men get moaning about paying for ‘her to get her hair and nails done’.

We even have the current CMS system we do because governments (successive ones) couldn’t even be arsed to actually chase NRPs for payment.

The times my ex paid without moaning were when he had a girlfriend who felt he should, and then his bosses in the military. If men faced consequences for non payment they’d pay.

I do understand it in cases where one partner unreasonably withholds/restricts contact.

Which says it all when you think of why it doesn’t count.

even the government don’t think it worth chasing as it only mostly affects women and children

Because in my brothers case, he’s been kicked out and left with absolutely nothing. Nada. Zero. She’s got the house (that was in his name), all the furniture he took in, the car and washing machine my parents paid for. He can’t afford to rent anywhere now, and he has no chance of getting a mortgage. He’s on my dads sofa. He does all the running around collecting his daughter, she does none. He struggles to understand what the cost of keeping his daughter is, when she eats nothing except crisps and chocolate and is at the childminders 8-6 five days per week with paid for meals by the government. So yes, he’s bitter that she’s claiming more than he earns from the government and getting £500 per month from him and her other ex on top, oh and when she does work, it’s all cash in hand.

ive always vehemently backed single mothers to the hilt, my best friend is one and I’ve seen how she struggles, god knows we’ve found it hard enough bringing up our two on 1.5 salaries - but in his case I can genuinely see where the bitterness comes from!

@puffylovett What contact does he have?

So if he owns the house, why hasn't he moved back into it? He has a legal right to occupy.

My daughter has 3 teenage boys.. ex was paying her £15 a month for all three..( self employed. .. own business.. ).. went through CMS...they actually got him to court to check his business and bank accounts.. they took the back pay straight from his bank into my daughters.. and now do this every month.