How do other lone parents manage with lack of intimacy

[WinterSnowFox]

So I’m ok being alone but how do other lone parents manage with lack of sex? I guess we are not all spending years celibate? Do most single mums have a fwb? It’s been 7 YEARS for me and it’s been hard! (I’m only 35) Not for lack of interest just lack of opportunity/ no time alone. It’s not just sex I also miss kissing and hugging and general intimacy.

Have you not tried online dating? Assume you can get a babysitter for dates? Go out with friends?

Sorry should have said I don’t have anyone that can/will babysit and their father doesn’t see them.

Just me with this problem ? 🫣

I guess you either seek out a Fwb/relationship if you can or put up with it, I’m not sure what else you can do really unless something like a massage would help? I agree it’s really hard to live without affection/intimacy/sex when you’re single.

I don't miss sex per se but I do miss affection that comes from someone not related to me ie with a biological predisposition to love me if that makes sense - like hugs and kisses from my children or my parents for instance. I miss the affection that comes from someone who has chosen to love me. I miss hugs after a bad day at work or a cuddle in bed or just any adult/adult physical contact that's born out of just wanting to touch that other person like a hand on the back or squeeze of an arm.

I've been divorced 18 months nearly and probably didn't have sex for a year before that - my children are very young so can't see being able to date for years

Wouldn’t fwb follow the same rules as dating though? Couldn’t have someone over whilst the kids were in bed? They don’t go anywhere 🤷🏻‍♀️ and I don’t have any male friends I would consider so would mean OLD. It’s honestly one of the things my ex was good at so over the years I’ve considered going back there just for the sex if he wasn’t such a loser 😏

Yes if you can’t date then I don’t see how you could manage fwb unless during the day while the kids are at school?

I don’t think many men will be about during school hours only and tbh I’m not even sure I’m cut out of casual sex! The thought of a man sleeping with me then not contacting me again till he next wants his leg over makes me feel a bit shit really not sure I’m cut out for that, everyone wants to feel wanted I think. Has anyone considered going back to an ex for purely sexual reasons?

You can get a babysitter. Some will stay overnight once you and your children know them well so if your dating with someone progresses into a relationship you could stay at the man's house. Or you can have sex without sleeping there overnight! Or you can have friends' children for sleepovers and they will probably reciprocate sometimes. Or a close friend might stay over with your children occasionally as a favour given it's not much hassle if you've put the children to bed before you leave.

Can’t afford sitters sadly definitely not overnight! Never heard of a sitter that stays overnight (professional) so that would be out of the question as can’t even imagine the cost of that! My options are stay single till oldest can babysit youngest or find someone I already know.. like my ex. There really is no one who would watch my children!

I’m still looking at around 3/4 years before oldest is old enough so that’s 10 years celibate 🫣

If you really have no one who would watch your children while you go out for an evening, could you invest in building your support network locally?

I didn't know anyone when I moved here but have now got a little list of friends/neighbours I can call on for occasional childcare favours.

i have 4 children which is why I can’t ask anyone to have them sadly not the same as asking someone to have 1 or 2 at a push.

I tried dating. It ended miserably as there just isn’t the time to devote to getting to know a man like there was pre children and amber flags are often overlooked (my case he had no photos in the house) because time together is precious then 2 yrs down the line you’re invested and serious and realise he is a massive liar, and married. And there’s another girlfriend on the scene.

celibacy isn’t terrible.

If you went back to your ex would it just be for sex or do you mean actually get back into a relationship? Maybe that’s a good option, depending on why you broke up but might be confusing for the kids if it didn’t work out again. Only you know whether it’s a good idea.

I'm getting a sense you want posters to back you sleeping with your ex.

All I'll say on that is, he'll come over for a shag but not look after his children. No matter how desperate I was, I think the anger at this would eat away at me afterwards

Just for sex. Nothing else. He would be up for it I’m sure. If I could afford babysitter then wouldn’t be an issue but I would have to look at professional ones and they wanted £80 for 3/4 hours minimum booking, which I couldn’t justify and even then I’m not sure I would leave my kids with someone I didn’t know anyway! Each to their own though.

Yes, it’s a tough one. Why can’t your ex have the kids whilst you go out?

He doesn’t have suitable living conditions to have them overnight

Can't he babysit, well parent, them at yours?

It sounds like you're a bit lonely OP.

If it's been 7 years then I assume your youngest if 6 or 7? At that age they should be old enough for play dates. Can't you organise so that your kids are all out at play dates, say for a Saturday afternoon, every now and then so that you can start to date again? Lunchtime or coffee dates are perfectly acceptable.

Or could their dad take them out on a day trip at the weekends if he can’t have them overnight? Then you could date.

All at play dates at the same time? No that wouldn’t happen! yes I am lonely after 7 years celibate. He has had them at mine before but I prefer not to do that as he tries it on with me anyway so I put a stop to it.

No most he has done was take them to the park for 45 minutes and then said they wanted to come home

Are you sure you really want a solution as everything suggested is knocked on the head straight away?

Get out and meet people, create a network of Mum friends to share babysitting, can ex take kids to his parents or look after them at your house, not enough money for a babysitter - increase your earnings.

You have to make an effort somewhere along the lines, life won't just fall into place for you.