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Lone parents

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How do other lone parents manage with lack of intimacy

201 replies

WinterSnowFox · 15/01/2024 14:53

So I’m ok being alone but how do other lone parents manage with lack of sex? I guess we are not all spending years celibate? Do most single mums have a fwb? It’s been 7 YEARS for me and it’s been hard! (I’m only 35) Not for lack of interest just lack of opportunity/ no time alone. It’s not just sex I also miss kissing and hugging and general intimacy.

OP posts:
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7
bobomomo · 16/01/2024 21:47

Can he babysit at your house? Once a fortnight could be day or evening, then try old - plenty of men out there would be up for a bit of afternoon fun I'm sure

EarringsandLipstick · 16/01/2024 21:48

clearly the people commenting on the situation haven’t actually been in the situation of having literally no one who will have your children the chances of me meeting a man that will want me are ZERO what man wants a woman that n

Er, quite a number of us have told you we are in the same situation?

You're stark raving mad to consider sex with someone who can't get his act together to be responsible for his kids.

WinterSnowFox · 16/01/2024 21:48

The posters claiming he meant it for another woman are laughable that’s what they told me when I asked if I should respond they told me it was for another woman, obviously to put me off responding I responded and he clarified it was for me and that he hasn’t been with anyone since me and offered to come down, he has told me several times since we split that he still loves me 🙄

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 16/01/2024 21:50

WinterSnowFox · 16/01/2024 21:48

The posters claiming he meant it for another woman are laughable that’s what they told me when I asked if I should respond they told me it was for another woman, obviously to put me off responding I responded and he clarified it was for me and that he hasn’t been with anyone since me and offered to come down, he has told me several times since we split that he still loves me 🙄

Well, maybe he should demonstrate it then?

By organising his life so he can be a parent to his DC, and support you, the woman he loves??

And if he does love you, how is it reasonable to just use him as FWB?

WinterSnowFox · 16/01/2024 21:52

I would obviously be honest that I don’t want to be with him. He has offered to come down and stay here to care for them.

OP posts:
cerisepanther73 · 16/01/2024 21:53

@WinterSnowFox

Ann summer grown up toy

Friend with benefits

For a cuddle why not have a soft huggable soft toy small or large one or more than that..

If don't like the idea of Ann Summer's buzzing toys or friend's with benefits

or a pet that you can love take care off and you can both show affection to each other....

cerisepanther73 · 16/01/2024 21:54

Oops typo mistake on previous post was word
or *

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/01/2024 21:54

WinterSnowFox · 16/01/2024 21:40

It wasn’t meant for another woman you clearly chose to decide it was… perhaps some jealousy that my ex is still interested? He said it was for me and that he hasn’t been with anyone else since me so stop making things up

Ah, so it is him. And yes, it very clearly was for someone else. You wrote multiple threads and everyone told you so, and you kept creating additional threads trying to find just one person to say "ah, he obviously loves you".... Which didn't happen.

The obsession you have is so very very unhealthy.

As per every thread you write, multiple times a year, you ignore everything. And spend the entire thread trying to convince yourself and every other poster of any reason to keep trailing after him.

It's honestly really sad, because you don't sound like a bad person. He blocks you for months, he barely sees his children. To the point of a few hours a month. Has never had them overnight. Doesn't give you any money. Has had several relationships in the last 7 yrs. But yes OP, he absolutely loves you. Can't you see how much.

You're worth so much more than this. He throws any crumb your way, not out of any genuine interest, but when he's bored, because he knows you'll act like this giddy school girl. It's actually horrible. It's like entertainment for him.

Being on your own, is better than this.

EarringsandLipstick · 16/01/2024 21:55

WinterSnowFox · 16/01/2024 21:52

I would obviously be honest that I don’t want to be with him. He has offered to come down and stay here to care for them.

Sorry isn't that your solution then? He minds the DC, you date. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jtdoyoveme · 16/01/2024 21:56

EarringsandLipstick · 16/01/2024 21:44

If I wanted it that badly, I would find some other way that wasn't with a useless ex who can't care for his DC, and who proclaims to love you.

That's a mess.

This ^

would rather be celibate

EarringsandLipstick · 16/01/2024 21:57

@WillYouPutYourCoatOn

I remember OP's previous thread too. It is very sad.

This one is seemingly about sex but really just a smokescreen to get to anyone telling her to be with her ex.

Bearsinmotion · 16/01/2024 22:03

I am in a similar position, ex DP is too ill to look after the DC, no family support. But i could never go back to exDP for sex, just gives me the ick!

Youngest is now 8 and on Friday I am meeting a man for lunch that I would like to be more than friends, which will be the first remotely date like experience since I split with ex in 2018. Even if (and it’s a big if!) that was to become something more I have no idea how I would work it logistically - like another poster I get maybe three nights a year away from the DC. No family nearby, live rurally, no-one I can trust to babysit.

I’m really just resigned to another 5 years of living like this until I can leave the DC together for an evening…

EarringsandLipstick · 16/01/2024 22:09

Bearsinmotion · 16/01/2024 22:03

I am in a similar position, ex DP is too ill to look after the DC, no family support. But i could never go back to exDP for sex, just gives me the ick!

Youngest is now 8 and on Friday I am meeting a man for lunch that I would like to be more than friends, which will be the first remotely date like experience since I split with ex in 2018. Even if (and it’s a big if!) that was to become something more I have no idea how I would work it logistically - like another poster I get maybe three nights a year away from the DC. No family nearby, live rurally, no-one I can trust to babysit.

I’m really just resigned to another 5 years of living like this until I can leave the DC together for an evening…

Good luck with your date!

Even when you can leave your DC alone (my youngest is 12 so I can), I can't see how it makes all that much difference - I would obviously not have anyone in the house, I wouldn't stay out at night in someone else's. It all seems frighteningly long before I truly would have free time!

Bearsinmotion · 16/01/2024 22:13

Thanks! But yeah, good point.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/01/2024 22:22

Bearsinmotion · 16/01/2024 22:03

I am in a similar position, ex DP is too ill to look after the DC, no family support. But i could never go back to exDP for sex, just gives me the ick!

Youngest is now 8 and on Friday I am meeting a man for lunch that I would like to be more than friends, which will be the first remotely date like experience since I split with ex in 2018. Even if (and it’s a big if!) that was to become something more I have no idea how I would work it logistically - like another poster I get maybe three nights a year away from the DC. No family nearby, live rurally, no-one I can trust to babysit.

I’m really just resigned to another 5 years of living like this until I can leave the DC together for an evening…

I had a similar set up to you. I placed an ad for a local occasional babysitter, requiring a childcare qualification and references. About 8 applied. I interviewed 3. Two worked at a local nursery, and had allllll the qualifications, paediatric first aid, the lot, and so I ended up using both.

Probably once a month, I could go out with friends, using one of them. Too costly to do much more than that.

I met DH on a night out. We later went for a few lunch dates. Then I paid for a babysitter for a couple of evening dates. This was over the course of maybe 2 months. We also spoke every day. By that time, he was known enough to me, to feel safe inviting round for the evening when DC in bed. I can't see what the huge problem is for someone to be in the house. My girlfriends could be, so why couldn't a male? We weren't stripping off in the living room, so if DC had ever wandered down (they didn't incidentally) it would just be a person I was chilling out with, no different to my female friends. Their mother is allowed a friend! We'd have dinner at mine a couple of times a week. He'd bring the ingredients and we'd cook together.

Why couldn't you do this?

WinterSnowFox · 16/01/2024 22:23

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/01/2024 21:54

Ah, so it is him. And yes, it very clearly was for someone else. You wrote multiple threads and everyone told you so, and you kept creating additional threads trying to find just one person to say "ah, he obviously loves you".... Which didn't happen.

The obsession you have is so very very unhealthy.

As per every thread you write, multiple times a year, you ignore everything. And spend the entire thread trying to convince yourself and every other poster of any reason to keep trailing after him.

It's honestly really sad, because you don't sound like a bad person. He blocks you for months, he barely sees his children. To the point of a few hours a month. Has never had them overnight. Doesn't give you any money. Has had several relationships in the last 7 yrs. But yes OP, he absolutely loves you. Can't you see how much.

You're worth so much more than this. He throws any crumb your way, not out of any genuine interest, but when he's bored, because he knows you'll act like this giddy school girl. It's actually horrible. It's like entertainment for him.

Being on your own, is better than this.

No most people agreed it was for me I can put up the pics if you like? It’s clear that some people wanted me to believe it wasn’t for me so I didn’t go back there. Nice try though but I can see through it

OP posts:
WinterSnowFox · 16/01/2024 22:25

I’m amazed you brought a man around the house after 2 months by MN standards you should be waiting at least a year to bring a man round if ever 😂

OP posts:
WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/01/2024 22:30

WinterSnowFox · 16/01/2024 22:23

No most people agreed it was for me I can put up the pics if you like? It’s clear that some people wanted me to believe it wasn’t for me so I didn’t go back there. Nice try though but I can see through it

Oh, definitely.

To be honest, you should probably propose. He loves you, absolutely. Let us know how that goes...

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/01/2024 22:31

WinterSnowFox · 16/01/2024 22:25

I’m amazed you brought a man around the house after 2 months by MN standards you should be waiting at least a year to bring a man round if ever 😂

Yeah, we're only married though. Not real love, like your situation OP.

WinterSnowFox · 16/01/2024 22:34

Whose cares if he loves me? I don’t want love I just want sex. It was another poster who asked if he was the same guy. I want a sexual relationship that’s all if he’s not interested he will say no won’t he.

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InfraredMarbles · 16/01/2024 22:35

WinterSnowFox · 16/01/2024 20:38

Because he is there father so not inviting a weird stranger to the house? No different to couples having sex with their kids at home?!

You're planning to have sex with him with your children in the house?!

WinterSnowFox · 16/01/2024 22:38

InfraredMarbles · 16/01/2024 22:35

You're planning to have sex with him with your children in the house?!

Yes isn’t that what couples do? 😂 oh the horror how do you think we made them? We didn’t have nannies that came in and took them overnight, will somebody think of the children!

OP posts:
Hubblebubble · 16/01/2024 22:41

@WillYouPutYourCoatOn because men are much stronger than women and can overpower us. They can hurt us and our children. It's a safeguarding risk. I've had this suggested to me so many times.

EarringsandLipstick · 16/01/2024 22:44

@WillYouPutYourCoatOn

You're right of course, and that sounds like a perfect approach.

I know you were replying to another poster; for me, the issue is partly practical, partly emotional.

We've been through an awful time with my ex. The idea of me in any kind of relationship is hard for any of us to imagine.

Practically, while I know lots & lots of people, I don't have a friendship group. I've no-one to socialise with so that incremental way of progressing is hard. And we are literally out at sports training / matches, every evening & almost all day Sat / Sun. I'm always shattered!

Newyearpeeve · 16/01/2024 22:48

Is it worth an honest conversation with him about the future and how he can be more involved with the kids/ you? As others have said if he loves you surely that’s a good starting point for a chat about how he can see the kids more often and support you in raising them as best he can. You need a break! It’s relentless bringing up 4 kids alone. If he’s going to be coming over for sex perhaps he could then stay on and mind the kids while you meet a friend or go out and do something for yourself - walk, gym, cinema or whatever you enjoy.