How do other lone parents manage with lack of intimacy

[WinterSnowFox]

So I’m ok being alone but how do other lone parents manage with lack of sex? I guess we are not all spending years celibate? Do most single mums have a fwb? It’s been 7 YEARS for me and it’s been hard! (I’m only 35) Not for lack of interest just lack of opportunity/ no time alone. It’s not just sex I also miss kissing and hugging and general intimacy.

It's difficult to know how to help you here op.
Don't want a babysitter, no friends to sit all 4, won't have your ex in the house to look after them in case he tries it on, want your ex to try it on, can't organise a play date for each of them at the same time, don't want a fwb, don't think any bloke can come round during school hours....what else have I missed. So, no, op, with those limitations, yes you will be celibate until your eldest is old enough. How could you not be.
I'm single, and I've just gone through my list above of suggestions you've rejected and realised I have done all of them, with the exception of shagging my ex.

Are you a lone parent with no family by any chance? As most lone parents find it difficult well impossible to date. Even those whose exes have regular contact

Are you a lone parent with no family and more than one child? These suggestions work with one child I guess but no my kids are never all out of the house at the same time! Just wondered if anyone was in a similar situation and how they cope with it not being told it’s entirely possible to date as a lone parent it’s quite frankly impossible unless you have heaps of family support or a very involved ex!

How old are the kids? Does your ex live close by?

I've been single 7 years and have five kids but mine are probably older

I have two children op, and have no problem dating if I feel like it, sorry if that's not what you want to hear. Like I said i got busy during the school day, lunch dates/shags, my ex has them (I'd put my foot down to the nonsense yours is coming up with), swap turns with friends, organise play dates for them on the same date. Whatever, it's totally doable if you want to.

Yes, very much got that T-Shirt - you have to make your own opportunities though, don't let life pass you by.

My CV includes teenage single Mum (non-consentual), not a penny or contact from paternal side of the family (didn't want it anyway). Managed to squeeze in a decent set of qualifications, worked 3 jobs over 7 days per week at one point, no food banks in those days so no food for me when money ran out, ended up less than 7 stone at one point. So yeah, my life was shit at one point but I dragged myself out one day at a time.

Well there you go your ex has them. Mine doesn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️ totally different

I had a FWB relationship for about 6 years which suited us both. Then Covid happened and I got cancer and couldn't see anybody for a long time. So that was that!

It's really difficult being a lone parent. It makes it impossible to have a relationship. I've accepted it now and I make happiness in other ways. I do miss cuddles a lot. Can't be helped! I guess the only thing you can do is find a local recommended babysitter but I realise that that can be expensive and isn't always doable. Shit situation unfortunately.

Thank you! Clearly not according to these posters who seem to think it’s easy to date as a lone parent with no family and an ex that doesn’t have them! Would love to know where they find the time!

Around 90mins away oldest 12 youngest 6

You get used to it. I had DD at 23 was single from the start attempted OLD when she was 4 or so casually dated a guy for two years ( deputy head of her school now 😳) and then that didn't work out so threw myself into work and an OU degree and just didn't think about it. Late 30s now, degree finished, DD is desperate for me to have a bf/companion so I stop dragging her out to things I want to do lol. I WFH now though and very little chance of meeting anyone.

Ask around your local WhatsApp or Facebook groups for recommendations - people will have Nannies or nursery staff of au pairs that they use and trust that will offer babysitting too . You just need to save up for evenings out.

Or can you not ask a friend who is in a couple, 'I'll take your kid for a sleepover at my house so you can have a date night, in return can you babysit my kids another weekend?'

None of my friends would babysit 4 kids understandably as neither would I if I only had 1 or 2

@WinterSnowFox really even if you don't go out until after bedtime? I'd definitely do that for a close pal to help her get dating!

I wouldn't go back to my ex for sex - he really is an absolute loser - but I did booty call him occasionally until something better came up. Sex was literally the only thing he was good for, so why not.

Isn’t that the same thing? I don’t mean go back for a relationship

I get it OP. I've been single 6 yrs. 2 DC, who do go to their dad's once a week during daytime hours. But never overnight. I have a load of stuff to do on that day, I work other days and it's my day to catch up on housework, errands, abd a bit if time to myself. I really really struggle with a lack of time for just me so this is important to me

I've had several opportunities fir a FWB type set up but honest, going round to someone's house or meeting up for a lunchtime "shag" is not for me.

I'd like to date, get to know someone and have that non sexual intimacy. If I did meet someone, would I just see them a few daytime hours a week? I wouldn't introduce to dc for a long time it's a non starter.

No maybe in an emergency but not for social reasons. The only time I’ve ever had off was emergencies when my kids needed hospital! Even then they were desperate to hand them back!

Oh right, I misundertood.

Pros: kids didn't bat an eyelid if they saw him around. Didn't have to find and train up a new lover or worry about a strange man in the house.
Cons: he assumed he was worming his way back in and went apeshit when I met someone new and called an end to the arrangement.

Thank you I’m glad someone gets it as I was a bit shocked by these comments! I barely have time to do cleaning and errands never mind dating and I don’t get time off either! But apparently it’s all easy 🤷🏻‍♀️ I am not going to invite strangers here so would need to get to know someone to make sure they weren’t some kind of weirdo I was inviting to my house where my kids live. I also don’t want to spend £80 on babysitters for a first date to meet men off OLD who certainly aren’t worth that money!

Another lone parent here (only 1 child) and I think a lot of people are being a bit harsh. It's expensive to get babysitters (probably more for 4) and so that soon adds up if you are dating. I assume people very rarely find someone on the first date.
Secondly time. I work full time and travel (I use up any favours for childcare then). The job means it's almost impossible to meet local mum friends as I am not at the school gate very often nor available for the tea meet ups at 10.30 am. I don't get any time without my child apart from work. Going out with friends costs a fortune let alone dating. £50 for the babysitter as a minimum before I have considered paying for dinner, a taxi etc.
I have been celibate officially for almost 4 years but it would be nearer 5 as I couldn't bear my ex touching me towards the end due to the stick of alcohol amongst other things.
I miss being hugged, holding someone's hand. Talking about life, politics, music, terrible TV and work.
I try not to think about dating too much. The grass is always greener.

Thank you, exactly a babysitter isn’t the end of it I would also need money for the date food/ drinks, and taxi too and from, that would be over £100! Of course I can’t afford that regularly and I would be labelled a CF if I went around asking mum friends to look after 4 of my children, most people aren’t prepared to do that unless it’s an emergency situation and people have their own children to look after so that would be 4/5/6 children to look after and not really a fair “swap” to someone who only has 1 or 2 I would feel like an absolute piss taker asking someone to regularly babysit my children, even mums I’ve spoken to who get eow off say they find dating impossible and don’t have the time for it as their life is so busy so unless you have hands on family it’s very challenging I genuinely don’t know any single parents that use professional sitters either, they have family support or the children visit their fathers house and that’s when they date as relying on paid for sitters would become very expensive very quickly!

You are in a difficult position alright. I think as I said in an earlier post you will just have to somehow get used to it until your kids are older. I can’t see any other option given all the reasons you’ve listed above (other than sex with your ex). I suppose many people find themselves going without sex/affection for different reasons (illness/no childcare/no luck dating) so you are certainly not alone in how you feel. I was in your position when my kids were younger and had to wait it out until circumstances changed.

from everything you’ve said it sounds as though you wouldn’t mind sex with your ex from time to time so why not give that a go for a while and see how it works out?

Do you work? If not get yourself out there and meet people when they're at school. I don't necessarily mean lunch time shags but make friends, make connections and if you do get to know someone maybe you could invite him round after the kids have gone to bed in time