How do other lone parents manage with lack of intimacy

[WinterSnowFox]

So I’m ok being alone but how do other lone parents manage with lack of sex? I guess we are not all spending years celibate? Do most single mums have a fwb? It’s been 7 YEARS for me and it’s been hard! (I’m only 35) Not for lack of interest just lack of opportunity/ no time alone. It’s not just sex I also miss kissing and hugging and general intimacy.

@Jtdoyoveme - you've phrased that very well.

By accepting a FWB arrangement with your ex you're doing yourself a disservice and actually preventing you from finding meaningful intimacy with someone new.

Get a good vibrator, the rest is upto your imagination.

I recognise this poster.

The same thing regarding any validation for going back to her ex, and how can I date (then arguing how that's impossible, but repeating "so how can I date") has been posted for months and months.

Every suggestion will get rebutted. The guy in question barely speaks to her. She can't move on. There's this dynamic when she keeps him as the faux main character in her life, where as he's moved well on, years ago.

I really hope one day she gets the closure she needs. She seems like a decent person.

Read reply wrong 😑

when you posted at Christmas you said

‘It kind of is all or nothing, he doesn’t like where I live so won’t move here unless it’s to give things another go. ‘
which sounds like he wants to try again with a proper relationship, not just sex?

I’m in the same position OP. Sole parent and single for 6 years. Ex refuses to care for them, I work full time and have no-one else to care for them. The amount of fools who’ve told me to just get a babysitter is ridiculous. It’s not the answer.

I’ve had to reluctantly accept that I’m going to have to stay celebate for another five years and there’s times it really gets to me. But I’d never, never, lower myself to having sex with their father. It’s not worth it. It’s really not.

Thanks for the honesty and yes babysitters are definitely not the answer!

Yes he apparently loves me. He always tries to get back with me, that’s not an option for me though and I will be clear on that.

How can you have sex with a man who has left you to raise his four children single handedly?

Lone parent here. Not had sex for years. It's not the same, but a decent sex toy is worth the money.

It’s not the be all and end all. I was a single parent from early 30s on (I’m 59). I’ve had one sexual relationship in all that time. Don’t think my life has been any less enjoyable or worthwhile 🤷‍♀️

😳

I know everyone is different but I find this incomprehensible. (Her ex is clearly a feckless idiot; how on earth would she have sex with him knowing that?)

I think you are right. Nothing to lose! Definitely firm boundaries
Only saw OP's reply when I posted - em, ok then, I cannot imagine hooking up with my ex (any ex) but especially exH who was an abusive arsehole.

This.

He left you when you were pregnant. Chrissakes, why would you or could you sleep with him?

Is this the ex that you didn't hear from for months, and he accidentally text you "I love you" meant for another woman, and you subsequently refused to accept it could possibly be an accident.

That guy, right?

Advice I have been given:-
Get a babysitter.
Ask a nursery.
Use an agency.
Find a teenager.
Ask on facebook.
Get your oldest to look after the younger ones.

None of the above have worked for me, so I have not been able to go out. I would not like casual sex so the idea of bringing a man to my house during my lunch break for sex leaves me cold.

I miss physical touch. It is very hard to go through life without a hug, a touch, a look. A full life with hobbies, friends and holidays wont stop me craving physical touch.

I was bloody freezing last night. The cold woke me up. All I could think was how lovely it would be to have somebody next to me in the bed.

I've seen it suggested that a massage can help. I would like to try this but I would just cry and cry after so many years of no physical contact.

It wasn’t meant for another woman you clearly chose to decide it was… perhaps some jealousy that my ex is still interested? He said it was for me and that he hasn’t been with anyone else since me so stop making things up

I think I may be in a similar situation to you OP.
I kicked ex out when our son was just a few months old and have been single ever since. Son is 5 now.
Ex's living situation isn't suitable for him to have our son overnight and I have to do the majority of the childcare. Neither of us have any family I have always struggled with friendships and have people I could call on in an emergency but no one for a standard baby sitting job.

I would like a partner but I just don't see how it can work. If I want to meet someone and get to know him then I'm going to have to regularly find a few spare hours per week to dedicate to the relationship and it is time and money that I just do not have. Even meeting a man is difficult, most people doing the school run are the mums and the few dads that are there seem to be taken. Then I work in a female dominated industry and there's no time for a hobby group to meet new people that way either.

6 months after we broke up I started a FWB thing with my ex that lasted around 18 months before he proposed getting back together which put a stop to things. It was good while it lasted and incredibly convenient. Even at the moment I'm considering putting the FWB situation back on the table because frankly there are no other options. I don't think he's interested now he knows there is no chance of us getting back together though.

I'm the same. 10 years 😬

It's multi-faceted.

My ex was abusive. I was with him for 17 years by the time we split up.

The idea of just sex / FWB or casual dating, even if I could practically manage it, is not for me. I would want a relationship if I was having sex - and until very recently the idea of that was unimaginable.

I'm finally getting over what he did to me. I could visualise, maybe, a relationship. But I work f/t, have 3 very busy DC, especially with sports & therefore I have virtually no free time.

I am not lonely exactly - though it hits me at times like Christmas. But I know there's a whole part of that's ignored & missing & I really hope I will have a chance at a relationship in the future.

Thank you nice to hear from someone that gets it!

Some of you would obviously be happy to never have sex again and that’s fine the rest of us (me) aren’t looking to make it 10 years celibate or be 40 before they have sex again when they was 28 the last time 😂

6 months after we broke up I started a FWB thing with my ex that lasted around 18 months before he proposed getting back together which put a stop to things. It was good while it lasted and incredibly convenient. Even at the moment I'm considering putting the FWB situation back on the table because frankly there are no other options. I don't think he's interested now he knows there is no chance of us getting back together though.

@Clarelita

Is that not incredibly messy?

He must have had serious negative points if you told him to leave when your DS was so young.

Then you have sex with him but he sees it as a route to getting back together - is that not messy & unfair?

If I wanted it that badly, I would find some other way that wasn't with a useless ex who can't care for his DC, and who proclaims to love you.

That's a mess.

Yeah this is very very identical to me. He doesn’t have them because I won’t let him have them at my house anymore, if I did then he would see them I put a stop to it as was fed up of his having them at my house but not much other options now clearly the people commenting on the situation haven’t actually been in the situation of having literally no one who will have your children the chances of me meeting a man that will want me are ZERO what man wants a woman that never has any time away from her children? None of them, they wouldn’t date a single dad who had no child care options and would be telling other posters to run for the hills!

I miss physical touch. It is very hard to go through life without a hug, a touch, a look.

Me too.

Of course I've my DC but that's not the same. I really missed being able to hug people during Covid.

Sex is one thing but other forms of physical connection are really important too.